


Masquerades

by G8rguy



Series: Masks and Secrets [1]
Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Jonnor - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-04-27 05:41:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 111,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5035981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/G8rguy/pseuds/G8rguy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate Universe where Connor never admitted to Adam why he snuck out before getting shot and the course of things changed for Jude and Connor.  They drifted apart and now in high school were very different people than they were in 7th grade.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_**In the hospital ER, the doctor is talking with Adam and Connor** _

“The bullet entered the foot here” the doctor said pointing to the x-ray “and thankfully passed clean through. We need to operate to repair the tendons but I don’t think we’re talking permanent damage here.”

Adam sighed in relief that the injury wasn’t severe. “Um, he uh, he plays baseball. Is he still going to be able to?” Adam asks concerned.

“Well, he’s not going to be on the field anytime soon” the doctor says with a smile “but you can tell the Padres to keep holding his spot in the line up.”

Adam looks at his son’s face, worry and concern clear on it. 

“I’m going to send the nurses in to get you prepped and then we’ll get this taken care of” the doctor smiles again.

Adam feels a wave of relief come over him as he realizes that Connor is out of any real danger. The fear and anxiety he has been feeling not sure first if his son was in peril and then whether he was permanently injured. All the adrenaline that had been keeping him going seemed to crash in on him as he could breath again. 

“Thank you” he said sincerely as the doctor walked out.

He looks back at Connor who was watching the doctor leave and something inside him snapped. His son, his only son, nearly died because he snuck out! He broken into someone’s house to drink? What was happening to his son?

“What were you thinking sneaking out like that?” Adam asks, his fear turning to anger as he thinks about how close this was. “What kind of idiot breaks into somebody’s house in the middle of the night?” Connor squirms under his anger filled questions.

“Is it about that girl? That girl Daria? Is that why you did this?” Adam tries to understand. He knows he did dumb stuff for girls as a kid, but this is too much.

“Is that why you snuck out?” Adam asks. Connor turns and is about to reply but freezes. “Why? Why did you do it Connor?”

“I…” Connor looked at his dad and all the fear came back, he wanted to tell his dad the truth about his feelings for Jude, to finally stop being afraid, but he just couldn’t do it. “We were just hanging out, she wanted to TP a friend’s house and things just got out of control” Connor offered as an explanation. “I’m not sure how we ended up at Taylor’s, it just happened.”

“Just happened?” Adam said disbelieving. “Things like this don’t just happen. Connor, I am worried about you. These friends are not good for you. Why they would have encouraged you to do this…” Adam trailed off.

“Jude didn’t” Connor muttered.

“What?” Adam asked him confused.

“Jude kept trying to talk me out of it. I convinced him to sneak out with us and to go to Taylor’s. He kept trying to get me to go home but I didn’t listen” Connor explained.

“Well I wish you would have listened to him Connor” Adam replied to Connor’s shock. “You wouldn’t be sitting here. And did it ever occur to you that it could have easily been Jude who had been shot? How would you have felt pressuring him into going along with this and then him getting shot?”

The blood drained from Connor’s face as he realized how close he had come to getting Jude hurt. He didn’t want that, but it seemed no matter what he did, he hurt Jude. “I didn’t think…” he stuttered.

“No you didn’t” Adam said with finality. “I don’t think that you should be hanging out with these girls for a while and you can consider yourself broken up with Daria as well.” Connor looked at him in shock. “I’m serious Connor” Adam said looking at his son. “If you are not mature enough to make good decisions, then you are not ready for a relationship now either.” Adam looked up at the nurses coming in “Look bud, we will talk afterwards, for now, just get better.”

Adam watched as they wheeled Connor out of the room and headed to the operating room. Shaking his head at his son’s actions, he remembers the family still sitting in the waiting room. He heads out to the room and sees Jude sitting between his moms. They all stand up when he walks over.

“Is he okay?” Jude asks. “Can I see him?”

Adam sighs and shakes his head “Not now, they are taking him in for surgery on his foot.” He sits down in a seat across from the Adams-Fosters and looks first at Lena, worry on her face, and then at Stef who is compassionate, but he can also see the police officer in how she holds himself.

“Connor told me about how he snuck out to see Daria and how he pressured you in to going Jude” Adam said. He looked up at the surprise in Jude’s face and the concern in Stef and Lena’s. “He also said you tried to get him to leave several times but he just kept pushing.” Turning to Stef and Lena he smiled sorrowfully “It seems like Connor wasn’t a very good friend or influence on Jude and for that I am sorry.”

Lena and Stef exchanged looks of surprise and concern. “Adam, we have five teenagers, trust us when we say that they are all capable of making stupid choices” Lena tried to reassure him.

“Both of the boys made some bad decisions” Stef added.

“Well, some things are going to change, I can promise you that” Adam said feeling some confidence from their support.

“What do you mean?” Jude asked quietly.

“Well for starters, do you have the girl Daria’s family’s phone number” Adam asked looking at Lena who nodded. “I need to talk to them. I don’t think Connor has shown he has the maturity to be in a relationship, so they will be breaking up."

Jude’s eyebrows shot up but he tried to hold back his expression. Adam was going to get rid of Daria? It took all his effort, but he didn’t smile.

“Second, I think he needs some time away from everything here in San Diego” Adam said shaking his head. 

“What do you mean?” Jude said scared of what Adam was thinking.

“My brother lives in Arizona near Connor’s grandparents, his mom’s parents I mean, and I think that he should spend the summer there with his cousins and grandparents. I know you two are friends, and I am glad about that to be honest, I know I wasn’t always supportive of your friendship, but I really think he needs some perspective. My brother has a ranch there and Connor could have a good change of scenery and maybe stop making these bad decisions, especially about girls” Adam explains.

Jude is stunned. Adam is sending Connor away because of Daria!? This can’t be happening to them. He thought that they had something, but now he is being sent away before they can figure it out.

“That’s pretty extreme Adam” Lena said uncertainly. “Are you sure? What about school?”

“I know, but I have to do something. I am not messing with his school, so he will finish out the year of course” Adam replied reassuringly “and he will be back for the new year in August, but I think that this summer, he needs something different.” Adam stands up “If you want to come back tomorrow Jude, you can see him then” he says with a smile. “Thank you again Stef for calling me.”

Adam turns and walks back to the station to get instructions on where to wait for Connor to finish up while Stef and Lena lead Jude back to the car and home. The whole way there all Jude can do is flounder. How did this happen and what will it mean for Connor to be gone before they ever got a chance to figure things out?

_**The next day, back at the hospital** _

Jude walks up to the nurse’s station and smiles at the lady sitting there. “I’m here to see Connor Stevens” he tells her.

“And you are?” she asks politely.

“Jude. I’m his friend” Jude says quietly.

“He is in room 325, down the hall” she said pointing.

Jude walked down the hall nervously and as he approached the room the door opened at Adam stepped out. He saw Jude and smiled “Hello Jude. Here to see Connor?”

Jude nodded “If it’s still alright?”

“Sure. Look Jude, I know that it might seem…” Adam struggled to find the words “tough that I am sending Connor to his Uncle’s for the summer, but it is for his own good and he gets that. I am sure that you two can still talk and all and he will be back before you know it.” Adam smiled “I need to go make some calls, but go on in” he said as he walked off.

Jude stepped to the door and taking a deep breath he opened the door and saw Connor watching TV with his legged propped up and bandaged. Connor looked over at him, but he didn’t smile or look happy to see him, he looked sad. “Hey Connor” Jude said quietly as he walked in. “How are you doing?”

Connor looked away and muttered “I’m okay. Guess we were lucky that I only got shot in the foot huh?” He asked with a sad smile. “It could have been much worse.”

Jude was freaking out on the inside. He had never seen Connor so, not himself. He looked so sad and miserable, but he was also closed off. They hadn’t had this wall between them since Jude had told his dad and Monte the story about the tent that had made Connor so angry. “Yeah” Jude agreed haphazardly. “But you are getting out soon, huh?”

“Yeah” Connor replied sullenly. “I am going to spend the summer with my cousins in Arizona, so that should be cool” Connor said forcing a smile as he looked up at Jude.

“You want to go?” Jude asked surprised.

“My dad and I talked about it this morning and I think he might be right. I could use some time to think about things and figure some stuff out. Besides, it’s just the summer right?” Connor said sadly.

Jude and Connor talked for another half hour but didn’t really say anything. Jude kept trying but every time he tried to get Connor to talk about them, he changed the subject. Finally Connor said he was really tired and Jude left. He didn’t feel good about this. What was going on?

The rest of the school year flew by. Connor came to school on his crutches, but he started avoiding Jude and hanging out more with the guys from the baseball team. He hadn’t come over to Jude’s since the shooting and every time Jude tried he would reply he was busy. Jude didn’t even know when he was leaving for Arizona.

A few days after school ended Jude had had enough. He walked over to Connor’s house and knocked on the door and stood there when Adam opened the door. “Jude?” Adam asked surprised. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk with Connor before he left. Is he home?” Jude asked politely.

“Jude, didn’t Connor tell you?” Adam was truly surprised. “He left for Arizona the Sunday after school ended.”

Jude was shocked. He left without saying anything? Adam could tell that Jude didn’t know about Connor’s departure. “Is everything okay with you guys?” Adam asked him.

“Yes” Jude said suddenly coming up with a lie “he told me Sunday but I must have gotten which Sunday messed up. Sorry for the confusion.” Jude turned and ran off before Adam could say anything. Connor hadn’t texted or called Jude in days, he just left and Jude didn’t know why.

_**August, two days before 8th grade starts** _

Jude and Taylor were in the mall looking for clothes for Taylor after she got back from her Grandmothers where she had visited for the last two weeks. Jude and her had grown close over the summer and they had been hanging out a lot, even with Daria who Jude actually found he liked, a little. They were heading to the food court when Taylor turned to him.

“Hey I haven’t asked yet, but how is Connor doing?” Taylor asked.

“Uh, I don’t know” Jude replied. “How should I know?”

“You two haven’t talked?” Taylor was surprised. “I heard from Matt that he was back two weeks ago. I figured you two would have been hanging out every day.”

Taylor looked at Jude and saw his stunned expression. “You didn’t know he was back?” she whispered.

Jude just shook his head. Connor had returned and never reached out to him. Something changed between them and Jude didn’t understand what.

8th Grade was tough for Jude. He saw Connor on the first day of school and he knew Connor saw him, but they didn’t talk. Connor avoided him and hung out exclusively with the guys from the team. Taylor told him that Connor had spent a good portion of the summer working on his skills and was now even better than before. The guys had voted him captain of the team and they were excited for the year. Jude just nodded but didn’t respond. The Connor who came back from Arizona was someone he didn’t know.

The rest of the year passed quickly with other issues and drama for Jude and his family. Callie and Brandon were looking at colleges, AJ got adopted by Mike, Mariana went through several boyfriends, typical stuff, but through it all Jude could not forget the friend he had lost. They passed in the halls and didn’t speak but he would catch Connor watching him with the saddest look on his face before turning away.

9th grade and the beginning of high school was even tougher. Callie and Brandon were off to college and now Mariana and Jesus were seniors. It was early October when Taylor came up to him at lunch fuming. He could almost see steam coming out of her ears.

“You are not going to believe this!” she huffed. “I cannot believe she did this!”

There was only one person who Taylor got this worked up over and they normally had a fight of some kind every couple of weeks, but it was never too bad. “What did Daria do this time?” Jude asked with a smile.

Taylor looked at him and he actually started to worry based on the raw emotions on her face. “She is dating him!!! AGAIN!” she growled. “I cannot believe she would do that after everything he did!”

Jude felt his throat close up. Taylor never said Connor’s name anymore. She was so mad at him and how he had abandoned Jude. When Jude had confessed to her that he was gay this summer she was certain that Connor’s abandonment was due to him figuring it out. Jude had never told her about the kisses, so she didn’t know what Connor had really done, but she guessed he figured it out and didn’t want to be around Jude anymore and she didn’t like that one bit.

“Dating who?” Jude asked after getting himself under control and pretending not to care.

“You know exactly who” she growled. “She is back with that asshole Stevens! After everything he did to you, to her and me, but mostly to you. Since he is all jock superstar, making varsity baseball team as a freshman, she suddenly forgives him and now is going for power couple I guess.” Taylor was fuming. “I told her off and we haven’t talked since.”

The rest of the year passed with Connor and Daria being the “it” couple of freshman year. They even got selected as the freshman class couple for the yearbook. Jude thought that Taylor was going to set her yearbook on fire when she saw it. Jude had pretty much given up. He still had feelings for Connor, especially since they never resolved whatever had happened between the two of them during 7th grade, but it was obvious that Connor had run back in the closet and was hiding there and Jude wasn’t going to deal with that. 

Jude had finally accepted who he was and had the love and support of his family. He had come out to his family in 8th grade and to Taylor right before 9th started, but that was enough for now. He also had friends now, more than just Taylor, as he started talking to people and getting involved. He had joined the cross country team and found joy in running and made several friends on the team. He got involved with the drama club and had even started learning the piano before Brandon had left. He would never be the virtuoso that B was, but he enjoyed it. With a growth spurt and muscles from running, Jude had suddenly changed over his freshman year and that summer following. He was almost 6’ tall now and lean and Taylor joked that girls were drooling over him and trying to figure out if they were dating. Jude hadn’t come out officially so Taylor was willing to act as a guard, at least till she got a boyfriend she teased.

No. Jude mourned what he lost with Connor, but he wasn’t going to give up on life. More than anything, he felt sad for Connor. Taylor had even told him that Matt, one of Connor’s teammates, had confessed to her that Connor had changed since 8th grade. He was the same on the surface, but he wasn’t inside. None of his teammates would say they were real friends. Connor kept everyone at a distance. Even his arm candy Daria was held off a bit. In 7th grade they were all PDA and kissing everywhere, now they were together, but it was laid back and restrained. In fact, Jude could count the number of times he saw them kiss on one hand and they were all G rated.

Little did he know that everything was going to change in 10th grade!


	2. Chapter 2 - Connor's view

**_In the hospital_ **

“What were you thinking sneaking out like that?” Adam asks, his fear turning to anger as he thinks about how close this was. “What kind of idiot breaks into somebody’s house in the middle of the night?” Connor squirmed under his anger filled questions. How was he supposed to explain to his dad about his feelings for Jude? He would never accept it.

“Is it about that girl? That girl Daria? Is that why you did this?” Adam asked him relentlessly. He looks so mad and Connor is afraid he is looking for someone to blame for all of this.

“Is that why you snuck out?” Adam asked him. Connor so much wants to just yell it out, to tell his dad the truth but the words stick in his mouth. “Why? Why did you do it Connor?”

“I…” Connor looked at his dad and all the fear came back, he so badly wanted to tell his dad the truth about his feelings for Jude, to finally stop being afraid, but the words just wouldn’t come out. Instead he heard himself lying…again. 

“We were just hanging out, she wanted to TP a friend’s house and things just got out of control” Connor told his dad. “I’m not sure how we ended up at Taylor’s, it just happened.”

“Just happened?” Adam said disbelieving. “Things like this don’t just happen Connor. I am worried about you. These friends are not good for you. Why they would have encouraged you to do this…” Adam trailed off.

“Jude didn’t” Connor muttered hoping his father wouldn’t hear.

“What?” Adam asked him confused.

Connor decided if he couldn’t tell the real truth, he would at least be honest about something. “Jude kept trying to talk me out of going. I convinced him to sneak out with us and to go to Taylor’s. He kept trying to get me to go home but I didn’t listen” Connor explained hoping his father wouldn’t blame Jude again for his mistakes.

“Well I wish you would have listened to him Connor” Adam replied. Connor was shocked by his dad’s comment. His father had never said anything nice about Jude since the incident at the batting cages. He had been nice to Jude before that, but after that day, it had been so uncomfortable whenever Jude’s name came up. Did this mean that maybe his dad would let them be friends without him having to date Daria?

“You wouldn’t be sitting here” Adam continued. “And did it ever occur to you that it could have easily been Jude who had been shot? How would you have felt pressuring him into going along with this and then him getting shot?”

Connor felt the blood drained from his face. ‘Oh god, what if had been Jude?’ he thought feeling like he wanted to throw up. Jude was behind him when they were running, the bullet passing Jude before hitting Connor’s foot. If Jude had been a little bit more to the right or if Taylor’s dad had aimed to the left, the bullet could have not only hit Jude, but much more seriously than it did Connor. The bullet really hurt when Connor felt it tear through his foot. He suddenly saw that bullet tearing through Jude, not his foot, but his body. He found himself trembling as he realized how close it could have been to Jude being hurt by him…AGAIN! “I didn’t think…” he stuttered.

“No you didn’t” Adam said with finality. “I don’t think that you should be hanging out with these girls for a while and you can consider yourself broken up with Daria as well.” 

Connor looked at him in shock. ‘Now I can break up with her?’ he thought bitterly. ‘I was only dating her to make you happy!’

“I’m serious Connor” Adam said looking at his son. “If you are not mature enough to make good decisions, then you are not ready for a relationship now either.” Connor felt his stomach clench again. ‘But what about Jude?’

Adam looked up at the nurses coming in “Look bud, we will talk afterwards, for now, just get better.” The nurses came in and prepped his bed to roll him out the room to the surgery. Connor kept seeing Jude’s pale skin splashed with crimson. The nurses were talking to him but he did reply, he just nodded at their comments.

\-------------------

Connor choked on the harsh taste of the whiskey but he made sure that it didn’t show on his face. He didn’t want Jude to refuse, especially if it would get him to relax and stay so that they could hang out together after they left the girls. He handed the bottle to Jude who took a swig but didn’t control the look of distaste on his face when they heard a shout from upstairs and lights come on. Jude dropped the bottle and Connor heard the glass shatter on the floor.

Taylor and Daria ran calling to them and Connor followed with Jude right behind him when Connor heard the shot, so loud, but not as terrifying as the scream that followed. Turning around he saw Jude falling forward and he spun in place to try and catch him. Kneeling down he heard Jude whimpering in pain when the lights turned on and Taylor and Daria both screamed as Taylor’s dad panicked. Connor saw Jude, his Jude, laying there with blood pouring from his chest. The bullet tore through his body leaving a trail of devastation. 

Connor looked at Jude’s agony filled face and tried to reassure him, say something, anything to make it better but Jude started coughing, blood coming from his mouth. Connor leaned over begging him to be okay, to hold on when Jude locked eyes with him and his voice breaking, whispered “Why did you make me come? I just wanted to be with you” before his coughing stopped. Connor felt a sudden coldness as he watched the light and warmth drain out of Jude’s eyes. He shook Jude but nothing happened, he didn’t move or do anything. Connor was wailing Jude’s name.

Suddenly he was pushed aside as Connor saw Steph and Lena run in grabbing for Jude, crying. He saw the rest of the family coming in, all of them crying when Stef turned to him “What did you do?” she yelled, grief ravaging her voice. Connor wanted to explain, to run, to do something but all he could do was sit there, covered in Jude’s blood, and shake.

\---------------

Connor opened his eyes to see the white ceiling and felt confused. Where was Stef and Lena, what happened? He turned and saw his dad walking up to his bed.

“How are you feeling Connor?” his dad asked him. “The doctor said your surgery went great, no problems and he expects a full recovery.” Adam looked much calmer than the last time Connor had seen him.

Suddenly realizing that the memory of Jude dying wasn’t real, just a nightmare, Connor breathed a sigh of relief. “Look bud, just get some sleep, it’s pretty late, and we can talk when you are feeling better” Adam told him.

Connor nodded silently and closed his eyes. He was so tired, going to sleep would be easy, especially knowing that Jude was safe and alive.  
In the hospital the next morning

Connor woke up and this time he wasn’t confused about what had happened. He remembered that terrible dream about Jude getting shot and dying, but he also knew it hadn’t happened, by some stupid luck, Jude was safe, no thanks to him. 

Connor thought back to when things were good. When he and Jude were friends without confused feelings or parents causing issues. But that day at the batting cages ended everything. Connor’s dad became convinced Jude was gay and though he never said it, Connor knew that he thought that his son might be too. Why else would he freak out because he had a gay friend? It’s not like being gay is contagious or something. But Connor was gay, he knew that for certain now and it was thanks to Jude. His pulse raced when he saw Jude, his skin was electrified whenever they touched even if by accident, his voice calmed Connor down. He had it bad for Jude, he finally could say that…well think it at least.

But then he thought of everything bad he had done to the boy that made his heart soar. Not standing up for him to his dad, saying he would lie about being Jude’s friend, kissing him in the tent and then pretending it never happened, yelling at him for being worried that his dad was beating him, calling him a ‘little bitch’, asking to date Maddie even though he wasn’t interested in her, changing lab partners, and worst of all…Daria. He tried to tell himself he only dated her in order to be with Jude, but the truth was that he also did it, on some small level, to hurt Jude. He was so mad that Jude could tell him mom’s anything and that they would never judge him or turn on him. They accepted him, unconditionally, and Connor so badly wanted that from his dad, but he never got it. He was only loved when he lived up to Adam’s idea of who and what he should be.

Connor knew that Jude had a terrible life before coming to the Fosters, but sometimes it didn’t feel real. Jude was just so good, it didn’t seem possible that he could have gone through all of that and turned out as unscathed as he seemed to be. Connor had nearly lost it because his parents got divorced and he was wrecked. Jude’s mom died and his dad went to prison and he and his sister suffered in the foster system. Yet despite all that he had faced, Jude could still smile a smile that made Connor melt. He was just a better person than Connor was and being with Connor would only bring him down. Connor had to let Jude go to find someone worthy of him.

The door opened and Connor saw his dad walk in the door quietly so as not to disturb him but seeing he was awake he came in fully. “How you feeling buddy?” his dad asked.

“Hurts” Connor said honestly. “But I guess it’s okay.” Connor didn’t know what to else to say.

“Connor, I know that this was just a dumb decision on your part bud, but I just don’t get it” Adam said seriously. “I think you need some space to figure out some things.”

“You already said that Daria and I had to break up” Connor said confused “what else is there?”

“Well I will be calling Daria’s parents in a bit, but I think that once school is over that it might be good for you to go spend some time with your Uncle Patrick in Arizona.”

Connor was shocked. He hadn’t seen his dad’s brother in over 2 years and while he liked his Aunt and Uncle as well as his cousins, he wasn’t sure what his dad meant. “What do you mean? For how long” Connor asked.

“Well I talked to Patrick and he said you are welcome to spend the summer there. You know that your cousins David and Greg are both good kids and you all always had fun together. David is even on his high school baseball team and Greg plays as well. Patrick built a batting cage and some practice areas so the three of you can work on your skills for next year, once your foot is better of course” Adam assured him. 

Connor was sitting there stunned by all of this. He really liked his cousin David who was two years older than him and Greg was okay and a year younger than Connor. But Arizona? Did he really want to spend the summer there? And what about Jude?

“And your grandparents are there too. I know that they would love to spend some time with you as well” Adam continued. “Getting out of San Diego may help you figure out what’s going on in your head buddy.”

‘And get out of your hair’ Connor thought. But as much as he hated the idea of leaving, the idea of several weeks or months without his dad felt like a relief. And maybe some distance from Jude would help Jude forget him and move on to someone better. Connor agreed and Adam talked about the details. He would head out to Arizona as soon as school ended. Now he just had to tell Jude.

It was after lunch when Connor, sitting in the bed, heard the door open. Looking up he saw Jude standing there. Connor felt a rush of emotion looking at the boy that owned his heart and who he had to hurt again for his own benefit. He tried to smile, but just couldn’t make his face show anything but he was able to keep the pain from showing to Jude. 

“Hey Connor” Jude said quietly as he walked in. “How are you doing?”

Connor looked away from that face and those eyes that haunted his dreams. He wanted to scream and tell Jude how much he cared, how he wanted to be with him, but he couldn’t. Instead he muttered “I’m okay. Guess we were lucky that I only got shot in the foot huh?” The image of Jude, bloody and lifeless, threatened to steal his breath.

“It could have been much worse” Connor said instead with a sad smirk.

Jude was standing there, his face unreadable but his eyes were glistening at the wall that Connor had put between them. “Yeah” Jude agreed haphazardly. “But you are getting out soon, huh?”

“Yeah” Connor replied. “I am going to spend the summer with my cousins in Arizona, so that should be cool” Connor said trying to make it sound like it was a great thing, the best thing in the world.

“You want to go?” Jude asked surprised. ‘Guess I wasn’t that convincing’ Connor thought.

“My dad and I talked about it this morning and I think he might be right. I could use some time to think about things and figure some stuff out. Besides, it’s just the summer right?” Connor said.

Jude and Connor talked for another half hour but didn’t really say anything. Jude kept trying to get Connor to say something meaningful but Connor would change the subject or deliberately misinterpret things to keep from saying anything important. 

It was too much, this was killing Connor to be so close to Jude but still so far away. He wanted to grab Jude’s hand and never let it go but he couldn’t, he had to stay strong. Finally he knew he had to get Jude out or he would break. Connor said he was really tired and Jude, looking heartbroken, had taken the hint and left. 

**_Several Days later_ **

Connor got out of his dad’s car in front of Anchor Beach and looked nervous. He hadn’t spoken to Jude except for a text saying he was grounded and lost his phone privileges, which wasn’t true. He was grounded, but he had his phone but he needed to put some distance between him and Jude. 

His dad drove off and he turned to attempt to maneuver on the damn crutches when he heard his name. “Connor!” he turned and saw Daria running up to him.

“Hey Connor” she said when she got up to him. “How are you doing?”

“Okay, I guess” he replied shrugging his shoulders to settle the backpack before starting toward the building.

“Your dad called my parents and told them we weren’t allowed to date anymore” she said.

“Yeah, I know” he replied quietly hoping she would let it go.

“You know” she said with a smirk “we could date secretly, no one would have to know.”  
Connor stopped and looked at her with a sad smile. “I don’t think that’s a good idea Daria” he said looking at her before turning to continue walking.

“Why not” she asked confused.

Connor sighed. “First, I don’t think it’s good for a relationship to be based on lies. When it is, it hurts people and I don’t want to do that anymore. Second, I think my dad is right. Maybe I am not ready to be in a relationship.”

Daria was confused. When did Connor lie about a relationship and he wasn’t ready? She was confused by all of this. She knows that Connor’s dad was really mad and he was kinda scary when she heard about him, though he was always nice to her.

“So, we really are broken up?” Daria said sadly.

“Yes” Connor replied with more conviction in his voice than he thought he was capable of showing. “Besides, I am going to Arizona for the summer to visit my cousins, so it’s probably for the best. I hope we can still be friends though” he said with a slight smile.

Daria smiled back reassuringly and they talked about nothing special while Connor changed out his books. Daria looked up and saw Jude and Taylor coming down the hall. She was about to say something when she noticed Connor heading in the other direction. He had already spotted Jude as he was on the watch for Jude and he had moved away before Daria realized it. She stood there surprised and waited to talk to Taylor and Jude while he went into his History class.

Sitting down at his desk he saw his teammate from baseball, Jake, was already there. They talked briefly, Connor hadn’t hung around the guys much since meeting Jude, but he decided that this was perfect. He could start hanging with the team again and they would be a buffer between him and Jude. He asked Jake if he would be willing to help him out. 

“I thought your girlfriend would be doing that. You know, super-hot Daria?” Jake said laughing.

“We broke up” Connor said quickly catching Jake by surprise.

“Sorry dude. But what about that Jude guy you are always hanging out with?” Jake asked. All the guys on the team had commented that Connor was never around much outside of games and practices either with Daria or Jude, but the guys were all trying to get girlfriends so no one really cared much about that, even though several of them thought that Jude was sorta weird.

“He was dating Taylor, Daria’s best friend, so it’s awkward now. What, you not willing to help out a teammate?” Connor pushed Jake’s loyalty button ruthlessly. He had to divert the conversation away from Jude before he lost it.

Jake agreed and over the course of the day he connected with the rest of the team. They all sympathized with his break up with Daria but not with Jude which hurt him that they didn’t know which was more important to him. But this just reinforced Connor’s decision to keep people at arm’s length. He couldn’t hurt anyone if he didn’t get close.

Jude kept reaching out to Connor. Calling, texting, trying to speak with him in the hallways but Connor always said he was busy or running late or whatever excuse he could come up with. He could tell Jude was hurting by the look in his eyes but he knew this was for the best. Eventually Jude would give up.

**_End of School_ **

Connor went to the end of year beach party reluctantly but managed to hang with the team exclusively. He had run into Daria and Taylor the other day coming from decorating and Taylor had given him the strangest look, sad mixed with disappointed. Connor made the decision that she was too sharp and he needed to keep her away or she might put the pieces together. 

But he did see Jude sitting with Taylor and Daria on the other side of Cade playing Frisbee with some other guys. Connor stayed for a couple of hours before heading home with Jake’s mom and heading to his room to finish packing.

Before he knew it, it was Sunday and Connor, bags packed, was headed to the airport with his dad. His dad kept asking if he understood and didn’t seem to believe that Connor wasn’t angry or mad about leaving. He had talked to his cousin David several times and was actually excited about going now. David was really cool and they would be sharing a room. Though he was older, David was someone Connor could trust. Not with the truth about him or about Jude, but with a lot.

A quick hug and Connor was through the gates and walked to his boarding gate. He managed to fall asleep before they landed in Arizona where Connor felt he might finally forget about those brown eyes that still haunted his dreams every night.

**_Arizona_ **

As Connor walked off the plane he breathed a sigh of relief. He was here safe and sound and out of his old life, at least for a while. He still missed Jude so much it hurt but he figured that it always would and that was just something he would have to live with. Walking to the escalators he followed the signs to baggage claim when he heard his name “CONNOR!”

Looking over he saw his cousins David and Greg waving and standing next to his Aunt Sara who never changed. She still looked as pretty and as calm as ever. David however had changed! The last time Connor had seen David, Connor was 11 and David was thirteen, but now David was nearly 16 and was a mountain. He must have been at least 6’3’ and he put Connor’s muscles to shame. David was always geeky before, big into comic books, computers, and other ‘nerdy’ things, but playing sports really changed him.

Connor smiled as he greeted them and Sara and Greg smiled back but David looked unsure. He raised his eyebrows in question and Connor was suddenly afraid that David was looking right through him. David and him always had fun but suddenly Connor was worried but he made a point not to show it as they grabbed his bags and headed to the SUV where Uncle Patrick was waiting. Piling into the car, they headed out on the 2½ hour drive to the Stevens Ranch.

**_Several Days Later_ **

Connor had settled in pretty well. He was actually a lot better on the crutches though he would only need them for another week or so and everyone was treating him nice. Aunt Sara did some work in town, Connor knew that she was an artist, and a really good one, but he wasn’t sure exactly what she was doing in town since she painted at home, but David, Greg and Connor split their time playing on Patrick’s practice field, hitting balls off the pitching machine (Patrick owned one!), doing chores on the ranch (Connor was still pretty limited), and playing games in David’s room.

David might have gotten athletic, but he was still a geek at heart. He would go on for hours about the Avengers movies and all the Marvel tie-ins and of course his favorite character was Captain America, which Connor entirely agreed with so that worked. David also made Connor swear that if he ever got tickets that Connor would let him stay with him so that David could come to San Diego for Comic-Con, his dream vacation.

It was way late about two weeks after Connor arrived when he and David were sitting in David’s room playing the new Star Wars game when Connor realized that David had been staring at him for a while, not playing. Turning to look at his cousin he saw the concern in his face and tried to turn back to the game but it was too late, David had paused it.

“Do you want to talk about it?” David asked kindly.

“Talk about what?” Connor could play dumb, he was an expert at that.

“Dude, you are joking right. You know I can read you like a comic book” David snorted at Connor’s expression. “Uncle Adam may have said he was sending you here to ‘get your head on straight’ or whatever reason he gave my dad as to why he was sending you here, but Con, you are running away from something.”

Connor was startled by his cousin’s words. He kept forgetting that David, while looking like your typical jock, wasn’t. He was an academic honor student, advanced classes in math and science, and a super geek, but he somehow knew people as well. It wasn’t fair to get all of that in one person!

“I don’t know what you mean” Connor tried.

David sighed, ‘so the hard way’ he thought. “Okay, let’s start with the obvious. You let your dad send you from the beach to the desert, in summer, for the whole summer, and didn’t protest and haven’t complained once. You haven’t even said or asked when you are going back.”

Connor started to interrupt with David cut him off “I’m not done. Second, you haven’t emailed, texted, or called anyone since you got here. Con you always had a ton of friends and suddenly now you don’t have anyone talking to you or keeping you up on stuff…I don’t buy it. Third, I might have bought that you were upset about Uncle Adam making you break up with your girlfriend, and yes we all know about that” he stopped Connor from asking “but you have mentioned her several times and you never sound upset or angry. You actually sound relieved. You also are avoiding talking about someone…a lot!” David looks at his cousin with sympathy.

Connor doesn’t say anything, he just looks down to see what else his cousin has picked up on.

“Just about every day you mention someone who’s name starts with ‘J’ but you stop yourself and change direction” David told him watching as Connor looked up shocked. “So I am assuming that ‘J’ is important to you but something happened. Then there is the whole nightmare/fear thing you are not dealing with too.”

Connor looks confused at that. “What do you mean?” he asked David.

“Connor, the last time the pickup truck backfired you dropped to the ground shaking. Mom dropped a plate in the kitchen and you jumped off the couch. Anytime there is a loud noise, you jump, scared of something. Then at night, you cry in your sleep. You whimper and moan and you keep saying ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry’, and ‘please don’t die’. Connor, you need help” David put his arm around his cousin and could feel him trembling. He hadn’t wanted to push this, but he wasn’t getting better, he was getting worse and David loved his cousin too much to let it go.

Connor didn’t talk that night but it was okay because he also didn’t deny it and David told his parents everything in the morning. His mom took Connor out with her the next day without explanation and his dad decided to start pushing as well.

When Connor came back that night he actually talked with David about what they did. His mom had been volunteering with the local veteran’s group and she took Connor to one of the therapy groups for soldiers suffering from PTSD. Connor had been embarrassed when he realized that his Aunt had brought him to join the group. He felt ashamed to be with these men who had been wounded in war and for a real reason. But they reassured him he belonged. It didn’t matter how he got shot, he did and he needed to deal with it. Connor was going to start going weekly to talk about it with the men there, some not too much older than David, so hopefully it would help.

The summer progressed and Connor was spending more and more time with David and Greg and their friends playing baseball and Connor realized he was better than his cousins and their friends. David was a stronger hitter, but Connor was better. There was a time that would have meant something, but now, it left a bitter tasted in his mouth. He was better though at hiding his feelings. David’s friends all thought he was cool and fun to hang with but he often caught David looking at him with a sad, disappointed expression.

After the fourth of July party Connor was sitting on the couch watching a movie alone. Aunt Sara and Uncle Patrick had taken Greg out to some event, he wasn’t really listening and David had gone out earlier with friends so he was surprised when David walked in and sat down next to Connor. He looked at him without saying anything for a while before Connor finally acknowledged the staring.

“Can I help you?” Connor asked sarcastically. 

“Cuz. I don’t get it. You have been going to talk to those vets and you have stopped flinching all the time, and your nightmares are not as regular, and you have gotten better about not talking about ‘J’ but you haven’t dealt with it. Hasn’t talking about the shooting taught you not to bottle this stuff up?” David asked Connor.

Connor looked back to the movie. He appreciated what David was trying to do, but he didn’t get it. He needed to let it go like Connor was trying to do.

“Okay Con” David said getting up. “I can’t force you.” He started to walk out of the room when he turned back and looked at Connor sitting there. He took a deep breath, hating what he was about to do. “I guess I will just ask Uncle Adam.”

Connor looked at David confused. Ask about what?

Reading the confusion on his face David turned and headed up the stairs but Connor heard his voice coming back. “I bet Uncle Adam will tell me who Jude is.”

Connor paled. Where had David heard that name? He jumped up and ran for the stairs but realized that David was running as well, heading towards his room. He hit the second floor and saw David entering the room and Connor ran for the door expecting him to shut it but he didn’t. Connor dashed in the room not seeing David when he heard the door shut and turned around to see his cousin standing there, leaning against the door, looking at him, arms crossed.

Connor panted heavily, staring at his cousin, uncertain of what to say. David just stared at him for a few moments before walking over to the chair by the window. He sat down and looked up at Connor. “You talk in your sleep” he says simply. 

Connor’s pulse races, “What did I say?” he asks scared of the answer.

David watches him. “I will tell you if you tell me who Jude is.”

Connor stares for a few minutes before sitting down on the bed. He looks down at his feet for a few minutes before replying. “He was a classmate. We worked on a few assignments together and then he dated Taylor, who was best friends with the girl I was dating, Daria. The four of us were together the night I got shot. He helped me after and stayed with me till the ambulance arrived. He kept trying to get us to leave, but I kept pushing to stay.”

Connor looked up at David and saw sympathy in his eyes.

“Okay. Thank you.” David replied.

“So, what did I say?” Connor pressed nervously.

“You sang ‘Hey Jude’ from the Beatles. The whole song.” David replied with a straight face.

Connor looked totally confused. He had looked up that song after Lena mentioned it, but he didn’t know it enough to sing it. “That makes no sense. You are making that up” he accused David.

David smiled “No. I didn’t make it up…I lied” David said smiling sadly. As Connor opened his mouth David finished “Just like you did.”

Connor froze at that. He really thought that David had believed him, he had been telling himself that story all summer and had even started to believe it somewhat. “What do you mean?” Connor asked.

“You lied to me about who Jude was, so I lied about what you said in your sleep” David said leaning forward. “As to how I know you are lying, or at least not being 100% honest, it’s because of what you said. So, no I won’t call Uncle Adam about it” he flinched when he saw Connor’s reaction of relief “but this isn’t over cuz. I am here for you, so are my parents. Please talk to someone about this.” David got up and went back downstairs while Connor sat there wondering what he said.

**_One week later_ **

Connor was having the dream again. Jude lying in his arms, the blood pool expanding so fast, his body getting colder by the second. He was crying over the body that he had failed again, pleading with him not to die. He couldn’t manage it anymore, he just wanted the pain to end when he suddenly woke up. Connor grasped the arms that had wrapped around him and were holding him like his mom had when he was young. His breathing irregular, he kept seeing the pale face with the dead eyes and the wall broke.

Connor started sobbing and couldn’t seem to stop. Luckily he wasn’t wailing like he wanted to, but he was sobbing into the warm body holding him as he kept saying ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there crying but the emotional tidal wave that was drowning him finally receded and he was able to gain some control. He started to pull back and felt the arms holding him let go. Looking up he saw David sitting there, tears running down his face, worry written clearly.

“I’m sorry” Connor whispered. David just sat there listening, waiting. Connor looked at him waiting for him to start yelling or calling for his dad or something but he just sat there looking at Connor. After a few minutes it was too much for him “Aren’t you going to say something?” Connor croaked.

“What’s there to say Connor? You don’t trust me” he said and Connor felt the words like a punch to his stomach. “I have told you over and over again that I am here for you but you are holding all…this inside and it is destroying you. I want to help you, you are my cousin and I love you like my brother, but I get it that you don’t feel that way so I don’t know what else to do.”

Connor started trembling. He didn’t have any siblings, not like Jude did. He only had David and Greg and David had always been a bit of hero for Connor as the oldest. He loved it and had followed him around their whole life whenever the families got together. He wanted to tell him, so bad, but if he said the words…he would lose everything.

David just sat there, tears in his eyes as he clenched his fists desperately. His mother had told him he had to wait for Connor to speak. He couldn’t take that from him no matter how he thought it would change things. This was Connor’s truth and they couldn’t be sure it was even true. But David was sure, sure more than anything. He had heard Connor’s nightmares, heard him crying over Jude, apologizing for everything, and he heard the pain in the voice whenever he said that name. He knew.

David reached over and laid his arm across Connor’s shoulders. “Connor, just so you know…nothing you could ever tell me, nothing you could do, no matter how bad, could change the fact that you are my favorite cousin. I would do anything for you, you know that right?” David looked right in his eyes trying to show his sincerity. “I also promise I won’t tell mom, dad, or Greg unless you say it is okay.” Would this be enough?

Connor tried to hold it back but the look on his cousin’s face was too much and he broke. He started sobbing again and wrapped himself around David for a few minutes before he started talking. He told David everything. How he met Jude, the nail polish, the inescapable draw he had on Connor, the fight over Maddie, the spin the bottle game, how his dad had banned them from being friends, how he kissed Jude in the tent, the terrible decision he made about Daria, the second kiss and finally the night of the shooting and everything since. Connor finally got up the nerve to look over at his cousin who was smiling warmly at him.

“What? Didn’t you hear me? Don’t you get it?” Connor almost yelled.

“Get what?” David asked with a smile.

“I’m GAY!” Connor’s voice cracked. Really? His cousin was supposed to be the smart one in the family.

“Well” David started “I had kind of figured that out about four years ago if you want me to be honest about it.” He smiled at the shock on Connor’s face. “Then there was you apologizing to Jude for kissing Daria when you should have been kissing him your second night here. That was a really intense dream. You were really worked up that night” David said with a smirk.

“You knew?” Connor whispered. “Since I got here? Since I was 10? Why didn’t you say something?” he said pulling away.

“Because when I asked my mom about you being gay years ago she told me that it wasn’t for me or anyone to ask, but rather it was for you to discover and if it was true, you would tell when you were ready” David explained. “Mom and dad both know that Uncle Adam would probably not take it well so they never mentioned it and told me not to. Greg is clueless, don’t worry. As to you talking in your sleep, well you have been talking to Jude just about every night so it was pretty clear you are in love with the guy. What I don’t get is why you haven’t talked to him and now I do get it. You think you are bad for him and that by leaving his life, you will make it better.”

Connor nodded, glad that someone finally got it. That and his cousin, who he loved and admired didn’t blink about him being gay. He didn’t care that Connor was sleeping in the same room and hanging out with him. And he had known this whole time. He smiled until he realized that David was frowning and shaking his head sadly.

“Connor, I’m sorry but I think you are wrong about this” David told him. “You are not bad for Jude. You have been dealing with some stuff that even adults mess up all the time and you are bound to make mistakes. You have decided that Jude is better off without you, but you don’t know if Jude would agree. He might think you are worth it.”

“How?” Connor stood up angrily. “My dad freaked out when he thought Jude was gay and part of that was because he thought I would ‘catch it’ and surprise…I did!” Connor ranted. David snickered at that comment. “I’m serious. Dad would kill me if he found out and Jude has been through too much already.”

“Connor, I know it seems like it’s so big when you are your age, but trust me, even a few years later it won’t seem so bad. Jude is tough enough to deal with you two coming out, it’s bound to be a bumpy road” David reasoned.

Connor looked at David and decided to give the rest of the facts. David heard everything Connor knew about Jude’s life. The death of his mom, dad in jail, the abusive foster homes, abuse at schools, everything. David was stunned. He realized that he was pretty sheltered compared to Jude and suddenly realized that Connor wasn’t going to listen because he saw himself as one of the people who had abused Jude and until he let that go, he would continue to build the wall between them even higher.

Connor, overwhelmed, finally decided to try to head back to sleep. David didn’t push Connor again, but now he teased him with lots of gay jokes and sexual innuendos whenever he could do it where no one would hear. It never failed to get a smile out of him and he even would tease back as long it was just the two of them. Connor was amazed by how much relief he felt having someone to talk to freely about himself. The rest of the summer flew by but he was closer to David than ever before and he knew he would always be there for him.

Sitting on the plane he realized that this summer had been just what he needed. He had had many conversations with Uncle Patrick and Aunt Sara and looking back he realized that they had been trying to tell him that they would be there for him, no matter what. He figured that David probably did tell his parents about Connor, but if he did they never acted like they knew and he was sure that none of them would tell his father. Uncle Patrick made it clear that he thought Connor was old enough to start thinking for himself and deserved to be treated that way. 

The only sad thing was that he knew he wasn’t going back to Jude. The summer made it even clearer to Connor that the best thing for Jude was to be as far from the toxic-ness that Connor had brought to his life. It hurt, but it was better than the alternative.

**_Back in San Diego_ **

Connor had been back in San Diego for a day before he met up with Jake and Matt and several guys at the batting cages. They were all impressed with Connor’s skills, he had become a machine in the game and was going to blow away anyone else. But Connor was different and they all knew it. Gone was the sunny, smiling Connor who was everyone’s friend. This new Connor was cool and distant. He was still friendly, but it was the friendly of the people who worked at Disney or other amusement parks. You knew it wasn’t real, but you couldn’t explain why. This Connor talked to them, went out to eat, and practices smiling and laughing, but it was different. He had a defense that told them while he was friendly, he wasn’t friends with anyone.

**_8th Grade_ **

He had seen Jude and Taylor several times but had managed to avoid any direct contact and even Daria had been avoided. Connor kept to himself most times and with the baseball team the rest. He was mastering the art of being popular while not actually being genuine. People liked him because he was good at sports and handsome. They were so fake, not liking him for any real reason but just because being seen with him made them popular so Connor accepted their attention but didn’t give it any credence. They treated him like a prize and so he did the same, it was easy. Several girls had made obvious moves on him that year trying to get the prestige of being his girlfriend but he politely declined saying school and baseball were his priorities and as a result he was doing outstanding in both.

It was at the end of September when he saw Blake and Jeremy push Jude into the lockers again, seemingly by accident. They had started to harass him again and while they avoided doing anything that could get them in real trouble, he knew they were tormenting Jude again – he had seen the time or two Jude had worn his nail polish at school with a pain that told him Jude was feeling exposed and needed the comfort it brought him. Connor wasn’t dating or friends with Jude anymore, but he still loved him and Blake and Jeremy needed to be dealt with so this stopped.

The next day was gym and they were playing dodge ball and, bless the universe!, Blake and Jeremy were both on the opposite team. Connor caught Jeremy’s eyes and gave him a smile that promised death and worse. He saw Jeremy pale and start to freak out. He said something to Blake who also freaked when Connor repeated the glare at him. When the game started Connor had one mission and it was to deliver a message. All the frustration and anger at having to give up the boy he loved, he could say that now, channeled into the arms strengthened by a summer of practice and chores. The first ball took out Jeremy. Connor heard the sound of his nose breaking when the ball smashed into his face and he knew he had only moments but he also had a second ball in his hand. While Jeremy was still falling backward he hurled the second ball at Blake and he was not playing fair. Luckily the coach was distracted by Jeremy’s cries so he didn’t notice when the dodgeball hit Blake right in the nuts.

Blake squeaked and went down with the most pained look on his face that Connor had ever seen. And he still had time to come running to “check” on Jeremy. Looking down at him he apologized to the coach saying he didn’t realize he threw it so hard. The coach took Jeremy and noticing Blake, grabbed him too and took them both to the nurse’s office. The game resumed and the other team was terrified of Connor but he was done and managed to get tagged out by Simon, the smallest kid in their grade, so he could go sit down and watch the rest of the game. And Simon suddenly was being cheered for taking him out of the game. 

He walked the halls after class and he turned the corner and saw Blake and Jeremy standing at the locker and they jumped back when they saw him walk up smiling. “How are you guys doing?” Connor asked smiling evilly. Blake and Jeremy both were clearly scared of him and they didn’t say anything.

“I really want to apologize for what happened in class guys” Connor said but his tone and posture clearly said the opposite and both of them knew it. 

“Yeah” Blake stammered. “Well accidents happen” he tried to explain.

Connor looked at both of them “That is true” Connor said “in fact it can happen over and over again.” Blake and Jeremy both blanched. “Especially when ‘accidents’ happen to other people, like Jude for example.” Connor suddenly looked much more menacing to them. “I mean when ‘accidents’ happen to him, I can guarantee they will happen to both of you. Got it?” Connor leaned forward and they both stepped back getting the message you.

Word got out to several other bullies that while people knew that Connor was not friends with Jude anymore, it let others know that Jude was very much off limits. Blake and Jeremy avoided Jude from that point on and several others jerks in their school might have tried to pull something but they realized that while Connor could not be everywhere there was a large group of the ‘weaker kids’ who would happily tell Connor if they did anything and very quickly the predators at Anchor Beach all knew that Jude was off limits.

Taylor noticed the change in Blake and Jeremy and some of the other bullies at their school but she was never able to find the reason. Jude also noticed and he suspected Connor after he heard about Jeremy’s broken nose, but he kept it to himself. He appreciated whatever made the abuse stop and he preferred to think it was Connor even though they weren’t friends anymore for some reason than believing they stopped for some other unknown reason.

The rest of 8th grade passed in a blur for Connor. He focused on two things…baseball and schoolwork and by the end of the year he was exceptional in both. He tried out for the Anchor Beach High School baseball team and actually made the varsity team as the only freshman to make it this year. His dad was over the moon though he tried to point out ways he could have improved. 

The icing on the cake? Connor got to really enjoy watching the coach telling his dad that he did not want him training Connor outside the team’s work and that he would take over. Adam tried to argue but the coach gave him a simple choice – Connor could train with the team or not be on it. The coach dealt with sports parents all the time and didn’t put up with it so Connor suddenly enjoyed baseball again as his dad was relegated to being a spectator.

At the end of summer before 9th grade David made his first visit to San Diego to live his dream of attending Comic-Con. He loved it and planned to come back the next year. He tried to talk to Connor about the situation with Jude and his dad but by then Connor was an expert at diversion and avoidance and David only had four days for his visit. He left disappointed that Connor was still denying himself friends or love and he knew that this couldn’t go on for too much longer but Connor was as stubborn as his dad.

Before leaving David pressed Adam with questions about Connor, trying to get him to see that he wasn’t happy but Adam was blind to what he was saying. He was so happy with his baseball work and academics that he didn’t get what David was trying to imply. David left feeling he had failed his cousin.


	3. Chapter 3

**_In the hospital ER, the doctor is talking with Adam and Connor_ **

“The bullet entered the foot here” the doctor said pointing to the x-ray “and thankfully passed clean through. We need to operate to repair the tendons but I don’t think we’re talking permanent damage here.”

Adam sighed in relief that the injury wasn’t severe. “Um, he uh, he plays baseball. Is he still going to be able to?” Adam asked the doctor concerned. Connor had always been active as a kid and he knew that he loved soccer and baseball. Adam had played baseball in school as well and sharing that love of the game with Connor had provided him some of his best memories of time spent with his son. Connor was so much better than he was at his age and with some focus and discipline, Adam knew that he had the potential to be so much more and Adam was determined to give his son that chance.

“Well, he’s not going to be on the field anytime soon” the doctor says with a smile “but you can tell the Padres to keep holding his spot in the line-up.”

Adam looked at his son’s face, worry and concern clear on it. ‘He must have been really worried’ Adam thought about what this could have done to him. Luckily the season was over for this year, but summer camps were times when Connor could work on his skills and the basics and Adam knew how much Connor enjoyed going to those programs and hanging out with the other kids on the team.

“I’m going to send the nurses in to get you prepped and then we’ll get this taken care of” the doctor smiles again.

Adam felt a wave of relief come over him as he realized that Connor was out of any real danger after this crazy night. He flashes back to the memory of his phone ringing, waking him from his sleep, to hear a woman’s voice tell him that his son was at the hospital and had been shot in the foot. She indicated that they needed him there to speak to the doctors. Adam had been moving to grab his grey hoodie before she got halfway through the call so that he could head for the hospital. He did double check Connor’s room, but it was empty as he expected it to be. Connor had sneaked out before and though he couldn’t prove it, he was certain it was to go to that party at Jude’s house. Adam had run in to Jude’s room but Connor wasn’t there, just Jude and two girls. Adam found Connor in his room when he got back and while Connor never admitted that he was there, Adam was certain he had been.

But now, the fear and anxiety that he had been feeling all night, of not being sure if his son was in real risk of death or permanently injured, had gone away. He crashed both physically and emotionally. All the adrenaline that had been keeping him going seemed to crash in on him as he could finally breathe again. 

“Thank you” he said sincerely as the doctor walked out.

Adam looked back to Connor who was watching the doctor leave and something inside him snapped. His son, his only son, the little boy who he had held moments after he was born, the kid who would come running every time he walked in the house screaming for him to pick him up and hug him, the boy who Adam was watching grow into a man had nearly died because he did something so stupid as to sneak out! He had broken into someone’s house to drink alcohol with Jude and some girls? What was happening to his son? He was 13! Too young for drinking and sneaking out and while he had to admit to feeling a bit of pride knowing his son was a lady’s man with a girlfriend, he wasn’t so sure that Connor could handle it.

“What were you thinking sneaking out like that?” Adam asked, feeling that knot of fear in his stomach turning to anger as he kept thinking about how close this was to being a catastrophe. “What kind of idiot breaks into somebody’s house in the middle of the night?” Connor squirmed in the bed, not looking at him or giving him any kind of answer.

“Is it about that girl? That girl Daria? Is that why you did this?” Adam was trying to understand his son. God knows that he personally had done some stupid stuff to get the attention of the girls in his school when he was a kid, but getting shot? Sure he had snuck out, but he is sure it wasn’t till he was 16…maybe 15, but definitely not earlier than that. 

“Is that why you snuck out?” Adam asked. Connor just looks at him, his face frozen not saying anything and Adam just doesn’t get it. “Why? Why did you do it Connor?”

“I…” Connor stuttered for a moment “we were just hanging out, and she wanted to TP a friend’s house and things just got out of control” Connor explained. “I’m not sure how we ended up at Taylor’s, it just happened.”

“Just happened?” Adam didn’t believe his son had just said that. “Things like this don’t just happen Connor. I am worried about you. These friends are not good for you. Why they would have encouraged you to do this…” Adam trailed off as he tried to figure out his son’s thinking this night. 

“Jude didn’t” Adam heard Connor barely say, but it was enough for Adam to hear, even if he didn’t understand what his son meant.

“What?” Adam asked him trying to figure it out. What didn’t Jude do?

“Jude kept trying to talk me out of it. I convinced him to sneak out with us and to go to Taylor’s. He kept trying to get me to go home but I didn’t listen” Connor explained.

Adam was really getting tired of all of these shocks. That kid who Adam had thought was gay and hitting on Connor, stupid he realized now, they are too young for that and Connor wasn’t gay as his girlfriend showed. Adam realized he had overreacted to the boy’s gesture of friendship and support to Connor. He realized that this generation were a lot more comfortable with physical contact than Adam was – it didn’t seem to mean the same thing at this age and looking back honestly, Adam could admit he probably was a bit too hard on Connor, especially in front of his friend. 

He knew that Connor sometimes resented Adam’s pushing him, but he was so out of focus that day that it was frustrating to Adam. They had been working so hard and it seemed that he had just forgotten everything. Adam would have thought that he would have been better than he normally was just because he would have been showing off or competing against Jude. Adam had even taken special care to give the kid some encouragement and reinforcement when he actually hit a ball, which surprised Adam to be honest. 

So Adam had reacted badly as his now ex-wife had told him repeatedly that he did too often, and said some dumb stuff about Jude and Connor being friends, but he had gotten over it and let it go once he had some time to realize he was mistaken. Why couldn’t Connor just let it go? Now he is dragging a quiet kid out and getting him in trouble as well.

“Well I wish you would have listened to him Connor” Adam replied to Connor’s shock. “You wouldn’t be sitting here. And did it ever occur to you that it could have easily been Jude who had been shot? How would you have felt pressuring him into going along with this and then him getting shot?” He knew it was a low blow to put that thought out there, but Connor needed to see how serious this was. Jude was a good kid and a decent friend, though Adam still didn’t really understand why they were friends…seriously like the kid didn’t play any sports? Not even soccer or something?

Connor looked sick. “I didn’t think…” he stuttered.

“No you didn’t” Adam said seeing that he had finally made an impact. But before Connor could start moping about it and getting all worked up, he needed to lay down some new rules. “I don’t think that you should be hanging out with these girls for a while and you can consider yourself broken up with Daria as well.” 

Connor looked at him in shock. He knew that kids at this age were all hormones and he probably thought this girl was the be-all, end-all of everything, but it was clear that Connor wasn’t ready for it. “I’m serious Connor” Adam said looking at his son. “If you are not mature enough to make good decisions, then you are not ready for a relationship now either.” Connor was shocked but Adam was parent enough that he thought he saw some agreement in his son’s eyes. He must realize, somewhere down deep, that this is not the time for relationships if he can’t focus and make good decisions.

Adam looked up at the nurses coming in “Look bud, we will talk afterwards, for now, just get better.”

Adam watched as they wheeled Connor out of the room and headed to the operating room. Shaking his head at his son’s actions, he remembered the family still sitting in the waiting room. He took a deep breath not looking forward to this. Not only had he made some assumptions, he had acted on them without considering the consequences, especially with Lena being Jude’s mom. He had been so worked up over Connor getting bullied because of his friendship with Jude…Adam knew school was brutal. No matter what rules the progressives at the school talked about, kids could be mean. 

At this age, Connor hanging with a gay kid would mean to others he was too and it would be too much to handle. He remembered kids getting picked on when he was younger and he didn’t want that for Connor. His son was athletic, but he was also emotionally vulnerable. He remembered how upset Connor had been in 2nd grade when he got into a fight with a friend. The idea that someone didn’t like him was devastating. Adam had tried to help him toughen up so that he wouldn’t be so vulnerable, but Connor was just an easy and outgoing kid unless he was competing. Adam knew that he was a people pleaser, wanting to be liked, and he worried that this night was a direct result of that now that girls were in the mix.

But now he had to face a kid he had essentially tried to kick out of Connor’s life, a kid who had actually been a true friend to Connor, and he hated to have to eat crow. But he was wrong about Jude and Adam was man enough to admit to his mistakes.

He headed out to the room and saw Jude sitting between his moms. The kid looked like he was in shock and he probably was. Being so young and seeing your friend shot, even in the foot, must have been overwhelming. Lena and Stef both looked worried, but supportive while they waited. Jude noticed him first but then his moms did as well and they all stood up when he walked over.

“Is he okay?” Jude asks. “Can I see him?” He was obviously worked up Adam thought.

Adam sighs and shakes his head “Not now, they are taking him in for surgery on his foot.” All of the stress tonight is so much and now that he is away from it, even for a minute, he feels overwhelmed. He sits down in a seat across from where they are standing and he watches as they also sit down. Looking at Lena he is surprised to see how concerned she looks about Connor. He knows he hasn’t been the easiest parent she had to deal with, but it really means a lot that she is here. Stef…Stef still kind of freaks him out. Lena is tough, but she is still very feminine while Stef…isn’t. He knows that men and women can do anything, but on some level it still makes him surprised when he sees someone doing something outside what he has always seen as normal for men and women. 

That male nurse he saw earlier was a great example. He had seen him and instantly reacted negatively, thinking the guy wasn’t good enough to be a doctor or wondering about his sexuality but luckily he had manage to bite his tongue and not say anything. And it was good that he didn’t as he had later overheard him talking to the doctor about Connor and commented on other wounds he had seen in Afghanistan. Turns out the guy was a military nurse and once again Adam found himself ashamed of those earlier thoughts. He didn’t know why his brain always jumped to that place but at least he had learned to not blurt that stuff out loud.

But Stef, she definitely challenged his view of things. She was definitely a cop and not a meter maid type of cop. He remembered the night that she got shot when Jude had been sleeping over. She was shot facing a drug dealer and he just didn’t understand why a woman would want to do that, especially a woman with kids. But Stef was a cop and it showed in how she watched people and how she could demonstrate authority even without the uniform or gun.

“Connor told me about how he snuck out to see Daria and how he pressured you in to going Jude” Adam said looking at the young boy. Adam wondered why he looked so surprised that he said that. Then realized that Jude must have been trying to cover for Connor and not ratting anyone out, like what he would have done for a friend at that age. He might have been mad at the boys, but he did respect standing up for your friends even if it meant you got in trouble worse. He himself had done that once or twice when he and his friends had gotten caught doing something. The rule was simple, you didn’t tell on the ones who got away. Stef and Lena also looked concerned but he could tell Stef was more relaxed of the two, she must have realized that if he wasn’t worked up that things were probably okay.

“He also said you tried to get him to leave several times but he just kept pushing.” Turning to Stef and Lena he smiled sorrowfully “It seems like Connor wasn’t a very good friend or influence on Jude and for that I am sorry.” Here he had spent so much time worrying about Jude being a bad influence on Connor, it never occurred to him that it might be the other way around. But dammit, Connor never used to do this stuff before. Adam figured that now that he was a teenager, it would probably only get worse.

Lena and Stef exchanged looks of surprise and concern. “Adam, we have five teenagers, trust us when we say that they are all capable of making stupid choices” Lena tried to reassure him. Adam appreciated that they were not blaming him.

“Both of the boys made some bad decisions” Stef added.

“Well, some things are going to change, I can promise you that” Adam said feeling some confidence from their support.

“What do you mean?” Jude asked quietly.

“Well for starters, do you have the girl Daria’s family’s phone number” Adam asked looking at Lena who nodded. “I need to talk to them. I don’t think Connor has shown that he has the maturity to be in a relationship, so they will be breaking up." He knew that Connor would not be happy about that, he had seen how that girl had hung on Connor when Adam had seen her before, but if he went stupid around her, then that was it.

Jude’s looked surprised at Adam’s comment but kids never believe that their parents were ever young once and that they remember doing similar things. But just breaking up with that girl wasn’t enough. He had thought about this ever since the divorce had become final and maybe this was a great reason to make it happen and get Connor out of San Diego.

“Second, I think he needs some time away from everything here in San Diego” Adam said finally saying out loud what he had been thinking. 

“What do you mean?” Jude asked him sounding scared.

“My brother lives in Arizona near Connor’s grandparents, his mom’s parents I mean, and I think that he should spend the summer there with his cousins and grandparents. I know you two are friends, and I am glad about that to be honest, I know I wasn’t always supportive of your friendship, but I really think he needs some perspective. My brother has a ranch there and Connor could have a good change of scenery and maybe stop making these bad decisions, especially about girls” Adam explained to them. 

“That’s pretty extreme Adam” Lena said uncertainly. “Are you sure? What about school?”

Adam knew she was worried about Connor and all, but the more he thought about it, the more the idea sounded good. Connor would do well spending some time with his brother Patrick and his cousins away from all of this drama and difficulty. Besides spending the summer on a ranch would be good therapy and exercise for him. “I know, but I have to do something. I am not messing with his school, so he will finish out the year of course” Adam replied reassuringly “and he will be back for the new year in August, but I think that this summer, he needs something different.” Adam stands up “If you want to come back tomorrow Jude, you can see him then” he says with a smile. “Thank you again Stef for calling me.”

Adam turned and walked back to the station to get instructions on where to wait for Connor until he was out of surgery. The nurses were all very kind and understanding and the head nurse assured him that he had time if he wanted to get some coffee or something from the cafeteria which he decided to do. 

About 3 hours later Connor was in a room and still sleeping from the surgery. The doctor had told Adam that it was successful and that they were happy with the results. He said Connor would wake up very groggy and should just go back to sleep until all of the drugs and anesthesia was out of his system. Adam noticed Connor start to move around and his eyelids fluttered so he stood up from his chair and started over to his son’s beside as he finally opened his eyes and looked at him.

“How are you feeling Connor?” his dad asked him. “The doctor said your surgery went great, no problems and he expects a full recovery.” Adam wanted Connor to feel the relief in his eyes and voice and the certainty that he was going to be okay. Connor sighed, obviously relieved that the damage wasn’t serious and that he wouldn’t be permanently affected by the wound and could play again.

Connor was trying to stay awake, but Adam saw the exhaustion in Connor’s face and tried to get him to relax. “Look bud, just get some sleep, it’s pretty late, and we can talk when you are feeling better.” 

Connor nodded silently and closed his eyes. Adam walked out to the nurse’s desk and after a brief conversation where he reassured Adam that Connor would be asleep for a few hours, he headed home to catch a quick nap, shower, change, and arrange to be out from work for a few days. He checked his phone but still no message from his ex, but no surprise there.

The next morning he was back at the hospital and after checking on Connor who was still sleeping soundly, he hit the cafeteria for breakfast and coffee before heading back to Connor’s room. He tried to be quiet as he opened the door so as not to wake him but looking in he saw he was awake so he smiled and walked in.

“How you feeling buddy?” Adam asked.

“Hurts” Connor said with a raspy. “But I guess it’s okay.” 

Adam took a deep breath. He had continued to think about this and after his early morning phone call with Patrick and Sara, he was even more sure that Connor going to Arizona was a good idea. Now he just had to deal with a suddenly rebellious son who probably wouldn’t want to be separate from his girlfriend and other friends for the summer. “Connor, I know that this was just a dumb decision on your part bud, but I just don’t get it” Adam said seriously. “I think you need some space to figure out some things.”

“You already said that Daria and I had to break up” Connor asked him obviously confused “what else is there?”

Right, forgot to get that number from Lena, Adam thought. Well I can get it and update her on Connor’s surgery at the same time later today. “Well, I will be calling Daria’s parents in a bit, but I think that once school is over that it might be good for you to go spend some time with your Uncle Patrick in Arizona.”

Connor looked shocked “What do you mean? For how long” Connor asked him.

“Well, I talked to Patrick and he said you are welcome to spend the summer there. You know that your cousins David and Greg are both good kids and you all always had fun together. David is even on his high school baseball team and Greg plays as well. Patrick built a batting cage and some practice areas so the three of you can work on your skills for next year, once your foot is better of course” Adam assured him trying to make it seem like a good idea for the boy. Adam knew Connor liked his cousins, I mean he had practically followed David around like a puppy whenever they were together. 

Adam knew that he needed to do something to avoid a confrontation about this and remembered that his ex’s parents lived less than an hour from Patrick as well. “And your grandparents are there too. I know that they would love to spend some time with you as well” Adam continued. “Getting out of San Diego may help you figure out what’s going on in your head buddy.”

Connor was quiet for a few minutes before he told Adam that he thought that it sounded like a good idea. Adam was floored that Connor had not argued or resisted the plan, he was happy until he wondered why Connor hadn’t resisted at all but then he decided that the scare of the shooting might have been enough to take some of the attitude out of him at least for a while. Adam made a mental note to talk to Patrick about teaching Connor to shoot. He knew that Patrick had taught his boys to shoot, mostly at targets as Patrick didn’t really like to hunt like Adam did, but it might be good for Connor to learn some gun safety so that he wouldn’t get scared of them after the shooting.

It was short time later when he walked out of Connor’s room to make some calls when he saw Jude walking up to the room. Smiling he told the boy to go on in as he called Lena for the girl’s family’s number and to update her on Connor.

**_Back at the Steven’s House_ **

Coming home from the hospital was a relief for Adam. He did not like places like that and seeing all the sick people. He also had to deal with that girl, Taylor, and her father coming to see Connor and to apologize to them both for the shooting. He was pretty messed up about it and Adam wanted to be angry at him but another part knew that he hadn’t done anything really wrong other than be scared of someone breaking into his house. 

Eating dinner, finally no hospital food or take out, Adam was enjoying the quiet when Connor asked him “Dad, when will I be going to Uncle Patrick’s?”

Adam finished his last bite before replying. “Well Connor, you finish school on a Friday, so I thought that you could fly out on the Sunday after. How does that sound?” Adam wondered how he would react to such a quick departure and whether he would argue for staying for some days to hang out with Jude or his other friends but to his surprise he just agreed and went back to eating. After dinner he left telling Adam that he was going to reach out to his cousin David so that they could start talking and he went to his room for the night. Adam was surprised that Connor didn’t want to watch TV or play video games but he must have been tired. Cleaning up he suddenly realized that he hadn’t seen Jude since that day at the hospital and wondered why he hadn’t come over to see Connor when he got back. Shrugging, Adam finished in the kitchen and headed into the family room to catch what he could of the game.

Time seemed to fly by and suddenly it was the day to take Connor to the airport. Never once since he had mentioned it had Connor tried to change his mind or make any comments about the trip so Adam realized that not only was this a good idea, but that Connor was actually looking forward to it. This would be good for him!

On the drive to the airport, Adam had even tried to push Connor to see if he was really okay, but Connor talked about his conversations with David and so he realized that this was a smart idea that he had had and he thanked whatever it was that gave him the idea. Adam parked the car and walked Connor in to the airport since he couldn’t manage his luggage and crutches and got him checked in and ready. Adam arranged for the airline to provide an escort until he got to the airport and then Sara and Patrick would be there waiting for him. 

Two days later and Adam was sitting in his home office working on some paperwork when he heard a knock at the door and opening it was surprised to see Jude standing there. “Jude?” Adam asked surprised. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk with Connor before he left. Is he home?” Jude asked politely.

‘This is strange’ Adam thought. “Jude, didn’t Connor tell you?” Adam was truly surprised that the kid had come over after Connor had left. “He left for Arizona on Sunday.”

From the look on his face, Adam could tell that Jude didn’t know about Connor’s departure. “Is everything okay with you guys?” Adam asked him not sure why he didn’t know. Adam realized now that Jude hadn’t visited since the hospital and Connor hadn’t gone over to his house, at least not that he knew of, but he had been busy and it didn’t really register with Adam.

“Yes” Jude said suddenly with a smile on his face “he told me Sunday but I must have gotten which Sunday messed up. Sorry for the confusion.” Jude turned and ran off before Adam could say anything. Adam shook his head thinking about the difficulties of teenagers. You would think that with all the time that they spent on their phones that Jude would know where Connor was. Adam remembers all the time Connor spent texting but thinking about it, he hadn’t done much, if any, of that since the shooting. Shaking his head, he had to get back to those contracts now and he didn’t have time to worry about this.

**_One week later_ **

Adam was watching the game when the phone rang and he saw it was from Patrick. “Hey bro? How are things going?” Adam asked cheerfully. 

“Hi Adam” his brother replied carefully. “I need to talk to you about Connor.” 

“Is everything okay? Is he having problems with his foot?” Adam asked concerned.

“Physically he is fine bro, but it’s not okay” Patrick tried to explain.

“What do you mean?” Adam asked turning off the game.

“Adam, Sara has been working with some of the military veterans in the area who have come back from Afghanistan and the Gulf, helping out by doing some art therapy. David and her both noticed that Connor was reacting to loud noises” Patrick started to explain.

“React how?” Adam asked.

“The truck backfired and Connor dove into a puddle and yelled. A plate drops and he freaks out. Sara thought he might have PTSD so she took him with her to one of the veteran’s group therapy sessions. They guys there all talked with him about it and it seems he is also having nightmares about getting shot” Patrick said quietly.

Adam couldn’t believe it. He had asked Connor about the shooting several times before he left and he never gave any indication of a problem. He remembered Lena offering the name of a counselor but Adam hadn’t paid much attention to it at the time. “Do you think I should come get him?” Adam started thinking about how he would do that.

“Definitely not” Patrick cut him off surprising him. His brother was pretty laid back but he seemed really worked up. “Sara said the vets invited him to return and Connor wants to go. This group is doing exactly what he needs, getting him to talk about what happened and deal with it. I felt you needed to know what was going on and didn’t want to be going behind your back or something, but I think it will help him. He has made some connections here and I think pulling him out would be worse, to be honest” Patrick explained.

Adam isn’t sure he agrees but he knows that Sara is smart and he does trust his brother. He asks him to keep him informed and they talk about other family stuff before Patrick hangs up. Adam thinks about what Patrick said about the PTSD and wonders if that is why their phone calls are so brief with him doing most of the talking. Sitting back he resolves to check in a bit more often while Connor is there.

The summer seemed to fly by for Adam with several business trips that he was able to go on with no notice as he didn’t have to make any arrangements, much to the delight of his boss. Adam also managed two really good sales that put him in a great spot financially. It seemed that in no time at all Connor was already on a flight back home. Adam had talked to Connor regularly, but he wasn’t a big talker on the phone and to be honest neither was Adam. They mostly talked about Connor’s training with Patrick and his cousins. Adam did ask him about the group therapy he was doing but Connor didn’t want to say much beyond that it was helping.

Standing at the airport he looked up and saw Connor walking towards him and was surprised at the changes from the summer. Not only had Connor grown at least three inches, he was much broader in the shoulders and his arms were really developed. A summer doing chores on the ranch and practicing had really paid off. Hugging him Adam was surprised how much more muscular his son had gotten. They headed home, the conversation mostly about baseball and the ranch and that Connor was fully healed. He told Adam about David and him running around the ranch and working his legs in their home gym. Adam was really proud of how Connor had used the summer so productively.

Things settled back into a routine fairly quickly. Connor got back involved with soccer and baseball and really threw himself into it. He went to the batting cages several times a week and Adam was amazed at his progress over the summer and throughout the year. Adam realized that Connor’s natural talent was even more than he had expected and combined with his discipline and dedication, he was doing great. When he wasn’t working out or practicing he had his head in his books. He brought his first report card home that was solid A’s and had great marks from school. He seemed like a whole new kid determined not to repeat his past mistakes.

The one thing that Adam started to notice around October was that Connor didn’t go out with friends that much. He still did team stuff, but nothing else that he could think of. And he hadn’t seen or mentioned Jude either. Connor hadn’t asked for rides anywhere or for permission to go places. Anytime Adam tried to mention it, he just said he was busy with class or team stuff and Adam tried to give him his space.

It was late November that year when Adam ran into Adrien Johnson whose kid Matt played baseball with Connor. They had chatted a bit at the store before Adrien said something that surprised Adam. “Oh by the way, really sorry that Connor wasn’t able to go on the camping trip with the kids.” 

Adam was surprised as he had never heard about a camping trip. “Uh…yeah” Adam replied uncertainly.

“Well, hey family obligations come first” Adrien smiled “but someday you are going to have to tell me what happened when he went camping to make Connor say he had such a bad experience the last time he went. The boys couldn’t pull it out of him.” Adrien laughed before saying goodbye and catching up with his wife. Adam stood there confused as to what Adrien was talking about. What happened on Connor’s last camping trip?

That night over dinner Adam mentioned running in to Mr. Johnson and that Connor had said he couldn’t go. “Why didn’t you want to go Connor?” Adam asked confused why Connor, who had always enjoyed camping, didn’t want to go.

Connor looked at him for a moment before taking a breath. “I overheard some of the guys talking about sneaking alcohol on the trip and trying to get some weed” Connor said quietly much to Adam’s shock. “I don’t think they actually got any based on what they said the next week” Connor replied quickly noticing the look on Adam’s face “but I didn’t want to risk it. Already had one bad decision with alcohol and I wasn’t going to do that again.”

Adam smiled with pride at his son for showing some serious maturity. He had seem some real maturity on Connor’s part the last few months that he was glad he could start to trust him again. It wasn’t till he was in bed that night that he remembered Adrien’s commenting about Connor’s ‘bad experience’ and that he forgot to ask him what he meant. The last time they had gone camping was the summer before 7th grade and they had a great time. The only other time he went camping was that school trip and he hadn’t heard of any problems happening on that trip. Well, except for the argument about the tent but that was over and he was sure Connor wasn’t still hung up on it. Turning over he went to sleep telling himself he would ask Connor the next day but he didn’t, he totally forgot about it till much, much later.

**_January – 8th Grade_ **

At the parent teacher meetings for the beginning of the New Year Adam was in a great mood. Every meeting was the same with the teachers telling him how great Connor was doing in his classes. One teacher mentioned that Connor didn’t really participate unless asked or pushed, but his grasp of the material was excellent.

Adam was in a good mood as he walked into the office and noticed Lena and Monte talking to each other. He smiled and walked over and they looked at him. Monte smiled politely but Lena seemed uncomfortable for some reason.  
“Lena, Monte” Adam greeted them. “How are you doing tonight? This has been a great parent teacher night” he said with sincerity.

Both of them looked surprised, Monte mildly and Lena a bit more obviously, and Adam didn’t understand. He would have thought that they would have been happy but he wondered if something else was happening that he didn’t know about.  
“Well thank you Adam” Monte said with an ‘official’ smile “how has Connor been doing?”

“Great!” Adam says with a big smile. “The coach is really happy with his progress and skill development and said he thinks Connor should consider trying out for the varsity team for next year, even as a freshman. And all his teachers have been telling me how well he is doing in classes…all A’s.” Adam smiled at her before turning to look at Lena and seeing some pain in her face that he didn’t understand. But it quickly disappeared as she smiled politely at him.

He wasn’t sure he would ever understand Lena Adams-Foster. Speaking of… “I have been wondering why I haven’t seen Jude over in a while” Adam said to Lena noticing the surprise on her face. “I mean I know I don’t keep up with all of Connor’s friends, but they always seemed attached at the hip and I figured even with his new practice and workout schedules and classwork that I would see him around some time.”

Lena was looking at him like he had just said the most incredible thing ever. “Adam” Lena said quietly “why would Jude be over at your house?”

Adam was surprised at her question. “What do you mean?” he asked her.

“Adam, Jude and Connor haven’t been friends since the shooting” Lena said calmly and he could tell she was surprised by his reaction. “Didn’t Connor tell you?”

“No” Adam muttered but thinking back he realized that before the shooting Connor was mentioned Jude all the time either something they talked about or did or that Connor was going over or Jude coming over but he hadn’t really noticed that all of that had stopped. With the shooting and then Connor leaving for Arizona, he had forgotten how much they hung out and he never picked up on the change. “I mean I knew that he had been really focused, but I just figured that they were hanging out at school or at your house.”

Lena shook her head. “No. I haven’t seen Connor outside of school since before that night. And to be honest, he avoids me as much as he can” she says sadly.

“Do you know what happened?” Adam asked wondering what had happened.

“No. Jude won’t talk about it. We asked him about it at the beginning of the school year but he just said that they were no longer friends. He won’t elaborate and none of his brothers or sisters can get anything else out of him” Lena said sadly. 

Adam was truly surprised. After the shooting he had actually liked Jude for being a good influence but maybe Connor didn’t feel the same. He had some friends who he just drifted apart from and so he knew it happened. He went home that night and was going to ask Connor about it but when he arrived home Connor had the game on and they started watching together. It was a good night and he forgot to ask about that conversation with Lena. He did remember a few days later and when he asked about Jude, Connor just looked sad and said that they really didn’t have much in common and drifted apart. Just like Adam thought, so he moved on to other things.  
The rest of the school year flew by and as it got closer to the end Connor continued to make strides in his baseball skills. At the end of the year he decided to try out for the baseball team at Anchor Beach High where he would be a freshman next year and to Adam’s delight he not only made the team, but made the varsity team. Adam was excited and when he got to meet the coach he shared his own experiences and that he had been working with Connor on his skills since little league and he was looking forward to continuing, but Coach Murphy shut him down.

Murphy said in no uncertain terms that he was the coach and he wasn’t interested in baseball dads or moms. Adam was welcome in the stands, but training, practices, etc. were not open to parents nor did he accept any partial coaching by them. Adam tried to argue but Murphy made it clear that it was his way or nothing. He would remove Connor from the team if he didn’t agree.

Adam had even gone to Lena who was less than sympathetic and told him that the coach could set those rules. He finally talked to Adrien Johnson again who had an older son on the team who confirmed that Murphy had no tolerance for that stuff and had tossed off two kids because of their dads’ behavior. Murphy was an excellent coach but he was serious. 

So Adam backed off and after a summer of training and camps he had to admit that Murphy was a good coach. Connor seemed to really like him and was talking more and more about the game and the team. 

At the end that summer, right before Connor started high school, Patrick’s eldest son David came to visit San Diego. Patrick told Adam that he was coming to attend the San Diego Comic-Con. Adam was surprised both by the fact that David was still into comic books and that stuff, especially considering he was a gifted athlete, not as gifted as Connor of course, and that he had grown up into a fairly handsome kid who would have no problems with girls. But from the moment he arrived he and Connor talked about movies and comics and stuff Adam just didn’t get. To top it all off? The boy wore crazy costumes to the thing each day and when Adam found out how much money it cost to attend he was shocked. 

He had talked to Patrick about it, but he had just laughed and said that David had saved his money and it was something he loved. He would go to the convention center each day and stay all day long until he came back and he and Connor would stay up late talking about what David saw Adam guessed. He just shook his head in disbelief that this 17 year old would be so nerdy.

The day before he was to leave, David came to Adam and asked to talk with him. 

“Uncle Adam?” David asked coming into the family room. “Can I talk with you for a minute?”

Adam looked over at his nephew and saw the serious look on his face so he turned off the television to give him his attention. Gesturing to sit down, Adam waited for David to talk.

“Uncle Adam, I am worried about Connor” David started. Adam was surprised about why he was worried. Connor had been so animated during David’s visit. Smiling and laughing and talking about everything, not to mention telling David about the team and his grades.

“Why?” Adam asked genuinely confused. 

David took a deep breath and was obviously struggling to pick the right words. “He is not happy Uncle Adam. I know he is hiding it and staying busy, but he is not happy and it’s messing him up” David told him. “Do you know any of Connor’s friends?” David asks his uncle.

Adam opens his mouth to reply about Matt and some of the baseball kids but thinking about it he realizes it’s not like it was when Connor started middle school. He always had other kids over and he was over at their houses and then the year of him and Jude hanging out, but now he can’t remember any kid coming over or Connor asking to go somewhere. 

“Well he is pretty busy” Adam started to explain, the words feeling wrong even as he said them.

David looked at him like he was crazy. “Too busy to have even one friend?” David asked seriously. “Look Uncle Adam, Connor’s important to me too. He is my cousin and I love him, but I am worried that he is still upset about the shooting. I know he worked out a lot of his issues over the actual shooting itself when he was with us, but I think there are some other, emotional, issues that are unresolved. That maybe he is still upset about and needs to figure out.”

Adam agreed to think about it and after David returned home, but he couldn’t think of what besides the shooting would be bother him. Connor was at that age everything is so emotional and hormone driven that it literally could be anything. Adam resolved to talk about it with Connor and maybe even admit that he was wrong and overreacted to the situation, especially as they didn’t mean for any of what happened to occur and maybe telling him that might help with whatever David thought was bothering him.

**_9th Grade_ **

Connor started high school and Adam’s work got even busier. Now that Connor was old enough, he felt comfortable leaving Connor home alone for a few days if he had to travel. Adam had worried about Connor having parties or something but after a few trips it looked like Connor could be trusted. He asked about it and the look Connor gave him spoke volumes. He just lifted his foot, wiggled it, and say “no thanks”. 

But Adam couldn’t forget his nephew’s warnings about Connor not having friends. One weekend Connor was walking out with his skateboard and Adam stopped him. “Where are you going son?” Adam asked casually.

“Just to the skate park” Connor replied easily.

“Meeting up with anyone?” Adam asked trying not to sound interested.

Connor paused for few seconds looking at his dad before a smile came on his face. “Yes. I am meeting up with a bunch of guys to skate. Thought we might go to beach after and meet up with other friends for the day. Is that okay?” Connor asked with a smile.

Adam nodded and wished him a good time and watched as Connor left. But Adam did not feel reassured. Something in his son’s manner told him that something wasn’t right. Getting up, Adam decided that he would take a drive, maybe run some errands. And if one errand was near the skate park just to check, that wouldn’t be so bad.

Driving to the park, Adam parked his car where he had a good view of the park and quickly spotted Connor skating. He had to admit, he didn’t know much about skateboarding, but Connor did look good and some of the stuff he was doing looked like it took skill. Adam noticed about a dozen other guys and girls and he wondered who Connor was meeting. After a few minutes Connor climbed out and went to sit down by a tree, alone. Adam frowned, why didn’t he talk with any of the other skaters?

Adam stayed there for over almost two hours and in all that time, Connor never talked to anyone though several of the other skaters waved at him and he waved back. Connor would skate and then rest again, but he never connected with any of the other kids there. When he left Adam decided to follow, discretely, and was more than surprised when Connor ended up at Anchor Beach…on a Saturday. He watched as Connor walked to the beach where Adam saw several groups of kids but again Connor avoided them. He headed for some rocks where he climbed out and sat by himself. After about an hour, Adam decided to leave. 

He had realized that David was right. Connor wasn’t hanging with friends or anyone, he was alone, even when he didn’t have to be, and Adam didn’t understand why. Not only that, but Connor lied about hanging out with friends, he had lied about not going on a camping trip, and Adam wondered what had happened to isolate his son like this.

Over the next few weeks, Adam takes the time to see if his suspicions are correct and to his surprise they are. He even pulled up his son’s phone service to check the number of texts Connor was sending, knowing that kids are always on their phones now, and Connor barely sent any when several of his co-workers were complaining that their kids were sending 1,000’s a month. Adam decided to talk to Coach Murphy to see what he had observed.

Entering the Coach’s office after school, when Adam was sure that there was not a practice reminded Adam of his own happy days playing baseball. The coach looked up at him with a controlled expression, neither happy nor worried to see Adam.

“Hi Coach” Adam started.

“Mr. Stevens” Murphy replied politely.

“I wanted to talk to you about Connor and how he is doing” Adam explained.

Murphy squinted at Adam as if he was trying to figure him out. He quickly cleared his face and started “Well, I have to say that he is an excellent player. He had really good skills when he tried out and since making the team he has committed 100%. He works out during conditioning, practices harder than any two others it seems, and really focuses on the game.”

Adam thought that would make him happier than it did. He praised Connor’s abilities, but not the boy himself.

“How is he getting along with the team?” Adam asked.

Murphy leaned back and frowned. “Well…that is an interesting question.” He looked at Adam sitting there waiting. Normally Murphy didn’t like to talk to parents about their kids on his team, especially ones like Adam, those who were former jocks, but this question was different. It wasn’t about getting a scholarship, or starting more often, or something similar, it was about his kid.

“The truth is, Connor is a loner. He is polite and friendly to the guys when they are on the field and at practices, but there is something there that keeps others at bay. I have tried to reach out to Connor a couple of times and he is never rude, or impolite or anything, but you quickly realize that he is…unreachable.” Murphy sighs. “To be honest Mr. Stevens, Connor could probably be a team captain for the next three years if he wants to, but he doesn’t. He is willing to help train and work with others on the team without pausing or thinking about it. The guys all respect him and appreciate his skills, with the normal amount of jealousy of course. He never shows off or rubs it in their faces. But no matter what anyone does to try and get close to him, he resists, instead he just…disconnects.”

Adam frowns. This is not a description of his son, the boy he knew who was so open and liked everyone.

“I wish I knew how to reach him because if he wanted to, Connor would be an amazing leader, but he just won’t. We even went to a team dinner and while he was there, I don’t think he said three words the whole time. Hell, he is the only kid on the team who is never on his cell phone it’s so strange” Murphy laughs softly. “But to be perfectly honest Mr. Stevens, with the way he plays, I would expect him to be a complete pain in the ass and have to deal with an ego the size of Texas. Having someone as talented as him who listens, follows instructions, and works like the devil – well I will take that even with the fact that he is not a people person or team player off the field.”

Adam thanked the coach and left feeling even more confused. Connor was always so social and outgoing and now it was like he was a different person. He acted the same around the house Adam thought, but now really thinking about it he realizes that he has been ignoring the signs. Connor isn’t happy, he is busying himself with baseball and school to hide from life and Adam was been oblivious to his son’s pain. He need to do something about it and help his son.

Over the next few weeks Adam kept trying to talk to Connor about friends and girls he might like but Connor kept talking about how busy he was with school and baseball and while it always made sense and sounds logical, he realizes that his son has become a much better liar than he had ever been before. Adam could see that Connor was isolated and truly alone. He even called David who would only say that he thought it was tied to the shooting.

Finally Adam had a breakthrough, he realized what had changed in his son’s life since that fateful night. What Adam had done must have hurt Connor more than he realized. He decided that he was going to sit down and talk with Connor about it and let him know that he wasn’t mad or concerned anymore and that maybe Connor should reach out and try to rebuild his lost relationship. He waited till dinner that night and was determined to have a real conversation no matter what.

“Connor” Adam started as they were about halfway through the meal “are any of the guys on the team doing anything this weekend?”

Connor looked surprised at the question “I…I’m not sure” he replied with a confused look.

“What about your other friends…any of them got anything planned?” Adam continued.

Connor stuttered for a moment before regaining his composure and smiling, that smile that Adam had realized was a lie. “Yes. Matt is having some guys over to play video games on Saturday. Thought I would go over if that was okay.”

Adam smiled. “Sure thing. Matt’s dad asked me to go golfing so I can drive over with you and drop you off. It will be good to talk to Matt and some of your teammates before we leave.”

Connor froze. He wasn’t expecting Adam’s offer of a ride, which wouldn’t have been bad, but to see the team.

“Or did you make up that whole story?” Adam continued eating calmly.

Connor sighed. “Okay, yes. I don’t know what Matt is doing. But I figured you wanted me to do something and if I told you I was going to be working on my homework by trying to get ahead in my English reading, you would have gotten mad or something.”

Adam looked at Connor and was amazed. He had lie after lie waiting for Adam and he had been buying those lies for a long time now. Connor would say anything to avoid the real issue.

“Connor, I don’t believe you” Adam said sadly. “After the last year of watching you isolate yourself from your friends, avoiding other people, it’s just not you.” Adam looked at the shocked expression on his son’s face. “I know that this all goes back to the night you got shot. You have been heartbroken, haven’t you? You lost someone you really cared about, maybe even loved. I’m sorry Connor, I just didn’t think that at that age you could have felt that strongly for someone.”

"David talked to me when he was here. He is worried about you and wanted me to know that and some other stuff and you should have told me yourself" Adam said looking at his son who was frozen in place. 

Adam knows he is right. Finally. Connor’s face is giving him away. The fear is written clearly on his face, he is sweating and his eyes are darting, looking for any escape. “Connor, it’s okay. I was your age once you know. Those feelings are normal and you shouldn’t be ashamed of them. I just wish you felt that you could have talked to me about it. I finally get what your cousin was trying to tell me so obviously you told him about it.”

Connor had gone white with fear and Adam tried to reassure him. “I’m serious son. And I hope David told you that it was okay, not something you should hide, but should talk to me about it. I know I may not be the easiest to talk to, but son you shouldn’t hide from this part of yourself.”

Connor was starting to tremble as Adam saw his eyes glisten with unshed tears. He was so glad to have finally gotten the breakthrough they needed. “Connor, if you really think you are in love, if those feelings haven’t changed in all this time, then you need to do something about it. Take a stand, make a gesture, express your feelings!”

Connor whispered “You think I should tell…”

“YES! Son, love is crazy and it’s never easy but if you are in love, or even think you are, you need to do something. I give you permission to date again, if you want I will even call the parents and tell them that” Adam offers.

Connor looks like he is about to pass out but he suddenly smiles and Adam realizes that this smile was the one from so long ago, a true smile of happiness. “Besides, who am I to stand in the way of young love? So go ask the girl out.”

Connor froze. “What?” he whispered.

“That girl you were dating when you got shot…Danielle I think her name was” Adam offered.

“Daria” Connor said with a broken voice. He must really miss her Adam thought.

“Right, Daria. I know I made you break up, but you can date her again…if you want to. I think you are old enough to make your own decisions about relationships” Adam smiled. “I will stay out of it.”

Connor smiled at his father and Adam, so happy with his breakthrough, didn’t recognize it as the false one that Connor had worn for so long it had become a habit.


	4. Chapter 4

“Where’d they go?” Jude asked sitting down next to Taylor on the bench. They had just managed to get away from the house they had TP’d and now Connor and Daria were missing.

“Who knows” Taylor replied looked at the boy next to her “maybe their having sex” she offered sarcastically.

She watched Jude’s eyes pop as a look of shock came over him “They’re having sex?” he ask stunned. 

He actually thought that? Taylor laughed to herself but not out loud based on the look on Jude’s face “Well, not yet, but Daria is dying to lose her virginity. At least that’s what she told me” she clarified and noticed that he relaxed a bit. Why would he even care unless…

Jude nodded and the looked over at her and Taylor saw those beautiful brown eyes, filled with concern, but Jude had never made even the smallest move on her in all the times that they had been with Daria and Connor. So he was either really shy or…

Taylor leaned forward, never breaking eye contact, to see what he would do. She didn’t get very close when he leaned back, panic on his face, “Um..uh” he stammered. ‘Yep’ Taylor thought.

“Sorry” he tried to apologize.

“It’s okay” Taylor replied and admitted to herself she was a little disappointed but she knew why and it wasn’t because of her. 

“It’s just that…” he tried again.

“It’s cool, it’s cool” she cut him off not wanting to make him come up with some lie or something to spare her feelings. “You have a crush on Connor” Taylor was surprised how easy it was to say and saying it out loud, she admitted it was pretty obvious. 

Jude looked at her with a puzzled expression and she just smiled. He didn’t deny it like any other boy would have which just confirmed it, the final piece of the puzzle. But a part of her was angry. Angry that Connor didn’t realize that his best friend had feelings for him, instead always making out with Daria in front of him. Taylor thought back on all the times they were together and realized how hurt Jude had been each time. 

“Hey” Connor’s voice interrupted them before she could start to talk as he and Daria walked up behind them. She hoped he hadn’t heard them talking.

“I should go home” Jude said as they stood up to face the couple. Connor looked stunned by Jude’s comments “Wait…weren’t we going to” he stammered.

“We’re not” Jude said clearly and Taylor could tell that he was unhappy and she wondered if she had messed things up big time by bringing his secret out in the open.

Connor looked so sad…but she wasn’t sure why. However, she didn’t want to end things on a bad note. “C’mon, my dad’s got tons of booze” Taylor offered. She and Daria went back and forth about whether or not it was breaking in because it was her house and she had a key when she saw a spark in Connor’s eyes and suddenly she had the most evil idea ever. She made sure not to look at Jude who was watching her.

“C’mon” she said looking at Daria and Connor “let’s get drunk and make out.” She turned towards Jude and saw the confusion on his face. Shifting her eyes towards Connor she was screaming at Jude in her head ‘if we get him drunk, you might have a chance!’ hoping he would catch on. Jude looked over at Connor who was smirking as Daria led them off. Taylor looked at Jude with a trace of a smile and when she saw he figured it out she went off after Daria and Connor. 

“Let’s do it” Connor said as they got on their bikes. Taylor smiled to herself ‘Oh yes Connor, let's do it, but probably not what you were planning on doing!’

It was a good plan. If things had gone right, they would have gotten buzzed and somehow she would have maneuvered the guys into a position where she could dare them to kiss or something and then Jude would at least have that. He had put up with a lot and deserved that and to be completely honest, there was a tiny piece of her that got excited about the idea of seeing them two kiss.

But it didn’t work out. No it went horribly wrong and sitting in her room the next day she still couldn’t believe how bad it had all gone. One second they are all standing in the living room, passing around a bottle of whiskey and the next Connor is laying on the floor in a pool of blood, Jude holding on to him, Daria screaming, and her dad…her dad looking terrified that he had just shot a kid.

She had told the officers everything that had happened, everything including about the TP-ing and that her father didn’t know it was them and thankfully he wasn’t arrested, but she could tell he was traumatized by it. He hadn’t come out of his room since going in and Taylor was so worried about him. Her dad wasn’t a big macho guy or anything, he was really sweet and kind and she had put him in this situation.

Now, sitting in her room the next day she didn’t know what to do when her phone rang. Looking down she saw it was Daria.

“Hey” Taylor said quietly. She heard Daria sniffling like she had been crying.

“Hi” Daria muttered. “Have you heard anything yet?” she asked sounding miserable.

“No I haven’t” Taylor admitted. “I am not sure who to ask or call. This is all my fault!” Taylor started crying.

Daria was crying too but trying to reassure her friend. “No it wasn’t Taylor, it was all a mistake. I mean even the police said we were just unlucky.”

“Daria, my dad won’t come out of his room because he shot someone!” Taylor said with a sob.

“But he’s got to be okay right?” Daria begged for reassurance. “I mean it was just his foot, right?”

They for a bit longer before hanging up. Daria had admitted she had gotten in major trouble with her parents but Taylor was still uncertain about her own situation.

It was a couple of hours later when Daria called back crying even more. Taylor felt her heart clench as she feared the worse. “What happened?!” she yelled hoping it wasn’t the worse.

“Connor’s dad made us break up!” Daria wailed. Taylor fell back to her bed relieved after fearing that it was 1000x worse. Daria went on to tell her that Mr. Stevens had called her parents and told them that he didn’t think they should be dating anymore as he didn’t think Connor was in a position to make good decisions. After talking with him, her parents had even agreed!

It seemed that Mr. Stevens and Daria’s dad had talked about it and he had been very nice, said Daria was a nice girl, but that Connor had proven he wasn’t ready to make those kinds of decisions. They both not only agreed, but her dad wondered out loud if maybe the same could be said about her. In fact her parents were now talking about it!

Taylor tried to feel something other than irritation for Daria, but it was hard. She was Daria’s friend but she also liked Jude and felt he deserved some happiness. She wasn’t sure if Connor felt the same about Jude, but she thought he might. We she mentioned getting drunk and making out, he wasn’t looking at Daria or her, he was looking at Jude…and smiling. She was thinking that it might not have been that hard to get them to kiss after all.

Now Connor and Daria were broken up and maybe after a scare like this, Connor would feel differently. Maybe if he did like Jude, this would be his chance to be honest and tell him that. She really hoped it would work out that way, even if Daria was hurt, she would get over it.

It was the Monday after the shooting that Taylor was dealing with the whispers and comments. “Kid Killer” and “Psycho Dad” were two of the most popular among her classmates. No wonder her dad was avoiding the rest of the world. Walking up to her locker she saw Jude standing at his locker looking sad. Walking over to him she smiled and said “Hi.”

Jude looked terrible, he looked like how she would have expected to look to be honest. “You okay?” she asked him.

“I guess” Jude muttered closing his locker and walking towards his class as she fell in step with him. 

“Have you seen Connor?” Taylor asked quietly. “My dad and I are going to hospital after school. He wants to apologize to Connor and his dad” she explains.

Jude nods “Yeah, I saw him yesterday after his surgery.”

‘What is going on?’ Taylor wonders. Jude is acting really strange. “That’s good right?”

“I don’t know” he admitted. Taylor just waited till he continued. “His dad decided that he had to break up with Daria and then told Connor he was going to spend the summer with family in Arizona.”

Taylor was shocked. She knew about the break-up, but Arizona? “Why?” she asked confused.

“His dad thinks he needs time away to think…and Connor agrees with him. He is going to spend the summer away from m….San Diego” he tells her. Taylor doesn’t mention how he almost slipped, but she heard what he really meant.

“Well he will be back in school soon, so at least we will see him around school till the end of the year” she tries to reassure him. He just smiles sadly at her as they walk into class.

But that is not how it went. Connor came back but he didn't come talk to any of them, instead hanging out with the guys from the baseball team. She watched in shock as Jude was crushed, though he tried to hide it. Daria was upset about losing her boyfriend but she knew why, Connor’s dad, but poor Jude, he lost his best friend and didn’t know why. No matter what she did Jude barely spoke, he just responded with a single word or two whenever anyone talked to him.

Taylor did everything she could to try and take care of two friends who were hurting and every day she found herself getting madder and madder at Connor Stevens. The only thing that stopped her from hitting him with his own crutches was, well the fact the he was on crutches was the real first thing, but the other reason was that she was watching him. He was sitting with the baseball team but he was alone. He looked as broken as Jude and she didn’t understand it.

**_The week after school ends_ **

Taylor had plans to meet Jude and Daria at the beach that Wednesday and while it was strained between the two of them, it wasn’t too bad. Daria and her had started the ex-boyfriend bashing and while Jude didn’t join in, he didn’t ask them to stop either.  
Taylor was sitting on the blanket waiting for Daria to come back from the smoothie stand when Jude walked up and flopped down.

“He’s gone” Jude said quietly.

She knew who ‘He’ was but she was confused by what Jude meant. “Gone where?” she asked.

“Arizona. He left on Sunday. I went by his house yesterday to try and talk to him and Adam told me he had already left” Jude said without emotion. She knew that Jude was trying to understand what he was feeling, giving him space, but she couldn’t believe he would leave without saying anything to Jude. 

“Jude, I’m so sorry. This is all my fault” she apologized again. “It was a stupid idea to break into my house to drink…I just thought that if everyone was a little tipsy then…” she stopped when Jude looked at her with a heartbroken look in his face. “I thought he might kiss you or something. Jude, I am so sorry” she rushed to say but he just frowned and shook his head.

“This isn’t your fault Taylor” Jude said, his voice thick. “It’s not your dad’s fault or anyone’s but Connor’s choice.”

Taylor didn’t understand. Why was it Connor’s choice? She opened her mouth to ask when Daria sat down “Ugh, that line was so long. Hey Jude” Daria said trying to sound happy. Jude smiled at her but Taylor saw that he had locked himself up again and wouldn’t be that open again for some time.

The rest of the summer passed fairly normally. They all hung out and spent a ton of time together. Taylor finally got to meet the rest of Jude’s family and she LOVED Mariana who would have been Taylor’s idol if she wasn’t so crazy about boys. But when she talked about math or smarts, Mariana was awesome. Taylor also loved Jude’s moms, they were the best and she was surprised by how much she got to like Mrs. Adams-Foster, she still had trouble calling the Vice-Principal Lena.

Time flew for her and Jude but Daria was in and out. She had already found a new guy to hang out with after her mom convinced her father that she was allowed to date, under strict supervision. But it was a good summer. Taylor had tried to push a few times, but she learned that Jude would talk to her about everything except Connor. Whenever she tried he would either shut her down, ignore her, or just walk away. She learned, that topic was off limits, but she did tease him about other cute guys though he never acknowledge her efforts. He would even point out girls on the beach and mention how attractive they were when she did the same about some guy.

She had gotten frustrated with him one day and tried to call him on it. “Jude, you had a crush on Connor, not Daria. Why do you keep mentioning those girls?” she teased him.

Jude looked at her with a smirk “I never said I was gay Taylor…besides, even if I was…maybe I mentioned them for you” he smiled at her. She looked shocked and stuttered. “I mean, I wouldn’t want to make any assumptions or judgments about your sexuality” Jude finished.

She shut her mouth and got the point. No more sex comments till he said something one way or another.

It was hard to believe that the summer was basically over when Taylor found herself clothes shopping with Jude at the mall, something she had been trying to do with him all summer. She was sad that she had been gone for the last two weeks visiting her grandmother, and they had only had a few brief texts as her mom was serious about family time. She had found several new items, but she still couldn’t get Jude to try anything on. She had a really great ‘gay fashion’ joke ready to go but she didn’t say in knowing he would fire back with something and over the summer, Jude’s tongue had gotten wicked sharp.

They were heading to the food court when Taylor remember talking to Matt the day before and so she wondered whether he was going to tell her that Connor was back. Matt had told her he was back almost when she left so she figured that Jude and him had been busy catching up so she wasn’t too worried.

“Hey I haven’t asked yet, but how is Connor doing?” Taylor asked.

“Uh, I don’t know” Jude replied. “How should I know?”

“You two haven’t talked?” Taylor replied desperately trying to cover the shock she was feeling so that she only sounded mildly surprised. “I heard from Matt that he was back two weeks ago. I figured you two would have been hanging out every day.”

Taylor saw Jude’s stunned expression and her stomach dropped. He had no clue about Connor. “You didn’t know he was back?” she whispered.

Jude just shook his head. Connor had returned to San Diego, but had not even bothered to say hi or anything to Jude. It made Taylor want to scream.

**_8th Grade_ **

Once school started it was clear that Connor was out of their lives. He avoided all three of them, never rude or anything, but impersonally polite. He was always with two or three guys from the team, so she could never corner him alone and he had somehow turned ninja whenever she wanted to corner him to confront him about how he treated Daria and Jude.

About a month after school started, Taylor was sitting in her science class and realized that Matt Johnson was also there. She knew he was there, but it didn’t click that he was one of Connor’s baseball ‘bros’ so she could get to Connor through him.

It was during class that she realized that he was having trouble with the topic and she saw her opening. Walking up to him as everyone was packing up she smiled when he looked at her. 

“Hi Matt” she said trying to sound like Daria would.

“Uh, hey Taylor” he replied getting up.

“I couldn’t help but notice you were having some trouble with this part of the class. I was planning to do some extra review myself (not really I owned this class!) and wondered if you might want to work together on it?” she tried to sound both innocent and helpful.

Matt smiled and agreed and they planned to meet in the library at the end of the day. As they were studying, well Taylor was basically re-teaching the entire lesson to Matt who was picking it up a lot faster than when he was trying on his own or with their teacher, Taylor decided to find out what she could.

“Matt, you are friends with Connor Stevens, right?” she asked innocently.

Matt frowned for a moment, “I guess so” he replied uncertainly.

That surprised her, she really expected the typical buddy response. “You don’t sound too sure” she commented.

Matt sighed “What’s going on Taylor. You obviously know this stuff backwards and forwards, so what do you want to know?”

Taylor sighed. She was really losing it if a jock could see through her so quickly. “You know that Connor got shot at my house right?” she asked him.

Matt nodded.

“Well, ever since it happened, he hasn’t talked with any of us, not his ex Daria, me, or his friend Jude. I am just worried about him. He seems…different” she offers as an explanation.

Matt looks at her trying to decide how honest she is but he sighs “Connor is…different, I guess” he starts. “He was gone this summer visiting family and apparently working on his baseball skills. He is way better than last year, I mean really good. In 7th grade, he was kinda distant hanging out with that Jude kid and Daria and you I guess, so we didn’t see much of him. But now he pretty much hangs out with us all the time.” Matt stops but he has been thinking about this a lot.

“But no…I don’t think I am his friend anymore, not really” Matt tells her sadly. “It’s not that we aren’t talking or anything, but since he came back from Arizona he is more…guarded. He doesn’t really talk or hang with any of us anymore. He is really focused on baseball and grades and that’s it. We voted him one of the team leaders, and he is great to everyone on the field. But he doesn’t do parties or hanging out or anything anymore.” Matt just shakes his head sadly. He has known Connor for years and the guy who came back from Arizona wasn’t the guy he knew, this Connor was unreachable.

It was the end of September when Taylor was going to the office for her teacher when she saw the P.E. Coach walking with those jerks Blake and Jeremy towards the nurse’s office. Well walking would not be exactly accurate. Blake was hunched over and shuffling slowly hands over his privates with the look of a guy who had been kicked in the balls. She smiled at that image knowing he probably deserved it. Jeremy was clutching a bloody rag to his nose and looked like he might actually have broken nose. Anything would improve that face, but Taylor wasn’t sure even that would help.

She smirked wondering what happened and while she would love to tell Jude about it, he really didn’t share her love of violence and karma. 

It was about a week after seeing Blake and Jeremy going to the nurse that she saw them round the corner and point at Jude, who was standing in front of his locker. She knew that they had started making snide comments and “bumping” into him in the halls and for a second she thought they were planning something, but instead they turned around and walked away which was really strange because she was pretty sure that their class was this way. She thought it was strange but shook it off. About two weeks later she noticed them at lunch and they pretty much did the same thing and avoided Jude like the plague. 

“Jude” Taylor ask him which caused him to stop eating his lunch “have Blake and Jeremy still been bothering you? You know with all the little things they were doing?”

Jude just shook his head “No. I haven’t even seen them in weeks. It’s been good” Jude said surprised and went back to eating. Taylor frowned…something was up.

It wasn’t until January that she finally figured it out. The new term had started and there was a new kid in their class named Dylan and he just screamed douche. From the first glance, Taylor was certain that dropping him off the pier tied to an anchor would be doing a community service. Of course, Daria was in love. Damn that girl has terrible taste in men. 

She was walking in the halls when she heard Dylan make a snide comment about Jude “Who’s the fag?” she heard him say to Marcus, one of the many unremarkable guys in the school. She thinks he was part of the speech club.

“Dude, knock it off!” Marcus replied trying to shut him up. “That’s Jude Adams-Foster, the Vice-Principal’s son!” 

Dylan just scoffed but Marcus continued “And Anchor Beach has a no bullying policy. You mess with someone because of them being gay, you will be tossed out of here, she doesn’t play around.” Dylan just laughed again at looked at Jude like he was plotting something. Taylor braced herself wondering where she could find chains and an anchor and some chloroform when Marcus grabbed his arm.

“That’s not the main reason. You don’t mess with Jude at this school” he warned. Dylan turned to him curious and Marcus continued. “Blake and Jeremy messed with him and they ended up with a broken nose and Blake was almost castrated…in front of a teacher!” Marcus warned.

“What do you mean” Dylan asked suddenly concerned.

“You have seen the baseball team right?” Marcus asked him knowing Dylan was considering trying out for a sport or two. He nodded. “Now, who on the baseball team would you absolutely not want to mess with?” Dylan just shrugged.

“Connor Stevens” Marcus warned. “The best hitter in years? That's the guy who took out Blake and Jeremy, at the same time. He has let people know, in no uncertain terms, you mess with Jude Adams-Foster and he will do way worse to you.”

Dylan remembered seeing Connor Stevens and he did not want to cross that guy. “Are they friends?” he asked.

“Don’t think so, I mean they used to be but you never seen them hang our or anything anymore” Marcus admits.

“Then how will he know?” Dylan smirks.

“Easy…look around” Marcus gestures. “there are dozens of kids in this school who would like to be in Stevens’ favor and telling him that you messed with Jude will do just that. You mess with Jude, a dozen kids will have told Stevens before you get to class. You might make it to the end of the day, but I wouldn’t put money on it.”

Dylan looked concerned. “Well, I doubt he will be able to take on everyone…”

“Ross Smith thought that too. Pushed Jude into a locker one day and he is on Connor’s baseball team” Marcus said.

“What happened?” Dylan asked looking nervous.

“Accident during practice. Connor hit a ball right at him…broke two ribs. It’s really simple, You. Don’t. Mess. With. Foster. - trust me” Marcus warns finally and walks off.

Dylan looks at Jude for another minute before he looks really nervous, looks around to see if anyone was listening, and then leaves avoiding Jude like the plague.

Taylor leans back into her locker remembering Ross’s injuries last week. What the hell is Connor thinking/doing? She just can’t figure it out. He won’t speak to Jude but apparently half the school knows that he is Jude’s guardian, not including Jude of course. This makes absolutely no sense.

**_9th Grade_ **

The year started off pretty normally even though they were in high school now. The summer had been both rough and fun with Jude dealing with Callie and Brandon moving to LA to go to college. They hung out all the time but Jude had made friends with this guy named Ryan Davies who was starting Anchor beach in that year. And Taylor was sure it was love at first sight. 

Ryan was h-o-t, hot. He was into gymnastics, which Anchor Beach didn’t have a team for, as well as track, which they did. He had made the track team during the summer tryouts and had impressed the coach. Ryan and Jude were hanging out a lot during the summer and Taylor had to admit to being really surprised by that as Ryan was a totally a jock and had very little in common with Jude. She wondered if there might be some forbidden love in the air.

Taylor teased Jude one day he just laughed at her. “Ryan is straight as an arrow” Jude laughed at her. “In fact he has even asked about Daria.”

Taylor groaned 'not again' she thought. “Well just because he says so, doesn’t mean he is or isn’t. Maybe he’s in the closet?”

“I don’t think so Taylor. He has a gay brother so he isn’t ashamed or worried. He’s just straight” Jude laughed again.

“Well then why are you always hanging out together? I mean really Jude, what are you doing all the time? You are not home, not at his house, what are you doing?” Taylor complained.

Jude just laughed at her. “Taylor, guys can be friends without being in a relationship” he smirked. Looking at the exasperation on her face he decides to fess up. “Ryan is into Parkour and he has been teaching me.”

Taylor looks shocked. Jude is doing Parkour? That jumping, tumbling, running thing? What the heck? Is he going out for football next? “It’s really fun” Jude assures her. 

Taylor was so surprised she couldn’t find the words. She was able to go along one time and she was impressed. Jude did some great moves, nothing amazing, but Ryan, woof! He was incredibly talented. They ran, jumped, climbed walls, and did amazing tricks. One time they even went to an indoor trampoline place and while Jude was pretty cool with his moves, Ryan was world class incredible!

It was early October when Taylor was standing in the parking lot when she thought she was going to be sick. Looking up she saw Connor walking with the baseball guys, no surprise there, but the person walking next to him?? That was the shock. It was Daria and she had her arm in Connors as they walked into school. Taylor was getting ready to snap but wanted to give her friend a chance to explain.

She waited until English class, which she had with Daria, who gushed about the fact that she was back with Connor, who, did Taylor know, was on the varsity baseball team? She went on for several minutes to Taylor’s shock and when she finally stopped she was surprised by the look of hurt and anger on Taylor’s face.

“How could you get back with him?” Taylor asked Daria, seeing the surprise on her face. “Don’t you remember how he broke up with you? How he ignored you all last year? Or how he has treated me and Jude since the accident?” Taylor was incensed with her friend’s decision.

“Taylor he didn’t want to break up with me, that was his dad’s decision” she replied defensively.

“Oh and him telling you he agreed with that wasn’t an issue with you because I remember you crying about that too!” She yelled.

“You don’t understand” Daria replied getting mad. “You don’t have a boyfriend.”

Taylor snarled and Daria stepped back. ‘Don’t have a boyfriend’ Taylor fumed. “You don’t either Daria, you are just using each other. You want to be popular and so you jump when a guy that will help you be popular calls. I cannot believe you. Don’t bother coming to me the next time he dumps you, because he will, I won’t be there for you anymore. You are a terrible friend who only likes people for what they can do for her. I can’t believe I was ever your friend. Have a nice life Daria” Taylor growls and walks out of the room leaving a stunned Daria behind her.

After her next class Taylor headed for lunch still furious. She walked into the cafeteria and saw Jude sitting outside so she changed direction toward his table where he was eating with Ryan and some other guy she thought she knew. She came up to him fuming and he was obviously shocked at her expression.

“You are not going to believe this!” she huffed. “I cannot believe she did this!”

There was only one person who Taylor got this worked up over and they normally had a fight of some kind every couple of weeks, but it was never too bad. “What did Daria do this time?” Jude asked with a smile.

Taylor looked at him and he actually started to worry based on the raw emotions on her face. “She is dating him!!! AGAIN!” she growled. “I cannot believe she would do that after everything he did!”

Jude looked at her and she could see the recognition in his face and though he tried to hide it, she knew he was affected. Taylor never said Connor’s name anymore. She was so mad at him and how he had abandoned Jude. When Jude had finally confessed to her that he was gay this summer she was certain that either Jude had confessed to him, though he hadn’t told her that he did but she could see him not wanting to confess that, or Connor had figured it out himself and freaked out. So he decided he didn’t want to be around Jude anymore and she didn’t like that one bit.

“Dating who?” Jude asked after a moment, obviously trying to seem collected in front of the other guys.

“You know exactly who” she growled. “She is back with that asshole Stevens! After everything he did to you, to her, and to me, but mostly to you. Since he is all jock superstar, making varsity baseball team as a freshman, she suddenly forgives him and now is going for power couple I guess.” Taylor was fuming. “I told her off and that I was I done with her and that she was a sucky friend.”

The rest of the year passed with Connor and Daria being the “it” couple of freshman year. They even got selected as the freshman class couple for the yearbook. Taylor seriously considered burning her yearbook in protest, but she was certain Jude’s mom would never forgive her. Though she did take great joy in blacking out several faces!

It was in the early spring when Jude joined Ryan on the track team that Taylor noticed that Jude, once her shy, quiet friend was actually getting really hot. Girls kept eyeing him and she loved teasing him that he would be very popular if he was straight. He just laughed but she warned him that several girls had dedicated themselves to ‘getting him’. A deal was struck and for the rest of 9th grade, Jude was a lot more touchy with Taylor around school so everyone thought they were dating even though they never held hands or kissed. People are morons.

The only time her performance faltered was one day at a track meet when she was cheering on Ryan and Jude and after they won she had run up and given Jude a big hug. They were all standing together as Jude was being congratulated by his family and teammates when Taylor looked over and saw Connor watching them. He didn’t see her watching but his face was, well the only word that fit was tortured. It was only for a moment before his mask of indifference was back on and he turned away. She wondered if she had imagined it but she had seen that look on a regular basis over the last two years. She saw it on Jude’s face every time he looked at Connor when he thought no one was watching.

Taylor had even checked in with Matt that year to see if things had changed and it was even more clear that while Connor was a leader on the team, a skilled athlete, and very popular at Anchor Beach, he walked alone even in a crowd. No one was close to him or real friends with him and she wondered why. She knew what Daria was getting out of dating him, but what was he getting because he often looked just tired of everything.

**_Mid-February, 9th Grade_ **

Baseball season was in full swing and Connor was putting in extra time with the team and that meant Daria was left alone more often than not. Taylor had been watching and had picked up on the changes in their relationship from 7th grade. Gone were the obnoxious public displays of affection, now it was more hugging and hanging out in school where everyone could see them.

Daria was enjoying being queen of 9th grade and having a significant place in the social life of Anchor Beach High School. She was often invited to parties and things with juniors and seniors as a result of being Connor’s girlfriend. Taylor was headed to the library to get look for some old yearbooks (really why couldn’t they digitize them so she could use her computer?) when she heard a strange sound coming from the next aisle over. Looking through the shelves she saw what looked like Daria’s hair and what sounded like kissing. ‘Oh god, she and Connor are making out here’ she thought. 

Taylor turned to leave when she heard a voice “Daria” it murmured “I have to go.” That was not Connor! Taylor looked up again and this time she actually tried to spot them and she saw Daria, but she wasn’t with Connor. She was with Billy Daniels, a junior and one of the guys from the basketball team who was dating a girl in his grade. She watched him run off and then decided to have some fun. 

Moving around the aisle she stood behind Daria who was still looking after Billy. “So…broken up or just cheating?” she asked.

Daria spun around and flushed when she saw Taylor standing there, arms crossed. “What?” she stuttered. “Taylor, what are you doing here?”

“Watching you make out with Billy Daniels. Tired of Connor already?” she asked with an arch to her eyebrows.

Daria narrowed her eyes. “I don’t know what you think you saw Taylor, but Billy has a girlfriend and I am dating Connor.” Daria’s eyes flashed as she stepped towards her trying to be menacing. “And you better not start any rumors or lies or you…” she started to threaten.

“Oh shut up Daria” Taylor sneered. “You don’t scare me and we both know who would survive if you really want to throw down. Besides, I don’t care. I mean if I actually had a nice thought about Connor, I might, but he’s a d-bag and the fact that his girlfriend is cheating on him is karmic justice as far as I’m concerned.” Taylor pushed past Daria and walked off but stopped and looked back with a smile “Bye cheater” she smiled and waved.

‘Oh god that was fun’ Taylor laughed to herself as she walked back to class. Honestly she didn’t care that Daria was cheating on Connor, even though she hated cheaters. And he maybe, just maybe, didn’t really deserve that since he had stopped the bullies from bothering Jude, but she hadn’t forgiven him for what he did. Maybe getting dumped by Daria would even the scales.

She enjoyed the next few weeks even noticing that Daria was being even more obvious in her “attention” to Connor. She laughed at how blatant she was being hanging on to Connor while he really looked bored. He was courteous, always, but he didn’t look in love. To be honest, not even in like.

She was sitting at her usual table waiting for Jude, Ryan and Derrick, another guy from the track team, to come in and happened to look up at Connor when she saw him look towards the door and frown. His face raced through anger, sadness, desperation, and then resignation, all within seconds and she was shocked. She hadn’t seen real emotions on Connor’s face in months and it went so fast she doubted anyone else saw it, but she had. She looked towards the door to see what had caused it and saw Jude and Ryan coming in, Ryan’s arm across Jude’s shoulder, both of them laughing.

Why would he react like that to Ryan and Jude? Did he miss his friendship with Jude now that Jude had new friends? Now that Jude had tried out and actually made the track team, he had lots of people talking to him and being nice to him. But as usual, he was really only friends with Taylor, Ryan, and Derrick. The sad thing was that Taylor knew if Connor just talked to Jude, he would probably forgive him. She shook her head and decided it wasn’t her business.

**_Late April, 9th Grade_ **

This time Taylor was walking by the music room on the way to lunch when she heard a strange sound. Usually people were outside this time of year for lunch and no one was in the practice rooms, but she could have sworn she heard something. Looking in the door she didn’t see anything and, convinced it was her imagination, she turned to leave when she heard the sound of something hitting the floor.

Curiosity aroused, Taylor opened the door and saw Daria, her back to Taylor, wrapped around a guy who was obviously kissing her. Rolling her eyes at finding her and Connor’s make out spot, she ‘harumped’ to make a sound and was turning away when Daria jumped back and she realized that it wasn’t Connor…again. Nor was it Billy Daniels. This time it was Cody Mathews from the swim team!

“Seriously?” Taylor said exasperated. “I am so not believing this!” She turned and walked out ignoring both of them and Daria calling her name. She walked down the stairs and was halfway to the cafeteria when she felt someone grab her arm and swing her around. Daria dragged her into an empty classroom and shut the door.

Daria turned towards Taylor, but this time she wasn’t afraid, she was more…annoyed? “What do you want Daria?” Taylor asked.

“Look Taylor” Daria said with more calm than Taylor thought she should be feeling right now “I know you are all worked up or something, but it’s none of your business.”

“I never said it was” Taylor replied with a snap. “I also told you I didn’t care whether or not you were cheating on Connor. He’s a jerk and deserves it. Work your way through the entire athletic department…I don’t care.”

Daria looked like she had been slapped. “That’s not fair Taylor, nor is it right” Daria was mad now! “I kiss two guys and all of a sudden you are slut shaming me? Guess all your talk about girl empowerment and feminism is a load of crap huh? My relationships are not yours, or anyone else’s business Taylor. And don’t pretend you care about me or Connor because you don’t.”

“Your right on two counts Daria” Taylor admitted. “I shouldn’t have implied something about your sexual and/or romantic adventures. You are totally free to do what you please. But I also don’t care about you two. You are making bad choices Daria. You were hurt when Connor not only broke up with you, but then ignored you for a year. Jude and I were there for you. We ate together, talked, went to movies…we were your friends. Then all of sudden golden boy makes it big, snaps his fingers, and you go running and toss us aside like we were nothing to you” Taylor was on a roll now.

“I could honestly forgive that Daria. I could understand loving someone, even if they did something bad or wrong to you, if they had a good reason and they are truly sorry and willing to make it up to you. But you don’t love him Daria. If you did you wouldn’t be sneaking around with other guys. If he does love you Daria, then the way you are treating…” Taylor was stopped midsentence.

“He doesn’t…don’t worry about that” Daria cut her off. Taylor snapped her mouth shut in confusion.

“What do you mean?” Taylor asked her.

“Really Taylor, did you think I went stupid in 9th grade all of a sudden. Sure I like boys…okay love boys, and yes, it is great to be popular and get to hang out with the older kids, but do you really think I can’t tell if someone is into me or not?” Daria said with exasperation. “Connor likes to have a date to events and someone to cheer him on at games and to talk to at lunch. I’m arm candy to him…nothing more.” 

“Wait, what?” Taylor was so confused.

“Look. In 7th grade, Connor and I kissed and held hands and stuff, but it was always around you and Jude. We didn’t do almost anything alone, though I did try the night he got shot. But since we got back together? Zip. Nada. Nothing. We go on group dates, and hang out with the baseball team and stuff, but he doesn’t love me Taylor. I figured that out fairly quickly” Daria told her.

“Then why are you still with him?” Taylor asked feeling very uncertain of things.

Daria sighed and went to sit down on top of the teacher’s desk. “I don’t know. I mean at first I thought he was just still dealing with stuff and he was so busy with school and baseball, I just appreciated that we could hang out at all. And it’s not like he isn’t sweet. I always get gifts or flowers or something for occasions or just because. But I realized that he was never going to fall for me and so I told him I wanted to break up.”

“You did? When was this?” Taylor was shocked.

“Right after Christmas” Daria replied.

“Daria it’s April, how are you still together?” Taylor wasn’t dealing well with all of this craziness.

“We talked. He told me that it was true, he didn’t love me and even worse, and this should make you happy, that he not only never had…but never would” Daria sighed. Taylor was speechless. “But then he talked about the fact that we had fun together right? Get to go to parties and hang out and that I was more popular for being a varsity athlete’s girlfriend. He said it wasn’t too bad a deal” Daria said quietly. “And he was right. It wasn’t a bad deal. I had a sweet boyfriend who treated me nice and is making high school fun and all I sacrifice is teenage romance.”

Taylor looked concerned. This Daria was not like her old friend and she wasn’t the Daria that Taylor had built her up to be either. This Daria was kind of pitiful. “But is it really worth it?” she asked.

“Not for much longer, I know that” Daria admits. “But for now…yeah, it is. I mean yes I have been hit on by other guys. I mean you would not believe the egos on the boys in this school! Each of them would kill to ‘steal’ me away so I get flirted with a lot! I just make sure to not get caught or do something that would get back to Connor and embarrass him. That is the only thing he asked of me.” 

Taylor feels completely unglued. ‘Connor knows?!?’ Daria just smiles and nods.

“Wouldn’t it be better to break up and actually date one of these guys?” Taylor asked.

“Maybe, but it wouldn’t be more fun” Daria laughed, a trace of that old sparkle in her eyes. “Guys who are trying to steal you away are very creative and attentive. There is the thrill of the chase. I get to play with them, maybe share a kiss or two, and then run off and pretend I was just playing. I never do anything serious with them, but it beats being lonely.” Daria stood up and brushed imaginary dust off her dress.

“Look, you can judge me all you want Taylor, but if you are serious about people making their own choices, then stay out of ours. No one is getting hurt: I know what I am doing, Connor knows and doesn’t care, and the guys, well they all think they are getting away with something anyway. So, just leave it alone for a change” Daria says and walks out.

Taylor remains sitting there in stunned silence. She totally doesn’t understand what is going on. She would almost wonder whether or not Connor was using Daria as a beard while secretly dating Jude except they never talked and from their non-verbals, they were both still upset about it.

**_August, 10 Grade_ **

It is the first week of school when Taylor walks into homeroom and her teacher stops her. “Taylor dear. Please go to see the Vice-Principal, she asked to see you when you got in this morning.”

Taylor nods and, grabbing her books, headed for Lena’s office wondering what was up. Walking in she sees Lena talking to the Principal and they escort her into Lena’s office.

“Taylor, we were talking and we were very impressed with the work you did last year on the spring freshman dance and were wondering if you would like to be the chair of this year’s fall festival dance?” Lena asked her.

Taylor was surprised. Though not much of a joiner or a social person, she loved logistics and being able to order around others like little soldiers and she was a general. “I would love to!” Taylor told them.

“Do you have any ideas or thoughts for this year?” Monte asked her.

Taylor smiled and evil smile “Oh yes” she told them with a laugh. “I think we should do a formal Masquerade, not just a Halloween costume contest, but one where everyone hides their identity until midnight and we have an unmasking.”

“How about 11” Lena offers “it is a school dance.”

Taylor smiles and laughs. “Deal, but this will be awesome. People hide their identity all night, people try to guess who is who, a night of mystery and music. This will be so much fun!” Taylor says gleefully as she cannot wait to get started on this!


	5. Chapter 5

**_Summer Before 9th Grade_ **

Jude sighed as he sat on the couch. Taylor had gone to visit her Grandmother and was going to be gone for two weeks so he couldn’t call her. And while he liked her, it felt weird being around Daria with no Taylor as a buffer. Callie and Brandon were all wrapped up in getting ready for college, which for Callie meant working extra hours to earn money and while Brandon was practicing all the time. Jesus and Mariana were always going somewhere with their friends, enjoying at the top of the social scene since they would be seniors when school started.

There was only so much Netflix and video games that Jude could stand and he had about reached his limit. Being in an empty house was nice sometimes, but only for so long and now Jude was bored. His mind drifted to what could have been, it often did when he was feeling down or lonely, but he quickly shook his head. Connor didn’t want to be friends and though Jude never understood why, he did understand that Connor had made a choice and he didn’t choose their friendship. 

Jude knew Connor’s dad was the reason for things ending, that and Connor’s own fear. Jude had worked his way through his feelings over the last year or so and accepted the fact that he was gay. It had been a long, slow process for Jude to be able to deal with the feelings that Connor had stirred up in him before he left leaving Jude confused and uncertain. He had talked with his moms a lot over the last year about it and while he had resisted putting a label on himself for some time as he didn’t like labels. He had always been labeled as something, the new kid or the foster kid and he just was tired of it. He didn’t want to add ‘the gay kid’ to what he had to deal with at school. But after a day at the beach, Jude had the chance to have a really good talk with Callie’s friend Cole from Girls United. Cole had helped him see that sometimes labels were good things and that he was in a position to be whom he was without fear or judgement. Shortly after that he realized that labels didn’t define him but rather could help him find strength and meaning.

Accepting who he was for himself was one thing, telling others that truth was an entirely different thing. He remembered how easy it was with his moms. He was sitting in the kitchen talking about school while they prepared dinner, the rest of the family not home yet when he finally just said it unexpectedly.

**_Telling the family_ **

“So Mr. Thomson just kept talking about the civil war and you would think it could at least be interesting, but he just seems to suck the life out of anything. You would think he could talk about modern parallels in other countries, or how dealing with personal issues could be like a civil war or something interesting. I just don’t see why he can’t make it relevant” Jude sighed.

Stef smiled while Lena tried to defend Mr. Thomson, but Jude could tell she agreed with him at least a little bit.

“I know mama” Jude answered when she made a point about all learning being valuable. “But it just doesn’t seem to matter compared to other things.”

“Like what?” Stef asked absentmindedly.

“You know, suffering in war torn countries, the environment, the drought in California, accepting that I’m gay, the Pacific garbage patch,…” Jude was listing off items when he was interrupted.

“Wait….what was that one?” Lena looked up at him.

“The Pacific Garbage Patch?” Jude said innocently.

“Before that one” Stef said with a smirk.

“The drought in California?” Jude smiled back.

“After that one” Lena said smiling at him.

“Oh…you mean me saying that I’m gay” Jude said looking down shyly.

“That’s the one” Lena said softly as she came over to him and wrapped her arms around him.

“Yeah well” Jude said looking up at both of the smiling faces of his moms, full of love and acceptance for him “I guess I finally worked it all through in my head and, well, after all the help you gave me this year, I just thought you might want to know” Jude’s next words were cut off as he found himself squished in a giant hug between his moms as they cheered.

“We might want to know?” Stef teased him. “Jude, we are so proud of you love. And so happy that you feel comfortable telling us this.”

“We know that you have been struggling the last couple of months, well, longer than that I guess” Lena said reassuringly “but we are so proud of you. More importantly, how do you feel about it?”

Jude smiled as he looked at them both. “I’m good…I promise” he added as Lena raised her eyebrows questioningly. “It wasn’t easy for me to accept, not because I thought it was bad but for other reasons and you both know that. While I knew for some time that I wasn’t straight, it took me some time to figure out what I was and whether I wanted to share it with anyone.”

“Jude, you do not have to tell anyone, not even your siblings, until you are ready” Stef assured him. “We will not say anything unless you want us to and we will support you in whatever you decide.”

Jude smiled and took a deep breath. “I thought about saying something to everyone all at once, but I don’t think I want to do that. I want to talk to them one on one, but I haven’t figured out the order.”

“What do you mean?” Stef was confused.

“I don’t want anyone to be mad that I told someone else first. I don’t want them to think that it means I love them less or something. I want to talk individually, but if I tell Callie after anyone, it will hurt her feelings and then how do I decide between the rest. It’s just so stressful” he explained.

Lena smiled and got up and walked to the counter. Pulling out a pad of paper and a pen she pulled off four sheets of paper and jotted something down on each one before folding them and tossing them in the basket on the table. Tossing them around, she handed the basket to Jude. “So make it random and tell them that. Draw them out in order of who gets told first and then they can’t complain” Lena said smiling.

Stef just laughed.

Jude looked at the basket and he honestly couldn’t think of a better alternative. He wanted to tell Callie first, but he also wanted to wait to tell her. It’s not like he thought anyone would take it badly…well a small part of him thought that even though he knew it was dumb, but he just couldn’t commit to one particular way. This seemed like a much easier choice.

Taking a breath, Jude reached in and grabbed the first one and opened it up. “Jesus” Jude read aloud “well that is a surprise. Never thought of telling him first” Jude mused. He looked up and saw his mom writing ‘Jesus’ on the top of a fresh sheet of paper. “Next?” she said looking up.

“Callie” he read with a sigh. “Mariana” was third and “Brandon” was last. Okay. He had the order and it was totally not what he would have come up with on his own. He kind of liked how it ended up. 

They finished up and had dinner with everyone and while Jude was happy, he was also a bit nervous about how he would proceed. Everyone was talking over each other and laughing and having fun and Jude thought about how much he loved his family, even when they got on his nerves. But right now was a great night and he couldn’t imagine a better life…well, he could imagine one additional thing that would have made it better.

Telling Jesus ended up being completely anti-climactic. Jude was with him in their room getting ready for bed that night when Jude asked if they could talk. Jesus responded absentmindedly and continued to mess around on his phone. “Jesus, I’m serious. I need to talk to you about something important” Jude said feeling some frustration.

“Sure, right, go ahead” Jesus muttered.

This? This was going to be Jude’s first big coming out and he couldn’t even get his brother to stop texting for five seconds?! “Jesus!” Jude said loudly.

“mhm” Jesus muttered.

Jude got up and stomped over to his brother and grabbed his phone out of his hands and tossed it over to the end of the bed. “I’m serious!” Jude yelled. “I need to talk to you!”

Jesus looked stunned. “Chill out man!” Jesus said defensively. “What’s so important that you had to go all psycho on me?”

“I’m trying to tell you that I’m gay you jerk!” Jude yelled back before he realized it. His face went white and he stepped back. This was not the way it was supposed to happen.

Jesus just smiled and laughed. “Yeah…and?”

“What do you mean ‘and’” Jude stammered “didn’t you hear me?”

“I heard you. You’re gay. Got it. And?” Jesus actually looked confused.

“That’s it?” Jude was honestly feeling a bit hurt. 

“Bro” Jesus said sitting up and putting his hands on his shoulders. “You are my little brother Jude. I don’t care if you are straight, gay, or whatever. I love you. As long as you are happy, it’s all good. Are you happy?” he asked Jude.

“Well, yeah” Jude said feeling confused. “I mean, thank you I guess, for what you just said, but I just kind of thought that you might react…well, differently.”

Jesus reached over and picked his phone back up and flopped back down against the pillows at the top of his bed. “Well I guess I might have” Jesus said slowly “if I hadn’t already known you were gay…like for over a year now.”

“WHAT?” Jude said shocked. He crashed down to sit on Jesus’s bed. “I didn’t know until recently…how did you?”

Jesus smiled “You talk in your sleep” he said simply. Jude face must have shown his complete lack of understanding. ‘How did talking in his sleep tell Jesus anything?’ Jude wondered. 

“Let’s just say you talking about kissing Connor on the camping trip as well as some pretty sexual comments about him while you were dreaming over this last year were a big giveaway” Jesus droned. 

Jude looked mortified about what he might have said when Jesus told him he talked about Connor in his sleep. He turned away looking ashamed when he felt Jesus’ arm grab him and pull him into a hug. “I was planning on beating the stuffing out him for you when the whole shooting thing happened” Jesus laughed at the look of shock and confusion on Jude’s face. “I also knew that if I did you would not be happy. However, the offer is open anytime you want. I have no problem teaching him some manners for messing with my little bro” Jesus teased. “Besides, I figured you would tell us when you were ready.”

Jude smiled. The rest of their conversation was easy and made Jude relaxed. Jesus had figured him out but had never said anything to him or to their siblings. Like all of them, Jesus was a protective older brother.

“Jesus?” Jude asked suddenly. “Did you say or do anything to Blake, Jeremy, or Ross about me?”

Jesus looked confused. “Not sure I know those guys Jude. Are they bothering you?”

“No…not anymore. They all said some nasty things about me, but then just stopped. I wondered if maybe you threatened them is all” Jude confessed. He didn’t tell Jesus that he had heard the word was out that if someone messed with him, they would be ‘taken care of’, but Jude couldn’t find out who did it and figured Jesus was the most likely one.

“Sorry bro. I mean I would have if I had known, but you don’t tell me things like this…which you should” Jesus said seriously “but it wasn’t me.”

Jude smiled and they went to bed shortly after. ‘One down, three to go’ he thought.

The rest went pretty much as Jude had expected. Callie already knew as well and just talked to him about being careful. She worried that he would be hurt by others, but she made sure he knew that she loved and accepted him. Mariana screamed and cheered. She loved the idea of having a gay brother and loved Jude no matter what. She wanted to know whether he liked any boys or if he had kissed anyone and other details about his love life. She was disappointed when he told her he didn’t have a boyfriend or anything.

“Too bad you and Connor stopped hanging out” Mariana mused “he was a hottie. He would have been an awesome boyfriend” she teased him. Jude just smiled and they kept on talking. 

Brandon was the most surprised, mainly because he just never thought of Jude having relationships. Though to be fair, he was like that with all of them. Jude guessed it was a result of being the oldest and having trouble seeing his younger siblings that way.

When he had finally told everyone, he had also told them that he wasn’t coming out at school. He would probably tell Taylor at some point, but other than that, Jude wasn’t interested in being the Anchor Beach gay poster boy. Which immediately had Mariana describing the poster she would design for him much to everyone’s amusement.

**_BORED!!!_ **

But that had been months ago and now Jude was stuck with nothing to do. Finally unable to stand it, Jude grabbed his skateboard and decided to go to the beach. Jude had gotten Jesus to teach him how to skateboard during summer after 7th grade as a surprise for when Connor came back. He figured it would be cool if they could both do something physical together so Jesus had worked with him all summer and he was actually pretty good. When his and Connor’s friendship died, Jude found that he still enjoyed skateboarding. He just didn’t do it anywhere he thought Connor might be or around Taylor and Daria. It was just for him.

Arriving at the beach, Jude skateboarded along looking for something to do when a guy flew, literally he was parallel to the ground!, in front of him barely missing colliding with him, and then he suddenly found himself flying sideways into the sand as someone tackled him, hard. Jude found himself tangled up on the sand with a body of someone else, legs and arms all entangled together while he heard laughter all around him.

Freeing himself Jude found himself face to face with a guy who was, in a word, gorgeous. From what Jude could tell he would be tall, about two inches taller than Jude, at least when he stood up. He was also really well-built with sparkling blue eyes and a smile that could light up a room. These facts Jude would notice later. For now, he was pissed. “What the hell?” Jude finally stuttered.

“Sorry man!” the guy said standing up and reaching down to pull Jude up. “We were chasing each other and I lost control for a second” he laughed at the other two guys, both older by a couple of years, who were watching and laughing at them. 

“What were you doing?” Jude growled. The oldest guy was the one who flew in front of him.

“Parkour. You know…free running” blue eyes said expecting Jude to understand.

“What?” Jude didn’t get it.

The guy’s eyes crinkled with laughter. “Parkour. It’s a combination of running, jumping, and climbing. It’s awesome. Combines track, gymnastics, and martial arts in an urban environment. It was developed in France by the military to manage obstacle courses. Some people call it free running too. It’s a blast. I’m Ryan by the way” he said holding out his hand.

Normally Jude would have blasted him with his typical sarcasm and wit but three things held him back. First, he was so enthusiastic and happy that saying something mean would feel like kicking a puppy, second, Jude was not a mean person and three, Ryan was shirtless and wearing short shorts and he was sweating with his muscles glistening…damn…he looked amazing. ‘Yep…definitely gay’ Jude thought to himself with a smile.

“Jude” he replied shaking the offered hand.

The other two guys laughed “The Beatles!” Jude just rolled his eyes. 

“You guys go on” Ryan waved them off. “I’m going to make sure Jude’s okay and take a break.” They laughed and ran off and Jude saw them start jumping, flipping, and rolling around. “Interesting friends” Jude muttered.

“Nah, there not friends” Ryan laughed. “I just met them today. My family just moved to San Diego and I don’t really know anyone my age yet and I will be starting 9th grade this fall.”

“Me too” Jude said with a smile. “Where are you going?”

“Anchor Beach” Ryan said with a smile. Jude laughed “Me too!”

“Seriously?” Ryan said feeling this was too much of a coincidence.

“Yeah. My mom is the Vice-Principal” Jude told him.

Ryan looked at Jude with a disbelieving look. “You are Mrs. Adams-Foster’s son?”

Jude laughed again. “Yep. Jude Adams-Foster.” Ryan looked at him with confusion but the question was obvious to Jude. Jude just laughed again “Adopted.” Ryan laughed in understanding.

Ryan and Jude ended up hanging out at the beach all day talking and getting to know each other. Ryan was into gymnastics and track and wanted to try out for the teams, but was disappointed that Anchor Beach did not have a gymnastics team. They exchanged numbers and started for home, Jude smiling.

Over the summer, Jude and Ryan became good friends and he even convinced Jude to start running with him and even began teaching Jude some free running moves. Jude liked how Ryan looked, because he was pretty amazing to look at, but he didn’t feel anything for him like he did for Connor. Ryan was a friend, and a good one, but nothing else. He was friendly, affectionate, and even touchy and Jude wondered if Ryan liked him and worried about what might happen.

Then one day they were over at Ryan’s house when his older brother came home. Jude had heard about Rayne a lot, but had never met him. He walked in and Jude thought he might pass out. If Ryan was hot, Rayne was nuclear. Dirty blonde hair, the family blue eyes, a chiseled face that could have been a model, matter of fact Jude later learned that Rayne actually did model, and a body that could stop traffic. He oozed sexiness and Jude was floored.

“Hey Ryan” Rayne said in a voice like melted butter “is this the famous Jude?” Rayne smiled and Jude felt his gayness double. 

“Yep. Rayne this is Jude, Jude my brother Rayne” Ryan said with smile as he reached for some snacks in the kitchen.

Rayne held out his hand and Jude took it and tried to smile shyly when Rayne laughed. “Oh boy, this one is definitely adorable!” he laughed with delight.

Jude blushed at how Rayne was smiling at him with a gleam in his eye. “Leave him alone Rayne” Ryan called out from the kitchen.

Rayne just smiled and threw his arm around Jude leading him to the couch. “So Jude” Rayne whispered conspiratorially “does Ryan know you play for the other team yet?” 

Jude’s eyes widened in shock and he started to stammer “What?” he got out.

“Oh don’t worry” Rayne said as they plopped down on the couch. “I won’t tell him. But my gaydar is flawless Jude. You pinged the moment I saw you. That and you checked out Ryan’s ass when he walked off” he teased.

“I did not” Jude stammered defensively. He actually hadn't...well just an innocent glance, not a stare.

Rayne smiled “I know you didn’t. But if you were straight, you would have reacted differently” he said smiling wickedly. “Just an FYI, Ryan is cool with the whole gay thing. I mean having a gay older brother helps.”

Jude was shocked. “You’re gay?” Jude could imagine scores of girls upset about that bit of news.

“As the British navy!” Rayne laughed. He laughed again at Jude’s confused look “It’s a joke from and old movie” he explained.

At that point Ryan came in with drinks and snacks and looked at them suspiciously. “What are you telling him Rayne?” he asked carefully.

Being around Rayne, even for a few minutes, made Jude brave. “He was telling me that you were cool with having a gay older brother” Jude answered. Ryan just shook his head. “So he said you wouldn’t care that I was gay too” Jude finished.

Ryan looked surprised. “Really? You’re gay?” he asked. “Wow. I never picked up on that and I am pretty good usually.”

Rayne laughed at his brother.

“So if you are gay…why haven’t you said something or…” Ryan suddenly stopped and blushed.

“He wants to know why haven’t you hit on him?” Rayne explained to Jude with a snicker. “HEY!” Ryan protested as he blushed even more.

Jude laughed at how the brothers were teasing each other. “Well Ryan, you are hot. I mean, c’mon, you would have to be dead not to notice that” Jude told him. “But I just don’t think of you like that. I mean, I like you and all. But I don’t like, like you. Not like that.”

“Why not?” Ryan said offended.

“Thinking of joining our team” Rayne teased.

“What? No. I’m straight, you know that. I mean if I was gay I would say so but I’m not. But I’m a catch! I should be a guy’s wet dream!” he said offended. Rayne roared with laughter as Ryan suddenly blushed and looked embarrassed.

“Don’t worry Ryan” Jude assured him. “I am sure that you will be the subject of many wet dreams once school starts. Just not mine.”

Ryan looked offended but at the same time relieved. “I am glad Jude. I mean you’re a great friend and I have had fun the last couple of weeks and would hate it if things got weird or something. But it still kind of bothers me that you didn’t have a least a little crush. Does that sound stupid?”

Rayne laughed along with Jude. “No baby brother. It just means you are a guy. You want everyone to be in loooove with you. Narcissist!’ Rayne teased.

The rest of the summer passed quickly and Rayne was off to college. He did introduce him to both Callie and Mariana who instantly fell in love with him and he flirted outrageously with them. They were about to come to blows it seemed when all of a sudden he started flirting with Brandon as well. B got totally flustered as Rayne kept making innocent statements that were loaded with sexual innuendo. 

Talking about how good he was with his hands, could he tickle other bones than the ones he usually played with, and the like totally unnerved Brandon because Rayne was also playing with the girls. When Jude went into the kitchen his moms confronted him and he confessed that Rayne was totally gay, they started laughing. Once the girls found out, while devastated, they quickly joined in on teasing their older brother. Jude is not sure Brandon ever had a more difficult night with all of the teasing, but he was ultimately a good sport. About an hour after dinner he finally figured it out and started teasing back to Rayne’s complete delight. Rayne was such fun that no one held his antics against him. 

Jude thought for about two seconds about what it would be like with Rayne before he realized that he couldn’t handle it. Rayne was amazing to look at, fun to be around, but only in small doses. He was too much for Jude to handle even if their age difference wasn’t an issue.

**_9th Grade_ **

‘This year started off better than last year’ Jude thought looking back. He spent most of the summer with Ryan and Taylor, Daria had drifted away towards other friends, and he really enjoyed himself. Running, working out, and doing all that Parkour stuff with Ryan was fun and Jude was actually getting good at it. Not as good as Ryan was of course, but still he was happy with his progress. He also had really enjoyed running with Ryan, enough that he had agreed to try out for the Track Team that spring and surprise, he had made it. Jude was now an athlete, a jock if you can believe it.

Being on the Track Team was actually pretty cool. Jude preferred Cross-Country to the other events as he could get out of his head when he ran, but he also did well on the relays with Ryan and two other guys from the team: Derrick and Scott. Scott was nice, but they didn’t really talk much. He was friends with Derrick and some of the other guys but he didn’t really talk much to Jude. Derrick however was really cool. He started hanging out with Jude and Ryan and Jude suddenly found that he had another friend. When Jude found out that Derrick liked Star Wars as much as he did, their friendship was sealed.

The summer had been very stressful for Jude having to deal with Taylor as she kept making remarks about him and Ryan whenever Ryan wasn’t around or about hot guys when they were out. He was trying not to snap when Stef gave him a wonderful idea. So Jude waited and sure enough Taylor started up again when they were both at the beach and Taylor pointed out these two guys, seniors at Anchor Beach and friends with Jesus he thought, and mentioned how hot they were. Jude then helpfully pointed out several girls who were watching the boys and talked about how hot they were. This went on a number of other times at various events before Taylor finally snapped and asked why he kept talking about girls since he had had a crush on Connor.

Jude remembered how he answered calmly that he never said he was gay and since she had never said she was straight, he was simply pointing out women that she might like as she was doing for him. Taylor’s dumbstruck expression was a joy to Jude and it drove home his point. She stopped making assumptions about him and after a while, he finally decided to tell her that he was gay but that his dating life was off limits. 

Jude had come out to Taylor at the Fourth of July party his moms threw and though not surprised, she was almost as bad as Mariana and now that she knew she felt totally cool with making all of her comments and pointing out cute guys despite his telling her not to. He started to point out a girl to remind her when she whacked him on the head and told him that they were looking for him a boyfriend. She told him that once he had a boyfriend, then she would accept suggestions for her.

Jude had even managed to deal with the emotions caused by the return of Daria and Connor, though he thought for a while that it was going to kill Taylor. She was ranting about it for days and Ryan, confused by her reaction, tried asking Jude why it was such a big deal, but he just shrugged it off. Jude had noticed it that morning like Taylor did, but something about what he saw seemed…off. And as the days and weeks passed, Jude had noticed significant differences from the last time. They didn’t do the big PDA stuff anymore and he never saw anything other than a chaste kiss or two, not like the tonsil hockey of 7th grade.

More importantly, Jude noticed that Daria was not happy. She smiled and people would have told you she was, but Jude still watched people and he knew Daria well enough that he knew something was off with her. Things had gotten really strange around the end of the year. Jude had noticed that Daria was acting differently, almost like she had realized she made a mistake. He had gone to the library one morning right before the holidays and when he walked in and heard someone crying. Following the sound he found Daria, alone in a chair, and crying.

Jude walked up to her quietly since she hadn’t noticed him yet and touched her shoulder. “Daria” he said softly “are you okay?”

Daria looked up at him in shock. She tried to pretend she hadn’t been crying but between her messed up makeup and hiccups, she couldn’t pull it off. Jude sat down beside her and held her hand for a moment before she wrapped him in a hug and started bawling. It took a while for her to calm down but she finally managed to get control and she started telling him. She told him about how Connor had asked her to come to a game as a friend and they had started to hang out with his baseball friends. Finally she had asked him if he was interested in her.

‘We can date if you want, you know at school and with the group’ he had told her. He was so busy with school and baseball he wasn’t interested in anything serious with anyone, but they had had fun together in middle school and if she was cool with that, they could date now. 

Daria admitted it was always her making the plans or moves. Connor was sweet and considerate and polite, but there was none of the excitement that she was expecting. She had gotten swept up by becoming part of the ‘in-crowd’ and having upperclassmen hang out with her, but was sad that Connor never pushed for more. She had decided that she wasn’t happy anymore with it but she didn’t know what to do about it.

Jude and her talked about herself and what she wanted in a relationship and whether Connor was the one for her. Jude never pressed or told her what to do, but he did say she deserved to be happy and not to settle. He honestly thought that she was going to break up with Connor but she didn’t. In January, they were back together and acting normal, at least normal for them. Jude noticed however that Daria wouldn’t look him in the eye anymore because whenever they did look at each other, she would look away in guilt.

In February, Daria sought him out again. She confessed that she had kissed Billy Daniels which led to her telling him about the deal she had made with Connor. Jude was surprised, but at the same time he wasn’t. He could so see Connor wanting a girl to hang on him and keep others away, but he didn’t think he would be so honest about it. He wondered if Daria suspected that Connor might be gay. Jude was fairly certain he was, but he wasn’t going to raise the question with her. Daria told him all about her and Billy sneaking around and it made him uncomfortable though he wasn’t willing to walk away. He realized how fragile Daria was about her self-worth and how she had tied it all in to how boys thought of her.

The best part of being on the Track Team, besides hanging out with Derrick and Ryan, was winning. Jude finally understood why Connor loved playing baseball. While he didn’t understand all of the elements of the game, he got the competition part. The pushing yourself past your limits and feeling victory for yourself and your teammates. It was March and their team had a meet at Anchor Beach in all came down to the Relay Team as the deciding factor. Anchor Beach and Cliffside were fighting it out for the Southern California championship when it all came down to them. Whoever won the relay race would take the meet and it was all on Ryan, Scott, Jude and Derrick. When they actually won, the crowd roared and Jude was swept up in the emotions of the excitement. Callie and Brandon had both managed to come back for the meet so his whole family was there.

He saw Taylor and Lucinda, Derrick’s current girlfriend, waving at them. He had even noticed Connor watching from the stands as well. Though he never said anything, Jude had noticed that Connor came to all of Jude’s meets. He never stayed or talked to him, but he was there. Jude wondered if Connor had also seen him when Jude came to his games as well. He looked over at Taylor and saw this confused look on her face and realized that she had seen Connor. He decided to pretend he didn’t see her so she wouldn’t want to talk about it. 

Jude and Connor had settled into this strange pattern of not talking, but still supporting each other. Jude had finally found out from Derrick that Connor was the one who had threatened Blake, Jeremy, and Ross in 8th grade but he obviously didn’t want it known so Jude never acknowledged it. Jude pitied Connor most days remembering his mama’s comments back when he was mute about how hard it must be for him to grow up in a home with such judgement and prejudice. If Connor really was gay, then every day must be painful for him and he had apparently created his own coping mechanism. Jude would have been willing to be there for him if he had wanted it, but it seemed that he didn’t.

After her confession in February, Daria ignored Jude again until April when she came to tell him about Cody Matthews. IT was the same situation as she cried and confessed to him. Jude really wondered why she was picking him to tell this to. He knew she had other friends who would love to know, but maybe he was the only one she could trust not to tell on her or gossip about it, but it still felt strange. Almost like she was telling him as a way of telling Connor, even though she knew they never talked.

**_The Summer Before 10th Grade_ **

The summer before 10th grade was a fun one for Jude. He and Ryan spent about every day working out and building up their free running skills. The truth though was that while they didn’t leap off buildings or do really crazy stuff, they did do a lot of leaping, twisting, and flipping. Jude enjoyed the physicality of it and how he could see himself steadily improving. His moms had questioned him whenever he came back bruised or busted up and one time he and Ryan had limped home really messed up even though there were no broken bones. 

Lena had just sighed in resignation but Jude was fairly certain he saw a glint of approval in Stef’s eyes. Jesus had thought it was really cool and had even gone out with them one time but had quickly realized that Jude and Ryan were totally on another level. He was much more muscular and built than either Jude or Ryan when made him less flexible and nimble. It was still a good time for Jude even though he was nervous about the future. Mariana was preparing to go to Stanford in the fall so she was busy all the time as well that summer. 

It was the middle of that summer when Ryan’s brother Rayne came back to town and told them he was taking them to Comic Con at the end of summer. So they needed to have costumes to get in the spirit of things. Rayne was all in favor of them dressing as Spartans from 300, an idea that Jude vetoed once he realized they meant him too. He didn’t have the muscles that Rayne and Ryan did, and while he might have entertained the thought of wearing that outfit, but not in public!! Though he would have loved to have seen the brothers in those outfits. From a purely platonic appreciation of course!

Ryan suggested going as the Avengers but those costumes were too elaborate for Rayne who really wanted to show off his body at the convention. Ryan then suggested dressing as three of the Sailor Moon scouts which got him pummeled by Jude and laughs from Rayne who loved the idea. They argued for three days before they agreed to go as Jedi Knights. Jude went for the classic look and Ryan went as a zombie version for some reason while Rayne went as some kind of stripper version that Jude didn’t understand but he had to admit looked good. 

While at the convention for the one day they got a ticket for, Jude was both impressed and embarrassed. His costume was pretty sad he had to admit compared to the others he saw and he had to admit that Ryan’s was pretty creative, getting him lots of attention. However neither of them could hold a candle to Rayne’s half naked Jedi in tight pants. It seems that if you didn’t go for realism and accuracy you needed to get really creative and cross genres. Jude enjoyed people watching and loved seeing the costumes and all of the efforts that people put in them. He even found lots of vendors who sold items that people could use in making their costumes, but most of the serious ones Jude talked to did it all themselves.

“So how was it?” Lena asked Jude when he got home. It was strange around the house now. Mariana was working nearly full time these last few weeks to get money together while Jesus was doing the same. When they weren’t working, they were out with friends or at the beach. Jude rarely saw them and he knew his moms were feeling nervous about their upcoming departure. 

“It was really fun. Some people had some amazing costumes” Jude told her. He pulled out his camera and they looked at all the pictures he took laughing especially at Rayne’s photos. Afterwards they started on dinner and enjoyed a rare night when both of the twins were home to eat as a family.

“So…what’s the deal with Connor Stevens?” Ryan asked Jude while they were resting after a particularly tiring run after school started. 

Jude looked surprised as he looked over at Ryan who was watching him with a curious expression. “What do you mean?” Jude asked looking away.

“Dude. I’m not blind or stupid” Ryan said calmly. “You do know that he gives me the evil eye whenever I see him and he thinks I’m not looking. The minute I do look at him he gets this blank look. If I am with you, it’s even worse. One time we walked in the cafeteria together and from the look on his face I thought he was going to punch me for a second. But you have never mentioned him or ever talked to him as far as I know.”

Jude looked down and took a deep breath. “We were friends in 7th grade and things ended badly” Jude said simply. 

“What do you mean?” Ryan prodded.

“We were really close. He was one of the only people who talked to me when I arrived at Anchor Beach as the new foster kid, scared and alone. He became my only friend and we hung out all the time that year but his dad was convinced I was gay so he banned us from hanging out. When Connor started dating Daria, for the first time that year, his dad relented and let us be friends again. One night the three of us and Taylor snuck out to TP this girl’s house. Afterwards we snuck into Taylor’s house to steal some booze but her dad thought we were burglars so he came down with his gun. He fired blindly and ended up shooting Connor in the foot” Jude said calmly.

“Wow” Ryan breathed.

“Yeah. He recovered and all, but his dad made him break up with Daria. Said he wasn’t ready for a relationship. Connor went to Arizona for the summer after school got out to stay with his cousins. When he came back he was a different person. He stopped talking to me, Taylor, and Daria right after the shooting and we never really talked again” Jude said simply.

Ryan watched Jude as he talked and frowned. “Jude. That doesn’t explain things” he said. Jude looked at him confused. “If he just didn’t like you anymore, he wouldn’t act like I’m doing something wrong by being your friend. He watches you when he thinks no one is looking, I know because I saw Rayne go through this. Do you think it’s possible that he likes you?” Ryan asks.

Jude is quiet for a few minutes before looking at his friend. “Ryan, Connor’s dad is a giant homophobe. He is an ass and expects Connor to be this perfect, athletic, son. If, and it’s a big if, Connor is not straight and has any interest in any boy, he won’t do anything. Connor is afraid of his dad. Being something other than the popular jock with a girlfriend is not in ‘the plan’ and he won’t do it” Jude explains.

“You didn’t answer my question” Ryan says softly.

Jude takes a deep breath before looking right in to Ryan’s eyes without blinking. “It doesn’t matter Ryan” Jude says firmly and stands up and starts walking off. 

“Jude, wait up” Ryan yells as he scrambles after him. Catching up to Jude he walks alongside him for a few steps before talking again. “I’m sorry if I upset you” Ryan says. “I just don’t get it.”

Jude is quiet for a while before replying. “Ryan, you live with a family that accepts Rayne no matter what. I have two moms who love me unconditionally. Neither of us face a family that will reject us for being who we are. Not everyone has that. I’ve met Connor’s dad and while I know he loves his son, I can’t say that he would accept him if he wasn’t straight. You can’t force someone to be true to themselves if they are not ready to stand up for themselves” Jude paused for a moment. “But Connor has never said or done anything to indicate he is anything other than what he appears to be…a popular, superficial, straight, jock.”

“Not even terrifying every bully in school to leave you alone for the last two years?” Ryan asks.

Jude whips his head up in surprise and looks at Ryan. “Yeah, I heard about that too and I see so have you” Ryan says. “He cares about you Jude, even now. So why aren’t you still friends?”

“I don’t know” Jude whispers.

They walk the rest of the way home in silence as both boys wonder about what it all means. Ryan feels sympathy for Connor thinking that he is confused and unable to accept himself. Jude however has never spoken of the kisses that they had shared in the tent and his room. He knows that Connor had feelings for him once upon a time. He also knows that those feelings are not gone, not entirely. Jude has his own pride but he knows the truth. If Connor reached out he would forgive him and take him back in his life. He wants to know why they have been apart, and he thinks that there must have been a reason, something that Connor believed was necessary to make this decision. He just couldn’t believe that the boy who touched his heart so strongly would have given up on them so easily without a reason.

**_10th Grade_**

The year was going well for Jude. He was rocking his classes including three AP courses and was continuing on the Track Team for the second year. He had great friends in Derrick, Taylor, and Ryan and even had branched out with other members of the track team and some kinds in his classes. He also seemed to have a large number of girls talking to him randomly in the halls that he didn’t understand until Taylor clued him in that since she started dating Gary this summer, they figured Jude was fair game and on the market. He was going to have to either come out, get another fake girlfriend, or deal with it. He decided to just deal with it, though he seriously considered coming out but he couldn’t really say exactly why he resisted.

August and September flew by for Jude and suddenly it was October and he and Ryan were determined to avoid Taylor at all costs. She had gone into dictator territory with the fall Masquerade dance she was planning for Anchor Beach and was driving everyone crazy with her plans and demands. Ryan was taking this girl named Marissa he had started seeing last month and he was in the ‘crazy love’ phase so it was annoying to be around him. Taylor and Gary were going strong and he really had no choice but Jude was determined to avoid it like the plague though he hadn’t told Taylor yet.

“So” Taylor continued at lunch “Gary and I are going to be there early of course to make sure everything is perfect and ready to go, but you both can ride together to the Masquerade. Have you got your costumes yet?”

“Yeah” Ryan laughed. “Marissa and I decided to go as Link and Princess Zelda from the Legend of Zelda.” Taylor and Jude both laughed at that. “Hey, it’s cool. Having a gamer for a girlfriend is cool.”

Taylor smiled indulgently at Ryan before turning towards Jude. “What are you going as Jude?” she asked smiling.

Jude looked nervous and avoided both of their eyes and mumbled but she called him on it. “What? Say that again” she said with a dangerous hint in her voice.

Jude sighed and looked up at her. “I said I’m not going Taylor so lose the attitude. I am not dating anyone and I am not going stag” he told her.

“You can go with Marissa and me if you want. You can be Ganondorf – the villain!” Ryan offered enthusiastically.

“Uh no” Jude said with a smile to lessen the rejection. “Don’t really like Zelda and I’m not going.”

“Jude you have to go” Taylor said fiercely. “This will be an awesome dance and tons of fun. Everyone will be there. So tell me why not?

“Because every year it gets more and more about couples and I don’t do that Taylor. Look, I know this is your masterpiece, at least till the next one, but I don’t want to get dressed up to sit on the sidelines. It’s not my kind of party. Can’t you just let it go this once?” Jude begged her.

Taylor got a determined look on her face “Jude I am serious, you can’t miss this. Come on, it will be fun. Ryan and I can even find you someone to go with you…maybe see if Rayne will come back for it.”

Jude smiled as he got up and Ryan was sputtering at the idea of his brother at a high school dance. He would have WAY too much fun traumatizing the student body. “Sorry Taylor, but I am not going. Don’t even have a costume, so let it go” Jude told her as he walked off. Taylor forgot that Jude could be as stubborn as she was and he didn't budge no matter what she tried.

**_Night of the Masquerade_**

Jude was lying in his bed on his tablet when Lena came into the room. “Are you sure you don’t want to come?” she asked him. Jude had to admit that Lena looked amazing. She and Stef had dressed in costumes that they told him were based on Carnival in Venice Italy and were beautiful. Lena was dressed in blue, green, and black and her mask was that of a peacock with feathers and sequins. Stef’s outfit was similar but it was all white and gold and her mask was that of a swan. Taylor had really pushed people to go all out with the costumes.

“I’m sure…honest. Just go and have fun. But remember to be home by midnight” he teased them.

Lena and Stef walked out of the house leaving Jude alone in the house. This year had been strange without Mariana and Jesus around. As the only kid in the house, Jude often found himself alone and with Ryan dating Marissa and Taylor with Gary, he had a lot more free time. He had actually been working on a costume for next year’s Comic-Con and he got up to look at it in his closet. No one had ever seen Jude wearing it, not even his moms knew about it. Jude smiled as he realized he could go to the Masquerade and no one, absolutely no one, would know who he was. The smile got bigger as he realized that if he left early, no one would ever know and he could do anything with no one the wiser…that is if he wanted to.

Jude felt his phone go off.

**Taylor:** Dude, this is going to be epic. Check us out! 

Attached to the text was a picture of Taylor and Gary, both recognizable by Jude, but dressed up as Han Solo and Princess Leia. Just laughed as he realized that Gary must have been able to finally convince her as he was as hard core a Star Wars fan as Jude and Derrick was.

Jude sent back congratulations and then asked Derrick and Ryan for their photos.

Ryan’s came back quickly and sure enough it was an awesome Link & Zelda. Derrick’s pick came back with him and Camille dressed as Robin Hood and Maid Marion and Jude laughed that she had got him into tights, but had to admit they did show off his legs!

Jude looked back at his closet and decided to throw caution to the wind. He pulled out his costume and all the accessories and decided he was going to go and see if his friends could figure it out. He hoped that no one would be able to as he would be able to give them grief. Besides, Jude had to admit that compared to them, his costume was pretty damn awesome. He didn’t have Ryan and Rayne’s creativity to change it up so instead he went for realism and it looked amazing.

Pulling on the boots, Jude stood up and pulled on the jacket and hood. He had the weapons to put on after he arrived and he put on the mask that covered the top half of his face that along with the low hanging hood made it next to impossible to recognize him. Looking in the mirror Jude smiled. Tonight was going to be fun! 

As he drove his car to the dance Jude realized that if anyone saw him get in or out of his rather noticeable car he would be busted so instead he parked about a block away, hidden away from the dance. It meant he had to walk farther, but it was worth it. Jude pulled on his mask, raised the hood, and put his bow and arrows over his shoulder and adjusted the leather arm braces and boots. Jude started towards the school. He was going to have a night Anchor Beach would never forget!


	6. Chapter 6

**_9th Grade at Anchor Beach_ **

Connor was getting ready to start high school and things were seriously getting better for him. He had made the varsity baseball team and after a year and a summer he thought he had finally dealt with his feelings for Jude. He still thought about him on occasion and seeing Jude almost every day at school had been really tough on Connor but the summer apart had really helped. He had spent just about every day playing baseball and skateboarding and had even learned to surf, not very well yet, but it was fun. Things had gone great until David had come for Comic-Con. While David was mostly distracted by the convention, he still managed to find the time to push at Connor about Jude and his issues but Connor had managed to keep putting him off. A year of practice made Connor an expert at avoiding talking about things he didn’t want to.

He knows that David didn’t believe Connor’s protests or denials, and was frustrated by his refusal to talk about it, but he finally gave up trying to push and had just sighed and reminded Connor that he was there when he was ready. Connor did appreciate David’s support, but he had managed to push down his feelings up till now and he saw no reason to change what was working.

Walking in to the school alongside Jake and a few of the other guys from the team Connor had his public face set when he saw him and everything came crashing back down on Connor. He had been able to not think about Jude this summer but seeing him standing there made it all real again and Connor felt a tightness in his chest that told him he wasn’t over the lanky, handsome boy who had gotten taller and even more good looking. Taking a deep breath he throttled it down, like always, and made sure his mask was still in place. Turning he realized that everyone was laughing and he quickly joined in with the group as Jake had apparently said something funny. He was about to move off to his locker when something else caught his eye.

A boy who must be new because Connor didn’t recognize him, was walking down the halls and Connor could tell that his eyes were on Jude and the look on his face was almost predatory. Jude and Taylor were talking, their backs towards this guy, as he was sneaking up on them. Connor felt his pulse start to race as he saw Jude in danger. This new guy must not know the rules that you leave Jude alone! He clenched his fists at his sides as he watched, carefully so as not to let anyone realize that he was watching, trying to figure out what he was going to do.

Suddenly the guy lept at Jude with a loud yell “GOTCHA!” but Jude somehow, and though he was watching Connor didn’t know quite how, twisted out of the way and the guy slammed into the lockers instead. Taylor started laughing at them while Jude just smirked “Gotta try harder ninja boy!” he said with a teasing voice. This new guy, and Connor did NOT like him, no not with how he looked at Jude, it had nothing to do with how good looking he was, he wasn’t that good looking anyway Connor told himself. The guy just laughed and threw his arm over Jude’s shoulder and pulled him into a side hug. “Awww…my little Padawan is growing up.”

Jude snickered and elbowed him in the side “Dork!” he teased and they both turned to walk away with Taylor laughing together as they all walked away together, obviously friends…or more?

Connor felt sick. He remembered hearing Jude say that exact word, in that exact way, to him once. Hearing Jude call that guy a ‘dork’ in such a familiar way, like Jude used to do with him, made Connor want to throw up. The way that they laughed at each other and how Jude smiled at him and they were all hugging. ‘Oh God’ Connor thought ‘Jude has a boyfriend.’ Connor turned and walked towards class, ignoring the calls from Jake and the others as he walked in a fog. How could this have happened? How could it not? Jude was amazing and kind and good looking and sweet and, and…of course some guy was going to realize that and ask him out. Somehow in all of his plans and thoughts about keeping Jude safe and out of his drama, it never crossed his mind that Jude would find someone else. Okay, sure he thought that it probably would happen, but not that it would feel like this or so soon. They have only been apart a year.

Connor stopped. They haven’t been apart because they were never together. They hadn’t talked or been friends for over a year because Connor drove Jude away and now that he was finally happy with someone new, it killed Connor even though he knew he couldn’t admit to the reason why it should. Connor sat down in homeroom and tried to calm the raging emotions he was feeling.

“Dude” Connor looked up and saw Jake sitting down next to him. “Why’d you take off like that?”

“Huh? What do you mean?” Connor said automatically. “I’m wasn’t going to be late to class on the first day.” Connor smiled his automatic smile that made people think he was happy and okay and they never looked past it.

Jake just shook his head knowing that Connor had shut him out as usual.

**_October, 9th Grade_ **

Connor was still reeling from his conversation with his dad when he walked in school that day. His dad thought he was still in love with Daria?!? Connor had actually thought for a second that his dad had figured out the truth that Connor had been hiding and what had hurt even more was the moment of impossible hope that his dad had accepted it…that he even loved him despite it. But he didn’t. He just wanted Connor to be dating some girl so he would be just like Adam Stevens; athlete and ladies’ man. Adam had been telling Connor stories about his exploits in high school and Connor was sick of it. It was so clear that he wanted Connor to be the same as him no matter what, he didn’t care that his son might want something different.

Connor tossed his books in his locker, his mask of perfection slipping at his frustration, when he turned around and saw Jake standing there looking concerned.

Quickly getting control Connor smiled “Hey Jake. What’s up?”

“Dude, you look upset. What’s wrong?” Jake asks quietly.

“What do you mean?” Connor laughed softly. “Nothing’s wrong.” Connor starts walking towards their class. 

Jake shook his head. “Con, the other guys may buy that fake smile thing you do, but I’ve known you since 3rd grade, I can tell the difference. Something’s wrong.”

Connor looked at Jake and smiled again “You are crazy Jake. There is nothing different about me today and nothing’s wrong.”

“Yeah…I know. You are the same as you were all last year” Jake muttered as they went in to the classroom and sat down. Jake just shook his head as he pulled out his notebook. Connor actually had most people fooled because they didn’t care about anyone besides themselves. But Jake and several of Connor’s other friends had noticed how he had changed over the last year and while most of them just figured it was not a big thing, Jake knew it was more than just being a teenager. Even in 7th grade when Connor had become friends with and seemed to always be hanging out with that Jude kid and he barely spent any time with the team outside of team events, Connor had still been the same guy when they were together. It was just that he wasn’t around as much is all. 

But now he was around all the time but he wasn’t the same. He avoided going camping with them or really doing anything else fun. He had come to only two parties last year but Jake had realized that Connor had walked in, moved around for about an hour and then disappeared. And at the second party someone had brought alcohol and Connor was gone even faster. Connor made it clear that he wasn’t interested in drinking or even being around alcohol and if it was going to be there, he wasn’t going to be.

Jake also knew that several girls had flirted with Connor trying to get his attention but he politely rebuffed them, that is, when he even noticed. ‘How does any guy not realize that Marcy Daniels is trying to get in his pants?’ Jake thought. Marcy was definitely the hottest girl in their grade and every guy noticed and was interested in her but she was off limits, though Jake did think that she totally enjoyed teasing the guys. She would flirt in a fun way, but she had also always said that her dad, who was this scary military guy, wouldn’t let her date. So while she may have turned down every guy who asked, she never made you feel bad about it or that she didn’t like it when guys asked. Jake had even tried and she turned him down too, but she was really cool when she did it. In fact, he had hung out with her a couple of times in the group and he thought of her more as a friend now…a really hot friend, but still a friend. He would have sworn however, that for about two weeks, that she was seriously trying to get Connor’s attention and she kept making suggestions about doing stuff together but he was oblivious. I mean you would have to be gay to…Jake froze and felt his brain snap.

Jake looked at Connor in shock. ‘Was that it?’ Jake suddenly wondered. Could that be it? Jake stared at his friend and when Connor, feeling Jake looking at him, looked up questioningly, Jake smiled nervously and looked back down at his desk. Jake started thinking over the last year and Connor’s behavior and it all made sense. Jake knew Connor’s dad and if he was gay, that would not be a good thing for Connor! He would probably have to hide…’oh god’ Jake thought ‘but Connor can’t be gay. He isn’t like that kid that wore nail polish to school. That was…oh crap, Jake realized, it was Foster. Is that why they hung out? Did they break up and that’s why they aren’t friends anymore? Oh crap!

What was he going to do? Should he ask Connor if it’s true? If he was wrong, Connor would kick his ass. He might actually still do that even if he was right. What should he do? Jake was at a loss of what to do for his friend. He didn’t care if Connor was gay or whatever but he knew some people would freak out but he wouldn’t. Besides the Vice-Principal is gay so you know that she won’t put up with anyone bullying people about that!

It was barely two days later when Jake saw Connor walk into school with Daria on his arm and Jake almost fell over. 

“Dude!” Jake grabbed him when Daria had left to go to class “what’s going on? Are you and Daria together?”

Connor smiled at him, that same smile as usual, “Yep. We have been hanging out as friends for a few weeks and my dad just said we could date again since I have been so responsible so I asked her yesterday and she said yes. So we are dating, but taking it slow. I told her that with baseball and school, I wanted to make sure I didn’t mess up anything” Connor told him. 

Jake remembered Daria and Connor dating in 7th grade and shook his head. Of course Connor was all distracted and not interested in Marcy, he was working on getting back together with his ex! Daria was really hot too, a definite rival for Marcy! Jack laughed at himself for thinking that Connor Stevens could be gay. He was such an idiot. He was really glad he hadn’t done something stupid like asking Connor if he was gay. 

**_December, 9th Grade_ **

So far this year had been not too different than last year: okay as long as he focused on other things. He and Daria seemed to have a good situation. He had asked her to come to one of his games with his league team this summer and they had started hanging out with his teammates and their girlfriends, just as friends. It was not long after school started when Daria asked if he was interested in her. Connor had told her he wasn’t sure what he wanted, and that he was worried about his dad since he had broken them up to begin with, but that they could hang out at school. Then in October, after that terrible talk with his dad, he told her that his dad gave them permission to date officially and she had been so excited.

“We can officially date if you want to, you know at school and with the group” Connor told her. “But with baseball and school, I really don’t have time for anything serious. I just want to be open with you about the fact that I am not looking for someone who expects me to spend every second talking or being with them. But if you are okay with all the other stuff I have to do and focus on and you aren’t looking for anything too serious, just having fun together, then maybe we can try again, go slow, and see what happens?” Connor asked her.

Daria had been so excited and had agreed. She loved all the attention she got from being Connor’s girlfriend. She had made friends with a number of older girls who were dating other players and her social status soared. Daria had been invited to tons of the parties, and even when Connor couldn’t go, he encouraged her to do so. The popular girls included her in gossip, trips, and just hanging out and she was happy. Connor had even made a point to do the typical ‘boyfriend’ stuff for her like sending her flowers and cards, nothing too sappy or emotional, but enough attention to show that he was considerate and he always made sure that she got them in public where people could make a big deal over it and her.

Connor had been on his way to lunch when he saw Daria standing off to the side of the cafeteria, looking upset. “Daria, what’s wrong?” he asked her.

“Can we go somewhere and talk?” Daria asked quietly not looking at him.

“Sure” Connor replied and walked upstairs to the music practice rooms knowing they would be empty now. Walking in he turned to Daria who walked over to the windows.

She stood there quietly for a few minutes and Connor didn’t push her. “Connor, do you even like me?” she asked quietly.

“What do you mean D?” Connor said cautiously.

Turning back to look at him Daria stared at him “Connor, do you like me? As a girlfriend? I mean we hang out and stuff, but I don’t feel like you love me or are even interested in me” she told him.

Connor thought carefully before he replied “Have I done something to make you upset?” he asked her.

“No” she admitted. “But you haven’t done a lot of stuff.”

“What do you mean?” he asked quietly.

“Connor you never want to kiss me. I kiss you and sure you kiss back, but you never start it. I hold your hand, you don’t grab for mine. You like me to be with you at things, but I don’t think you care about me, not like you did in 7th grade. I mean back then we were doing more stuff than we do now!” she told him frustrated.

“Daria, I’m sorry but between school and baseball, I really have to focus and I am not interested in a serious or deep relationship, but I do like hanging out with you…we have fun, right?” Connor asked her.

“Connor, that’s a friend, not a girlfriend” Daria told him. “I want someone to love me. Do you love me?”

Connor looked at her for a moment. “No.”

Daria felt a sharp pain in her heart. His answer was clear and without pause. He didn’t love her. “But do we have to be in love? Why can’t we just enjoy doing stuff together?” Connor asked her.

Daria threw herself in a chair frustrated by Connor’s obtuseness. “Connor, I want passion! I want excitement! I want love! I mean we were happy in 7th grade, didn’t you love me then? Can you see yourself loving me again?” Daria asked him.

Connor sat down beside her and took her hand. “Daria, I’m sorry but I need to be honest with you. No. I don’t love you and I didn’t even in 7th grade. I’m sorry but I got caught up in the excitement of dating someone, but it wasn’t love. It was fun but it was not passion or love.” Connor looked at the tears on her face. “I’m really sorry Daria and I understand if you hate me, but I don’t want to give you the wrong idea.”

“Do you think you could love me one day, maybe?” she whispered.

Connor took a deep breath before he looked up into her eyes. “No, I don’t think I will. I’m sorry D, but no. I like spending time with you and we have fun together don’t we? I mean we both get to go to the best parties and we get to hang out and everyone likes you since you are dating a jock.” Daria ripped her hand out his and stood up.

“What?!” she yelled. “So you think dating you is all that?”

Connor stood up. “No. I don’t think it’s all that. But it’s not all bad. Here is the thing Daria” he told her “we can be friends, you and I, but to everyone in school we are dating and all that. I will send you flowers or whatever so every girl will be jealous of you and you will be the queen of the school. Hey, if we play it right, you might even be homecoming queen.”

Daria looked at him in shock “And all I have to do is…?”

“It’s a package deal D. You keep other girls off of me so I can focus on baseball and classes, because my top priority is to get a scholarship one way or another. I am willing to help you be popular and envied. Everyone thinks we are the perfect couple and I’m sorry that I can’t be that for you, but they don’t have to know that, only you and I need to know the truth” he explained.

Daria looked upset, but also intrigued. She had to admit that she had liked being Connor’s girlfriend these last few months and it would probably get better. “So, I play the jealous and possessive girlfriend to the other girls and be your arm candy? Careful Connor, if I get too popular then other guys might make a move on me” she teased.

Connor looked at her carefully. “As long as you don’t embarrass me, have fun” he replied unconcerned.

Daria was shocked. “Wait. Are you saying you don’t care if I cheat on you?” she said feeling outraged.

“Daria, this is a fake relationship. You can’t cheat on me” he reminded her. “But if we are going to be the perfect couple, then you have to be the perfect girlfriend. You make out with another guy, fine, but don’t let it get out. Make him think he is stealing you away or something, but as long as no one finds out, then it’s fine by me” Connor tells her with a smile. “You might even have fun with it” he teased laughing at her reaction. As upset as she was trying to be, Connor knew she was thinking about it.

“Okay, but why Connor?” Daria asked him seriously.

“Why what?” he asked.

“Why all of this? You don’t have to date anyone if you don’t want to. Or you could find someone to date that you really like. Why go through all of this?” she asked him.

Connor looked at her for a while before he turned away and went to the window to look out. “My dad” he said softly.

“What about your dad?” Daria asked confused.

“He has this vision of who I am supposed to be. The guy with the hot girlfriend. The baseball jock. The popular guy. It doesn’t matter what I want or anything, just what he wants me to be. I... I just want to…look it’s not easy to explain, it’s just what I have to do” Connor says, still not looking at her.

“Is there someone else?” Daria whispers.

Though he speaks so very softly, Daria hears him “Not anymore.”

They continued to talk for a bit and Connor wasn’t sure it was going to work. He took a risk by telling her that he didn’t love her and he thought about lying but he was so tired of it. He also knew Daria well enough to know that she would at least consider his deal. She would get a lot out of dating Connor so it might be worth it to her. It was a few days later when she told him that she agreed to his deal. 

The rest of 9th grade passed quickly for Connor. Jude and that Ryan guy were always hanging out and hanging all over each other. Then Jude suddenly joined the track team!?! Who would have thought that he had any athletic ability or interest but when Connor heard that Ryan had gotten him to join he was mad. Jude hadn’t wanted to play baseball with Connor but joined the track team to be with Ryan?! 

Connor had went to the first meet for the track team, just to show school support of course, and he was surprised to find out that Jude was actually really good. The team did well and Connor had made it to every meet that he could without it being obvious. He did smile the first time he saw Jude in those short shorts they ran in. He was still lanky and thin, but his legs and backside were definitely worth watching. He had even started to build up his arms and chest and Connor still remembers the shock he felt when he saw Jude and realized that he had went from adorable to hot. 

But Jude was always with that Ryan guy! He was part of the relay team and they were always hanging out together and while he may have decided to keep his distance from him, he definitely didn’t think that Ryan was good enough for Jude.

A couple of weeks later after the team had won their big meet, he had seen Jude, Ryan, and that Derrick guy from the team all playing around together in the cafeteria and they were so happy. His Jude was smiling and laughing and loving life and he was doing it all without him and with that jerk. He wanted to punch the guy’s face so bad. Then he watched a bunch of kids all say hi to Jude and wave and smile at him as he walked over to their table. When had other people started to notice Jude? He had so many friends now compared to when he was friends with Connor who hadn’t really wanted to share him.

This was better Connor reminded himself. Jude was happy, had friends, and was even getting popular and best of all, he was safe. This is what he wanted Connor reminded himself. He followed them as they walked towards their table and he saw Taylor but she wasn’t watching the trio, she was watching him. Not pausing to react or even acknowledge that he saw her, Connor had just smiled as usual and tried to ignore things.

**_Summer before 10th Grade_ **

The summer wasn’t too different from last year with camp and training. The coach had pushed Connor hard and he had risen to the challenge. Connor had become the star of the team and everyone knew it. The true shock was when Connor was chosen as co-captain of the team despite not even thinking he was being considered. Jake and guys said that he was their best player and deserved it. Matt was the other co-captain which Connor totally understood. Everyone loved Matt and he cared about everyone, on and off the field. Connor spent all the time he could helping the guys with getting better and practicing, but he didn’t do the personal stuff. Between them, him and Matt made for a great team captain.

He had also gotten really good at surfing, though it would never be a passion like for some of the guys. What Connor loved about it was that it was solitary. He could spend hours at the beach, riding the waves or not, and if he didn’t want to talk to anyone, it was okay. The other surfers were the same way and Connor loved the zen of surfing. He could get out of his head and his issues and just be in the moment, relishing the physicality of surfing, and the peace and calm of the ocean.

In July, David came back for another Comic-Con and he was loaded up with luggage for it. He had shipped several boxes ahead of him and brought several suitcases on the plane for the convention. 

“What all did you bring this time?” Connor laughed at him as they put all his stuff in the guest room.

“Well, most of it is my costumes. I brought four of them this year. Though that might have been a bit much, I just couldn’t limit myself” David laughed.

“What are your costumes?” Connor asked with a laugh at his cousin who was totally geeking out.

“Well first, I have this” David said pulling out this green, mechanical armor suit that Connor recognized from the video game Halo. 

“Is that a Master Chief costume from Halo?” Connor said impressed by the outfit.

“Yep!” David said proudly. “Made it myself! That is for day 2. Then I have this one” David laid out a Deadpool costume that was really awesome…also pretty skin tight. 

“Wow Deadpool…and spandex. Pretty brave there David” Connor teased him.

David just laughed and laid out the next outfit which totally shocked Connor. It was a pair of white shorts that would be very short and tight when he put them on, boots that were covered in white fur and went up to his knees, a white formal jacket with no shirt, and a top hat with rabbit ears. “What is this?” Connor said stunned not only by the strangeness of the outfit, but by the fact that his cousin would be dressed in this rather revealing outfit.

“I met some friends last year and we decided to do a group costume and Angela, she is awesome by the way, came up with the idea. We are a sexy, strange version of Alice in Wonderland. I am the white rabbit” he smirked. “I showed it to mom who laughed hysterically but didn’t show dad though” he laughed.

“I can’t wait to see you that getup” Connor teased him. 

“Hey, hey Con” David pretended to be outraged “remember we are related.” 

“Just keeping it in the family cuz” Connor smirked and laughed at the shock on David’s face before he joined in the laughter. 

“What’s the fourth one?” Connor asked changing the topic, though he did wonder how David planned to get to the convention in that outfit.

David smiled “This is my favorite” and he pulled it out and Connor whistled in appreciation. David had outdone himself and not just because it was Connor’s favorite, it was incredibly well built. David had recreated Connor’s favorite version of the Captain America costume complete with his shield and a modified mask that Connor admitted was better than the movie version. It managed to look much the same, but was better for hiding your identity – a weakness that Connor felt the costume normally had.

After dinner with Adam, they were back in Connor’s room when David suddenly got serious. “So…how are you doing cuz? I mean really” he asked calmly.

“I’m fine. Never better” Connor replied quickly.

“Dammit Connor. Are we going to go through this every time we talk? Don’t give me your fake platitudes and denials. I want to know how my favorite cousin is really doing. Just talk to me…please” David said looking at him.

Connor sighed. “David, I mean it. I really am okay. Baseball and school are great. Dad and I are getting along. I made co-captain of my baseball team for next year too” he said his face no longer so fake. “It’s tough I admit, but I am managing.”

“Are you happy?” David asked carefully.

Connor sat for a while. “I’m not unhappy” he finally said.

“That’s not the same thing Con” David said sympathetically. “Have you, talked to him at all?” David didn’t want to say the name.

Connor looked away for a minute but when he turned back his eyes were glistening with unshed tears. “No” he whispered “he has a boyfriend now.”

David felt his heart go out to his younger cousin who suddenly looked so vulnerable. Grabbing his shoulder, David pulled him into a big hug “I’m so sorry Con. I know that’s got to hurt” he said comfortingly.

Connor was stiff for a moment before he started to fall apart in David’s hug. The tears started falling and he lost his control. The sobs were silent, Connor wasn’t going to draw his dad’s attention, but he needed this. He just let go and cried with the one person who knew his real self. The person who knew his heartache and loved him despite all his screw ups. 

Connor wasn’t sure how long they sat there before he finally recovered enough to pull back. He looked at the supportive face of his cousin and with a trembling smile, his voice cracking, said “Thanks David.”

“Anytime Con” David said smiling sadly. 

“Hey…did I tell you I have a girlfriend now?” he said with a self-deprecating laugh.

David’s face showed his shock and disbelief. “What!?!” he said confused.

Connor told him about Daria. From their time in 7th grade and then their deal in 9th grade. David did not look happy about it. “Connor, you shouldn’t be lying to this girl” David warned him.

“I’m not. I have been honest about things and I told her that if she ever meets someone she likes better I will be okay with it. I mean she flirted and made out with a guy from the basketball team and one from the swim team already and while she had fun, she stayed with me” Connor told him.

“Wait…she is cheating on you?” David was confused. So Connor explained further and David just shook his head. “And she doesn’t know does she? That you are gay and she is your beard?”

“I don’t know. I mean I haven’t told her and she hasn’t asked. If she figured it out, she hasn’t confronted me about it” he said simply. “But I am not sure how much longer it will last. I think that once she feels secure enough on her own, she will break up with me. I will have to ask her if she wants to do a public ‘I hate you’ scene or a nice ‘we’ll always be friends’ thing.” Connor shook his head with a smile, “It doesn’t really matter to me either way, but Daria does love drama, so I will let her decide.” 

David just shook his head not understanding how Connor could make these choices. He knew that Uncle Adam wasn’t easy to live with and he knew how messed up Connor was about the shooting and his nightmares about Jude getting hurt, but this didn’t seem to be that much better.

But it was convention time and David did love going to Comic-Con. Connor nearly died when he saw him in the white rabbit costume. He told his cousin that he looked like a go-go boy from West Hollywood especially after he added the makeup on his eyes and the fake whiskers. But Connor had to admit that David was rocking the look. He had the legs, abs, and chest to make quite an impression and that night when he came back he showed Connor the pictures of the rest of the crew and they were all just as terrible. The March Hare was done up in a similar outfit and that guy, while hot, did not look as good as David did. The two girls who went as Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum were fairly amazing, but nowhere near as knock down gorgeous as the girl who was the Cheshire Cat. Connor was gay, not dead he laughed when David looked shocked as his comments about her. And Alice was a goth, punk chick with a torn dress and fishnets that looked amazing. He kept laughing at all the pictures of them with others as they were very popular.

When it was time for David to head home he was overloaded. He had bought a bunch of stuff and now had much more than he planned on. 

“You could leave a costume here if you want” Connor offered.

“Really” David asked surprised.

“Sure. I mean Anchor Beach hosts a Halloween party every year, I could borrow it for the dance, if you are okay with that” he said carefully.

David frowned. He really loved his costumes and wasn’t sure he wanted even Connor to wear one. “Which one?” he asked suspiciously.

“The White Rabbit” Connor said with an unemotional face.

David lasted about five seconds before he burst into laughter and Connor quickly joined him. “Oh god” David panting laughing “I just visualized you in that outfit walking down the stairs and the look on Uncle Adam’s face.” That just set them both off laughing again.

When they finally regained control, Connor clarified “Okay, seriously? I would love to borrow the Captain America costume. It would be awesome!” Connor was genuinely smiling.

David smiled back as he looked at his cousin and saw genuine happiness for the first time in a while. “Sure, why not. As long as you promise to take care of it. I put a lot of love into making it you know” he lectured Connor. 

Holding up one hand he put the other over his heart “Promise and swear!” he laughed.

David headed home one costume short and Connor thought he might actually like going to the dance this year.

**_10th Grade_ **

Tenth grade started off not looking all that different but suddenly things were looking up. Connor had been chosen as one of the team co-captains for the baseball team, his dad was happy and traveling more than ever which meant that Connor was left home alone fairly often which meant he could relax and not deal with the stress of living up to his father’s expectations, and after his academic performance last year he was taking some advanced classes setting him up great for college. 

Taylor had started dating this guy named Gary which caused quite a ruckus among the girls in the school when they realized that Jude wasn’t “dating” Taylor anymore. Connor had laughed when he heard several girls talking about their plans for trying to date Jude. He idly wondered how Jude and Ryan were going to deal with it.

The thing that was not going very well was Daria. They hadn’t spent too much time together this summer as he had been really busy and she had been busy as well, traveling a lot with her mom. Since coming back she had been distant, friendly and all, but something had definitely changed. But to be honest, Connor was glad and was thinking that maybe they could break up soon if she was done with him. She had become very popular so she definitely didn’t need him anymore. He knew that there were quite a few guys that would love to date her and wouldn’t hurt her social standing at the school.

The word came out that Taylor was chosen to chair the Fall Festival Dance and had decided it would be a Masquerade Ball and all of the girls were going crazy over it. Daria had even talked to him about it and had picked out their costumes, King Arthur and Queen Guinevere. Connor had just shook his head and agreed, he didn’t really care and while he had wanted to go as Captain America using David’s costume, he never even got the chance to mention it.

Then something happened that floored Connor. Jude’s boyfriend Ryan suddenly was dating a girl named Marissa and they were all over each other. It was worse than when he had dated Daria and at first he had thought he was just faking it, something Connor did know a little bit about, when one of the guys mentioned it at lunch. Turns out Marissa was friends with the girlfriend of one of his teammates and Ryan and Marissa were the new thing that everyone was talking about. Marissa had even told her about Ryan’s older brother who was literally an underwear model…and was very gay. 

Connor was stunned. If his older brother was gay then why would Ryan lie about his sexuality? The only thing that made any sense was that he wasn’t lying and was probably straight which meant that he not only wasn’t dating Jude, but he never had been! They had just been friends, probably because he didn’t care about Jude being gay since his brother was, assuming he even knew that Jude was gay. Well, Connor thought that Jude was gay, but he couldn’t say for sure as they had never talked about it. But that meant that Jude wasn’t dating anyone and that thought made Connor smile a genuine smile for several days.

**_Two weeks before the Masquerade_ **

Connor was working on his homework when he heard his dad come in the house. “Connor!” his dad yelled “come down son!”

Connor sighed and putting aside the book he was reading, he headed downstairs to find his dad putting out Chinese take-out he had picked up for dinner. “Son, I am really sorry about this, but I have some bad news” Adam said when they sat down.

Not sure where he was going with this, Connor looked nervous “What kind of news?”

“Your aunt Sandra, your mom’s sister, has called and asked you to attend the wedding of her daughter, your cousin Elizabeth” Adam said quietly. “They just told me and I tried to get out of it but apparently there is some big drama and your mom really wants you there.”

“Okay” Connor said slowly “how is that bad news?”

“It’s in San Francisco and it is the same day as that dance you have been talking about” Adam explained.

“The Fall Festival?” Connor asked surprised. “So I can’t go to the dance with Daria?” he really tried hard not to sound excited about it.

“I’m afraid not son. Apparently your cousin and her fiancé are a bit of a disaster and your mom wants family there to help keep things calm. So you will go up on Friday so you can be there for the wedding on Saturday. Now I know this isn’t fair and you might be mad...” Adam started.

“No dad, it’s okay” Connor stopped his dad’s lecture before it could start. “I remember stories about Cousin Liz so I get it. Mom is trying to avoid things going south and hopes that I can help. I will explain it to Daria. Are you going to come?”

“Uh no. One, you mother really doesn’t want me there and two, I have to fly to Miami for a week for work so I will be leaving on Wednesday before you. Your mom is going to get you train tickets so it should be easy” Adam told him.

The rest of the night went fine. Connor was actually relieved to not be going to the dance to be perfectly honest but he would tell Daria it was okay for her to go without him when they talked the next morning.

“What do you mean?” Daria said surprised when he told her.

“I’m sorry D” Connor said again. “My cousin is a flake and my mom and her sister are really worried about the wedding. They feel that the more family that’s going to be there, the less likely it is to be a disaster. Besides, it will give me a chance to see my mom. But you can still go to the dance without me. I mean you already have your Queen outfit worked out so you should go.”

Daria looked disappointed but shook her head. “No. It’s okay actually. My mom really wanted to go to a spa in Santa Barbara that weekend but I told her no because of the dance. Now I can tell her I can go with her and she will be happy.” Daria smiled slightly and then looked up at Connor. “It’s cool Connor, it’s not like it’s serious or anything, us going together and all.”

Connor just smiled back and they went to lunch where they told their friends that they wouldn’t be going to the dance. Daria made a big production of Connor’s family drama and how she would go with her mom instead. She loved all the attention she was getting. Connor noticed however that Tyler Gaines from the basketball team was looking strange. He had joined their group this year as he was very popular as the captain of the basketball team not to mention that his family had a house actually on the beach. Add in a rich mom and dad and the girls were drooling over him but he had not shown any interest in any of them. He made a lot of comments, but he told them he had a girl already, though he wouldn’t say who.

**_Thursday before the Dance_ **

Connor was packing his clothes to head to San Francisco tomorrow when his phone rang and he saw it was his mom. Picking up the phone he smile “Hi mom! I am packing for the wedding.”

“Don’t bother Connor” his mother said sounding exhausted.

“Why, what happened?” he asked her sitting down.

His mom launched into this long drawn out story. Apparently Liz had caught her fiancé sleeping with her best friend, who was also pregnant apparently, and went nuts. She took a baseball bat to his truck and the police were now involved, the wedding was off, and Liz had apparently run off with her ex-boyfriend no one knew where. His mom was so mad about all of it but didn’t want to abandon her sister even though she was ready to leave. So she told him not to bother to come as she would be dealing with the craziness all weekend.

After talking for a bit Connor heard his Aunt Sandra yelling in the background at Uncle Frank so his mom had to go and Connor hung up. He just laughed at his mom’s side of the family. Now he was home alone all week with no dad and he could go to the dance, but then he remembered that Daria was going to the spa with her mom now instead. He didn’t want to mess things up with that.

Then he realized. No one knew he was going to be here. He could go to the dance in David’s Captain America costume and no one would know it was him. Connor and Daria had told everyone that they wouldn’t be there, so it would be a blast for him to go and no would know unless he unmasked and if left early, he wouldn’t have to do that. This could actually be fun!

**_Friday before the dance_ **

Connor smiled at lunch and told everyone he expected to see lots of pictures from the dance for him and Daria. They all promised and Daria told him she was leaving right after school, just like him, so they said goodbye and Connor walked off.

Arriving home Connor walked in to his house feeling relieved and stress free. No dad, no pressure, nothing. He was just going to enjoy it!

 ** _Saturday - Masquerade_**  
Connor was getting ready with his costume. Putting on the outfit really made his muscles stand out as he was just as buff as David was after two years of heavy work for baseball. Connor had even removed some of the padding that David had added to make him look bigger as Connor didn’t need it. 

Standing in front of the mirror, Connor laughed that he didn’t even recognize himself. He picked up the shield in one hand and holding his phone, he snapped a picture of him wearing the full outfit before sending it to David with the note “who wore it best?” and a smiley face.

 **David:** Damn Connor! You definitely have to come to Con next time! Have fun at the dance!

Connor smiled and headed down to his car. Driving towards the school Connor realized that he didn’t want people to recognize his car either so he decided to park it a bit away from the school so no one would connect Captain America with Connor unless he wanted them to. 

Walking into the school Connor looked around and was impressed. Taylor had done an amazing job and the place looked fantastic. And everyone’s costumes were really good. He was pretty sure he saw Lena and Stef dressed in really cool dresses of white and blue/green/back with bird masks. He also saw several of his teammates from the team and he saw Taylor and her boyfriend as Han Solo and Princess Leia. He might have been fooled by the masks, but hearing “Princess Leia” yelling at people and controlling everything with Taylor’s voice gave her away.

He made sure not to smile as he worried that too many people might recognize him if he did but when Jake walked by and said “Hey dude, awesome costume!” and obviously didn’t recognize him, Connor started to relax. He also realized that he was in one of the better costumes. He saw several other superheroes, but they did not hold a candle to him. Two Superman were talking by the refreshments but their muscles were clearly fake. He started to smirk as he looked around but then his jaw dropped.

Walking in the door was a guy who looked absolutely incredible. He was dressed as the revolutionary war character from the Assassin’s Creed video game, but he couldn’t remember the character’s name. He had on tall leather boots and dark blue pants with a white and blue jacket over a white vest that included a white hood over his head. He had a face mask on as well, not part of the original costume but hid his identity as well as Connor's masks did. He also had on arm gauntlets and a red sash/belt. A bow and quiver of arrows were on his back and he looked amazingly hot! Connor was sure he didn’t go to this school because he would surely have noticed this guy before. 

Connor watched him as he walked across the room, moving with grace like a panther, and noticing the stares he was getting from girls and guys. Connor definitely agreed with the audience that he was worth watching and Connor idly wondered if he should say something to him. They both were American heroes and were both dressed in Red, White, and Blue. Of course he was the ultimate good guy and that guy was an assassin, but still, his costume was at least as good as Connor’s.

The guy was walking around looking at people but no one seemed to recognize him. He stopped and looked at Taylor for a minute before moving on and he walked to the refreshment table and picked up a drink, the Supermen having moved off. Connor smirked and turned and was suddenly speechless. He saw Daria walk in wearing her Queen Guinevere costume wearing a mask but not changing her curly hair pretty much meant wearing a mask was a waste of time. The surprise however was the guy next to her dressed as a knight of the round table. It wasn’t too obvious, but Connor could tell they had come together. 

“Daria?” he heard a rough voice beside him mutter and turning his head his felt his heart pounding in his throat. Standing next to him was the Assassin and god he smelled great! Connor didn’t recognize the voice and decided that he better disguise his too. “Looks like it from that hair” he said with a gravel in his voice.

“Who’s the guy dressed as Lancelot?” he asked curiously.

Suddenly Connor realized that Daria had planned more than he ever realized. Guinevere cheated on King Arthur with Lancelot and apparently she had decided to go for the ultimate scene. He wondered if he had come to the dance as planned would she have broken up with him here?

“Her boyfriend?” Connor suggested sarcastically.

The assassin looked at him out of his mask and smirked. “Probably not the one everyone thinks” he said with a snort. 

Connor turned to the assassin, “So know you are Assassin’s Creed, but which one are you again?” he asked.

“Ratonhnhaké:ton” he replied.

“Gesundheit” Connor laughed.

“Ha ha. His name is Ratonhnhaké:ton but they call him Connor in the game” he explained.

Connor coughed on his punch at the irony of talking to a hot guy dressed as Connor. The universe is a real bitch sometimes!

“What’s so funny?” the assassin asked.

“Don’t think I could call you Connor…unless that is your real name. You Connor Stevens?” he said with a smirk?

“Uh…no. Definitely not” he replied. 

“Then I will call you Raton if that’s okay?” Connor replied.

“So you plan to be talking with me long enough to need a name” Raton said with a tease in his voice. Damn that mask that covered everything but his mouth and part of his nose. A cute nose and some pretty amazing lips Connor thought as his gaze drifted down to them.

“Well, you are an assassin and as the first Avenger and ultimate good guy I have protect everyone from whatever nefarious thing you are planning to do” he said looking him up and down.

Raton's lips curled into a smile “Oh, you don’t have to worry about that. I don’t have any nefarious plans for anyone…else” he turned and started to walk away but then stopped and looked back and then looked Connor up and down clearly checking him out. He smirked and then walked away.

Connor swallowed nervously. ‘This was not a good idea’ he told himself. He hadn’t felt like this in a very long time but that guy, something about him just made his whole body react. He looked around and decided to walk around to cool off. If he didn’t stop and collect himself he might do something he would regret tomorrow.

Walking around the dance he noticed a couple dressed as Link and Zelda dancing and laughing. They looked in love and Connor smiled at them. He then noticed Raton also watching them but he turned and walked away again not noticing that Connor was watching him. Connor continued along and saw that Taylor had set up lights and tables out in the enclosed courtyard behind the school and that several people had drifted out there to sit and talk away from the music. Connor moved away from the crowd and turning a corner he saw them. 

Daria and her Lancelot were making out something serious and Connor was embarrassed. He wasn’t mad or anything, he told her that she could, but at the dance? He turned and then noticed Jake and his girlfriend come out and before he could react Jake saw Daria and paled. He knew it was her and he knew it wasn’t Connor. Lancelot had taken off his mask and Connor had seen it was Tyler from the basketball team and now Jake saw it too. Connor sighed and walked off avoiding Jake’s surprised reaction knowing that Daria’s escapade was going to be all over the dance soon. Well he did want to end things so he couldn’t be too mad.

He wasn’t looking too clearly where he was going so that’s why he didn’t notice the body in front of him until they collided. He stumbled back and felt himself falling over when he was grabbed and steadied and kept upright so he wouldn’t fall. 

“Captain, we have to stop meeting like this” that voice said. Connor looked up and saw he was standing very close to Raton who was smirking. “I am starting to think I might have a stalker.”

Connor smiled and decided if Daria could play, so could he. “Oh Raton, you shouldn’t think that. If I was going to chase you…you can be sure I would have caught you by now” he assured him his voice extra husky.

Raton smirked and stepped backwards “Pretty sure of yourself Stevie” he teased. “All that padding might be going to your head.”

Connor grinned and stepped forward closing the distance between them again. “There is no padding on this costume, it’s all me, of that you can be sure” he growled.

“I doubt that” Raton purred back. “Those are some pretty impressive muscles and you want me to believe it’s all you? I would need some proof.”

Connor felt his pulse racing. He had never flirted like this before but he was loving it. “Well, the costume is pretty complex” he said “but I bet you can feel the muscles beneath it if you try.”

Raton looked shocked for a second before that smile returned, ‘God those lips were hypnotic’ Connor’s mind screamed, and then suddenly he stepped forward towards Connor and whispered. “Oh really?” Reaching out with his gloved hands, the fingers cut off and free, they slid up Connor’s arm and squeezed his biceps. “mhm. Those feel real.” His hands slid across Connor’s chest and squeezed his pecs “those too” he was smiling and Connor couldn’t believe this was happening. The hands slid down to his abs and slid up and down “can’t really tell here.” 

Raton stepped closer as his hands slid down Connor’s thighs and squeezed again “nice.” Connor could feel the heat coming off Raton’s body on his face and they were so close together. Connor felt his heart racing as his body reacted to those roaming hands. Raton’s eyes were not looking at Connor’s face but his chest, a smile was playing on his lips and Connor gasped when those hands slid around and grabbed his butt and squeezed “damn, definitely real” he murmured with appreciation. He started to look up when Connor reached out and grabbed his hips and pulled him against his body, pressing his lips against that mouth that was driving him to distraction.

Connor felt him tense up for just a second before he was kissing back just as fiercely as Connor was. His grip on Connor’s backside tightened and he was pulling him in as well. One hand let go, much to Connor’s disappointment, before he felt it sliding up his back. Connor loved his lips, they were intoxicating like nothing else he had ever felt. Kissing Daria was a chore he got through and while she was skilled, there nothing behind it. When he kissed Jude it was a kiss of innocence. First in the tent to answer a question that was driving him mad and then in Jude's room to try and tell him, without words, what Connor had been feeling. While life changing, those kisses were sweet and gentle and kind. Kissing this time was totally different. The kisses were made up of a burning fire that made him lose any thought of himself. 

Suddenly he felt a bite on his lip and when he opened his mouth to groan he felt a tongue slip in against his and then a new battle began. He had kissed Daria with tongue before and it was not something Connor ever wanted to think about again and he was convinced it was just not something he would ever like but this, oh god, this was so totally different from that. It was mind blowing. They were fighting each for dominance of the other’s mouth when he felt himself smile as he slid his own hands down from Raton’s hips around to his backside and he gripped hard causing Raton to gasp in surprise giving Connor the edge in their battle. His tongue pushed in and was exploring, tasting that hot mouth and sending sensations throughout his whole body like nothing else ever had.

“OH!” a female voice said in surprise.

Connor and Raton pulled apart and stepped back a step from each other and looked over in surprise and saw Daria and Tyler looking at them in surprise. Daria was smiling and Tyler just looked stunned as they looked at the two guys who seconds before had been wrapped up together. “So Sorry” she said with a giggle “we so did not mean to interrupt. Carry on” she giggled again and grabbing Tyler’s arm, they headed back in to the dance.

Connor looked back at Raton and saw the flush on his face, he was looking away like he was trying to figure out what just happened. “Um…I’m…about that” Connor tried to find some words to say.

Raton’s shoulders raised and lowered with a deep breath and then he looked up at Connor with a fierce expression and then suddenly Connor found himself being shoved backwards till he hit the tree behind them. Raton’s lips were suddenly on his again and Connor was gone just as fast as before but this time he didn’t have a chance as a tongue pushed its’ way into his mouth, exploring, licking, sliding along his tongue and teeth, dominating him. Connor loved it! He was so turned on and then he felt Raton’s hands slide down his chest to brush across him and Connor moaned as felt the sudden pressure on him before it was taken away and he groaned again, this time in disappointment.

A disappointment that ended seconds later when he felt Raton’s hips smashed against Connor and the friction returned even harder driving Connor crazy. Between the kisses, the groping hands, and the pressure of their bodies moving against each other, Connor had lost any ability for rational thought. It was all about the guy in front of him. He didn’t care about anything else, not his dad or Daria or what people would think. He just wanted this like he had never wanted anything before.

“OH MY GOD!!!” a voice shrieked from the direction of the party. Breaking apart again, neither of them happy with another interruption, they looked over and saw a half dozen people standing at the door looking at them, several with their phones out taking pictures or recording. Connor recognized Taylor in her Princess Leia outfit looking completely gobsmacked among the crowd and several others that he was afraid he knew.

“What the hell is going on?” Taylor yelled as several of the girls started cheering them on.

Connor looked at Raton and saw the same panic that he was sure that was on his own face. “Stay or run?” he asked too quiet for anyone else to hear.

Raton turned towards him and smirked “Run. Follow me” he said and was suddenly moving full out. He tore out heading towards the back of the enclosed courtyard they were in and Connor suddenly worried. There was no way out of the place this way, the gate was on the other side of the courtyard or back to the school and the wall was over six feet tall. Connor heard the sounds of chase and people ran after them yelling to unmask them. This is so not a good thing. Raton pulled ahead, damn he was fast!

Connor almost fell when he saw what happened next. Raton suddenly leapt up and jumped onto a small bench before somersaulting into the wall and bouncing off the corner and then flipping up and suddenly he was standing on the top of the wall. Damn he could actually jump like his character.

Turning towards him Raton held out his hand “Leap off the bench and jump! I got you!” he yelled at Connor who decided to trust him especially since he was pretty sure that Jake was one of the guys chasing him. Connor hit the bench and jumped and he felt their arms connect when suddenly Raton twisted and Connor found himself flying over the wall to land in the sand on the other side with Raton falling right next to him and rolling up to stand up like a boss! Turning towards Connor he reached down and grabbed his arm, pulling him up and laughing as they looked back and heard yells of disappointment from their pursuers.

“Let’s go!” Raton grabbed his arm and started running with Connor right behind him. Connor realized that he had planned this perfectly. They could get out of sight easily before the mob could get outside to find them and they would be gone and safe. Running they dodged behind several buildings actually getting fairly close to where Connor had parked. Suddenly Raton stopped and turned back to face Connor.

“You okay?” he asked. Connor nodded while smiling. This was an amazing night and feeling the rush he reached out, grabbed Raton by his sash and pulled him in for another one of those toe curling kisses! Raton returned the passion just as fiercely when they both heard the sound of a crowd yelling from the direction of the school. They broke apart with a smile.

“You have a way home?” Connor asked him and smiled when he nodded. “I don’t even know your name. You do actually go to Anchor Beach don’t you?” 

He laughed and smiled and gave Connor a quick peck on the lips “Yes I do. Sophomore. You?”

“Same” Connor said excited. “Tell me your name?”

Raton smirked. “No. But if this is meant to be…we will find each other again. Do you know inspiration rock?” he asked.

Connor nodded. "That will be our place" Raton laughed. He leaned in again for another deep kiss before breaking apart. “Find me!” he yelled and then ran off. Connor groaned but smiled in anticipation. He would find him! He turned and ran to his car getting in and driving off without getting caught by the crowd. 

Running into his house he slipped inside and leaned against the door feeling something he thought he would never feel again. Running upstairs Connor pulled off the costume and fell down on his bed. He kept thinking about his lips and body and how he made Connor feel more alive than he had ever felt. He would find his ‘Connor’ and then dad and the school be damned. He wanted that guy like he had never wanted anything before and nothing was going to stop him from getting it.

Smiling he reached for his phone and opened his contacts. Hitting call, he could barely contain himself waiting for an answer.

“Hey” the voice said surprised.

“David! You are never going to guess what happened” Connor shouted joyfully.


	7. Chapter 7

David looked at his phone and saw it was his cousin Connor calling him. Looking at the time he realized he must have gotten back from the costume dance and was calling to talk to him about how the costume went over with his friends.

“Hey” David said with a smile as he answered the phone.

“David! You are never going to guess what happened” he heard Connor’s voice exclaim, excitement clear as a bell. David was surprised as he hadn’t heard Connor sound this happy in years.

“I take it that the costume was awesome?” David asked.

“Yeah it was great!” Connor replied quickly.

“And you were the talk of the whole dance I bet” David teased him.

“Well, you could definitely say that I was at least half of what people were talking about” Connor said laughing. A laughter that was genuine and joyful.

“Cuz! Are you saying that there was someone else who looked even half as good?” David asked jokingly. ‘What was going on with him?’ David thought, ‘he sounds like a totally different person.’

“There was this guy dressed as the character from Assassin’s Creed…the third one I think, the revolutionary war guy. Whose name was, get this, Connor. His costume was amazing and so was he!” Connor gushed.

“Wait a minute. We will come back to the costume in a second, what do you mean ‘so was he’?” David asked detecting something there.

Connor started telling David about how his mom wanted him to go to San Francisco for his cousin’s wedding and so he wouldn’t be able to go with Daria, who wanted them to go in a couples costume so he never even mentioned David’s costume, then the sudden cancellation at the last minute and with Daria going to a spa with her mom, so decided to go but didn’t tell anyone so no one would know it was him. He then talked about how no one had recognized him and that he saw Daria was there after all and making out with another guy, which a bunch of people also saw, and then he told him about Raton. He described his costume in detail while recounting their flirting inside and then running into him again and how he ended up being groped by him outside.

“Wait a second? He grabbed your ass?” David said laughing. “What did you do when he did that?”

Connor laughed and proceeded to tell David all about what happened. Their kiss and how it felt; the excitement, the thrill, the absolute mind blowingness that he had never felt before. How Daria and her new guy interrupted them and then how Raton had started round two and it was even better.

“Whoa dude!” David said shocked at what Connor was saying. “You were seriously making out with some guy you just met and didn’t even know his name?”

“David…I can’t explain it. He was just like nothing I have ever imagined or thought about before. I had figured I could just pretend to be straight till I graduated and then I could figure things out once I was on my own, but David he was incredible!” Connor said still feeling overwhelmed. Connor explained their getaway, gushing about how Raton jumped the wall and got them out of there, before they ran off and kissed again before separating, still not knowing who the other person was.

“So you basically made out with a guy in front of your classmates, including your friend from the baseball team, are gushing like a fan girl over this guy, whose name you still don’t know, and basically you are totally gone over him” David was laughing, but he was also a bit worried. “Does anyone know it was you?”

“Nope” Connor said “but I don’t care David. This guy is worth it. My dad can deal with it and so can the guys on the team and if they don’t like it…screw em! I have got to find this guy, he is all I can think about” Connor said jumping around his room.

David was shocked as they talked for quite a bit longer that night. At first David was worried that Connor, who had been bottling things up, had gone off the deep end. But as they talked he realized that wasn’t it, it was that the walls that Connor had built up around his heart were blasted open and like a dam breaking it was all coming out. He was infatuated by this guy and he was bursting out, pun intended, of his ‘straight’ jacket and god help anyone who tried to force him back into the closet.

After hanging up David walked across the house and knocked on his parents’ door. Walking in he sat down and started to talk. He had kept his parents informed about Connor’s situation since he had been there and if he was about to come out then Patrick needed to be prepared to deal with his brother. They had already worried about how Uncle Adam would react when it happened and that was when it was just the fact that he was gay. Add in a possible boyfriend that Connor was totally into…that might be disastrous.

**_The Adams-Foster House_ **

Jude got out of his car and ran for the door to get inside without being spotted. No one was home yet as his moms were still at the dance and everyone else was at college or their place so he felt he was fairly safe. Running into his room he looked over at the mirror and smiled at how he looked in his Assassin’s Creed costume. He had practiced saying Ratonhnhaké:ton and was planning to just say call him Connor if anyone asked but when Captain America had laughed and asked if he was Connor Stevens, Jude nearly lost it.

How anyone could possibly have thought he was the golden boy of Anchor Beach was beyond Jude. Connor had gotten better looking over the years, Jude could admit that easily enough. Besides, everyone already knew that Connor wasn’t going to the Masquerade because of some family thing. Taylor had even talked about it because the ‘it couple’ weren’t going to be there at her event. Of course, it turned out to be only half true as one of them was. Jude was still shocked that Daria had not only come without Connor but that she had been making out with that Tyler guy from the basketball team and been seen by lots of people!

But Jude honestly didn’t care one bit about Daria, not after his night with Captain America! God that guy was incredible. From calling him Raton to flirting with him by the refreshments, Jude was shocked. He didn’t know of any gay guys at Anchor Beach, especially ones who looked like that!! He had figured he must be someone’s guest so Jude decided to just let go and have fun. He had flirted back shamelessly and had thought that the guy would totally freak out and run because he wasn’t really gay, just doing that typical straight boy fake gay flirt, but he didn’t. Instead he kept upping the stakes and daring Jude to do more.

Jude still couldn’t believe what he did then, when he reached out and started feeling, well groping, the guy’s muscles, and, oh my that was a very good thing to remember right now; how the guy had reacted to Jude’s hands. His body had trembled as Jude touched him but Jude knew it was excitement, not fear that caused the reaction. And when Jude, in a rush of daring he still couldn’t believe himself capable of, had grabbed his butt, Jude was prepared for him to freak out or jump away or something. He wasn’t prepared for how he reacted instead.

Looking up to see that face gave Jude barely a second’s warning before those lips crashed into Jude’s and he lost it. That kiss was life changing for Jude and he almost lost control and fell over. He probably would have if they both didn’t have their hands all over each other. And then, remembering how his friends had talked about kissing over the years, Jude had nipped at Cap’s lip and when he felt him open his mouth to groan, Jude had pushed his own tongue in and that took the kiss to the stratosphere.

Looking down Jude suddenly blushed as his body was certainly remembering what Jude was feeling just a little while ago. He was deciding what to do about it when his phone dinged. Looking at the phone he saw a message from Taylor and he snickered knowing why she was texting him.

 **Taylor:** OMG!!! YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED!

 **Jude:** calm down T. What happened? Run out of punch?

 **Taylor:** Check this out!

Jude saw she had sent an image and he clicked on it and sudden laughed out loud. There was a really great picture of him kissing Captain America right before Taylor had screamed. The Captain’s hands firmly grasping Jude’s ass though it was tough to tell as Jude’s jacket did provide some coverage but Jude’s memory of those hands was very clear.

 **Jude:** wtf?

 **Taylor:** Two guys at the dance were caught in the courtyard making out! I mean MAKING OUT! 

**Jude:** Who were they?

Jude laughed knowing that Taylor didn’t mean that they really caught them, just that people found them kissing, but ‘Jude’ wasn’t supposed to know that.

 **Taylor:** We don’t know!?! 

**Jude:** You said you caught them?

 **Taylor:** I mean they were spotted kissing, but they ran off and got away before anyone could unmask them. I have been asking around but no one knows who they are. Both came alone.

 **Jude:** wow

 **Taylor:** I will send you other pics. If you recognize anyone, let me know. Gotta run and deal with the DJ.

Jude fell back on his bed and laughed. Taylor had looked utterly surprised when she had caught him making out with Captain America, but she was looking right at him and if she didn’t recognize Jude, he was sure that no one else would either. 

The phone dinged and Jude opened the other pictures and liked what he saw. He saved them to his phone so he would be able to look at them later. Maybe he might see something that would tell him who Captain America was.

Deciding that it was late and he was tired he turned off his phone and jumped in the shower and was in bed asleep before his moms even got home from the dance. One, he was really tired and two, he wondered what they would say about the excitement that happened.

Closing his eyes Jude found himself remembering the feel of the Captain’s body under his hands and the taste of his kisses. Who was it and why did Jude not tell him who he was? When he asked his name Jude almost told him. Especially after he learned that they were both sophomores at Anchor Beach. That meant that Jude might actually know him out of that costume. Hmmm out of that costume...Jude definitely wanted to see him again and see if those muscles looked as good as they felt. Jude hadn’t felt like this about someone since 7th grade and that was like comparing a campfire toward a forest fire. ‘What the hell?’ Jude thought to himself ‘I am totally gone on this guy!”

**_Sunday morning, after the Masquerade_ **

Jude woke up and headed downstairs to get something to eat. He had slept in but hunger had driven him out of his comfortable bed.

“Morning love!” Stef said smiling at him over her coffee cup as he walked in the room.

“Unh” Jude grunted as he moved to get some orange juice. He yawned as he sat down across from his mom and smiled a “good morning” at her.

“Mama is making pancakes this morning” Stef said smiling. Jude looked around and saw Lena standing at the stove. He had totally missed seeing her “Morning” he said to her too.

Lena just smiled and finished cooking. Sitting down to a big stack of pancakes they ate for a few minutes before Lena smiled at Jude “So…did you hear anything about the dance?” she asked Jude?

“I got a couple of texts from Taylor last night” Jude responded carefully. “Some pics of her and Ryan in their costumes, one of you two, something about a problem with the DJ, and something about a scandal.”

“A scandal?” Stef said amused. 

“Yeah” Jude was going to play dumb on this one “apparently Daria was cheating on her boyfriend and was seen making out with another guy.”

“Ah” Lena said with a smirk. “That scandal. Anything else?”

“Let me think?” Jude said looking thoughtful. “Nothing is coming to mind.”

“Jude” Lena said looking at him with a look that said she totally didn’t buy it. And from the look on her face neither did Stef.

“Oh” Jude said like he suddenly remembered something “do you mean the masked kissers?”

Stef laughed and Lena sighed.

“Yeah” Jude snickered. “Taylor called freaking out. She sent some pictures and said how everyone was trying to identify them but that no one knew who they were and that they had come alone.”

Lena raised her eyebrow “I hadn’t heard that part” she said to herself.

“Taylor sent me some pics, but I couldn’t figure out who it was from the photos she sent. I started to wonder if one or even both of them might not be from another school” Jude said looking thoughtful.

“So you don’t have any idea about who they might be?” Stef said curious.

“Me? Why would I have an idea?” Jude said trying not to look nervous. He really hated having a cop for a mom sometimes!

“Well, we thought you might know who some of the other gay kids at school were so you might have a guess” Lena explained.

Jude smiled. “Sorry mom, but other than me, I don’t know any guys who are gay at Anchor Beach.”

“I didn’t think so” Lena sighed “and I wouldn’t expect you to out someone for kissing at a dance anyway, but if you did know I was going to ask you to let them know they can come and ask for help if they need it.”

“Mama, I promise. If I figure out who both of them are, I will make sure they know that. I will even share how much you have helped me out” Jude promised with a smile.

The conversation changed to other topics and Jude relaxed and enjoyed the rest of breakfast. He has watched his siblings and learned that you do whatever you can to avoid actually lying to mom. She catches you really quick so you have to be careful and Jude was careful. Technically he misled them, but he could safely say he never lied.

 

**_Sunday Afternoon_ **

**Taylor:** Hey! Any leads on the pics?

 **Jude:** haha. srry no

 **Taylor:** okay. Meet me before school tomorrow to figure this out. Have you seen all the posts?

 **Jude:** no. what posts? 

 

Taylor sent him a link to an Anchor Beach Tumblr page. Someone had a page dedicated to all of the gossip about their school and 99% of it was pretty harmless, kind of like an ongoing yearbook. Jude had heard of the page but hadn’t gone to it. Taylor loved it because it was really accurate, but also because the person running it was fairly no nonsense. They didn’t put up with cruelty or mean-spirited stuff in posts or comments.

But the page had exploded since last night with pictures of the two newest celebrities at Anchor Beach. Photos of Jude and Cap (Jude was going to just call him that till he figured it out) were not only all over the page, but they had been commented on, reblogged, and favored hundreds of times. There was even several videos. The most popular was the two of them kissing and the person had apparently added a soundtrack making it almost a music video. Jude was really surprised by one that had over two minutes of footage starting from when he had grabbed Cap right after Daria left.

Apparently half the girls at school were totally fangirling about them with lots of comments, some of which had made Jude actually blush. There was one or two negative comments that were posted anonymously but Jude was shocked by how quickly people had jumped on those comments, yelling at them.

Then he started seeing comments from kids at other schools including one girl from England who was really excited about seeing their video. Jude was laughing at all the excitement and he kept checking the site for the rest of the night for new updates.

**_Monday Morning after the Masquerade_ **

Connor walked into school with a smile on his face and he didn’t even have to think about it or remember to do it. He was a bit early and hadn’t seen any of the team but he didn’t care to be honest. He was at his locker when he realized that he had been grinning like an idiot for the last five minutes for no reason…except that he had two things to do today that he was really excited about.

The first he would do at lunch, and the second, every second of the day. He had to find Raton so Connor was going to really look at every guy at Anchor Beach to see if he could find him.

“Hey Connor!” turning Connor saw Jake walking up to him looking nervous. 

“Morning!” Connor replied with a smile.

Jake looked really confused. Connor was smiling…like really smiling. He was so happy and he was going to ruin it. Jake groaned but Connor was too good a friend to not say something.

“Uh…bro. I got something I have to tell you that you are not going to like” Jake said hoping he could soften the blow.

Connor frowned. “Jake, you are not going to ruin my mood today. Don’t even try.” 

“Con wait” he said as Connor had started to walk off “this is really important.”

“Nope” Connor said happily as he continued to walk towards homeroom.

“It’s about Daria!” Jake said frustration clear in his voice.

Connor stopped and turned back to look at the misery in Jake’s face. “Is it about her and Tyler?” Connor asked.

Jake was stunned. “uh…yeah.”

“I already know bro. Don’t worry about it” Connor said continuing to smile as he turned to leave.

Jake just stood there in shock. He was surprised when he saw Daria and Tyler making out at the dance. He knew that they were having some problems and all, but he didn’t think she would flaunt what she was doing like that. And Connor not only knew but seemed happy about it. He really didn’t get Connor anymore.

 

**_Meanwhile in the library_ **

“Okay what do we know?” Taylor asked the people sitting in front of her. Looking around the table she saw Jude, Ryan, Gary, her friend Anna, and Ryan’s girlfriend Marissa.

“Not much” Anna replied. “We know that two guys, who so far no one can identify, came to the dance and made out in the courtyard.”

“Why, again, is this a big deal?” Ryan asked the group.

“Yeah, kind of thinking the same thing” Jude muttered.

“This dance was supposed to be the biggest event of the year” Taylor said frustrated. “We all nearly killed ourselves to make it perfect with food, music, decorations, and costumes and now the only thing anyone is talking about are the mystery gays!”

“Well, it is pretty titillating” Marissa said earning her a glare from Taylor. “I’m sorry Taylor, but it’s true. Everyone is talking about them and wants to know who they are.”

“Maybe they don’t want people to know that” Ryan said without emotion.

“Why not?” Anna said with a giggle. “I mean did you see that video that one girl made with them kissing and running and stuff?” She sighed with a smile “It’s so romantic. Forced to hide their love” she sighed again.

Jude snorted. Anna glared at him. “Sorry” he mumbled looking down as Ryan and Gary laughed at him.

“Taylor” Gary said looking at her “I know how hard you worked on this, but if they don’t want to be found out…is it right for you to even try?” Ryan nodded in agreement.

“They should have thought of that before” Taylor muttered, still angry.

Gary and Ryan looked at her disappointed and Jude just shrugged. Anna and Marissa seemed to be on Taylor’s side.

“How about a compromise?” Marissa suggested.

“What do you mean?” Ryan said smiling at her but not convinced.

“We try and figure it out, BUT we all agree not to tell anyone unless the boys say it is okay. That way we satisfy our own curiosity, but respect their privacy” Marissa offers. 

“I still don’t like it” Ryan said frowning. “Outing someone isn’t cool. I have a gay brother and he had a hard time in high school even though he was pretty popular and he wasn’t even out at the time. For us, it’s only 10th grade and we still have over two and half more years of high school to go. You say we won’t tell, but you can’t guarantee that for them.”

“Why not?” Taylor asked him calming down a bit when he started talking about Rayne.

“Okay we all find out and someone says oh I really like guy A and Anna responds without thinking, he’s gay, and then oops its out. Or Jude slips up and asks guy B what’s wrong, fighting with guy A and someone overhears” Ryan explains. “I just think we should leave it alone.”

“Okay. Let’s do this” Taylor tells the group. “Why don’t we see what happens in the next few days first. Maybe the guys will come out on their own. Or something else will happen. I don’t know but we can wait a bit and see what happens.”

The group agrees and everyone heads to their classes. Jude is walking towards his English class when he sees Daria walking down the hall with one of her girlfriends and he makes sure to avoid eye contact, but he does notice several others whispering when she walks by. It seems the word is out about her and Tyler.

Jude sits down in history class when Taylor sits next to him. “Okay, so the group won’t work, but you and I can do this” Taylor said whispering.

“Do what?” Jude is confused.

“Find out who those guys are?” Taylor says exasperated. “Look, I can keep a secret so we know I won’t tell, and I know you can and you won’t out someone, so that takes care of Ryan’s issue, right? Besides, it is killing me not to know.” Taylor looks over at him and smiles “Besides, there are two more gay boys in our school, don’t you want to figure out who they are?”

Jude looks at Taylor in surprise but then smiles “I would like to know” he admits, though not for the reason Taylor is thinking “but as long as you swear that you won’t say or do anything to out them, not even to Gary” Jude says looking sternly.

“Swear” Taylor says with a smile. “So the two of us will figure this out or come up with some way to reveal them. But, you really didn’t recognize them?” she asked again.

Jude sighed. “Sorry Taylor but the pictures you sent weren’t very clear. Did you actually see them?”

Taylor nodded. “Oh yes, I got quite an eyeful. I was inside when I saw Daria walk in with some guy, not Connor by the way, when this girl came up and grabbed her friend saying ‘something hot is going on’ or something and dragged her outside. I saw a few others heading over there so I decided to check it out and, well I have to say I was floored. These two guys, who were wearing some of the best costumes by the way, were up against a tree and going at it like there was no tomorrow. They were kissing and one had his hands on the other guys butt. Kids were taking pics and video and I just stood there in shock. I yelled something, not sure what, and they broke apart.”

“So you got a good look at them?” Jude asked casually.

“Not really” Taylor sighed. “Their costumes were really good as were the masks. I didn’t recognize them but they both probably had some padding to look better because the guy dressed as Captain America was built and the other guy, while his costume was looser, you could tell he was nothing to sneeze at” Taylor smirked. “I would say that they were both probably a little taller than you are, both white, nothing about hair or eye color because of the outfits. I suppose they could have been something other than white, but their skin was fairly tan so I might even be wrong about that.”

“That’s not really narrowing things down Taylor. Do you even know if they go to Anchor Beach or are in our grade?” Jude asked.

Taylor looked traumatized. “Oh god, I didn’t even think about that. They did arrive alone so maybe they aren’t sophomores. I don’t think we would have gotten any non AB-ers showing up, but do you think juniors and seniors would come?”

“Well, I know that usually most dances are freshmen/sophomore or junior/senior groups, but if they did crash, it would give them extra safety” Jude mused. At Taylor’s confused look Jude elaborated “No one in our grade would be that familiar with a junior or senior. Assuming they are both the same age even.”

“Argh” Taylor groaned. “This is getting even more messed up.”

Jude didn’t smile but he really wanted to. He loved Taylor and trusted her, he did, but he didn’t really want to tell her he was one of the guys quite yet. She was way too worked up still and he wasn’t sure how she would take it. It also looked like she was going to continue to push this, with or without the group’s support, and if she picked him as her accomplice, then Jude could not only get help finding Cap, but he could keep her from finding them” Jude smiled reassuringly at Taylor. This might actually be fun.

 

**_Lunch time_ **

Connor walked into lunch still walking on air. His morning classes had gone great, except for his tendency to drift off thinking about kissing Raton and feeling his hands on him…he has got to figure out who he is! He walked in the cafeteria and headed to his table of friends and saw most of them there, including Daria and Tyler, both sitting apart from each other as if they hadn’t been a lot closer on Saturday.

Smiling Connor walked up and saw Daria look up at him and smile nervously. “D, we need to talk” he said still smiling, but it was a bit less happy and more regretful.

Connor saw her eyes widen a bit and suddenly all of his friends were looking anywhere but at him. ‘So everyone knows’ Connor thought. “Would you like to come outside for a minute?” Connor said gently.

Connor saw Tyler look up at him uncertain of how Connor was going to react, but he quickly pushed it down and looked away. “Um…” Daria said nervous and not looking at him “okay.” Daria stood up and Connor headed outside not even looking to see if Daria was following or not. He noticed that people got quiet as they walked by only to start whispering once they were past. 

Stepping outside Connor moved over to a bench under a tree that he remembered sitting at with Daria back in middle school. He sat down and looked out at the ocean and waited for a few moments until Daria sat down next to him.

“Connor” Daria started to say, nerves clear in her voice.

“Don’t D” Connor stopped her. “We both knew what this was and that it probably wouldn’t last. I was okay with Billy and Cody, you kept it quiet, but I know you haven’t been happy with me for a while now and this thing with Tyler is just, well, it just is.”

Connor her Daria start to sniffle and he looked over and saw tears in her eyes. Reaching over he pulled Daria into a hug. “I’m not mad D, I promise” he told her squeezing as she let the tears come.

“I’m so sorry” she managed to get out.

“I know and you don’t have to be D” Connor assured her. “It wasn’t right of me to tell everyone that you were my girlfriend when you weren’t. You were right, we were just friends hanging out and you deserve all that stuff you wanted; love, passion and excitement. I guess I forgot that when you were keeping people off my back because I didn’t want to date, I was keeping you from finding someone who you could really love.”

“I loved you” she whispered.

“I know. And I love you too” Connor assured her. “But D, we were never in love.”

Daria pulled back looking like she wanted to argue but suddenly all the fight drained out of her. “No, we weren’t” she agreed. “I really wanted to be though. I thought if I tried hard enough that you would, maybe, I don’t know, change your mind. I always liked you Connor, so much, but it seemed that I could never really connect with you.”

Connor sighed and pulled her back in for a hug. “I know. So…Tyler, huh?”

Daria sighed deeply. “I really like him Connor.” 

“Not just playing around huh?” he asked with a tease in his voice.

“No. We started hanging out this summer and talking, nothing romantic or anything, it just kind of happened and then when school started we ran into each other at the mall and he kissed me and it wasn’t like Cody or Billy. They were just flirting with me, trying to get away with something, but Tyler…he really cared. I felt bad about it but then you were all happy and giddy about something, I don’t know what, but you were barely acknowledging me. We felt bad about it, Tyler really did, he felt awful, but I wasn’t sure what to do.”

“Sorry I made it so hard on you D” Connor told her. “I was happy about something, but that doesn’t really matter anymore.”

“Why not?” Daria asked.

“Well, the truth is I really liked someone but they were dating someone else last year and it really bugged me” Connor admitted. Daria looked at him in shock. “But early this year I figured out that I was wrong and that they were not dating at all, I just thought they were. So I guess I got a little happy to be wrong or something.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Daria asked quietly.

Connor sighed deeply. “We never actually dated but I did something really stupid and thought it would be better if we weren’t together, if I kept my distance, so I did. I really believed that I was doing the right thing Daria, I did, but now I think I was wrong.”

“So if you think that and they are free…are you going to ask them out?” Daria asked softly.

“No” Connor shook his head with a small smile.

“Why not?” she asked confused.

Connor smiled and it was the smile that Daria hadn’t seen in years. It was like watching the sun come out it was so full of joy and light. She remembered seeing this smile on Connor’s face in middle school, but not since then. “I met someone else” he said simply.

“Who?” Daria asked smiling at him. He just shook his head at her. “I’m serious Connor. You know about my new guy, who’s yours?”

Connor looked at her in shock. “What?” he stammered.

“Why does everyone think pretty equals dumb” Daria muttered to herself. “You think that after ‘dating’ you for a year I couldn’t figure out you were gay?” Connor’s eyes widened. “C’mon Connor, it was obvious in hindsight that you were totally crushing on Jude in middle school. He was the one you were keeping your distance from wasn’t he?” Connor couldn’t speak so he just nodded. “But I never understood why” she told him.

Connor took a deep breath. “Daria the night I got shot, when we were running, I pushed Jude accidently when we were going for the door. The next second is when I got shot. If I hadn’t pushed him, it could have been him that was hit and it would have all been my fault.”

“Why would have been your fault Con?” she asked confused. “Taylor’s dad shot you and to be fair it wasn’t his fault either, it was a stupid accident.”

“D, Jude didn’t want to come out that night. I pressured him to come and when he wanted to leave before we went to Taylor’s, I pushed him to go with us” Connor said sadly. “If something had happened to him, it would have been my fault. And I had said and done some pretty crappy things to him before that had really hurt him, so I realized that I was bad for him and so I pushed him away.”

Daria was trying to put all of this new information in her head and things were clicking that had never made sense before. “Okay, processing this, but Connor, it was Taylor’s idea to go to her house remember? She said we could drink and all make out because she was crushing on Jude.”

“I don’t think that was her plan” Connor muttered.

“Well who else was she thinking would make out…oh god, you and Jude?!” Daria whisper yelled. “She was trying to hook you two up? That bitch!”

Connor looked at her in surprise.

“Well, she was trying to break me up with my boyfriend, think she deserves the bitch label for that time” Daria said justifying her comment. “Wait. So is Jude gay too? I thought you were just crushing on him. Wasn’t he dating Taylor all last year?” Connor shook his head. “Oh, are they the two you thought were dating but weren’t?” she asked.

“No, I thought he was dating Ryan till I found out that Ryan had started dating Marissa and then I realized if he did that, then he wasn’t gay, so him and Jude wouldn’t have been dating. I never believed that Jude and Taylor were together” Connor told her.

“This is a lot to take in Connor” Daria confessed. “You do realize that the last three years or so now seem really different. But if you liked Jude, why didn’t you just…oh right, your dad” she said understanding it now.

“Yeah. When he confronted me at the hospital I almost came out right there but I didn’t have the courage. I often wonder what would have happened if I did” he told her.

Daria squeezed his hand. The she looked confused. “Wait. So you met someone new you said? Who?”

Connor blushed, really blushed. “It’s kind of complicated” he told her not looking at her directly.

“Complicated how?” she asked.

“I uh, I kind of don’t know his name” Connor admitted.

“You slut!” Daria said with a shocked smile on her face punching his arm.

“It’s not like that” he protested. 

“Then you better explain it to me Con. How can you be into some guy when don’t even know his name?”

Connor took a deep breath. “I will tell you D, but you have to swear, I mean really, truly, deeply swear not to say, do, or tell anybody what I am going to tell you.” He looked at her seriously. 

“I promise” she said smiling easily.

“Serious D. I mean I will tell people about that time I saw you…” Connor started when Daria slapped her hand over his mouth.

“YOU SWORE!” Daria glared “You swore you would never, ever mention that!”

Connor nodded and she moved her hand. “So we understand each other” Connor asked and she nodded still angry.

“You know my cousin Liz’s wedding?” Connor asked.

“Yeah, the one this weekend that you had to go to and why you missed the dance” she nodded.

“It got called off on Thursday. Apparently the groom got the maid of honor pregnant and Liz took a bat to his truck before running off with her ex. I never went to San Francisco” he told her.

“Wait, you were here? Why didn’t you tell me?” Daria asked.

“Well I thought you were going with your mom to that spa remember?” Connor said and Daria looked embarrassed. “I wasn’t expecting you to be there, let alone with Tyler. My cousin David had left one of his Comic-Con costumes at my house this summer so since you were not going to be there, I decided I would go and see if anyone would recognize me. By the way, I saw you and Tyler there together” Connor told her. 

Daria blushed looking really embarrassed. “Sorry again” she muttered. “Wait, so if you were there, why didn’t I see you?”

Connor smiled. “You did actually. You even talked to me but you didn’t recognize me.”

Daria frowned trying to remember. After a few moments she shook her head. “I don’t remember Connor. What was your costume?”

Connor looked around to make sure no one was nearby or close enough to listen. He leaned forward and Daria leaned in as well. “Captain America” he whispered.

Daria frowned for a second. She saw more than one Captain America. There was one guy, terrible costume, that was about a foot shorter than Connor and then there was the African American Captain America guy and the only other one dressed as him was… “OH MY GOD!” Daria yelled out before Connor slapped his hand over her mouth. He smiled as he saw her eyebrows shoot up in shock before she grabbed and pulled down his hand.

“That was you!?! You were the guy making out with that other hot guy?” Daria said in shock, her voice much lower.

Connor smiled and blushed. “Guilty” he laughed. 

Daria leaned back. “Connor, the whole school is talking about that. They are trying to find out who you two are.”

“I know” Connor laughed. “The crazy thing is that I don’t even know who he is.”

“You don’t?” Daria said confused.

“Nope. Never actually told each other our names” Connor smiled and suddenly was thinking again of kissing Raton. His mouth. His tongue. The way his hands “OUCH” he yelped.

“Stop dreaming of lover boy” Daria said with a smirk and he rubbed his arm where she had slapped him. 

“Sorry. Happens a lot” Connor muttered. 

“Wow” Daria leaned back. “I am in totally in shock. I mean I had figured out you were probably gay, but I figured either you didn’t know or didn’t want to admit it. And now I find out you have known since 7th grade, you had a crush on Jude, and now you are part of this secret gay couple that the whole school is looking for. Damn Connor, you never do anything halfway do you?”

“Nope” Connor says with a smile standing up and holding out his hand. “You ready to go back in and make our break up official?”

Daria smiled nervously. “Big scene?” she asked worriedly.

“Nah” Connor said walking back inside with his arm around her shoulder walking close together.

They walked in and the cafeteria was silent as church as everyone saw them walk in together, Connor’s arm over her. Jake looked at them confused and Tyler looked sick to his stomach and then quickly looked away. They approached the table and Connor pulled away and turned to Daria. 

Leaning in he kissed her gently on the cheek “I hope you will be happy D. That’s all I ever wanted for you” he said sincerely. She smiled at him and kissed him back on his cheek before stepping back.

Looking over at the boy sitting there so miserable Connor felt a surge of pity. “Tyler” he said seriously. Tyler’s head shot up and looked at Connor, much bigger than he was, and gulped. “Stand up!” he said clearly. Tyler rose to his feet nervously and Connor looked over at Daria who was not looking happy with Connor’s antics.

“Dude. Daria is someone I care a lot about so I am only going to tell you this once” Connor said looking right at him. Daria stiffened. “You break her heart…I break your legs. Got it?” Connor said looking at him.

“Got it” Tyler said looking totally confused.

Connor turned to Daria who was glaring at him and smiled again. “Hey, gotta let your new guy know the rules D” he smirked and kissed her on the cheek again. “Be happy” he whispered in her ear.

Connor turned and walked out of the cafeteria, head high, smiling and feeling more free than he has felt in such a long time.

**_Lunch…from another perspective_ **

Jude was sitting at his table when he heard a sudden gasp from Anna. Looking over at her he saw her looking across the cafeteria along with everyone else at their table. Turning to follow their gazes Jude saw Connor walk in, a smile on his face, as he walked to his table where Daria and Tyler were both sitting apart from each other, to hide the truth he guessed.

“Oh dear Taylor, this might also overshadow the dance for people” Marissa whispered.

Daria stood up and the two of them walked out of the cafeteria to the outside area, the lunch crowd silent till they passed by then furiously whispering. The sophomore class’s ‘golden couple’ were in trouble now. Jude looked over and saw that Tyler was looking sick as the rest of their table just glared at him. Jude felt bad for the guy, especially knowing that Connor and Daria were not really together.

Turning back he caught Taylor’s face and saw sympathy on it as she looked at Tyler. Jude caught her eye and raised his eyebrows in query. She just shook her head and looked out where Connor and Daria had gone. ‘Did she know too?’ Jude wondered. He knew that they were not talking anymore, but Taylor had seen Daria kissing other guys, she had told him about that, so she wouldn’t be surprised by her kissing Tyler. But why would she have sympathy for Tyler?

“I guess Connor found out” Anna said in the silence.

“Found out what” Ryan asked.

“Daria went to the dance without him and was making out with Tyler from the basketball team” Anna told him. “They weren’t exactly discreet so now everyone knows and now that Connor is back, I guess he is going to break up with her.” She paused “Kind of surprised he didn’t do it right there.”

“He wouldn’t” Jude and Taylor both said at the same time. The rest of the table turned to look at them in surprise.

“Okay that was weird” Marissa said. “How do you both know that?”

Taylor paused but when she saw that Jude wasn’t going to reply she said “The four of us, Daria, Connor, Jude, and I were all friends in 7th grade and we know, or at least knew, Connor. He isn’t the type to humiliate or hurt someone intentionally.” Jude just nodded.

It was a few minutes before the cafeteria went suddenly silent. Jude looked up to see that Connor and Daria were walking back towards the door with Connor’s arm over her shoulder and holding her close. ‘They made up?’ Jude wondered. Looking over he felt a surge of empathy as he saw the look of pain on Tyler’s face who was watching them as well.

Jude watched as Connor walked in with Daria, arm over her shoulders, looking relaxed and at ease. They walked up to the table and Connor dropped his arm and turned her around to kiss her on the cheek. Daria smiled and kissed his cheek back.

Jude heard Connor clearly say “Tyler…Stand up!” and Jude saw the other boy, looking like he was facing a firing squad stand up and look at him.

“Dude. Daria is someone I care a lot about so I am only going to tell you this once” Connor said loud enough for everyone to hear. “You break her heart…I break your legs. Got it?” Connor said.

“Got it” Tyler said looking totally confused.

Connor turned to Daria who was glaring at him and smiled again. “Hey, gotta let your new guy know the rules D” he smirked and kissed her on the cheek again. 

Connor turned and walked out of the cafeteria with a smile on his face and the room exploded

“What the hell was that?” Anna said shocked. “That was the strangest break up I think I have ever seen!”

Jude laughed at her reaction and Taylor just smiled. “Well, it definitely was interesting.”

“Did he just give her to Tyler? Like the father of the bride or something?” Greg muttered before yelping as Taylor smacked the back of his head. “What?”

“You don’t give away a person Greg” Taylor growled. “They just broke up without any bad feelings and decided to stay friends is all. And he let Tyler know that while he was okay with them dating, he was still going to be Daria’s friend so not to “f” it up.”

“Awww” Marissa and Anna gushed together. Ryan rolled his eyes.

“Not to change the subject, but I’m going to anyway” Marissa said excitedly. “Did you see the new video clip of our mystery guys?” 

“Another music montage to a sappy song?” Greg teased. Jude was offended, they weren’t that bad, embarrassing as hell sure, but still not bad.

“Apparently someone got a video of the chase in the courtyard and them going over the wall” Marissa said.

“Go over the wall? What do you mean?” Ryan asked. He and Marissa had been inside on the dance floor and had missed all the excitement.

“Well” Anna interrupted “we were outside when we saw them kissing. They took off towards the end of the courtyard, which was dumb because they were running away from the exit and would be trapped, so everyone chased after them so that we could unmask them when the guy not dressed as Captain America” Anna was interrupted by Greg “Assassin’s Creed character” he interjected.

“Right. Him. He did this crazy jump off a bench, bounced off a wall, and flipped landing on the top of the wall. Then Captain America runs and jumps, the other guy grabs him and flips up and they are both over the wall and we are like ‘wtf?’ and we have to turn around and run for the exit. But by the time we did, they were long gone” Anna finished with a smile.

“See, here’s the video” Marissa said pulling up the Tumblr site on her phone and clicking on the new video. Greg, Ryan, and Anna all crowded around the phone while Jude and Taylor looked on her phone for the video.

They were watching the guys kiss, break apart and then run. They saw the assassin do his jump twist thing when Ryan looked up and Jude made eye contact with him. Ryan’s eyes widened in shock and Jude knew that he knew. Looking down he heard Greg say “Play it again” and they were all watching it again. Taylor finally got it up and Jude saw what Ryan had seen. He had used a move that he and Ryan had been practicing for a few weeks and that Jude had finally pulled off to Ryan’s delight.

Looking up he saw Ryan staring at him with a wicked grin that he wiped off his face before the rest of them looked up. “Impressive” Ryan said innocently.

“Ryan, you do that jumping stuff” Taylor said. “Maybe you know the guy?”

Ryan looked at her and smiled. “Maybe T, but like I said. I am not helping you out someone, so forget me helping with this. Hey, we have to go!” he said standing up, ignoring Taylor grimace, and they all gathered their stuff together to walk to class. Jude didn’t have class with any of them after lunch so he slipped away quickly and was just walking into class when his phone buzzed.

 **Ryan:** pretty nice moves Jude. And your jumps weren’t bad either

 **Jude:** uh

 **Ryan:** you are so busted dude! I can’t wait to tell Rayne!

 **Jude:** dammit


	8. Chapter 8

**_Monday, after school_ **

Jude managed to avoid anyone for the rest of the day and made it home in the clear. Walking in he heard Stef in the kitchen, she was on weird work hours this week, and he headed for his room. Once upon a time it was impossible to find any privacy in the house but that was not the case anymore. As the only kid, there were tons of places Jude could go but the need wasn’t really there. Whenever he had friends over his moms were typically doing their own thing and he didn’t have to fight for a place to hang out.

He tossed his bag on his bed and seriously thought about trying to take a nap but he was too wired up. He thought about going for a run, but Jude preferred running later in the day so he decided to head to the TV room to play some video games. He walked in the room but standing there he couldn’t make a decision so he just sat on the couch for minute.

As had been happening since Saturday night, whenever he stopped for a moment, Jude’s mind went back to that kiss and how it felt. Jude was right back there, hands moving over that body, feeling the firmness that was there under the costume, the taste of their mouths coming together (Cap’s mouth was a combination of the sharpness of mint and the sweetness of honey) and it was intoxicating. Jude couldn’t imagine that alcohol could ever taste that good, that one swig of whiskey from long ago was nasty in his memories!

Jude was enjoying his memories when he was disturbed by the doorbell. Looking around he heard Stef yell out “Got it!” and he reached for the remote. He had to do something or he would spend the whole afternoon daydreaming about how it felt when those hands grabbed Jude, the strength in those arms…damn doing it again!

“Hi Ryan” he heard Stef’s voice “Jude’s in the TV room.”

“Thanks Stef” he heard Ryan say and he started to panic. He wondered if he could make it to the back yard before “Hey Jude” nope, too late.

Jude looked up and saw Ryan standing there with a smile that should have broken his face it was so damn big. “Ryan” Jude said in a monotone.

“You know…we haven’t hung out in a while” Ryan said with a smirk “and I thought maybe we could watch a movie or play a video game, huh?” Ryan had the most evil look on his face.

“What movie” Stef said coming around the corner and handing Ryan a bottle of water and tossing one to Jude.

“Well, I was thinking about the Avengers?” Ryan smiled at Stef before turning back to Jude “or maybe Captain America?” he grinned.

“Uh huh” Jude said not smiling. 

“Or we could play a game. You have Assassin’s Creed III don’t you Jude? I mean I know it’s your favorite” Ryan smiled and turned to Stef. “Want us to teach you to play?”

Stef just laughed and said no that she was going to read her book and headed upstairs.

Ryan came over and plopped down on the couch right next to Jude, looking over at him with that damn grin on his face.

“Ryan I don’t know what you think…” Jude started.

“Don’t even try it Adams-Foster!” Ryan cut him off. “I have been doing free running with you for a year now. I know how you move and what you look like when you do it. That is totally you in that video so don’t even pretend it’s not!”

Jude looked at him and saw the determination in his face and Jude started to snicker. “Dang it. I didn’t know anyone videoed me jumping” Jude confessed.

“Dude!” Ryan laughed shoving him playfully. “One, that was a sweet move, especially how you flipped the two of you over the wall and two, WHAT the hell?! Sweet, innocent Jude going all mack daddy on that guy?!”

“SHHH” Jude slapped a hand over Ryan’s mouth. “Not so loud jerk. I really don’t want my moms to know it was me.”

“Why?” Ryan looked honestly confused. “They know you’re gay, so that’s not it.”

“No, but kissing some random, masked guy isn’t exactly smart” Jude explained.

“Then why did you do it?” Ryan asked.

Jude turned to him and Ryan saw his whole face light up. “Ryan, he was absolutely incredible. It’s all I can think about.” Jude proceeded to tell him the whole story, all of the details, and by the end Ryan was laughing and smiling. 

“Damn man” Ryan said shaking his head “Rayne is so going to lose it over this. It is so funny that serious, careful Jude totally let go in the biggest way possible!” 

Jude groaned and grabbed a pillow to press over his face. Ryan grabbed it away and smacked him with it. “So what are you going to do about it? Are you going to see him again?”

“Ryan, I don’t even know who he is. I know he is a sophomore at Anchor Beach but that’s it” Jude explained. “All I know is that he is an amazing, and I mean REALLY amazing, kisser. He has an amazing body, and I want him so badly.”

Ryan’s eyebrows shot up. He has never heard that tone of voice from Jude. A voice so throbbing with raw emotion and passion. It’s like he is totally gone on this guy. He looks over when he realizes that Jude has gone quiet and he sees him looking off into space with a wicked smile on his face. What is he thinking about? “JUDE!” Ryan suddenly yells and smacks him.

“What?!?” Jude says confused, looking back at Ryan.

“You were just thinking about kissing him again weren’t you” Ryan accused.

Jude blushed – answer enough Ryan thought. Damn, if this is after two days, Jude is going to go crazy if he doesn’t find out who he is.

“Okay” Ryan said taking a deep breath “how are we going to find your guy?”

Jude opens his mouth in surprise but then smiles. He should have known that Ryan would help him out. He opened his mouth when the doorbell rang. Looking confused he got up and went to the door. He barely got it open before Taylor came barreling in and headed for the TV room.

“Okay Jude” she said all business “let’s get this figured out.” She stopped when she saw Ryan standing in the room. Jude walked in after her and saw the two of them staring at each other in surprise.

Sighing Jude said “Taylor, Ryan is here to help out.”

Ryan looked confused. “Ryan, Taylor and I decided we would try to figure out who the mystery guys are together because we could keep it secret unlike the rest of the group” Jude explained.

“Wait, you want Ryan to help us?” Taylor said defensively. She turned towards Ryan “I thought you wanted to leave them alone?”

Ryan bristled at Taylor’s comments. “No, I just wanted you to not out someone to the school because you were in a pissy mood because something happened at your little dance that you didn’t plan on happening” Ryan taunted.

“GUYS!” Jude interrupted Taylor’s reply and they both turned toward him. “You both asked me to help so we can find out who they were so I might get to know another gay guy at Anchor Beach, let’s focus on that.”

“Two gays” Taylor clarified.

“If they both go to our school” Ryan challenged.

They were getting ready to start arguing again. “Taylor!” Jude cut them off. “Ryan and I will work with you, right Ryan?” Jude glared at him and he finally nodded in agreement. “So, what’s your plan?”

**_Monday afternoon at the skate park_ **

Connor stepped into the skate park and smiled at the view in front of him. He had grabbed his board when he dropped off his books and decided he couldn’t be cooped up at home. Instead, after seeing the sweet moves that Raton had demonstrated, he decided that he needed to up his own game he headed to the park. He couldn’t do that jumping and flipping stuff, but he was good on a board, both surf and skate, so he would focus on that.

After about an hour of boarding, Connor was pushing himself into trying harder and harder tricks. Several of the other skaters were cheering him on and when he managed a particularly difficult one he had several congratulate him. Rather than slink away like usual, Connor talked with them and laughed at their comments. He was introduced to several he had seen off and on for the last year or so but now he had some names. Connor ended up staying for another hour just talking with the other skaters before he headed out.

Stopping at Mike’s Pizza, a local place the team loved, Connor went in to get a pie to go so he could eat at home for the next day or two. Walking in he looked over and saw Matt, Jake, Jake's girlfriend and several others from the team. He smiled and seeing Jake wave, he waved back and walked over to their table.

“Hey guys” Connor said walking up to the table. 

“Hey Connor” Matt said surprised to see him. “What are you doing here?”

“Grabbing some pizza. I was skateboarding and wanted to grab dinner since my dad is still out of town” Connor said easily.

“You want to join us? We just ordered?” Jake asked cautiously.

Connor smiled and shrugged. “Sure” he said and sat down in one of the chairs noticing the surprised look on their faces, especially Jake’s. “So what’s going on?” he asked with a smile.

They looked at each other “How are you doing?” Jake asked him seriously.

“Me?” Connor said surprised. “I’m great. Why?”

“Uh…you just broke up with your girlfriend?” Jake reminded him.

“Oh…yeah” Connor grinned sheepishly. “Look Jake, the truth is Daria and I were better as friends then dating. We had been drifting apart for a while now and this was just making the ending official.”

“Aren’t you mad?” one of other girls asked confused “She cheated on you with that guy.”

Connor shook his head “No.” he said clearly. Seeing the look of disbelief on their faces he just chuckled. “I’m serious. I am not mad, even a little bit. Disappointed that she didn’t just say it wasn’t working before moving on, sure. But the truth is that we were both holding on way longer than we should have. I got really busy and wasn’t paying her attention. It takes two to make a relationship work or fail.” Connor wanted to make sure that Daria didn’t get treated badly by the rumor mill.

“Wow dude” Matt said shaking his head in surprise “you are really taking it well.”

“Daria is a great friend Matt” Connor told him. “We have been through a lot and we will always be friends. If Tyler can make her happy, then I wish them all the best.”

Matt and the others just looked surprised but one girl looked devious and Connor recognized the look. “Besides” he said to Matt “I met someone myself so…”

Matt and Jake both looked shocked and that girl suddenly looked upset, yep she was going to pull something Connor thought. “Who?” Jake asked.

“Too early to say” Connor deferred. “We only been on one sorta date so it’s still way too early, but, well let’s just say that I’m really, really interested.”

“C’mon man, you got to tell us who this girl is” Matt teased him.

“No details bro” Connor laughs. “I’m not going to jinx this one!”

They continue to talk for until dinner comes and they eat. After finishing dinner, they head out and Connor says goodbye and heads home. 

Jake and Matt look at each other as everyone starts to get ready to head home. “Who do you think it is” Matt asks Jake looking as Connor skates off.

“I don’t care but I hope it works for him” Jake replies with a smile. “I haven’t seen him like that since 7th grade.” Matt looks at him with a confused look. “Matt, when was the last time Connor sat and ate with anyone from the team at something that wasn’t a team event? Be honest, you were as surprised as I was that he agreed to stay with us.” Matt nodded in agreement.

“Whoever he is interested in must be pretty amazing” Jake mused “to get us the old Connor back.”

 

**_Back at the Adams-Foster House_ **

“ARGH” Taylor groaned scratching out another idea from the notepad. The three of them had been trying to come up with ideas for how to find the guys but nothing was good enough or even had a small chance to figure it out.

Taylor was initially suspicious of Ryan’s offer to help them out but he seemed to be really trying but even his ideas had holes in them. Her first idea was to use last year’s yearbook to try and identify possible candidates but Jude reminded her that with transfers and new students the book wasn’t very accurate for this year. And with just a headshot it really didn’t help them to rule anyone in or out. 

Ryan had the idea to create a list of people who were accounted for and then try and identify who was left over. Taylor nixed that as unworkable as despite it being a major event, the dance only drew about one-third to one-half of the freshmen and sophomore classes so there were as many possibilities as they could eliminate. Then Jude brought up that all it would take would be one friend saying that someone was there when they weren’t and it would mess everything up.

After a few hours they had one idea, but Taylor wasn’t sure how good it was. Ryan had the idea to send an anonymous message to that Anchor Beach Tumblr offering to interview them. They could wear their costumes if they didn’t want to be revealed. Jude suggested that they say that one of the guys had already agreed to it and they wanted to get the other to do so.

“Why do that?” Taylor asked. 

“Well, you said they arrived separately, so maybe they are playing it carefully. Standard police technique to get one guy to turn on the other” Jude told her.

“That makes sense” Taylor agreed. Ryan looked uncertain. “But which one?” Taylor asked.

“I think we say Captain America has already agreed to be interviewed, and we want to offer the assassin guy the chance to come to the interview after school tomorrow” Jude suggested.

Ryan nodded in agreement and they drafted up the message and sent it off to the Tumblr and then went home. Taylor texted them later that the post was not only up, but had gotten a lot of reposts and likes.

Sitting in his bed Connor pulled up the Anchor Beach Tumblr that Daria had told him about and saw the pictures, which he saved, and the videos, he saved those too, as well all the comments and edits. He laughed at the one with the sappy music when a new one came in that totally surprised him. The post, anonymous, said that Captain America had agreed to be interviewed, in costume, at school tomorrow and they wanted to give the assassin the chance to come as well. Connor looked at the post in confusion as he hadn’t done that when he suddenly figured it out. Someone was trying to draw the other guy out to be exposed.

Knowing he needed help Connor picked up the phone. “Hey, I need your help” he said explaining the post and what he thought was going on. “So can you help me out? I was thinking if you showed up you could see who was behind it. Yeah. Okay, talk with you about it tomorrow. Thanks Daria!”

 

**_Tuesday at School_ **

Jude and Ryan were walking down the hall when Marissa came running up to them. “Did you guys hear?” Marissa asked out of breath. “Captain America agreed to do an interview and they asked the other guy to come as well.”

“Really?” Jude said, surprise in his voice. 

Ryan looked at him sideways and smirked. “Really?” Ryan said doubt clear in his voice. “They are just going to reveal themselves?”

“Supposedly they will be in costume” Marissa told them. “Are you going to come see them?” she asked.

Ryan smiled at how excited she was and he could tell she wanted him to “Sure” he agreed.

“Why not?” Jude said with a shrug.

Marissa squealed and took off down the hall towards her next class while Ryan just smiled as he watched her leave. He then turned towards Jude and shoved him. “Nice acting bro” he teased.

Jude just smiled. “So how bad do you think this is going to get?” he asked. 

Really bad. By lunchtime it was all over the school and everyone was talking about it. Just about half the school was planning on being at the meeting location and Taylor was nervous about the whole thing. “This is getting crazy” she whispered to Jude. “I am hearing that kids from all grades are planning on showing up to see who they are. There is no way that guy will show up with this crowd.”

“You are probably right, but what can we do about it now?” he asked.

“I don’t know, but let’s wait and see” she told him.

It was the end of school, but unlike every other day, no one was leaving. Everyone was hanging around the back of the school waiting for the guys to show up when all of a sudden Marissa yelled for Taylor. “Taylor, the guy posted on the Tumblr!”

Everyone pulled out their phones to pull it up including Jude who saw the new post. It was posted from an anonymous user and the message said: 

_“R-, Cap here. Never agreed to meet – not our place. It’s a trick.”_

Jude smiled at the note knowing it was from him. He was certain that it was from him when he mentioned the place. Taylor groaned and realized that she didn’t count on the other guy getting the word out. Everyone was grumbling and Ryan smiled briefly at Jude as they started to walk out of school. Everyone was unhappy but Jude had to hold down the urge to do a little dance that Cap had warned him…it meant he cared.

Getting back home, Jude went upstairs and logged onto Tumblr to post a message anonymously and started typing a message.

_“Hey Cap. Thanks for heads up. Didn’t think it was you. Nice pics tho! - R”_

Jude laughed and logged off and headed down to dinner with a smile.

After dinner, which was fun listening to Lena talk about how the teachers viewed the whole incident with the fake interview, Jude went up to his room to get on his computer. He didn’t have any real homework so he logged in and saw another post that caught his eye.

_R- Hey. Liked the pics too. - C_

Jude’s phone goes off and he sees it’s Taylor.

“Hey Taylor” Jude answers.

“Okay, so plan A didn’t work. What’s plan B?” she starts without wasting time on greetings.

“Taylor they are working with each other. How do you think we can get them now?” Jude asked more curious because he knew how devious she could be.

“I have a great idea, but it has got to be a total secret. No one else can know, not even Ryan” she told him.

“Taylor, we can trust him” Jude assured her.

“Not this time Jude” Taylor said with a smirk. “I was talking with some of the kids and found out that Wendy, from science class, she was actually in the parking lot when the chase happened and she didn’t see anything.” She sounded really excited.

“So? I don’t get it” Jude said confused.

“If she didn’t see them in the parking lot Jude, then that means they didn’t drive to the dance. They walked to school. So that means that not only do they live close to the school, but they had to get there and back in costume. So we can say that there was a witness who saw them go in their house and give them a chance to come out first” Taylor said triumphantly.

“Taylor” Jude said concerned “what about not outing them to the school? I thought this was to find the other gay kids, not to force them out of the closet.”

Taylor was silent for a minute before replying “Okay fine, we can tell them to contact us or we will reveal it. Happy?”

Jude was quiet and getting concerned. Taylor was getting obsessed with this and it wasn’t cool now. Jude wasn’t sure how to get her off this but he knew if he challenged her she might stop telling him stuff which would be even worse. “Okay. So what’s the plan?” 

Taylor laughed. “Check out the Tumblr feed. Already got it posted. See you tomorrow!” She hung up with another laugh.

Jude saw an anonymous post: 

_“Hey Captain America. Saw you on Saturday walking to your house after the dance. What a scoop for the school paper!”_

Jude was worried about how he would respond to Taylor’s scheme when he saw a post from him:

_R - Someone spotted me! I’m sorry! - C_

Jude quickly typed a reply.

_C – you didn’t walk, they are guessing - R_

Jude sat back and pulled out his phone and called Ryan.

“Hey Ryan” Jude said when he answered “Taylor is losing it.” Jude proceeded to tell Ryan what was happening and they both tried to come up with an idea to get Taylor to let it go but it didn’t look good. She was bound and determined to figure this out no matter what and the only thing that Jude could think about was to tell her the truth and he really didn’t want to do that yet. He wanted to find the guy first.

After hanging up he realized that other people were also posting messages to the board. Looking at them he started reading the posts. Most were positive and complimentary. A few were from jerks obviously, but there was one from someone named lostcaliboy that really caught his eye. The message was from someone who thought it was so cool that there were other gay kids at Anchor Beach and he wasn’t alone anymore. He was really glad that even though he didn’t know who they were, just knowing they were there was cool. 

Jude saw another new post.

_R - Thanks for the warning! - C_

Jude realized it was late so he decided to turn in and go to bed. Who knows what was going to happen tomorrow.

 

**_Wednesday morning at Anchor Beach_ **

Taylor walked in to the school fuming mad and she couldn’t get anyone to understand why it was important. Okay, she admitted to herself, it was a bit petty, but she was pissed off. She worked like a dog on that damn dance and she wanted it to be the event of the season. It would have put her in a position to get some serious traction for college. Taylor knew that grades were not enough anymore, you had to have recommendations, outside activities, and more to get the attention of college admissions people. Taylor wanted to make sure that she got to a top tier place and that included getting scholarships and when someone messed up her plans, she got angry.

Speaking of angry, Taylor was shocked to see Connor Stevens walking in to school early and was he whistling? He was smiling and after the scene in the cafeteria on Monday, she was surprised he was so happy. Sure he wasn’t upset if they weren’t really dating, but she thought he would have had a slightly different reaction. 

Walking up to him Taylor decided it was time to clear the air. Connor had avoided her and Jude for over two years and she wanted to know why. If she couldn’t find out who those guys were, well then, she was going to some kind of answers to something!

“Connor” Taylor said in a flat voice walking up to him.

Connor turned in surprise “Taylor?” he asked. “What…what’s up?” Taylor could tell he was caught off guard by her being there.

“I wanted to see how you were doing after the big break up and all” she said in an empty tone.

“Um..okay I guess” Connor replied obviously confused.

“No major emotional trauma? No crushing disappointment?” she asked sarcastically.

Connor didn’t understand what was going on. “Taylor what are saying?” he asked her.

“Just concerned for a former friend and his fake relationship” Taylor said sweetly.

“What?” Connor stuttered.

“C’mon Connor. I caught Daria making out with at least two other guys and I know you didn’t care. She told me that you were more friends than boyfriend/girlfriend. I got why she did it, but I never understood why you did. Of course, I don’t understand most of what you have done the last two years so hey, not a big thing I guess” Taylor shrugged and turned to walk away.

“Taylor wait” Connor said reaching for her arm. “I want to apologize” he said when she turned around in surprise.

“Apologize for what? Dumping me and Jude like we were trash? Never talking to us? Playing with Daria’s feelings? Lying to the whole school? Acting like a total tool?” Taylor listed out.

Connor just listened and when she paused for a breath replied “Yes.”

“Yes to what?” Taylor said sounding annoyed.

“Yes to all of that Taylor. I’m sorry for everything for these last few years” he said sadly.

Taylor looked at him in shock. Taylor counted herself a good reader of people and she could usually tell when someone was being honest or not and she had to say that Connor looked and sounded sincere. “Then why did you do it?” she asked him, wanting to finally know why.

Connor sighed and ran his hand through his hair, an old gesture he did when he was trying to think carefully. “Taylor, the night I got shot it was just luck that it was me and not Jude that was shot. I freaked out thinking about the fact that I pressured him into coming out that night, then into going to your house to drink and it could have gotten him shot or worse. I wasn’t a good friend to Jude and I figured he would be better off without me. I knew I was his only real friend so I figured if I also pushed you and Daria away, then you would be his friends so he wouldn’t be alone” Connor explained.

Taylor was stunned. Of all the things she had contemplated as the reason for Connor’s behavior, trying to protect Jude was not even a glimmer. If he was being honest, and again she thought he was, then Connor had pushed his friends away to protect Jude and she had to admit that in the last year or so Jude had really…well she hated to use the term, but he blossomed. He was popular, had friends, was much more outgoing and was even a sorta jock. But, that still didn’t explain everything.

“Connor I get that, but you could have stayed our friend and just been a better one” Taylor offered.

“No Taylor, I couldn’t. It’s complicated but I just didn’t think I should hang around you guys anymore” Connor told her. “If it makes you feel better, I am pretty sure it was a stupid idea looking back on it. Like you said, I could have made a different choice and things might have been different, but I screwed it up. Jude could have been my best friend Taylor and I hurt him bad by driving him away. I know I can’t undo or fix that, and I will have to live with the mistakes I made, but at least I know now it was a mistake.” Connor smiled sadly and walked away leaving Taylor standing there in total shock. This Connor was not the d-bag she had spent the last two plus years hating on. He looked so sad and wounded, like someone had kicked a puppy. Walking towards her class she wondered what the hell had happened to him to give him this epiphany.

 

**_Wednesday, After School, the Stevens House_ **

Connor walked into his house feeling an electricity in the air, like right before a storm hit. His dad was due back today and he was coming home to a totally different son and Connor had been trying to decide what, if anything, that he was going to say to his father. Flopping down on the couch, Connor strained to think about what would happen if he told his dad who he really was. 

He was tired of it. He was tired of lying about himself. He was tired of pretending that his feelings weren’t real or valid. He was tired of pushing away the one person who had helped him find himself. And why? Because his dad had, all unknowingly, convinced Connor that he was bad for Jude. He felt sick to his stomach thinking of all the times he pushed away, avoided, or ignored the quiet boy who stole his heart in 7th grade. Connor remembered that first day he was standing in Jude’s room listening to him describe being in the foster system. It nearly killed him to think of anyone, let alone Jude, being treated like that. And the way he said it…just like it was normal and something he expected to happen. Connor felt so guilty for having a good life in that moment and what made it 100 times worse was that Jude hadn’t let it turn him angry or bitter. Even when being abused or bullied, he stayed true to himself and Connor realized that was the thing that had drawn him in so quickly.

Jude had this core of identity that didn’t depend on someone else telling him who to be. He just was. Connor remembered the fight he and Jude had over Maddie, he still can’t believe they fought over who would date a girl! He cringed remembering how it made him feel when Mariana said ‘it’s a girl’ and hearing that she had asked him out. Looking back Connor knew it was jealousy that made him want to ask her out, not interest. And their fight and how he said he wouldn’t go to Jude’s adoption. That was just being cruel. He had felt so bad after he said it he didn’t know how to take it back but once again it was Jude who reached out and apologized to him. To this day he was so glad he went that day. If he hadn’t, he would never have forgiven himself.

Then the tent. That innocent kiss that Connor stole, much to Jude’s surprise, a kiss that set his heart to pounding. Kissing Chelsea during spin the bottle was nothing in comparison. Even kissing Daria later never made Connor feel the same. Daria…all the pain that caused everyone because he was too scared of too many things.

Connor remembers with shame the time when he called Jude ‘a little bitch’ and then walking off feeling so angry. The anger had faded quickly and then the guilt had come. He had asked Jude to lie and it had cost his mom her job but when he ‘confessed’, even to another lie that would keep Connor’s dad happy, Connor hadn’t appreciated what he did but instead had lashed out at him again.

No. By the time of the shooting, Connor had done one thing after another to hurt Jude and he had convinced himself that he was being noble instead of the truth: he was running away. Connor was a coward. Staying with Jude would have meant admitting his feelings and the truth about being gay and he looked at that choice in the face and ran. He ran to Arizona and has been running ever since. But Connor was done with running.

The front door opened. “Connor? I’m back!” he heard his dad yell as he walked in at exactly the wrong time.

 

**_Meanwhile at the Adams-Foster House_ **

Jude and Ryan were talking in Jude’s room about what to do about Taylor. Her obsession was getting out of hand and they were worried about what she would do next. “Jude, have you thought about telling her?” Ryan asked carefully.

“Of course” Jude replied. “I have been thinking about telling her but I am not sure how she would react. She might calm down but she might also go ballistic” Jude sighed. “I am afraid to see what she might come up with next. The biggest concern I have is whether she will cut me out of the next plan altogether due to her paranoia about it.”

“Jude, she will listen to you, you have to try” Ryan said sympathetically.

They continue to talk when the doorbell rings. Jude gets up since he and Ryan are the only ones home at the moment and is surprised when he opens the door and sees Taylor. Not that her showing up was that much of a surprise, but she looks…confused.

“Taylor” Jude asked carefully. “What’s up?”

Taylor looks at Jude, almost surprised to see him. “Can we talk?” she asks quietly. 

Jude waves her in uncertain as to why she is acting so strange. “Ryan is here, is that okay?” he asks as they walk in to the TV room.

Taylor just nods and sits down without saying anything. Jude and Ryan look at each other unsure of what to do. Taylor is never this subdued. Jude wants to press her but decides to let her find her own safe place before talking.

“I spoke with Connor” she says without preamble.

Jude is floored. First, Taylor hasn’t said his name in months and even then it was ‘Stevens’. Second, there was none of the anger or hostility that normally is clear in her voice whenever she talks about him. At first, Jude never got why she was so mad at Connor. The two of them weren’t really close so Connor ignoring her couldn’t have been that upsetting, but he finally figured out that her anger was because of Jude and how Connor had treated him. 

Jude had a ton of questions he wanted to ask her but he held back. He had held on to the fantasy of Connor for so long it had become a reflex, a scar that he picked at unconsciously and couldn’t let go of but now it didn’t feel that bad. A new set of lips had dominated his thoughts and he had felt himself let go of that puppy love he had back then in favor of the passion of someone new. Jude waited and when Taylor looked at him, guilt in her eyes, he decided to wait silently but with encouragement in his eyes.

“I saw him walk into school, whistling and all happy and it really pissed me off like never before. I was in a bad mood and seeing him happy made it worse. I decided to ‘check on him’ and ask how he was doing now that his fake relationship was over” she confessed.

“Fake relationship?” Ryan asked confused. Jude sighed at Taylor’s admission that she knew the truth about him and Daria.

“Yeah” Taylor told Ryan. “Connor didn’t want to deal with a bunch of girls demanding his time so he and Daria agreed to date so that they would leave him alone but it was never really real. She even kissed guys before Tyler and he didn’t care.” Taylor smirked a bit at Ryan’s shocked expression and then lost the smile when she saw the look on Jude’s face. “You knew?” she asked him.

Jude nodded. “Daria told me last Christmas” he confirmed. “I found her crying in the library and she told me the whole story. Surprised she told you though.”

“I caught her kissing Billy and Cody and she finally confessed when I may have made a comment about her morals” Taylor said trying not to look at Jude but still seeing the disappointment there.

“Anyways, Connor freaked out a bit when I told him that but then I confronted him about why he did it. Why he stopped being our friend and treated us so badly” Taylor said sadly looking at Jude.

Jude sucked in his breath. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know anymore. Once, he would have given anything for it to make sense but now?

“He apologized and basically confessed that he was a total ass about it” she told them. “he said some other stuff I don’t know if I should share, but I think I get it. I mean I don’t like it but…I think I understand why he made the choices he did.”

To say he was stunned would be the understatement of all understatements. Taylor had been so mad, so angry about what Connor had done that he didn’t think she would be able to let it go let alone be able to say that she understood what he did. “What did he tell you?” Jude asked softly.

Taylor shook her head. “Jude I want to tell you, I really do. But I think it would really be wrong to do so. If Connor is going to fix this…then he needs to do this.” Taylor looked at him with a sad face “But I do think, maybe, that if you do…I won’t be against it.”

Jude laid back against the couch. If you said the sun would rise in the west tomorrow you would not have gotten a more stunned reaction from Jude. Taylor was ready to forgive him? Wow.

Taylor was still sitting their quietly when Jude saw Ryan looking thoughtful as he stared at her. “Taylor?” Ryan asked and when she looked up “What about the guys? Do you have another plan?”

Jude looked at him uncertain that this was the time. Ryan didn’t understand the whole Connor thing and though he had asked, Jude had never shared details. Even Taylor didn’t know that Jude and Connor had kissed…twice.

“I don’t know anymore” Taylor said with a sigh. “I was steaming mad this morning but this whole Connor thing has totally messed me up. I want to know who they are, but maybe it’s better I don’t. I mean I probably would have revealed them just because I was feeling pissed off. But I still don’t get why they are hiding” she grumbled.

“Well” Jude said slowly “maybe I don’t want the whole school knowing.” Ryan’s eyes widened. Did Jude realize what he said?

“I get it Jude” Taylor said with a groan. “They may not want to be out and I should respect that.” She slammed her head into the cushions.

Jude looked at Ryan with a smile and they both started to snicker that quickly grew into open laughter. “What?” Taylor said looking at the two laughing boys but that only set them off even harder. “Why are you laughing?” Taylor yelled which only made them laugh harder.

Finally getting control of himself, Ryan looked at Taylor “Sorry, sorry” he wheezed “it’s just that you normally are not this clueless” he choked out which set Jude off again.

“Boys!” Taylor huffed with her arms crossed. “I said I get it that maybe they don’t want the school to know…” she started that set the boys off again. “Seriously!?” she yelled.

Jude smile and looked at her and then got enough control to wheeze out “That’s not what I said” he managed to get out.

Taylor looked confused and thought back but that is what he said! She decided he was being a dork and threw a pillow at him. Jude dodged and jumped up and ran out to the back door and was in the yard leaving Ryan and Taylor behind. They quickly followed him outside and Taylor laughed when Jude ran and jumped up on the table. He spread his arms open. “Taylor…don’t you get it yet?” he teased her.

Ryan snickered beside her as she looked so confused. “Jude…what” she started when Jude jumped back down and smiled at her. “Have you seen that anywhere recently?” he was smiling broadly.

Taylor’s brain wasn’t working. Seen that recently? The last time she saw someone jump like that was… “NO” she screeched. Jude started laughing and she turned towards Ryan who was also laughing at her. Taylor kept looking back and forth between the two boys shaking her head in disbelief. “It’s not possible!” she shrieked.

Jude walked over to her and smiled “Sorry…definitely possible. You mean you never considered it could be me?” he asked laughing at her.

“NO!” she wailed. “I saw them and you can't be one of them! It’s not…I saw…ARGHH!!!!” 

Ryan was holding his sides laughing when she turned towards him glaring “You said you didn’t know who it was!” she screamed.

Ryan looked at her, wiping tears from his eyes, “I lied” he said easily.

“I HATE YOU!” Taylor yelled and starting slapping at Ryan before Jude rescued him by grabbing her arms. 

“Taylor! Calm down!” Jude told her. She turned towards him and punched his shoulder “YOU LIED TOO!”

“I never lied” Jude said easily. “I may have let you believe something, but I never lied.”

“You said you didn’t recognize them” Taylor said. 

“I didn’t, at least not from the pictures. You looked right at me Taylor and didn’t recognize me either” Jude said smiling.

Taylor crossed her arms and pulled away from Jude stomping over to one of the seats. She was pissed that Jude and Ryan had totally played her. She stomped around for several minutes just mad at the two of them, shooting them death glares that they just laughed at. Finally, looking back at them she took a deep breath. “Okay…I want the whole story Jude. No more secrets!” she demanded.

Jude looked over at Ryan and they both smiled. Walking over Jude sat down and started talking. He told Taylor about his decision to go to the dance after all after putting together a costume for Comic-Con and meeting Captain America. He didn’t get too detailed about how much Cap affected him but he did smile a whole lot.

“I can’t say I’m not totally shocked Jude” Taylor confessed. “But it seems that when you finally decided you wanted a boyfriend you went all out huh?”

“Well I don’t know about that Taylor. I don’t even know who he is” Jude told her.

“WHAT?” Taylor yelled again.

Jude then explained that he didn’t know who Cap was or how to reach him. Taylor was stunned. She really thought they were a couple who just came to the dance, not that they were strangers that met there and hooked up. “Wait a second” Taylor said suddenly looking thoughtful. “When we tried to trick them with the interview, you said to say Captain America had agreed! You knew he hadn’t so he would figure it out.”

“Yep” Ryan said laughing. “We were making sure your plans wouldn’t work Taylor. You were kinda crazy about finding out who they were. It wasn’t right T” he told her.

Taylor nodded in agreement. She had already figured that out and had been feeling not too good about it and she was kind of glad that Jude had prevented her from accidently outing someone. “You don’t know who Captain America was?” she asked. Both of them shook their heads. “Then how are we going to find him for you Jude?”

Both Ryan and Jude looked at each other confused. They had no idea of what they were going to do now.

 

**_Back to the Stevens House_ **

“How was the wedding?” Adam said walking in the house and putting down his suitcase.

“I didn’t go. It was called off” Connor replied tonelessly.

“Why not?” Adam asked coming into the room smiling. Connor was looking at him so strangely, like he was angry about something.

“The groom got the maid of honor pregnant, the bride took a bat to his truck and then ran off with her ex. Mom didn’t think I needed to come for the drama after that” Connor replied.

“Oh…well did you go to the dance?” Adam said sitting down.

“Yes…yes I did. Got to see Daria making out with another guy since she thought I wasn’t coming. We broke up in case you care” Connor growled.

Adam was surprised, not only at the news but at how his son was acting. It was almost as if he was blaming Adam for everything. “I’m sorry to hear that Connor. It sucks but I am sure that you will find another girl who will appreciate you” he said trying to cheer him up.

“You’d like that wouldn’t you?” Connor said in a low tone.

“What do you mean?” Adam asked confused. “Connor are you angry about something? Because I do not understand why you are mad.”

“Yes I’m mad Dad. I’m mad because I have spent the last two plus years being miserable because of you!” Connor yelled at him.

Adam reared back at his son’s vehemence. He didn’t understand what had set him off like this. He remembered how Connor had isolated himself but he thought that was all fixed when he got back with his girlfriend. “Connor I don’t understand. I thought you were happy with this girl…” Adam started.

Connor laugh was not one of joy or happiness but was clearly of pain. “Happy!? You want to know the last time I was happy? The day I was shot. That was it. That was the last time I actually had a day that I actually enjoyed. Every day since then has sucked!” Connor yelled moving away from his shocked father. “I have been trying to stay busy with baseball and school so I wouldn’t have to think about how much I hate my life!” Connor hadn’t planned to lose it but he did. He felt the tears sliding down his cheeks as he looked into the absolutely stunned face of the man that he had blamed for destroying his happiness.

“Connor…” Adam croaked out.

“I HATE YOU!” he screamed and saw the shock and pain in his father’s face at those words. He looked like Connor had hit him with a bat he was so completely confused. Connor was shaking so hard he could barely see straight and when Adam stood up and reached for him he flinched backward causing another wave of pain through his father’s face.

“Connor…I don’t understand. What have I done” his voice was broken with emotion. “Why would you hate your life?”

“Because of YOU!” Connor snarled. “I gave up everything I cared about. I lost my friends, my…best friend, everything so that I could be the little carbon copy you wanted. The popular guy, the jock that all the girls chase, right?! That’s all you cared about. Did I make the team? Do I have a pretty girlfriend? Can you brag about me to all your friends? You know what was a fantastic day for me? The day when coach told you that you couldn’t be involved in my training. And you want to know why? Because that was even less time I had to spend with you and maybe, just maybe, I could actually like baseball instead of hating it!” Connor yelled at him.

Adam stepped back at the pain in his son’s words. He was lashing out and Adam didn’t understand but he suddenly remembered David talking to him about his fears that Connor was unhappy. He had tried to tell Adam that Connor had been shoving down his feelings. That he was still messed up from the shooting and his claiming that the shooting was the day he was happy? That didn’t make sense. He also remembered him saying he had no friends and suddenly he realized that since that day he had never seen a single friend of Connor’s at the house or Connor went to theirs that he knew of.

“Connor I don’t understand” Adam felt his own anger rising but each time it rose up it froze in his throat when he saw his son’s raw pain and anguish. He was afraid. He truly didn’t know what Connor was capable of like this. He had never seen his son like this, so…broken.

“Of course you don’t! You haven’t cared about me since mom left!” Connor screamed at him, eyes blinded by tears. 

Adam felt his blood freeze. They had never talked about the divorce and Connor’s mom leaving and it hurt Adam’s pride to know that his marriage had failed. He couldn’t find the words to deal with how that felt and he now realized that he never stopped to think about how his son felt losing his mother, not to death, but to what he saw as abandonment. “Connor, of course I care about you. I love you!” he tried to calm his son down and reached for him.

“HAH!” Connor laugh froze Adam in place with shock. “You don’t know how to love anyone dad. Love is caring about someone, wanting THEM to be happy, protecting them from the world. You are a bastard bully who only cares about yourself!” Connor yelled at him.

“Connor” Adam’s voice got very quiet. “That’s not true and you know that. I have only ever tried to do right by you. I know I have pushed you, but that’s because I want you to live up to your potential. I have even tried to fix it when I messed things up. When I made you break up with Daria, maybe I was too quick to judge, but I tried to fix it by saying it was okay for you to be together.”

“ARGH!” Connor screamed in frustration. “I NEVER WANTED TO DATE DARIA DAD! I didn’t sneak out that night to see her!” 

Adam was totally confused. “I don’t understand…”

“I SNUCK OUT SO I THAT I COULD SEE JUDE!” Connor screamed, his voice raw with pain.

Adam reared back like he was struck. “What…what does that mean?” Adam whispered.

“It means that I’m gay dad” Connor said, the words pushing through his clenched teeth. “I knew I was gay and I wanted to be with Jude but you, you couldn’t stand the thought of it. The disgust in your voice when you talked about him, how you couldn't stand the thought of a gay kid being around me, the hate in your voice when you told me I couldn’t stay over at his house or be friends with him because you thought he was gay. It was like you were sticking a knife in my gut. I didn’t get it then dad, but I understand it now. It wasn’t that you were worried about Jude being gay, you already thought that I was gay and you were scared that I would realize it with Jude.” Connor threw the words in the stunned face of his father. “And guess what dad? I did! I figured it out but I swallowed it down till it nearly killed me!”

Adam shook his head in denial. The fear he had felt back then surging back after having been buried for so long in denial. That boy who had made Adam so nervous because of how his son had looked at him, how he had feared what it meant had been left behind, hadn’t it?

“I fell for my best friend dad. He was the best thing that ever happened to me and you know what I did?” Connor said his words full of spite. “I listened to you! I believed you when you said I was a bad friend and influence on him. I listened when you said I hurt him and so I decided to drive him away. I pushed him out of my life telling myself it was to protect him but it wasn’t! It was because I was a coward who wouldn’t stand up to you. Who wouldn’t look at you and tell you who I really was. Instead I gave up having friends or anyone who would be close to me in my life. I focused on baseball and school and kept every other person out of my life. Congratulations dad!” Connor snarled. “You won! I’m just like you!”

Adam recoiled from those words. So similar to what Connor’s mother said to him when she left. Telling them that he pushed her away. That he was more concerned with what others thought of him than what his own family was feeling. Adam had thrown himself into his work to escape the failure of his marriage and the realization that by doing so he had also thrown away his son. How could he have not seen the pain Connor had been dealing with the last two years?

“But I’m done dad!” Connor said, his voice finally under his control. “I am done being the shell of a person that you are. I am done lying to myself, you, and everyone about who I am. I am gay dad and I am done hiding it. And if you don’t like it, I really don’t give a damn.”

Adam could not hold himself up and he crashed into the couch looking at his son like he had never actually seen him before. “Connor…are you sure...” he started but Connor cut him off.

“Don’t you dare” Connor voice was low and dangerous. “Don’t you dare say it’s a phase or that I’m too young or any of that crap. I know! I have known for years and after this weekend, I finally have the confidence to stop hiding it. I am not going to be a coward anymore!”

“This weekend?” Adam asked not sure he wanted to know the answer.

Connor smiled. The first real smile Adam had seen on Connor's face since he walked in the door. “Yes. Because I met someone. Someone who helped me remember who I am” Connor smile twisted wickedly. “Because I kissed a boy….and I liked it!” 

Adam blanched.

“And if you can’t deal with it dad…then I can leave. Uncle Patrick made it clear I would always have a place there” Connor said with finality and walked out and headed for his room. Adam sat there in stunned silence when he heard Connor’s door slam shut. He was drained of everything, he didn’t know what to do and he still didn’t know how to process everything that had just come at him like a tornado.

But that last thing Connor said made him confused. Picking up his phone Adam dialed and sighed in relief when he heard the voice on the other end.

“Patrick” Adam said “I need help.”


	9. Chapter 9

**_Stevens Ranch, Arizona_**  
Patrick and Sara sat in their living room with David trying to figure out what to do. Ever since David had told them about Connor’s phone call they had been trying to determine what was going to happen. David worried that after repressing himself for so long that Connor was going to explode at the slightest provocation. David’s mom was fairly certain that Adam was going to be the target of that explosion since Connor blamed him, rightfully so she thought, for so much of the pain he had dealt with since that summer.

David wanted to head to San Diego right after that phone call but both of his parents had felt that it would be better to wait. They could not be sure that Connor would in fact do anything, he could just be caught up in the emotional high he was feeling from this weekend. Showing up unannounced might cause more harm than good and would not be appreciated.

David was again pushing to go to San Diego and Patrick was about to remind David of the reasons not to, again, when his phone rang. Looking down he saw his brother’s name and he realized that the decision may be out of their hands. “Hello Adam” he said into the phone causing Sara and David to go suddenly silent. 

“Patrick” his brother’s voice, rough and emotional said “I need help.”

“Of course Adam, what’s wrong? How can I help?” he said trying to make sure Adam felt his support.

“It’s Connor” Adam said causing Patrick to look up at David and Sara and nod confirming their thoughts. 

“What about Connor? Is he okay?” Patrick asked carefully.

“No…I don’t think so Patrick. I just got back from a trip and he…he just exploded on me. He was screaming, telling me that he hated his life and that he hated me” Patrick could hear his brother’s broken voice starting to lose it. “He was so angry Patrick, I have never seen him like that before, but he was hurting so bad. I have never seen him like that, it was terrible.”

“Adam…did he tell you why he was angry?” Patrick asked his brother.

“Did you know?” Adam asked instead of answering. “He said you told him he would always have a place with you.”

Patrick sighed. “Adam, when Connor came that summer he said some things to David, things that made Sara and I concerned that he was feeling alone and hurting. He never told Sara or me why and we didn’t push him to, but we felt it was important that he feel secure so we did make sure he knew that we loved him and that he would be welcome if he ever needed us” Patrick told his brother. “Adam, what did he tell you?”

There was silence on the line for several moments and Patrick worried he had lost Adam. “He said he was gay” Adam whispered. Patrick looked over at David and nodded at what they were all thinking and saw the fear and concern on his son’s face. 

“And what did you say” Patrick softly asked. 

“I don’t’ know exactly Patrick, I was just so shocked. I barely could say anything to him, he kept yelling at me and cutting me off every time I tried to talk” Adam tried to explain.

Patrick sighed and signaled David who pulled out his phone and walked to his room. “Adam, did you tell him that you loved him? That you didn’t care if he was gay? Did you reassure your son?” Patrick pushed his brother.

Adam stammered his reply “Patrick, it’s not that simple” before he was cut off.

“Yes big bro it is” Patrick cut him off. “It is that simple. Did you make sure that your son knew his being gay didn’t change anything?”

“It does change things!” Adam said emotion choking his voice. “It changes everything” he muttered into the phone.

Patrick sighed and looked at his wife and prayed for support. This was going to be more difficult than he thought.

 

**_Upstairs in the Stevens’ House_ **

Connor slammed the door behind him and flipped the lock, he was not going to deal with his dad again without getting some control over himself. He was pacing around his room as he suddenly realized everything he had just said and done. Not only did he come out to his dad, but he pretty much went psycho on him and he hadn’t been planning on doing either of those things. But when his dad had walked in with that look on his face after everything that Connor had been thinking about over the last two years he just lost all control.

He pulled out his phone and started typing.

 **Connor:** I need your help!

After a few moments his phone dinged in response.

 **Daria:** What’s wrong?

 **Connor:** I just told my dad I’m gay

 **Daria:** WHAT? Why?

 **Connor:** I didn’t mean to…I just snapped and started yelling at him. I pretty much went crazy on him.

 **Daria:** What else did you say?

 **Connor:** Besides that I was gay? That I only dated you because of him; I hated my life; I hated him; and that I had liked Jude and only drove him away because of him. 

**Daria:** shit!

 **Connor:** Yeah. 

**Daria:** Are you okay? What did he say?

 **Connor:** He was kinda stunned and tried to say it was a phase. I shot that down. Told him I would go live with my uncle if he couldn’t deal with it but I was done with lying about who I was

 **Daria:** Connor, I’m so proud of you. Do you need to come over? 

**Connor:** Don’t think so, besides not sure it’s a good idea for your ex to sleep over. Might upset the new guy.

 **Daria:** I can handle Tyler. Besides, not like you’re gonna try anything. 

**Connor:** Thanks, but I’m good.

Connor’s phone rings and he sees that it’s David.

 **Connor:** My cousin is calling. TTYL

 **Daria:** OK. Call if you need ANYTHING.

Connor answers the call. “Hi David” Connor says to his cousin.

“Con, are you okay?” David says, concern heavy in his voice.

“I guess. Why’d you call?” Connor asked surprised that he was calling in the middle of the week.

“My dad’s on the phone with Uncle Adam right now. He said that you came out to him” David said the worry clear in his voice. “So while my dad talks to his brother about your conversation, I want you to talk to me cuz. Are you okay? Say the word and I will be on the next plane to San Diego!”

Connor smiles at his cousin’s fierceness. He proceeds to tell him about the entire conversation with his dad and everything he said. David’s eyes get wider and wider as he listens to Connor’s recitation of what he told his father. It was exactly what David had feared would happen. Once Connor started talking, it would all come out and he understood now why Adam was so confused. Connor had been shoving down pain, anger, and frustration for over two years and almost all of it could be traced back to things that his dad had said or done, unknowingly or intentionally, to make Connor be the vision that Uncle Adam had of his son. But after kissing that guy, Connor was done with accepting the rigid limits that Adam had tried to define him with and he was taking control of his own destiny. It was going to be a long night.

And it was. David was on the phone with Connor for nearly two hours before he said he wanted to sleep so David let him go with a reminder to call him, day or night, if anything happened. Going back downstairs he ran into his mother who was still watching and listening to his dad talk to Uncle Adam.

“How’s Connor doing” his mom asked him.

“Exhausted, physically and emotionally” he answered. “But I think I got him to calm down enough to sleep. But he is a bundle of nerves mom and if Adam messes up, it’s going to get ugly fast. How’s dad doing with Uncle Adam?”

“Not as good. Adam apparently suspected about Connor when he was younger, there was some issue with one of Connor’s friends right before he spent the summer with us” she told him.

“That would be Jude” David said. At her look “I didn’t tell you guys everything we talked about, just what you needed to know. He deserved some privacy mom.”

Sara just nodded. “Anyway, this boy, Jude I guess, was what caused Adam to freak out so when Connor got a girlfriend, Adam was relieved. Then when he and the boy stopped being friends, it was even better for Adam. Your dad is trying to get him to see the last two years from the viewpoint of a boy who was lying about everything to Adam and your Uncle is struggling.”

“I don’t get it mom” he asked her confused. “How come dad and Uncle Adam are so different? I mean dad has never said anything bad or negative about gay people, quite the opposite. I mean you both have had gay friends over and it always felt that they were welcome in our house. Why does Uncle Adam have such a negative view of them?”

Sara sighed. “Your Uncle was the older brother and, like Connor, he was athletic, popular, and quite the big man in school. All the girls liked him and the other boys looked at him as a natural leader. Unfortunately he was also a bit of a bully. Not all the time or he wouldn’t have been popular, but he was cruel to those who were different or who didn’t fit in” she explained. “Your dad worshiped Adam like he was a superhero until he saw Adam and his friends tormenting a freshman for being ‘not manly enough’ and they made the boy’s life a nightmare.”

“Kind of surprised it bothered dad if he hero worshipped Uncle Adam” David mused.

“Well, the boy they were tormenting was one of Patrick’s friends” Sara said and saw David’s eyes widen in reaction. “Yes. He basically saw his hero terrorizing his friend and laughing about it. It really bothered Patrick though I am not sure Adam ever knew about it, but it drove a wedge between them. I think on some level it broke a lot of trust that Patrick had for Adam.”

They both looked over to see Patrick listening intently as he paced on the phone with Adam. “What do you think is going to happen?” David said worriedly.

“I don’t know honey” she told him honestly. “I think right now that Patrick is mostly trying to keep Adam from making things worse. We aren’t even up to fixing things. Why don’t you go on to bed? I will stay with your dad as long as it takes and if something happens, I will wake you…promise.” 

David nodded and headed upstairs knowing it would be hard to fall asleep worrying about his cousin.

 

**_Thursday morning at the Adams-Foster House_ **

Jude woke up ready for school and he had a decision to make. The school had continued to buzz all week with all the attempts to find out who he and Cap were and he was certain, somehow, that they would connect again and when that happened, what was he going to do about it? When he went to the dance, he certainly wasn’t planning on any of that happening, he had even been planning to stay for the unmasking to surprise his friends and moms with his costume. But then after meeting Cap and his amazing lips, as well as everything else that had happened combined with their running away from the crowd, he had decided not to admit to it. And if he was truly honest with himself, he enjoyed watching everyone try and figure it out while he smiled and laughed at their efforts from the sidelines.

But now that the adrenaline and excitement of running had long faded, he had realized that when the truth came out he would have to answer for not fessing up. Ryan and Taylor both knew already, so really the only ones left who might be mad when he got revealed without them knowing beforehand were his moms. Should he tell them now or wait? Stepping out of the shower he realized that while mama would probably understand, she would probably be disappointed, and Stef, while she would be happy for him, would still ground him for lying. He sighed knowing that he better come clean before they found out on their own.

Walking into the kitchen he saw both of them sitting at the island laughing. Lena looked up at him with surprise “Good morning honey” she said with a smile. Stef looked over and smiled as well. “You’re up a bit early this morning” Lena said with a curious look.

“I uh, I kind of wanted to talk to you both” Jude mumbled as he sat down.

“Sure thing boo” Stef said with a smile “what’s up?”

Jude fidgeted and kept looking at them and then back down. “Well, it’s about a conversation we had earlier. We were talking about some things and, well, I kind of wasn’t entirely honest about something you asked me about” he said quietly.

“Kinda wasn’t honest” Stef said carefully repeating each word in what Jude and his siblings called her ‘cop voice’. Stef was trying to remember what he could be talking about. “What are you talking about Jude?”

Jude looked over at Lena for support before looking back at Stef. “You asked me if I had any idea about who the guys who kissed at the dance were” he said carefully.

“Yeah. And you said you didn’t” Stef replied.

“Well, technically, I never said exactly that” Jude countered. Stef raised an eyebrow at him. “Honest, I was very specific mom. I never actually said that I didn’t know. I asked why you thought I would know and maybe I then diverted the conversation around so that I didn’t actually have to lie, but I managed to avoid directly answering your question” Jude clarified.

Stef looked at Lena before turning back to Jude “So, you dodged the question by distracting me?” Stef asked slowly and Jude nodded.

“Why love?” Lena interrupted.

Jude took a deep breath. “Because I know who one of the guys is and I didn’t want to tell you.”

Lena looked at Stef in surprise before turning back to Jude. “You could have just said that Jude. We would have respected your wish to keep your friend’s confidence.”

Stef narrowed her eyes “Jude?” He looked up and saw that she had a question in her expression like she knew that there was more and he sighed.

“It’s not that” he said carefully “…exactly.”

“Then what is it?” Stef asked him.

“Jude?” Lena prodded when he was still quiet.

“It was me” Jude said barely above a whisper, but he knew they heard him by the sudden intact of breath from both of them.

“Jude, what do you mean ‘it was you’?” Stef asked carefully as Lena stood up and walked over and placed her hand on Jude’s shoulder.

Looking up at both of them he straightened his shoulders. “I was one of the two guys at the dance who kissed” he said much more clearly. “I was Ratonhnhaké:ton” he told them. At their confused looks he laughed “He’s a video game character. The guy who wasn’t Captain America” he explained.

The both nodded in understanding. “Why didn’t you just tell us?” Lena asked him looking at him without judgement or anger.

“Well” Jude said slowly “I’m not entirely sure. I mean at first it was really fun that no one knew. It was really exciting when it happened and well, then I kinda enjoyed watching everyone freak out and try to figure it all out. Especially when Taylor started coming up with all these plans to find out who we were and I kept messing them up while pretending to help.” Jude smiled as he thought of that. “But I started to get a little worried that you might be upset about it” he said looking at Stef.

“Upset? Why would we be upset Jude? Just because you kissed a boy?” Stef said confused.

“No…not that…exactly” he drew out his reply before giving up. “Because I have absolutely no clue who the guy in the Captain America costume is.”

“What do you mean you don’t know” Lena was confused.

“Just that. We were wearing masks at the dance and I could tell that we were both trying to disguise our voices. We started flirting after we bumped into each other and it kept getting more and more…fun I guess, then one thing led to another and suddenly we were kissing, like really kissing, and then suddenly we were caught making out by other kids and we ran to avoid being unmasked. We separated after we got away without getting the other person’s name. So not only do I not know who he is, I don’t know how to even contact him” Jude said putting his hands in his head.

“Jude…that’s…” Lena tried to find the words. She had seen the video, everyone had, and those two, well Jude and the other guy she now knew, certainly didn’t look like they had just met.

“So romantic!” Stef suddenly gushed to the shock of Lena and Jude who both looked at her stunned. “What?” she said defensively “It is! It’s like a great romance story and you know it. Strangers meeting at a masked ball, flirting and falling for each other, kissing fiercely, then when facing discovery and being revealed, they run from the crowd without being able to get the other person’s real name…it’s so adorable!” Jude forgot that despite her hard exterior his mom was a total sucker for rom-com’s and he couldn’t count the times he had caught her watching those cheesy movies. 

Lena laughed at her wife’s enthusiasm and looked at Jude who was blushing in embarrassment. Hugging her son to her side she smiled again “Jude I was serious that you didn’t have to tell us even before we found out that it was you, but I am glad you told us. But can I ask why you decided to tell us now?” Lena asked.

“Well, Ryan saw one of the videos and recognized me so he knows. Remember when he came over on Sunday mom?” Jude looked at Stef and she nodded. “That was him coming over to confront me about it. And then yesterday Taylor came over and since she had finally calmed down about the whole thing and seemed ready to give up on finding out who we were, I went ahead and I told her” Jude smiled remembering yesterday. “She totally freaked out and was really mad” he laughed. “But she said she would help me figure out who the other guy was so I wanted you both to know before that happened.” 

“Why? Not that we aren’t glad you told us honey” Stef asked curiously.

“Mom…he was just…incredible” Jude could feel that sappy smile take over his face again. “I mean it was nothing like I expected it to be. I have got to find him again” Jude said the feelings clear on his face. “Because he is amazing and hot and just everything. I know I said that I wasn't sure I was ready to be out at school, but for him, I would definitely be ready!” Jude sighed happily.

Stef and Lena looked at each other a bit worried “Jude, um…are you sure about that? I mean you know we will support you no matter what but I want to make sure that you are not getting swept up in all of the excitement…” Stef started saying but was cut off by Jude’s laugh.

“I’m haven’t lost it mom” he assured her. “Even though it might sound like it. I am, however, completely into this guy. Mom, kissing him was like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. I mean it was so awesome” he gushed.

“Well first kisses usually are” Lena said with a small smile. 

Jude blushed. “Well…it wasn’t actually my first kiss with a boy. I had that a while ago” he said and laughed at their shocked expressions. “But that was so different. It was sweet and innocent and just, well, it was nice, but the kiss at the dance…that was something else entirely” Jude said with a catch in his voice.

“Different how?” Lena asked softly.

“Mama…he was…it’s all I can think about. But now I finally get it. I have seen my friends go all stupid when they start dating. The constant touching and kissing and stuff that they do always seemed so ridiculous to me and I always laughed at them for how they acted, but I totally get it now. I really want to kiss him again” Jude said earnestly.

“Oh boy” Stef muttered. Jude looked over at her as she smiled “You got it bad, don’t you?” she said with a small smile.

“Really bad” Jude confirmed. Stef came around and they both hugged him. 

 

**_Thursday Lunch at Anchor Beach_ **

Connor walked in to the cafeteria and headed over to his regular table where Daria was talking with Tyler along with several of the others of their group. Jake and Matt both paused to look up at him as he walked up but remained standing.

“Tyler” Connor nodded to the other boy, much to his obvious discomfort. It seemed that Tyler was still rather nervous around Connor, much to the blonde’s amusement. “I really need to borrow Daria for a minute, if that’s okay?”

Tyler looked very confused and unsure but Daria squeezed his hand and leaned over to kiss his cheek. “I’ll be right back” she told him and stood up and walked outside with Connor.

“How are you doing?” she asked him once they were out of earshot of the others. “How did things go last night?”

“Nothing else happened” Connor told her. “I haven’t seen or talked to my dad since last night. I talked with David for over two hours and then went to bed. When I got up this morning my dad was already gone so I didn’t see him. I have also been getting texts and calls from David every couple hours checking in on me.” He smiled at how protective his cousin was being.

“Connor I’m sorry. I know that this has been really hard on you, but I’m glad your cousin is supporting you” she said laying her hand on his shoulder. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Help me find the guy” Connor pleaded. “I’ve got to see him again D. He’s all I think about!”

Daria smiled at how Connor had totally lost his cool over this guy. She was surprised as she thought she would feel jealous or upset or something, but the truth was that her feelings had shifted over the months and she felt more sisterly than anything about Connor. She was a bit melancholy about it, but knew that was more a result of feeling sad for loss of a dream that she had in 7th grade rather than real disappointment about her and Connor’s attempt at a relationship. Just a few days of being with Tyler showed her clearly what a relationship should be. The passion, the excitement, the infatuation with the other person. She had that now, just the thought of Tyler sent chills up her spine and now it seemed Connor was feeling it too. “I don’t have any new info on that front” she told him “but I did find out who was behind all of the attempts to figure out who you two were. The ‘fake interview’ and the ‘eyewitness’ schemes.”

“Who?!” Connor said excited. 

“Taylor” Daria said and Connor rolled his eyes.

“Of course it’s Taylor” Connor groaned. “I should have guessed that on my own. Who else would be come up with the idea to pull that stuff to uncover a mystery?” 

“The good news is that I think she pretty much has had no luck” Daria said sympathetically.

“Well, I guess that’s something at least” he muttered. “But if she can’t figure it out, I’m not sure how much luck we are going to have on our own.”

Daria smiled in sympathy but didn’t have much else to add. Taylor had always been a master schemer and if she had come up empty, then Daria was not sure what else they could do. 

“Babe?” a voice behind them called. Daria turned around and saw Tyler walking towards them with a nervous look on his face. He was walking towards them uncertain of what he would encounter, Connor could tell that he was still very nervous about Connor and Daria hanging out no matter how she had reassured him that he had nothing to worry about.

Daria smiled and wrapped him in a hug. “Thanks for your help D” Connor said and nodded at Tyler. Tyler looked a little stiff standing there hugging Daria in front of her ex but it looked like Connor didn’t even notice them. “If you find out anything, let me know okay?” Connor smiled at Daria, nodded to Tyler and left. He walked back towards the cafeteria and saw Jake and Matt standing there watching him. 

“You okay dude?” Jake asked Connor, the concern clear in his voice.

“Yeah” Connor tells them. “Daria was helping me try and figure out something and I was getting an update. Unfortunately she hasn’t had any luck with it.” Connor frowned as he wondered whether he should confront Taylor directly about what she was doing. He hadn’t seen a new scheme yet but figured it was just a matter of time. Speaking of Taylor, he looked over and saw Taylor sitting with Jude, Ryan, and the rest of their ‘crew’ sitting at their usual table. Taylor was smiling at laughing with Jude and Ryan which was a bit of a surprise considering how mad she had appeared to be over the last few days.

“What are you trying to figure out? Can we help?” Matt asked Connor breaking his train of thought.

Connor looked back at his friends trying to decide what he wanted to do. Should he come out publicly and hope that Raton would find him? Should he find another solution? “We were trying to figure out who those guys at the dance were” Connor admitted instead. “Daria was snooping around, but we have had no luck.”

“Why do you care?” Matt said obviously unhappy with what Connor said that they were doing. “Shouldn’t they have the right to decide whether or not they want to come out to the school? Maybe they don’t want everyone knowing who they are?”

Jake looked at Matt surprised by the passion in his voice. “Uh, yeah, I guess Matt’s right and it should be up to them to decide that” he agreed carefully.

Connor was surprised by Matt’s comment. Why would he be so…Connor’s eyes widened “Matt…were you one of the guys?” he whispered, Jake’s eyes got huge and he turned to look at their friend.

“What?” Matt said with an easy laugh “me? No, sorry. I’m afraid my costume wasn’t that impressive. I was dressed as a pirate and was there for the unmasking with Jake and a lot of the team.” He looked over at Jake who suddenly felt stupid as he remembered Matt’s costume. “But whether or not I was one of them, I still feel the same. They should be able to be free to decide for themselves. Connor, we have no idea how many kids at Anchor Beach are gay and in the closet and deciding if and when they come out should be up to them.”

Connor smiled at his teammate’s conviction. “I would never out someone Matt” Connor said sincerely. “I have a personal reason to find out who they are, but I wouldn’t tell anyone if I did find it out.” Seeing the doubt in his friend’s eyes Connor grabbed Matt’s shoulder “I swear Matt. I promise that I wouldn’t tell you even if it turned out one of them was Jake” he promised.

“Oh ha ha” Jake said sarcastically. 

“Look guys, it’s not really that important and without any leads, nothing is going to happen” Connor tells them. “And I’ve got to go. I will talk with you later.” Connor walked out of the cafeteria but not before looking over one last time and suddenly he found himself making eye contact with Jude who had been watching Connor talk with Jake and Matt. Connor couldn’t decipher the look on Jude’s face while they looked at each before Connor turned away to leave. Connor wondered if Taylor had told Jude about their conversation.

 

**_Thursday Afternoon in the Anchor Beach Library_ **

Taylor was online in the library during her free period with a list of students and had been going through the Facebook, Tumblr, and Instagram accounts of her fellow students trying to eliminate possibilities. Though no longer looking to expose them, she thought that maybe she could help Jude find his Captain America if she tried harder. She knew that Jude and Ryan had discounted this idea, and she wasn’t having much luck, but she thought she could at eliminate some of the possibilities. Though she was still worried that he might not be a sophomore for real, but she had to try.

“Taylor” a voice said and she looked up to see Daria standing there looking at her with a disappointed expression on her face.

“Daria” Taylor said not wanting to deal with this right now. “I’m kind of busy at the moment.”

“I can see” Daria said with a smirk. “Another scheme to expose the kissing boys?” Taylor looked up at her in surprise. “I mean after your last two schemes failed.”

Taylor stood up looking at Daria in surprise. “What are you talking about Daria” she said suspicious of her old friend.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about Taylor. Your fake interview? Your fake witness? Now you are going through the Facebook pages of the students at Anchor Beach. Not too hard to figure out what you are doing” Daria told her exasperated. “Why can’t you just let it go Taylor?” she asked.

Taylor sat back down and took a moment to reevaluate her old friend. It was easy to forget that Daria was not really a bimbo even though she seemed to relish playing the role of the boy-crazy, popularity seeking, airhead. But the truth was that Daria had always been smart, she just preferred not to show it or to let others know that. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to Taylor that Daria had figured out she was behind those attempts, but it still did a little. 

“Fine. Yeah I was trying to figure out who they were, but it’s not important anymore” Taylor confessed.

“Really?” Daria said doubt clear in her voice. “Then why are you looking up sophomore boys on Facebook?”

Taylor sighed at that. “I am trying to find out something, but it’s not to out them to the school.”

“Promise?” Daria asked seriously.

“I swear” Taylor assured her.

“Let me see your list” Daria sat down next to her and looked over at the list. Taylor had scratched off a number of names, but there were still a few there. Looking at the list she smiled. “Well you can scratch off Tyler, Matt, Jake, and Connor from your list. I was with Tyler, Jake and Tiffany were together and Matt had the most pitiful pirate costume you can imagine and Connor was in San Francisco at his cousin’s wedding. You can also scratch off Mitch, Daniel, Ricky, and Walter.”

“Why those four?” Taylor asked suspicious. 

“Well Mitch was dressed as a zombie from Walking Dead and while his costume was pretty normal, the makeup job took hours, as he told us all night. Daniel broke his wrist a week before the dance, Ricky has all the grace and agility of a turtle since he typically manages to trip on shadows when walking, and Walter is 5’5” so I think that eliminates him unless he was wearing some serious heels” Daria laughed.

Taylor laughed with her but then raised an eyebrow “Ricky could be faking his clumsiness” she suggested.

Both of the looked at each other for a second and shook their heads “Nah” they both said and laughed. Ricky was a total klutz and had been since elementary school. That was a little too long to be faking it.

“Anyone else?” Taylor said hopefully as there were still a lot of names of the list. 

“Not off the top of my head. Want me to take a copy and look?” Daria offered.

“No. It’s okay” Taylor said with a smile. “I should probably let it go anyways. Thanks Daria.”

Daria smiled and walked out looking down at her phone and the photo of about half of Taylor’s list that she managed to get without her noticing. Smiling to herself Daria thought it was a pretty good use of her time.

 

**_Thursday after school at the Steven’s House_ **

Connor walked up to the front door of his house and took a deep breath after seeing his father’s car in the driveway. Not sure why, but his dad was at home and Connor was going to have to deal with him upon entering the house and he paused outside to try and collect his thoughts and feelings. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen.

Stepping through the front door Connor didn’t see his dad and let out the breath he was holding as he turned for the stairs. He got two steps up when he heard that voice.

“Connor?” his dad’s voice came from the other room. Connor froze on the steps and closed his eyes for a moment. “Can you please come in here?” Adam’s voice was steady and calm. No anger or emotion seemed to be present, but he was serious. Connor turned back towards the door and hesitated about whether or not he wanted to deal with this right now. 

“Connor” said a very different voice. 

Looking up towards the living room Connor thought he was imagining this. Standing in the doorway was David smiling up at him. “Hi cuz!” David said happily.

Connor ran down to his cousin and grabbed him in a big hug, pounding his back and smiling at seeing him standing there. “What are you doing here David?” Connor asked smiling at his cousin.

“Connor?” another voice said from the living room. Connor walked through the doorway and saw his father standing there with his Uncle Patrick. His Uncle smiled and walked towards Connor as he grabbed him in for another hug. 

Connor smiled at his Uncle before turning to look at his father. All three of the other men could clearly see the sudden tension and defensiveness that overcame Connor when he looked at his father. The reaction to his simple presence caused Adam to flinch in almost physical pain. Patrick stepped over to Adam’s side and put his hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Maybe we should all sit down” Patrick suggested.

Adam nodded, not meeting Connor’s eyes but he sat down with Patrick next to him. Connor sat down and David sat down beside him smiling in support for Connor. 

“Adam…you wanted to say something to Connor?” Patrick prodded his brother.

“Connor” Adam said in a quiet voice “I’m sorry if I ever made you feel that I didn’t care about you or that you had to lie to me about who you were. That was never my intention.”

“If I felt I had to lie?” Connor said disbelievingly. “You knew about me dad, you knew and you did everything you could to force me to be straight. Don’t pretend that you were there for me dad!”

“Connor” Patrick said calmly. Connor looked over at him. “Your father and I spoke last night for some time about you and I can assure you that not only does he love you, but he realizes that he has definitely made some mistakes with you.”

Connor was shaking his head when he felt David’s arm on his shoulder. “Con, you know that my parents and I are always here for you right?” David asked. Connor nodded. “So you know that no matter what, you have family that will always stand by you. You can listen to Uncle Adam and if he tries anything, I promise you that we will get you out of here before he knows it” David said fiercely. 

Adam started to respond to that when he felt an iron grip on his hand. Looking over he saw his brother grasping his wrist. “Adam don’t. I’m sorry, but David is right. I want you and Connor to make this right, you need it, both of you. But both of you also need to know that if you can’t resolve this, Connor will have a safe place to go. I love you big brother, so much, but I love my nephew as well. Connor is old enough to know his own mind and heart and you need to convince him that he can trust you. The last several years have told him that he can’t, so you have a long way to go Adam. You can't order him to forgive you, you have to earn it.”

Adam looked suddenly ill but he paused before he turned to look at Connor and swallowed. “Connor you are right. I did suspect that you were gay, and I did try and push you to not be, but you are wrong about why” Adam began. “I’ve seen how kids who are different are treated. You have always been so open and friendly and caring Con. I didn’t want you to have to face the dangers and abuse and cruelty that people inflict on those who are gay. And yes, when I thought that Jude was gay too, I totally freaked out and tried to keep you apart. I saw how the two of you were together and it terrified me Connor. I didn’t want to see you beaten up or killed because you were holding hands with some boy.” Adam shook his head. “Connor, when I was in school, I was one of those bullies who picked on kids because someone decided that they weren’t ‘man enough’ or tough enough or were just different. No kid in our school was gay that we knew of but we still hurt them. I never even thought that what we were doing was bad, it just was the way things were.”

Connor looked at his dad with such disappointment in his eyes. His father feared for his safety from people like himself.

“Guess this is the universe’s way of paying you back huh?” Connor said in a bitter voice. “You bully kids and call them gay and then you get a gay son. Real funny huh?”

Adam just shook his head. “That thought had occurred to me more than once Connor, but all I can say, and keep saying, is that I’m sorry. I wish I could go back and fix what I did but I can’t. I can’t undo all the harm I did to those boys growing up, but I wanted to protect you from that. Being good at sports was a way to protect you from bullies and abusers. Yes I thought that you might be gay, but I was never sure. And when you started dating that girl and seemed so upset that I made you break up with her…well I convinced myself that all of my suspicions were just my guilty conscience. That I was just being afraid and over sensitive because of the kid I used to be. I mean I didn’t even know that you and Jude stopped being friends till halfway through 8th grade when Lena told me at a parent’s night event.” Adam sighed. “I am really sorry son for not noticing what was going on with you. From the divorce to all of this. I wish you could have told me but I understand why you didn’t. All I can tell you Connor is that I love you and I just want you to be happy.”

“Even if it means I am gay?” Connor asked hesitantly.

“Yes” Adam replied.

“And I am out to the whole school?” Connor pressed.

Adam looked up, concern clear on his face and ready to argue but he stopped himself. He looked at Patrick who only nodded. “If that’s what you really want, then yes” Adam said in defeat.

“And when I have a boyfriend?” Connor pushed again. Adam looked up uncertainly. “He will be welcome in this house? You won’t make us feel like we are not okay? He can be in my room?” 

Adam smiled a bit and shook his head. “No to being in your room unless the door is open son. But yes on the rest.” Adam took a deep breath “Same rules apply to your boyfriend that would apply to a girlfriend.”

Connor smiled briefly then got serious. “And when I decide that I want to have sex?” he said quietly. 

Adam closed his eyes and counted to ten before opening them and looking at his son. “Son, I don’t know about all of that but I do know that I want to make sure that when you do, that you are safe and protected so we will deal with it. Though please, just not right away okay? I still need a little time with this. I am trying and I want you to feel safe in your own home, so I will get some help and advice. But I will probably screw things up from time to time, so please be patient with me” Adam said shaking.

Connor felt his eyes tearing up as he looked at the man he had been so afraid of, and so mad at, for so long. Adam stood up and walked over to him and he stood up before he was pulled into a hug as he felt his father shaking. All he ever wanted was for his dad to accept him for who he was, to feel safe and loved and cared for by the man he had looked up to for so long. Connor had spent a lot of time angry at his dad and that wasn’t going to go away overnight, but it was a good start.

David looked over at his dad and saw the pride in his face as he looked at his big brother. He wondered if this is how he used to look at Uncle Adam when they were kids before he learned what kind of person his brother was towards those who were weaker than him. He didn’t have any illusions about his uncle and he knew that things would probably be tough for some time, but it was definitely a start and his cousin could finally be the person he needed to be.

 

**_Later that night_ **

Connor was in his room thinking about the rest of that day. The four of them had gone out to eat and it had been fairly pleasant, but not very substantial. Uncle Patrick and David were heading back tomorrow, they just came to make sure that Connor was safe and supported and that made Connor feel really good. He also understood that they were there to help his dad with all of this and he was glad that they did. His dad had agreed that Connor’s decision on whether or not to come out to friends, teammates, or the entire school was entirely his to make and though he was still worried about the possible consequences, Adam had agreed to allow Connor to make that call.

Connor knew that he would not stay in the closet for much longer, it had been too confining for him for too long, but before that he wanted to try and find Raton, but if he couldn’t soon he might just reveal himself to get him to contact Connor again. But before that he needed to have one conversation that was long overdue before the word went out…he owed him that much at least.

 **Daria:** Hey! On my way over. Got some stuff for you.

 **Connor:** What?

 **Daria:** Taylor’s next plan. Be there in five!

Connor sighed and thought maybe he should just tell Taylor and put her out of her misery. He couldn’t understand why this was such a deal for her but this was turning in to an obsession. Walking out of his room he knocked on the guest room door and told David that Daria was coming over and did he want to meet her.

“Meet the infamous Daria?” David teased. “Oh I have definitely got to meet this girl!”

They headed downstairs where his dad was still talking with Uncle Patrick. Now it seemed that they were telling stories about growing up or something. Connor was debating joining them when he heard the knocking on the door. Opening the door, Daria stepped in with an evil smile on her face.

“Did I come through or what?” she said entering the house with a flourish. “Who’s that?” she said looking at David with a big smile.

“I’m David, Connor’s cousin” he said smiling back. She was hot David had to admit.

“Daria. Connor’s fake ex-girlfriend” she said saucily.

“Don’t you have a boyfriend D?” Connor sighed.

“What? Oh right. Sorry” she said with a wink at David. “Missed opportunities” she sighed theatrically. “I’ve got info on what Taylor’s doing and have even taken steps” she told him.

Connor led them into the kitchen where she told them about running into Taylor in the library, helping with the list and ending with showing them her photo of the list. I figure we could use her info as well” Daria said smugly.

“Okay” David said slowly “but how did this help Connor? I mean you cut the list down for her.” 

“Well true, but nothing she wouldn’t have been able to do on her own. And while I was at it I removed Connor from the list so that kept him safe” she bragged and basked in the admiration of the two boys. “But what’s left are boys that could be your mystery man Connor.”

“You said you only got about half the list though” Connor said frowning at the picture.

“Yeah, but most of that page was already eliminated by Taylor. It had people she knew or could eliminate like Ryan, Derrick, Jude, and the rest of the track team. So I think we have the best chance to work it through.

Daria stayed for about an hour during which they were able to eliminate a half dozen more names, but that was it. There were still too many people on it but they had made progress.

Not too far away another person was looking at that same list and had managed to eliminate eight possibilities from her list. Taylor had been doing a lot of cross checking and verifying and though it was getting more and more difficult to make progress she felt that she owed it to Jude. Putting aside the project she picked up her phone. She needed to talk to her boyfriend and think about other things for a while before she went stir crazy.

 

**_Friday morning – Anchor Beach_ **

Connor walked into school early that morning. He had said goodbye to David and Uncle Patrick this morning and his dad was driving them to the airport to head back to Arizona. Breakfast was…okay. He had a feeling things were going to be tense for a while, but his dad had said he could accept him and Connor was willing to give him a try. Having Uncle Patrick to help both him and his father made all the difference Connor was certain. If it had just been the two of them, he wasn’t sure that his dad would have been able to come so far so fast.

He had a good bit of time before classes started and decided to walk outside and sit on the beach and do some thinking. He hadn’t been alone to just think for a while and he really needed a break from all of his friends and family. Walking out on the beach he walked to the water line to get lost looking at the waves coming in to the shore. Turning his head to scan the horizon, Connor noticed a shape out on the rocks. Someone was sitting out on the big rocks watching the waves like he was. Curious, Connor decided to drift over in that direction to see if he could figure out who it was.

As he walked his thoughts drifted back to the dance and Raton. He had looked at the names on Daria’s list over and over again and none of them felt right. He knew he was probably wrong to do so but the more he thought about those names, the more certain he was that they were not going to find him this way. Connor looked up and realized that he was close enough to recognize the person out on Inspiration Rock. It was…Jude. It was Jude sitting there on the rocks, watching the water.

Connor gulped and steeled himself. He needed to do this even if he hadn’t planned on doing it quite this soon. It was probably better in the end that his hand was forced as he would probably try and avoid it. Walking out along the rocks Connor stumbled a bit, it wasn’t exactly an easy place to reach. Climbing up the rocks Connor sat down and looked over at Jude who was watching him without any emotion on his face. “You know this is a pretty tough place to reach. You might have picked a place that is easier to get to” Connor said trying to sound funny.

Jude looked at Connor in mild surprise. That was the first thing that he had said to Jude in over a year and he picked that? Jude shook his head and looked back out at the water. The two of them sat beside each other for a while just watching the water go in and out. 

“So” Connor said after a few minutes “I…I uh…I wanted to apologize to you.”

Jude turned at looked at Connor raising an eyebrow but he didn’t say anything.

Connor sighed. He knew this wasn’t going to be easy but he had hoped that Jude would take some sympathy on him but he supposed he didn’t really deserve it. He looked into those expressive brown eyes that he had missed for a long time and shook his head. “I don’t expect you to forgive me Jude, but I did have a reason to do what I did. In hindsight it was a bad reason, but I thought I was doing the right thing for you when I did it.”

“How was losing my…best friend...the right thing Connor?” Jude said softly.

Connor looked up before continuing. “Do you remember the night we snuck out and went to Taylor’s? The night I got shot?” Connor said looking over at Jude who just nodded. “Do you remember what happened right before the gun went off?”

Jude furrowed his brow trying to remember but that night was a blur and the sharpest memories he had was of the blood and the coppery smell that went with it. “I don’t think so” he said carefully.

“As we were running I hit one of the walls and bounced off it and then bumped into you, knocking you to the side” Connor told him.

Jude looked over at Connor and frowned. “I don’t remember that, it couldn’t have been that much of bump though” Jude said trying to understand why this was important.

“Jude…if I hadn’t bumped you at that moment, it could very easily have been you that got shot” Connor said looking at Jude. Jude frowned again “I’m serious Jude. Do you realize how close you came to getting shot that night?” Connor asked him.

“Okay, but Connor that was an accident” Jude replied.

“Yeah. But why were you there? Because I convinced you. I convinced you to go to Taylor’s after you said you wanted to leave. You snuck out because I convinced you to sneak out. We snuck out because I was too much of a coward to stand up to my dad and instead kept dating Daria, who I had been dating to make my dad happy no matter how much it hurt you” Connor said looking down at the rocks. “I kept hurting you Jude with every decision I made. Then when I was sitting in that hospital bed and my dad started yelling at me about why I had snuck out and I so badly wanted to tell him it was to see you. I wanted to stop lying and pretending but I chickened out, like always, so I said it was to see Daria.”

Jude looked at Connor speechless. He thought he had been hurting him?

“Then when I told him that you had tried to get me to go home, I guess I wanted him to think good of you, he said you could have been shot and it would have been my fault” Connor said his voice catching. Jude almost reached out but held back.

“I think that was when the nightmares started” Connor said low, but Jude still heard him.

“Nightmares?” Jude asked carefully.

“I kept dreaming about that night, but instead of me getting shot it was always you. I would see you lying there in a puddle of blood. Sometimes your moms and family would show up, sometimes not. I usually woke up when you died, but not always” Connor said in a monotone.

Jude grabbed Connor’s hand and squeezed and Connor looked over, his eyes cloudy with unshed tears. “I went to a therapy group that summer with some war vets that my Aunt was helping” Connor told him. “They helped me see that I had PTSD from the shooting and I found out that a lot of the guys had nightmares like I did about losing friends.”

“When did they stop?” Jude asked quietly. “The nightmares” he clarified when Connor looked confused.

Connor took a deep breath. “About six months ago” he answered.

“You were having nightmares about me getting shot for almost two years?” Jude said the sadness clear in his voice.

“It got better over time. It was every night when it started and for the first few months, but it tapered off. At the end it was only once or twice a month” Connor said unemotionally.

“Did you talk to anyone about it?” Jude asked him.

“You mean did I tell my dad that I was having bad dreams?” Connor asked the sarcasm clear in his voice. “No Jude. I wasn’t talking to my dad about anything, let alone anything important. I just did what I always did: I smiled, focused on classes and baseball, and acted like everything was fine.”

Jude frowned. He knew something bad must have had happened to change the boy he had known but he couldn’t have guessed this was it. “Connor I’m so sorry” Jude told him.

Connor shook his head and smiled. “Jude you don’t see it do you? This is why I thought staying away from you was a good idea. You always made decisions that put yourself second and me first Jude. I was being selfish and you were being hurt. I figured if I pushed you away then you would be safe. I knew that I was almost your only friend so I pushed Taylor and Daria away as well so you wouldn’t be alone when I stopped talking with you” Connor confessed.

Jude just nodded, it made sense knowing Connor.

“So I stayed away from you so you would make new friends that would make you happy instead of miserable” Connor said avoiding looking at Jude. “And I was right you know” he looked over and Jude could see the raw emotion in his face. “You made good friends. You even joined a sports team and became a jock…a great runner. You are even popular. You have to admit that things are better for you than they were in 7th grade Jude.”

“They are” Jude agreed. “But Connor, you are also wrong. You say that you staying away from me helped me get all that stuff, but you don’t know that. I could have gotten all of that if you and I had stayed friends. And you didn’t exactly stay away from me did you?” 

Connor frowned in confusion. “Blake and Jeremy” Jude reminded him and smiled when he saw Connor’s eyes widen in surprise. “You know I still get a small warm glow whenever I see that crooked bump on Jeremy’s nose” Jude smirked.

“You knew?” Connor said shyly.

“That you basically threatened the entire school with physical violence if they harassed or bullied me? Yeah I found out about it but since you didn’t seem to want me to know I never said anything” Jude confessed. He smiled again at Connor’s blush. “But that doesn’t explain why we couldn’t still be friends.”

Connor sighed. “Jude I couldn’t be around you and just be friends, you know that.”

Jude looked at Connor but didn’t show any reaction. “No I don’t Connor. Tell me why” Jude pushed softly. Connor looked at him and saw the slight smile on his face.

Connor smirked “You just want me to say it, don’t you?” Connor asked with a small laugh. “I liked you Jude. Like, liked you. That way. And I just couldn’t be around you and not be with you. It hurt bad enough when I decided to push you away, it would have killed me trying to pretend I didn’t care if I was constantly around you. Besides…there was no way that you would not have seen through what I was doing” Connor admitted.

Jude smiled briefly and squeezed Connor’s hand again. Connor looked down and then looked into Jude’s eyes. “You should have talked to me Con” Jude told him.

“I know Jude, but I was so scared. I was scared of hurting you and I was scared of being honest with myself and with my dad” Connor admitted.

“That’s why you had that fake thing with Daria? So you wouldn’t have to deal with other girls and it would make your dad happy?” Jude asked. Connor looked at him in shock “Daria told me last Christmas. I found her crying in the library and we talked about it.” Jude looked at Connor questioningly.

“I admitted to myself that I was gay that summer” Connor admitted. “My cousin David in Arizona helped me with it and was someone I could talk to but I didn’t tell anyone else…well until now that is. Daria figured it out on her own but she didn’t tell me she knew until we broke up.”

“Wow” Jude said with a smile. “Connor I am really proud of you. So does anyone else know?”

“Well my Aunt and Uncle know, I’m pretty sure that David told my Aunt and Uncle that summer and…well on Wednesday I sorta told my dad” Connor said slowly.

“You told your dad?” Jude said shocked. “Connor that’s huge.”

“Well I didn’t exactly tell him. I kind of yelled it at him. I went off on him yelling and screaming about everything that I had been repressing since the shooting” Connor admitted. He proceeded to tell Jude about the whole incident.

Jude’s eyes widened as Connor gave a detailed description of his explosion with his dad. “Connor…I don’t know what to say. I mean I am proud of you for standing up for yourself. But…are you going to be okay?”

“Not really sure to be honest” Connor said looking at Jude. “But I think I will get there. My Uncle and David were at my house when I got home yesterday and they helped me and my dad talk. He’s promised that he was going to try to deal with all of this, but he said that he can accept all of this, can accept me as well although I’m not sure he’s ready for me to have a boyfriend” Connor laughed at that.

“A boyfriend?” Jude asked carefully.

“Yeah” Connor said and Jude was surprised at how his face lit up with joy. “I met a guy and he was incredible.”

Jude felt a pang that he couldn’t quite explain. He and Connor had barely even seen each other over the last two years so why should hearing that Connor found someone make him feel like this? “That’s great Con” Jude said slowly but Connor didn’t notice. 

Connor was smiling and thinking of Raton again…he really needed to get this under control. Shaking his head he turned back towards Jude he didn’t notice the strained smile on the other boy’s face. “We better get back” Connor said standing up and pulling Jude to his feet “if we don’t want to be late.”

“Connor” Jude said letting go of his hand finally “I’m really happy for you.” He smiled at the blonde boy before him. “I hope you will be happy. Both with yourself and your new guy.”

“Thanks Jude. I hope so too” Connor said as they started walking back towards the school. “Sorry, I guess I kinda hogged the conversation. What about you? Are you…” Connor stopped and looked nervous.

Jude laughed softly. “Yes Connor, I’m gay too. I told my moms and Taylor the summer before 9th grade. I met Ryan and his brother Rayne that summer as well and Rayne…well Rayne is not only very gay, he is very out and proud. He knew the moment we met that I was gay, said he had super gaydar or something, and he convinced me that I could trust Ryan so I told him too. I guess that’s it until today” Jude said. “Well I guess there is one other guy who knows” he smirked.

“Jude, are you dating someone?” Connor teased.

“Not exactly…well I hope to. I met a guy who’s really awesome and I hope that it will become something more” Jude said with a secret smile. 

“I hope so too Jude. You totally deserve it” Connor assured him. Connor stopped and pulled Jude into a hug and he felt Jude tense up for a moment before his arms came around Connor, returning the hug. They separated and Jude looked into the eyes of his first crush and smiled. “Thanks for talking to me Connor. I really missed this. Maybe…maybe we could try being friends again?” Jude asked him.

Connor looked at him and nodded “I’d really like that Jude” Connor said. Suddenly the first bell rang and they both waved slightly to each other and headed off to their classes.


	10. Chapter 10

Jude walked towards his first class still reeling from his conversation with Connor. All this time, Connor had been seeing himself as a bad friend, someone who had hurt Jude by his choices and actions and the only solution that made any kind of sense to him was to push Jude away so that he would have a better life. A life of safety and security but a life without friendship or maybe even more. Jude had never shared, not even with Taylor, his moms or his sisters, how much it hurt losing Connor. The only one who truly knew was Jesus and he had kept Jude’s secret.

 

**_Summer of 7th Grade, Jude & Jesus’s room_ **

Jude had gone to bed early that night after getting back from Connor’s. Standing on that porch, hearing Adam say that Connor had already left for Arizona had hurt Jude a lot more than he expected it to. Ever since the night of the shooting Jude had been concerned about what was happening. Connor had been distant and abrupt. Every time Jude visited, called, or texted, it felt strange: like Connor was trying to avoid talking with Jude. 

At first he had just decided it was the trauma of being shot that was responsible for Connor’s behavior. But that first day when he came back to school had been a surprise for Jude; Connor didn’t even tell Jude he was coming and Jude could tell that things were horribly wrong. Jude had been standing with Taylor when he saw Connor walking into school with Daria. Jude was surprised to see Connor back at school but even more he was stunned when Connor turned and ran off away from Jude almost instantly. He was pretty sure that Connor didn’t realize that Jude had seen him, but Jude saw him and saw how he ran. Why was he avoiding Jude?

Over the next several days Jude had tried to reach out to Connor. He called, texted, stopped him in the hallways, but Connor always was short with him. Never rude or mean or anything, but instead he just wouldn’t engage and would end it as soon as he possibly could. Each day it was harder for Jude to keep trying knowing that Connor had apparently decided that he didn’t want to be friends anymore.

When Jude arrived at the end of the year party he had sat with Daria and Taylor and both of them talking about Connor and how weird he had been the day before. It seems that he was treating them the same as he was treating Jude and Jude just didn’t understand why. He saw Connor at the beach, hanging out with Jake and the guys on the team but he was obviously avoiding them. He thought he was being smooth about it, but Jude noticed. Whenever he thought they weren’t watching, Connor would look over at the three of them with this pained look on his face. Why wouldn’t he just come over? Jude didn’t understand.

He had walked over to Connor’s house to confront him after building up his courage all weekend. He was going to force Connor to talk to him. To try and understand why he had shut Jude out but hearing those words, hearing that Connor had just left without saying anything, had been a blow to his heart that had left him reeling. Jude had walked home in a daze before coming in and heading to his room. Lying in bed he was still there when Callie came in to tell him to come down to dinner. He had told her he wasn’t hungry and was just going to go to bed early. That led to the procession of visits. Mariana had come first to check on him, followed by Stef and Lena, all trying to get him to talk to them about it, but he didn’t want to. He just wanted to lay in bed and be left alone. 

They had finally left him there, but after a few hours but he still hadn’t managed to fall asleep, his mind racing with the thoughts that kept circling in his brain. He just laid there until finally fell asleep much later, but even when he did finally drift off, it wasn’t a good sleep. He woke up shortly after midnight and the pain he was feeling was just too much. He tried to be as quiet as he could so that he wouldn’t bother Jesus, but he finally broke. It had started with quiet tears falling and the occasional sniffle, but it quickly got worse. He started sobbing quietly and he couldn’t seem to stop. It just hurt so much; he felt he was being thrown away again just when he was starting to feel safe.

Jude felt a weight come down on his bed and a hand gently pressed on his shoulder so he turned from facing the wall and looked over and saw Jesus sitting there with a sad look on his face. Jesus frowned sadly but he pulled Jude towards him and suddenly Jude found himself holding on to Jesus and sobbing. Jesus just held him, patting his back, and making soft sounds, not really saying anything. After a while Jude was finally able to stop crying and leaned back. Jesus looked down at him “You feeling better bro?” Jesus said softly.

Jude nodded but the big sniffle at the end didn’t really convince his brother. “Do you want to talk about it?” Jesus asked. Jude just shook his head and Jesus smiled at him as he rolled back over to go to sleep. 

The next few nights it was always the same thing. Jude would wake up and start sobbing and Jesus was there; holding Jude while he cried but never pushing or demanding, just letting him know he was there for him. During the day he would act like the normal Jesus. He never acted like what happened at night was real and Jude was very grateful for that because he knew that if Jesus had told, his moms and sisters would not be able to let it go.

It was the fourth night when Jude finally nodded yes to Jesus’s question about whether he wanted to talk. Sitting up in his bed Jude couldn’t look at his brother directly. “It’s about Connor” Jude said.  
“I kinda figured” Jesus told him. Jude looked at his brother, confusion clear on his face. “You talk in your sleep and before you wake up you say his name a lot” Jesus explained.

Jude just nodded but he finally knew he needed to talk about it and he did. He told Jesus everything. From the first time Connor had talked with him and they had become friends, to the bullying with Jeremy and Blake over his nail polish and how Connor wore it the next day, to the fight over Maddie, the batting cages and how Adam separated them because they thought Jude was gay, to the kiss in the tent on the camping trip and how Connor had started dating Daria. Then that date at the movies where Connor held his hand and then when they kissed in his room. All the way up to the night of the shooting when everything changed. He told his brother about how Connor avoided him and then went to Arizona.

Jesus was silent for a while before he responded. “Jude, I am not good with all this stuff, you know that. I mean, look at my relationships! I am not the one to look to for relationship advice for sure. Mariana and Callie would be better at that. But I do know this bro, you deserve someone who will stand up for you, not run away. If Connor can’t handle being with you, then you should let him go and find someone who will” Jesus told him. When Jude slowly nodded, Jesus added “Of course that doesn’t mean I can’t help out. I am very willing to go beat the guy to a bloody pulp for hurting you” Jesus offered seriously.

Jude briefly laughed. “No Jesus. Besides he is in Arizona and even if he was still here, I don’t want him to get hurt.”

“I kinda figured bro” Jesus said hugging his brother. “You are too kind for your own good you know?” Jesus told him. “Connor, or anyone, girl or guy, would be lucky to be your friend or to have you as a boyfriend. If he can’t see that, then he’s the stupid one and coming from me, that’s saying something” Jesus smirked.

They stayed up for a bit longer, not talking about anything really serious, but Jude discovered that he really loved his brother. They continued to grow closer over the summer as a result of their talks. He had been really worried when Jesus and Mariana had been in the car accident and Jude didn’t know what he would have done if either one of them had been seriously hurt. Luckily it was all superficial bruises and stuff, but it was a close one. Jude had developed a bit of a fear of car accidents after his mom had died in one and almost losing the twins only made it worse. But his brother and sister were okay and safe and that was what mattered.

The rest of the summer was pretty easy. Jude and Jesus didn’t talk about that late night conversation, but when Connor’s name had come up once or twice at the table from their moms or sisters, Jude could tell that Jesus was restraining himself from commenting which he appreciated. Having talked it out that night, Jude had stopped waking up sobbing, but it still hurt. And then at the end of summer Jesus had left to attend boarding school with his wrestling scholarship and Jude had been a bit depressed about it. But then he had come back, not exactly willingly, but Jude was still happy about it. After his return, he and Jude had developed a habit of midnight conversations a couple of times a week. Over the last few years, the two brothers had discussed many things. Jesus getting kicked out, Jude accepting his sexuality, Jesus’s scare about almost getting a girl pregnant which led to a rather long discussion about safe sex though Jude teasingly reminded his brother that that was not one of the things he was going to have to worry about, and a number of other topics. Jude was sure that none of the rest of their siblings ever had a clue just how close the two of them had gotten during those conversations. He often wondered if Callie and Mariana had a similar bond, especially considering that they were living together in LA while they went to college. He also felt a little sad for Brandon who never had the opportunity to live with a sibling and Jude wondered if he realized what he was missing.

 

**_Friday morning, 1st period, Anchor Beach_ **

Connor walked into his class and saw Daria sitting there and he smiled and sat down behind her. She looked back over her shoulder and smiled “You look especially happy this morning. Something happen?” she asked with a smile.

“Just having a really good morning” Connor replied with a smile.

“Oh really?” Daria said with a smile “and who was it that put a smile your face. Could it be that you finally found your mystery guy?”

Connor just laughed. “No, unfortunately it wasn’t that” Connor said smiling. “I just got to clear up something that I had been avoiding and now it might be time to start over. Have you heard anything about that particular issue?” Connor asked.

“No, but then I haven’t seen Taylor yet. I will touch base with her, but I don’t want to be too obvious about it” Daria said carefully. “Taylor underestimates me because she forgets sometime that I am not a bimbo, but when she remembers she gets guarded. I will get information, but it will just take a bit of careful maneuvering is all.”

Connor nodded and they looked back towards the front of the class as the teacher began.

 

**_Across Campus_ **

Jude walked into the classroom and sat down next to Ryan with a smile on his face. Sitting down he pulled out his books and looked over to see Ryan watching him with a curious look on his face. “What?” Jude asks with a slight laugh.

“There’s something different about you this morning?” Ryan says searching his face. “What happened?”

Jude just shakes his head. “Don’t know what you are talking about dude” Jude laughs. 

At that point Lena walks into their class to announce that Mr. Daniels is out today. She tells them that instead they have a study period and encourages them to use the time efficiently. A nice lady comes in after Lena who will be monitoring their class. Lena then leaves.

“Okay…spill” Ryan says softly. “Something is definitely going on with you. You have this…glow about you.”

Jude punches his shoulder and snorts “I’m not pregnant dude, I’m not the one getting all up with someone” he teases Ryan.

Ryan blushes. “We are not…I mean that’s not…Jude you…” Ryan stutters.

“Are you always this articulate?” Jude teases.

Ryan frowns. “Seriously? Quoting Disney movies Jude? That’s low even for you” Ryan growled.

Jude laughs at his friend. Ryan was always so…well…cocky before he met Marissa. He was this cool bro who loved showing off and getting lots of attention. He knew he looked good and with all the running and parkour he was in great shape, but since he and Marissa started dating he has been really self-conscious about himself. He was totally into her and she really made him nervous of messing things up. It was so funny how she could render him speechless with her teasing. There was no doubt that she had him wrapped around her finger. 

Jude didn’t normally torment him too much about it, but it would be impossible not to do it at least on occasion. Unfortunately for Ryan his brother Rayne was nowhere near as compassionate about it. Rayne was thoroughly enjoying his brother’s first real girlfriend and loved to torment him about it. Lucky for Ryan, Rayne had been at college since they started dating so his opportunities were limited but now he was coming home for Thanksgiving and Ryan was dreading that. Jude had been feeding Rayne info about them all week after having been a neutral party since they started dating. Ryan was upset with him for selling him out to his brother but after Ryan had told Rayne about Jude’s Masquerade adventure, the gloves were off and it was anything goes according to Jude. Every time Rayne called or texted Jude to tease him, Jude would provide a new fact about Ryan and Marissa to divert Rayne’s attention. 

Jude was fairly certain it wouldn’t work for much longer, but if he was going to suffer, so was Ryan!

“Also dude, I am serious that you need to stop ratting me out to Rayne!” Ryan whined.

“You should have thought of that before you sold me out” Jude sassed back.

“Jude” Ryan moaned “do you know the hell Rayne would have made my life if he found out I hadn’t told him? He would be insufferable! He pretty much asks about you every time we talk and about your love life. I swear he has this vision of himself showing up to prepare you for a date like Cinderella and…” 

Jude cut him off “finish that sentence Ryan and I swear to god I will start sending Rayne pictures of the two of you together!” Jude growled.

Ryan threw up his hands in surrender and then smiled. “So, you gonna tell me who put the spring in your step this morning Judder?” Ryan teased.

Jude just shook his head and looked out the window.

“Oh god” Ryan whispered “did you finally find…him?” Ryan looked at Jude in shock. Jude turned back towards him and shook his head in denial. 

“No Ryan, I still haven’t gotten any more info” Jude just smiled again. Ryan looked doubtful “I told you it’s nothing.” Jude just shook his head and tried to ignore the rest of Ryan’s probes. At this rate class was never going to end.

 

**_Friday at Lunch_ **

Jude stepped out of class and was getting ready to head to the cafeteria but needed to go to his locker first. He waved off Ryan and Marissa who were going ahead of him. Switching out his books, Jude was still reeling after his conversation this morning.

“Jude?” turning around Jude looked at Connor standing there looking nervous.

“Hey” Jude said carefully. Their condition of their friendship was still very delicate for Jude and he could tell that Connor must pretty much be feeling the same.

“Um…I wanted to see if you might want to, maybe, have lunch…together. We could maybe continue to talk?” Connor asked nervously.

Jude smiled slightly but nodded. “Sure” but then he looked a little nervous as well “did you want to sit at your table or mine?” Jude asked uncertainly.

Connor looked like he hadn’t really thought that far ahead. “Oh! I…um, not really sure. How do you think they will react?”

Jude smiled “I think it would freak everyone out” Jude laughed softly. “Think it will be too much?” he asked wistfully.

“No” Connor said taking a deep breath. “But instead of me sitting with you and your crew, especially Taylor, or you sitting with mine, maybe we should just sit somewhere else today. That way we could actually talk without everyone listening” Connor offered.

Jude snickered “That might be even worse, but it’s probably the best plan though.” The two boys turned to walk towards the cafeteria. They don’t say much but Jude is surprised how easy it feels to walk next to Connor again. The comfort level isn’t quite the same as it used to be, but he can feel the echoes of the past returning. 

Both of them filled their trays and came into the main dining area. Walking in both boys noticed their respective friends sitting and talking, Connor looked over and saw Jake smile when he noticed him a second before looking confused when he saw Jude standing next to him.

At the same time Jude saw Derrick look over and nod at him before getting a similarly confused look. 

“Do you want to eat outside?” Connor suggested.

“Sure” Jude replied with a nod.

They walked across the room to the doors and outside to one of the smaller tables where they sat down.

“So have they reacted yet?” Jude asked since his back was to the door.

“Oh yeah” Connor said with a chuckle. “Pretty much everyone at both tables are pointing and talking, probably about us. I guess they are trying to figure out what’s going on. I imagine that we are both going to be grilled pretty hard after lunch.”

Jude and Connor both laughed at that. The rest of their lunch was spent talking about random things, trying to reconnect after so much time apart. Both of them were surprised at how quickly they were falling back into that comfortable connection they once had. 

Taylor was talking with Greg at the table when she heard Derrick say “That’s weird”. Looking at him, she noticed he was staring across the cafeteria. Following his gaze Taylor almost gasped as she saw Jude pausing there with his lunch tray…standing next to Connor Stevens?!? Then, to make it even more confusing, the two of them, obviously talking, then proceeded to walk across the cafeteria and outside to one of the tables where they sat down together and started eating.

She looked over at Ryan in shock and noticed that he was as confused as she was. Taylor had spoken to Connor and had told Jude about it, but really didn’t expect anything to come of it so quickly. Standing up she moved to get a better view of the boys talking outside.

Sitting at her table with Tyler, Daria was giggling when Jake suddenly sounded confused “What the hell?” She looked over and saw that Connor was standing there with Jude holding their trays. She looked back at Tyler to ask him something before it clicked. What the?!? Turning back her eyes followed Jude and Connor as they walked to a table outside. She stood up to keep them in sight and suddenly found herself standing next to Taylor who was also looking at the boys.

“Um…do you know what’s going on?” Daria muttered.

“Maybe” Taylor said thoughtfully. “Connor apologized to me yesterday and I told Jude I forgave him. Maybe they talked?” 

Daria turned and looked at Taylor in surprise. “You forgave him? Wow…didn’t think you had it in you” Daria said.

Taylor turned towards her old friend “Yeah? Well, I do.”

“Kinda surprised that Jude is talking to him” Daria said thoughtfully. “After everything they have been through I wasn’t sure he would.”

“You have forgotten a lot Daria. Jude doesn’t hold grudges” Taylor said. “…especially against him” she muttered.

“Are we going to spend all of lunch watching them eat?” Ryan said standing behind the girls. 

“Looks like it” Matt said standing next to Ryan behind Taylor. 

Taylor and Daria looked back and suddenly realized that there were now ten people all standing there watching the boys sitting at their table. And that was not counting all the people at the other tables who were obviously watching as well. “That’s it!” Taylor yelled. “Everybody back to your seats!” 

She started moving her crew back towards their tables and noticed that Daria was doing the same. Hopefully Jude and Connor hadn’t noticed the crowds watching them, but she was definitely going to find out what was going on. Sitting back down Taylor noticed that Ryan kept looking over at her while he was talking with Marissa. He was obviously trying to figure out what it all meant and whether or not she knew about it.

 

**_After Lunch at Anchor Beach_ **

Jude walked into his science class with a bit of trepidation. He had both Taylor and Ryan in this class, but it also had Connor’s friend Matt and another guy from the baseball team. Walking in he heard a sudden silence from two sides of the room…yep T and Ryan were looking at him as well at Matt and that other guy. They were all looking at him as he walked in and sat down and started pulling out his books, pointedly ignoring the looks that they were sending him, even Ryan who was sitting at the table with him.

“Soooooo” Ryan drawled out slowly. “Have a nice lunch?” 

“mhm” Jude nodded affirmatively and opened his book to the section that they were going to be covering.

“Anything you want to share?” Taylor said quietly, turned around from her seat in front of them.

Jude looked up and looked like he was thinking really hard. “Nothing is coming to mind…nope” he said with a smile.

Taylor’s got a sudden glare on her face as she looked at Jude and narrowed her eyes. She was about to say something when the teacher called the class to order and they began. Jude was successful the rest of the day dodging Taylor and Ryan and their questions. He was enjoying himself before he headed home to enjoy a weekend of peace and quiet.

Connor was able to avoid Daria all afternoon thought she did text several times. Avoiding Matt and Jake was a lot harder, especially with their gym class, but he did give a couple of very short answers. Luckily the guys didn’t feel quite as free to question Connor as Jude’s friends did so he was able to avoid most questions.

 

 **Taylor:** We are so going to talk!!

 **Jude:** Sorry…got family stuff all weekend. How’s Monday sound?

 **Taylor:** JUDE!!!!

 **Jude:** Jude is not available at this time. Please leave a message at the beep… “beep”

 **Taylor:** risking death Adams-Foster!

 **Jude:** <3 U. TTYL!

Jude put his phone on vibrate and headed down for dinner with his moms. It was a great time and he even suggested a movie night to their surprise. But Lena and Stef were not going to question the existence of a happy teenager!

 

**_Saturday, Adams-Foster House_ **

Saturday was going to be a lazy day for Jude. His moms both had stuff to do that took them out of the house so he was home alone and having finished his homework for the weekend last night, he was looking forward to a weekend of being completely useless. As long as he could avoid his moms and any ‘projects’ that they might come up with if they spotted him being lazy, he was golden.

He had checked out the Tumblr page for Anchor Beach and finally his fellow students had started moving on to other topics besides himself and Cap though they were still pretty much the main topic of discussion/interest on there. Jude was really at a loss for what to do next short of yelling out in the hallways that he was Raton and really wanted to find Cap. An idea which he was considering more and more if he was being honest with himself.

He had just finished with lunch and was getting ready for a serious session of video gaming when his phone rang. Fearing Taylor or Ryan he was surprised to see it was Mariana calling.

“Hi Mari” Jude said happily.

“Judicorn!” Mariana yelled. “How is my favorite baby brother?”

Jude laughed. Mariana did that with all of them. He was the favorite baby brother, Jesus was the favorite twin brother, and Brandon was her favorite big brother. “I’m fine Mari, what are you up to?” he asked smiling.

“What? I can’t call to see what’s up with you? Just to check in and see how you are? How you are doing? If you have met anyone…recently?” Mariana said quickly.

Jude started laughing but then stopped. “Wait…what? Did moms call you?” Jude yelled.

“Call me about what?” Mariana said innocently.

“Oh god they did” Jude groaned.

“I mean I might have been talking with mom and it may have come up that you had a fun time at this year’s fall dance…is there anything you would like to add?” Mariana said sweetly.

Jude grimaced. “Nope. That is pretty much it”

“JUDE!” Marianna yelled in exasperation. Jude could actually see her stamping her foot with that frustrated scowl on her face.

“MARIANA!” Jude yelled back to tease her. “I know that mom would never violate my confidence by saying something she shouldn’t.”

“Really? Have you met our mom?” Mariana snickered. “You have a fairy tale moment and you don’t think she isn’t gushing about it? Bet you $20 Grandma already knows” Mariana giggled.

Jude groaned and rolled over on the couch imagining his Grandmother Sharon’s reaction to all of this. It was so unfair Jude thought. He was the last kid in the house and sometimes it felt that he had even less privacy than he did when all five of his siblings were there. He guessed that without the distraction of his siblings, his moms were focusing all of their attention on him.

“Spill bro!” Mariana ordered. “I want all the juicy details. Don’t leave out anything you hear? I have no love life at the moment so I am living vicariously through you!”

“So do I have to repeat it for Callie or is she listening in?” Jude asked giving up.

“Hi Jude” Callie said sheepishly, admitting she was there too.

“His sis” Jude said knowing that they were probably both sitting on that really ugly couch they bought at a flea market.

“Spill Judicorn!” Mariana ordered again laughing at the surrender in Jude’s voice.

For the next hour Jude had to go over and over the dance and everything that had happened afterwards. Jude could have easily predicted how their reactions would go and he was right. Callie was concerned about him, but was worried about him getting hurt. Mariana was gushing with excitement and delight. She loved a good love story and she was all worked up about it. They continued to talk about it for a while before Jude managed to get them to talk about their own lives and that took up quite a bit more time. By the time they hung up Jude had been on the phone for over two hours! Getting up he needed to do something physical so he decided to go for a run. He had to burn off some of this energy and get outside his head. Heading for the beach Jude enjoyed the blast of cool weather that had come in for the weekend.

 

**_Saturday at the Mall_ **

Getting back home Jude grabbed a quick shower and then decided to get out of the house. He headed for the mall to do a little shopping. It was a bit early for Christmas shopping but it couldn’t hurt to look around and get some ideas. He was also fairly certain he would be avoiding both Taylor and Ryan by coming here. Not even Marissa could drag Ryan to the mall, he had drawn a proverbial line in the sand over that one and Greg was beside himself with happiness when he discovered that not only was Taylor not one of those girls who liked going to the mall to shop, but also when she did, he was not welcome to come with her. So this should be a safe place to hide out. Jude was still not 100% sure that either one of them might not drop by his house to chat so this worked on all kinds of levels.  
Jude had just gotten a Kale-ribbean Breeze from Jamba Juice, his new obsession when he wanted to be ‘bad’, and was heading towards Vans “Off the Wall” to check out the new shoes while he was there. He could do his Christmas shopping later.

“Jude!” a voice called out happily to him. Turning in confusion he suddenly felt a sense of dread. He really didn’t think this could happen but after lunch on Friday he really should have prepared for the possibility. Suddenly he found his arm grasped as he was pulled along.

“Hi Daria” Jude said carefully. “What’s up?”

Daria smiled wickedly. “Well…you might be surprised to hear this, but two guys who used to be friends and who haven’t talked in over two years just had lunch yesterday together for the first time in forever” she said teasingly. “It surprised a LOT of people as you might guess” she continued.

Jude just sighed and nodded. “Really? I hadn’t heard” Jude replied smiling.

“Oh yes. Quite the surprise” Daria continued. “Perhaps you might want to share your thoughts on it, hmmm?” She looked over with him with her eyebrows raised.

“We had lunch Daria…that’s all” Jude said quietly. She looked at him disbelief clearly written on her face. “We might have talked a bit before school as well” he added.

“I see. Well that’s…wait a second” Daria suddenly scrunched her face as she thought back. “I had first period with Connor on Friday and he had this huge smile on his face. So you were the person who put it there?” She smiled at Jude and her grip tightened.

Jude sighed. “We talked…about a lot of things. We…well I guess you could say we decided to try being friends again” Jude admitted.

Daria squealed in happiness. “Jude that is so great. I am really glad to hear it. I never thought his decision was the right one regarding you, but, well, Connor made his own decisions.”

“You knew?” Jude whispered shocked.

“Not exactly. I mean I know a lot because I put it together on my own and Connor and I talked some this week which filled in some of the blanks but I don’t think I will ever have all the details” Daria admitted. “But I am glad that you are willing to try and be friends with him. That is if that’s what you are thinking” she finished making it sound like a question.

Jude turned and looked at her confused. “What do you mean Daria?” Jude asked her uncertain of what she was getting at. “We decided to try and be friends again yesterday and it’s really a fragile thing. If there is some other motivation for Connor…” Jude was suddenly concerned.

“Oh! No!” Daria said laughing relieved. “No. I think Connor was really serious that he wanted to be friends again Jude. I was concerned that you might feel differently.”

Jude smiled shyly. “That’s good. Because that is what I was thinking. Actually, I met someone recently and while it’s still pretty early I think it’s got some real possibility and I don’t want to mess that up” he told her.

Daria smiled this huge smile. “Really!?! Tell me about him, um I mean her…” Daria said carefully to cover her slip.

Jude just shook his head with a laugh. “No, it’s a he. He is really amazing but I’m not saying anything other than that.”

Daria squeezed Jude’s arm in support. “I’m really glad to hear that Jude. You deserve to be happy. I will say I was almost positive that you were dating Taylor last year. I mean I always thought you two would be a cute couple. It wasn’t till Connor said he thought you were dating that Ryan guy that I realized that you and Taylor were just pretending to date” she confessed.

“Wait! What?” Jude stopped to look at her. “What you mean about Ryan?”

“Oh…I probably shouldn’t have said anything” Daria said looking embarrassed. Looking at Jude’s face she relented. “Okay, Connor was talking about things and when I mentioned that you were dating Taylor he told me that he never thought that about you and Taylor but he had thought that you and Ryan were dating, well that is until he started dating Marissa. Then once Connor found out that Ryan had a gay brother, he was pretty certain that the two of you weren’t dating.”

Jude looked confused “How did knowing about Rayne tell him that?” Jude wondered aloud.

“Because if his brother was gay, he wouldn’t be in the closet” Daria reasoned. “At least that what I came up with.”

Jude nodded in agreement. He knew that Ryan’s family was totally supportive of Rayne. He also knew that if Ryan was anything but straight he would be loved and supported and wouldn’t have had to hide it. Also, he was pretty sure that if Ryan wasn’t straight that Rayne would have figured it out by now and would have confronted him about it or dragged him to a pride parade. Well…actually he had already done that so yeah, Rayne was pretty much good evidence that if Ryan wasn’t out, it was because he was straight.

“So…about your guy?” Daria tried again. 

“Nope” Jude said with a smirk. “Haven’t told anyone about him, so you will have to wait and see. I don’t even know if it will actually turn in to something to be honest so I am taking it slow.”

Daria sighed in frustration. “I am getting no good information out of either of you” she pouted.

Jude snickered. “So Connor didn’t tell you anything about his new guy either huh?”

Daria looked surprised at him and laughed. “What did he tell you?” she asked cautiously.

“Just that he met someone. I couldn’t get any more details out of him either” Jude confessed to her.

“Well, don’t feel too badly” Daria consoled him. “Talking about liking a new guy is a bit serious for your first real conversation in over two years.”

Jude chuckled. “That’s true I guess” Jude agreed “and I didn’t tell him anything about my new guy. But you…surely you know something?” Jude asked curiously.

Daria just shook her head. “Not really. I mean I know he is really into the guy but that’s about it” Daria told Jude. He smiled as they continued to walk. “Well that, and apparently he is a really good kisser.” She looked over to see the raised eyebrow on Jude’s face and laughed.

“Yeah. I kind accidently caught them kissing, well making out might be a better word” she giggled. “That and he’s kinda been going on about it all week. Can’t shut up about it to be honest. Of course that may be because I am the only one who knows so he can’t talk about it with anyone else.”

Jude just shook his head at that. Daria had the strangest luck of anyone he knew. Who could imagine catching Connor and his new boyfriend kissing somewhere as well as walking in on Jude and Cap kissing at the dance? She definitely seemed okay when she caught them but he was surprised a bit how she was dealing with Connor kissing another guy. He guessed she must really be over him. He laughed silently wondering how she would react if she knew that she had caught both Connor and himself kissing. Then he got a thought “Hey, if you saw them kissing, then you must know who Connor’s new guy is, right?” he asked suddenly looking at her in anticipation. 

Daria suddenly looked nervous and…scared? “Oh…uh…not really. I mean it was dark and all and I didn’t really recognize them, I mean him. I mean I was with Tyler…so I was not really paying attention I mean” she said and started walking off leaving Jude standing there confused at her sudden freak out. She looked like she had done something wrong.

‘I don’t understand her’ Jude thought. She was acting all freaked out because she…wait…she saw him kissing his new guy when she was with Tyler? And she didn’t recognize him? Daria knows everyone at our school. And if the two of them saw Connor kissing a guy, then how come Tyler didn’t know about Connor? How was that possible? How could Tyler not know that Connor was kissing a guy? Unless he didn’t recognize Connor and that would mean…Jude suddenly felt the blood drain from his face. It’s not possible! It can’t be! Connor? Is it possible that Connor is his Captain America?  
Jude ran up and grabbed Daria and pulled her into a sheltered alcove so that no one could overhear. “Daria…” Jude whispered, desperation clearly written on his face. He looked at her and saw the fear in her eyes. Fear that she had done something very, very wrong. “Did Connor come to the dance as Captain America?” he asked her his voice trembling.

Daria’s eyes widened in fear. “What?!” she stammered nervously. “No…he was out of town remember? That’s the only reason I went there with Tyler” she stammered as she tried to explain. “So, he…he couldn’t have been there” she said desperately.

It wasn’t hard to tell that Daria was freaking out and scared. “Daria…you said you and Tyler saw him kissing. But that no one but you knows about Connor. I know that you also saw the two masked guys kissing at the dance. That’s too much of a coincidence for one week, but it makes since if Connor was one of the masked guys. That’s why you don’t know who the other guy is because you didn’t recognize him because he was wearing a mask and Connor doesn’t know either. I’m right aren’t I?” Jude pressed her desperate for the answer.

“Oh god!” Daria moaned burying her head in her hands. “Jude you cannot tell anyone, especially Taylor! She has been trying to figure out who they are and Connor would kill me if he found out that I told you. No one knows it was him but me and his cousin” Daria pleaded.

Jude was in shock. Total shock. He honestly didn’t think he could have stood up if he had to he was so overwhelmed. It was Connor?! His body was Connor’s? His mouth and tongue were Connor’s? Those hands on Jude’s body were Connor’s? The boy he had lost so long ago was the one he had finally found? Oh god!

“Jude! I’m serious! You can’t tell anyone” Daria begged him. “I screwed up so badly by telling you.” Jude looked at her scared and desperate face and smiled.

“Daria it’s okay. Really it is” he assured her. 

“You have to promise me that you won’t tell anyone, not even Connor. If he knows you know, he is going to freak out” she begged again.

Jude looked at her and paused to think carefully. She was really concerned about him but he also knew that he couldn’t make that promise. But should he tell her why, that is what Jude was struggling with, especially as he didn’t know himself what he thought about it. “I can’t make that promise Daria” Jude said carefully and felt his heart burn at the look of terror on her face. 

“Jude please” Daria cringed.

Jude took a deep breath and decided he might need some help with this. Someone to process everything he was thinking and feeling and since she was already halfway there, it looked like Daria was going to be volunteered. “Daria you ‘helped’ Taylor with her list of the guys that could possibly be the ones who kissed and you eliminated Connor. You did that to keep her from figuring it was him didn’t you?” Jude asked her looking her right in the eyes.

Daria nodded looking ashamed “I had to Jude. I was so stupid to go with Tyler to the dance. I didn’t mean to hurt him I swear. It’s just that I really liked Tyler and I knew that Connor didn’t care if we did stuff, just not to embarrass him. I really figured no one would know it was me but it turned out that everyone did” she tried to explain.

“Daria, it was your hair. I mean you hair is really kind of unique. Wearing a mask but not changing that pretty much gave you away” Jude laughed softly. “But I will say that you did look really nice as Queen Guinevere.”

“Thank you, that’s really nice and all but, Jude, you can’t tell Taylor or Connor or anyone that you know” Daria’s fear came back as she tried to get him to promise her. “I mean it!”

Jude smirked at her. “Aren’t you curious as to how I saw your costume D?” he asked her teasingly.

“What? No. I mean yes, but that’s not important right now” Daria told him. 

“Actually, it kinda is” Jude corrected her. “Because I saw you in it at the dance.” 

“I thought you skipped the dance” Daria said confused.

“Nope. I was there” Jude told her.

“Fine, whatever. Look Jude Connor will freak…wait, what do you mean that you were there? I didn’t see you” Daria shifted from scared to confused.

“Actually you did” Jude shrugged and looked away. “You even spoke to me” he told her.

“I did? What did I say?” Daria asked confused. She definitely didn't remember seeing Jude at the dance.

“You apologized for interrupting…said to ‘Carry on’ I think” Jude said with a twinkle in his eyes and a slight smile.

Daria’s face scrunched up in confusion. ‘But that was what I said to…’ Daria looked up at Jude with a look of total bewilderment. “huh?” 

Jude laughed. “Still not putting it all together D?” he smirked. “I thought you were smarter than this?”

Daria saw the smile on his face and knew he was laughing at her. But she didn’t understand. He was at the dance but no one knew that as far as she knew and he talked to her? But she had said that to Connor when he was in his costume, of course she didn’t know it was him at the time. But she said it to Connor and the guy that he was…suddenly her eyes went wide and her hands shot up. Jude suddenly laughed aloud.

“Finally figured it out?” he teased her.

“IT WAS YOU?!?” she yelled.

“Shhh!” Jude put a hand over her mouth. “I don’t want the whole mall to know Daria” he told her.

“ohmygodohmygodohmygod” she couldn’t seem to breath. Of all the people that she had considered, it had never crossed her mind it could have been Jude. That guy was so ‘Yum’! She had seen the video and the way he…Jude…had moved was really hot! She would never have considered quiet, shy Jude as the guy Connor described. “You are Connor’s mystery guy?!? Ohmygod Jude” she whisper-yelled. “This is crazy. I mean it’s great…I think” she suddenly looked worried. “How do you feel about this?”

“Besides being in absolute shock?” Jude asked sarcastically. “Let me see. Overwhelmed, overcome…maybe even overjoyed” he said tentatively.

Daria squealed and started jumping up and down. “This is sooooo cool. You two… OHMYGOD!” she squealed again.

Jude pulled her into a hug, laughing, but trying to calm her down. “Okay. But I do have some bad news though” Jude said sounding serious.

Daria suddenly looked nervous. “What? Why is there bad news? Jude, not knowing is killing him. I have been trying to help him find you all week. Well that and trying to sabotage Taylor’s schemes when I could” she said carefully.

“Daria. I need some time to process this. I mean Connor and me only talked yesterday for the first time in two years” Jude said quietly.

“You mean outside of the flirting at the dance” Daria said giving him a look when he looked up surprised. “Oh yes, he told me all about your flirting with each other there” she snickered. “As he put it, you caused him to blush not once, but multiple times.”

“Okay, besides that” Jude blushed and really hoped that Connor hadn’t been too specific. “But still Daria…Connor and I have a lot of history between us and the last two years have been difficult because of it” Jude told her.

“Jude…how do you feel about him? I mean how did you feel about Captain America before you knew?” Daria clarified.

Jude closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Daria…he totally blew me away. He has been all I have been thinking about all week and it’s been killing me to not know who he is. I mean all I want to do is kiss him again and again. I told Ryan and Taylor and my moms about him already and I didn’t even know who he was” Jude told her.

“Then go get him!” Daria pleaded with him. “Jude he has been obsessed with you all week as well. Every time I talk to him he is going on about him…I mean you. He came out to his dad because of you, you know?” Daria told him.

“What?” Jude was shocked. “I mean I knew he came out…but me?”

“Jude, kissing you pretty much blew down every wall that Connor had built up around himself since the shooting. After the dance, he knew he wanted you more than anything and he told his dad that. I don’t know if he told you everything that’s been happening and all the details, but what he has told me tells me he is totally gone on you” Daria assured him.

“Daria” Jude said slowly. “I am really proud of him, honest I am, but I don’t want to be someone’s secret. I don’t want to be with someone who is not going to stand up for me and be with me proudly.”  
“Jude!” Daria stopped him, the frustration clear in her voice. “He has been talking about coming out at school to try and find you! Does that sound like someone who is still afraid? He already told his dad that he was going to come out at school and have a boyfriend and that his dad better deal with it!” 

“Seriously?” Jude was shocked. “He said that?”

“Yes Jude. He wants you and more importantly, he wants to be able to be himself. Sure he is a little scared, but not for the reasons you might think. I don’t think he cares about the team or people’s reactions about him being gay. The truth was it all came down to being afraid of his dad finding out, and that is now gone. So there is only one thing holding him back” she told Jude.

“What?” he asked feeling as if his whole world was shifting. 

“He isn’t sure whether or not his guy, that is you, want to be out or not. So he doesn’t want to risk making you uncomfortable because if you weren’t ready to be out he didn’t want to risk losing you over wanting people to know. He was scared if he did come out and you didn’t want to then you couldn’t be together” Daria said. “If you didn’t want to be out, he didn’t want to you to have to choose that because of him.”

“He was willing to be in the closet to be with me?” Jude whispered, stunned.

“Jude, I think he is willing to do anything to be with you” Daria assured him.

Jude sat there thinking for a few minutes while Daria held his hand. All of this was such a shock. First Connor talked to him for the first time in two years and Jude actually understood why he did it. It made him furious at Adam, really mad, but he got it. Connor had been carrying so much guilt without reason that it still caused him to feel sick to his stomach. But they had not only started talking, but had actually started to re-forge their friendship. Then finding out that his Captain, the guy he had been dreaming of all week was in fact Connor! Now hearing how much he, as Raton, had influenced Connor to stand up and be himself even to the point of facing down his dad. Just the fact that Connor finally found the strength to choose to be his true self no matter what made Jude so proud. It was all so much, but god, just knowing that it was Connor under that mask had made Jude’s heart nearly burst out of his chest. The boy he knew in 7th grade, the boy who befriended a scared and lonely Jude, the newly re-found friend who it felt that he had just met yesterday, and the passionate guy who he had kissed with reckless abandon and absolute joy at the dance were all the same person and it was almost too much to imagine, let alone comprehend. 

Part of him wanted to run straight to Connor’s house and tell him everything. To see the look on Connor’s face when he realized it was him and that fate had given them another chance together. To sweep him up in his arms and kiss him senseless. To feel those muscles again, firm under his hands as they held each other, even if his dad was home. Maybe even especially if Adam was home! That thought caused a slightly malicious look to come to his face.

“Uh-oh” Daria said nervously “that’s a really evil look Jude.”

Jude looked at her and grinned. “Sorry, but I was just thinking how Adam is going to react to this. The boy he drove away because he was afraid I would turn Connor gay is the guy that caused him to come out. And not just one time, because at the hospital when Connor was shot he almost told Adam about us and now again this week he comes out. I think Mr. Stevens is going to have a bad day when all this comes out” he chuckled evilly.

“Jude!” Daria said scandalized but laughing. “You are unbelievable!” she teased.

Jude just continue to chuckle before he looked back at her. “Daria, I need some time to figure this all out. I need you to promise not to tell Connor that I know about this yet.” Daria’s face fell.

“Why not?” Daria was confused.

“I need to figure out how I want to do this Daria. I mean I am going to tell him, trust me on that” Jude assured her and smiled as he saw her relax. “But I want to make it…special I guess.”

“Jude, he is dying to find you. Just telling him will be enough” she assures him.

“Not for me. Besides” Jude gets another evil look in his eyes “I do owe him for the last two years of being stupid. If he had told his dad back then, we might have gotten together back then” he chuckles. “Please, can you keep it secret? Just for a little while” he asks her.

Daria sighs “Boys! Okay, but only for a little bit. Jude you know I am not a good liar. Once he sees me and asks, he will know something is up. And what about…wait, you said Taylor knows about you?” she suddenly asked. 

“Yes…I told her it was me on Wednesday” Jude answered confused.

“Oh that bitch!” Daria groaned. Seeing Jude’s surprised face she laughs. “When I was helping her with the list of possible guys you two could be she had your name scratched off as well. She wasn’t looking for two guys, only one and since she knew who you were, oh I’m so gonna kill her” Daria growled. Jude laughed. “I’m serious!” she pouted. “I thought I was pulling one on her by getting Connor off the list and I’ve spent hours with that damn list trying to figure out who you were but you were already scratched off the list so you were never even considered. Argh! That was a total waste of time!” she wailed. 

Jude just laughed. “Well, you did the same to her. Taylor, Ryan, and I all spent a lot of time with that list and I know for a fact that she spent a lot more on it by herself and you had eliminated Connor so seems pretty fair to me.”

“So are you going to tell Taylor you know so she stops looking?” Daria asked him.

Jude smiled wickedly. “I think if I tried she would drive me crazy trying to get it out of me. Probably safer to wait till I have it figured out. Besides, it will keep her out of trouble” he bumped into her shoulder.

Daria laughed. “You two are going to be the death of us you know” she told him. “You better treat him right after all of this Jude. This story needs a happy ending” she said shoving him back playfully.

“I hope so too” Jude murmured. “Now I just have to figure out what I am supposed to do next.”


	11. Chapter 11

Jude walked back in the house to the sounds of dinner being made. Walking in to the kitchen he saw his moms moving around the kitchen, smiling happily at each other each time they passed, as they made preparing the evening meal a show.

“Having fun?” Jude teased them.

“Hey baby!” Stef called out and moving over to kiss his cheek. “We are making Italian for dinner!” she declares happily. Lena laughs at her and Jude’s eyes grow big.

“Okay, what’s going on? Why are you two so happy?” Jude asks laughing at his moms.

“What? We can’t be happy?” Lena says saucily. “Maybe we are just glad to see you” she offers.

“No…you see me every day, this is something special. What’s going on?” Jude asks again.

“Well” Stef says bursting with a huge smile “we have managed to arrange for everyone to be here for Thanksgiving! Brandon, Callie, Jesus and Mariana!”

“Okay, but they were all here last Thanksgiving” Jude says not sure why they are so excited. 

“True” Lena says hugging Stef “But we also have Mike, AJ, my parents, and Sharon all coming too!”

“Grandparents too?” Jude says getting excited. The last few years have been tough to get everyone together. Brandon has been performing more than not and has missed the last two Christmases and the Grandparents are all over the place. “Would it be okay if I invited Donald?” Jude asked after a moment.

Stef smiled at Lena and then laughed “Already did and he is coming too!” she said giving Jude a hug when she saw his reaction. “Surprise!”

Jude laughed. He can’t remember the last time everyone was in one place, all of the important people in his life…save one person who, by Thanksgiving, might be able to be there too. Jude remembered when Donald came to his first Father’s Day brunch at the house with Mike and it was a bit touchy. Callie was really upset about it and Jude could tell that his moms were a little nervous, but Donald was so nice and kind to him. He made a point of talking to Stef and Lena to tell them how proud he was of Jude and how grateful he was to be invited at all after everything that had happened. It took a while, but he was really patient and Stef & Lena appreciated that he never tried to be Jude’s parent, he respected the fact that that job now belonged to them. But he was very grateful whenever he was invited to events in Jude’s life even though he never pushed to be included. Jude hadn’t told his dad about him being gay yet, but maybe it was time.

“That’s amazing” Jude said happily. Jude decided to join in the preparations as they all talked about how excited Thanksgiving was going to be and what to prepare. Lena was already working on the menu and was determined to provide a meal like no other and Stef, who normally tried to keep her wife in the realm of reality was actually encouraging her to greater excesses. Jude kept laughing at his moms as they got more and more excited and extravagant in their plans. By the time Thanksgiving got here they would probably have enough food to feed an army or at least Jesus for three days. 

“So what did you do to today?” Stef said to Jude during one of the lulls in Thanksgiving planning. 

“Uh…” Jude suddenly froze caught off guard. “well…I talked with Mariana and Callie for about 2 hours, went for a run, then went to the mall to do some shopping.”

“How are the girls?” Lena asked.

“Well mostly they wanted to talk about the dance since they already heard about it from the two of you” Jude said sarcastically. His moms actually had the decency to look guilty. “But they are good. They are having a good time living together it seems” Jude finished.

Stef laughed “Sorry Jude, but you really didn’t expect us to keep it secret did you?” she asked smiling.

Jude sighed. “I guess not” he admitted. “But…who all did you tell?” 

“Just the girls” Stef told him. 

“And my parents” Lena added.

“Oh yes, and my mom” Stef added as an afterthought.

“I might have mentioned something to Jesus” Lena said sounding like she just remembered.

“Oh yes, I think I did too with Brandon” Stef added at the end.

“So just the girls…” Jude said slowly “…and everyone else in the family” Jude finished.

Stef and Lena looked at each other guiltily. “I don’t think Mike and AJ know” Lena said half-heartedly.

“Um…well” Stef corrected her as Jude put his head on the table. 

“So do all the teachers at school also know?” Jude asked Lena worriedly.

“Jude!” Lena said sounding insulted. “I wouldn’t tell your business at school. We might have talked in the family, but no one is going to expose you” she tried looking haughty but lost it when she saw Jude glaring at her. “Okay, maybe we shouldn’t have told the family…but everyone has been concerned about you honey and we are excited that you met someone.”

“Besides…it’s really romantic and like a really good movie. Everyone is dying to find out who he is” Stef added. “Any luck on that front.”

Jude smiled and blushed and looked away, but not before Stef saw his face.

“Jude! Did you find him?” she asked excitedly. “You did! Didn’t you!?!?” she was yelling at him.

Jude smirked and looked away while his mom jumped up to run around and grab him. “JUDE!” she yelled. “TELL ME!”

Jude started laughing as he looked at his mom going all fangirl on him. He looked over at the stunned expression on Lena’s face.

“Well…” Jude drawled out slowly. “I might have figured out who he is, but I am really glad that you told me that I didn’t have to tell you about it.”

Stef looked outraged. “When did we say that?” she demanded.

“When I told you it was me at the dance remember. You told me I didn’t have to tell you but that you were glad I did” he teased. “So I guess I don’t have to tell you this.”

“ARGH!” Stef groaned putting her face in her hands as Lena patted her shoulder in sympathy.

“Is there a reason you don’t want to tell us Jude?” Lena asked after a moment.

Jude stopped to think before he responded. “Yes” Jude said carefully. He noticed that both of his moms had given him their attention. “I found out today, by accident, and it kind of blew me away” he explained.

“Why?” Stef asked concerned.

Jude looked at her “Because I know him. I mean I never expected that it could have been…him. But now that I know it is him…I am still trying to process what it means. This has been a week of one shock after another and to be honest it’s all I can do to even to keep moving. This was the last one thing that just has turned my world upside down” he said looking between them.

“Did something else happen?” Lena asked looking worried.

Jude took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure he wanted to tell them yet, but he also did. “Okay, but I want you both to promise me…no talking with anyone else about this. Seriously!” he looked at them and they both agreed after doing that silent mom thing they do.

Jude took another breath. “Connor talked to me yesterday. We had gone to school early” he said looking at Lena who was keeping the emotion off her face “for your meeting” she nodded remembering “and I went to the beach to just relax and watch the waves I guess, when Connor suddenly sat down beside me. He started talking about nothing really but then he apologized.”

“He apologized?” Lena asked carefully.

Jude told them that Connor had blamed himself for all the problems that Jude was having and was feeling guilty for continuing to make decisions that hurt Jude or put him in jeopardy, ending with the shooting. How Connor had decided that Jude was better off without him so he drove Jude away and knowing that he was one of Jude’s only friends, he had driven Daria and Taylor away as well so Jude wouldn’t be alone. He explained how Connor had shut out everyone in his life to avoid the feelings of guilt and pain that he had caused.

“Jude, none of that was Connor’s fault” Stef said, the sadness in her voice evident. 

“I know and I told him that. He finally understood that he let his dad make him afraid and that he gave in to that fear rather than facing it” Jude assured her. “We talked about a lot and I get why he did what he did. I don’t agree with it, and I told him that. He pretty much admitted he was an idiot. We decided to try and be friends again. Even ate lunch together yesterday” Jude laughed softly. “Pretty much freaked out all of our friends who watched us the whole time looking stunned.”

Lena and Stef smiled. “So how does this make you feel?” Lena asked softly.

“Good” Jude said after a minute. “I mean I am still mad at him, but not like before. More like mad that what he did was stupid, not that I’m mad at him really. Adam…him, I am really mad at him. He is the one that put the idea that Connor was a bad friend in his head and I am not sure how to get past that” he admitted. Stef looked as unhappy with Connor’s dad as Jude felt, not a surprise considering her own issues with her father and Jude hadn’t even told them about the fact that it was over Connor being gay.

“But I don’t get how the shooting, I mean where Connor got shot, was so traumatic for him about your safety” Lena asked confused.

Stef also looked uncertain at that. “Because when we were running, Connor accidently bumped into me right before the gun went off” Jude explained. “He thinks if that hadn’t happened, it would have been me that got shot and it would have been his fault for convincing me to sneak out and to go to Taylor’s.”

“You never told us that he convinced you to do that” Stef said carefully.

“Because he didn’t…not really” Jude answered. “He asked, yes, but I made my own decisions. I could have said no at any time. I made my own mistakes and while he thinks it was all him, the truth is that all four of us were pretty stupid that night.” His moms both showed their agreement with that statement. “But he put all the blame on himself and that led him into making the choices he did. Now we are trying to fix things, it’s not going to be easy. But one thing was kind of strange…” Jude trailed off.

“What’s was that?” Lena asked gently.

“After we talked, when we went to lunch, it felt…right. I mean we hadn’t talked in over two years but it was really easy to fall back to where we were. Walking next to him felt…good. We talked over lunch about everything: family, friends, school, and just catching up. I forgot how nice it was to talk to him. And how much I missed it” Jude said his eyes starting to glisten.

Lena reached over and pulled Jude into a hug. She knew how much losing his friend had hurt her sensitive son and while she had not been able to figure out how Adam was involved, he really seemed genuinely surprised when she talked to him at the parents’ night encounter, she had never shaken the belief that he had been responsible for it. She knew how hard it had been for Jude when Connor had pushed him away. She still remembers the night she had woken up and walking to the kitchen had heard sobbing coming from his room. Cracking open the door quietly she had seen her youngest sobbing in Jesus’s arms but before she could reveal her presence Jesus had shaken his head at her so she had quietly left. The next day she had tried to get details from Jesus but he would only say he had it handled. Several days later Jesus had told her that he and Jude had finally talked and that he was okay but he wouldn’t tell her any details of what had made him so upset. On the one hand she was happy that Jesus was so respectful of his brother’s privacy but she was worried for Jude. Unfortunately for her curiosity, while Jesus was not as clever or quick like his twin, he was unshakable when he wanted to be. Even to this day he had never shared details about that night.

“Jude, I’m glad that you talked and you feel better about it, but I’m not sure that…” Lena said carefully.

“That it’s a good idea to reconnect with him?” Jude offered. Lena looked to Stef for support.

“What mama is trying to say…” Stef started.

“That Connor’s got a lot of baggage, issues, and being friends again is just going to bring all of that back up, especially with Adam?” Jude said clearly.

Stef turned to look at Lena surprised by Jude’s perception of their concerns. “Jude, it’s not that we have a problem with Connor, exactly. But you didn’t end on the best of terms with him. I know you don’t talk about that, but we know it was hard on you. Are you sure you want to open all that up again?” Lena said gently.

“There were no girls” Jude said softly.

“What?” Lena asked him confused.

Jude looked at her. “In the tent, on the 7th grade camping trip, there were no girls” Jude repeated. He saw his moms look at him remembering him confessing on the couch at the party at Robert’s house.

“It was just us. He kissed me” Jude said quietly.

Stef looked at Lena surprised. They had both been fairly certain that Jude had feelings for Connor but they had pretty much figured that Connor had realized it and freaked out which is why he ended their friendship.

“When we went to the movies, the four of us, he held my hand in the theater” Jude continued softly. “Then when he stayed over because Adam was delayed that day…he kissed me again in my room. He was only dating Daria so that his dad would let us hang out together” Jude told them.

Lena looked heartbroken. She finally had the missing piece to all of this. It wasn’t an awkward one-sided crush that destroyed a friendship but rather one boy whose father wasn’t able to deal with the truth about his son.

“The night Connor was shot…we only snuck out with the girls because we were going to hang out afterwards…by ourselves” Jude said finally looking up. “He was the first boy I kissed, the first boy I liked and when his father freaked out he got scared and panicked.”

Stef pulled him into a hug with Lena joining both of them as his tears finally started to flow. “He felt so bad about pretending to be with Daria and wanting us to be a secret that he convinced himself he was bad for me” Jude stammered out between gulps of air. “I missed him so much!” he wailed.

Lena saw the tears pouring down her wife’s face as she wiped the ones on her own as they held their youngest who had finally shared the heartbreak of his first love, something that none of them ever even knew about. “Why didn’t you tell us?” Lena asked gently.

“I guess that I was ashamed a little” Jude said slowly. “But mostly it just hurt too much. I did talk with Jesus though. I was waking up from nightmares and he just helped me. One night I told him everything. He really helped me through it all” he reassured them.

They sat together quietly for a while just holding each other until Jude moved, indicating that he wanted to be let go. They did, but stayed close. “Sorry” Jude mumbled wiping his hand across his face. “I’m not sure why I got so upset. This was so long ago and things are different now.”

Stef squeezed his hand but he could tell by her face that she was not happy. “Jude…” she started.

“Mom, it’s okay, really. I cried a lot when it happened because I didn’t understand why. I think this time it was because I finally do understand. Connor made a choice and while I feel it was a really dumb one, he did have a reason that he thought was a good one to do what he did” Jude paused. “But now we have to figure out how to move forward. I want him in my life mom and I am not going to let Adam, or Connor’s fear, do this to us again.” Stef raised her eyebrows at the steel she heard in his voice. She was fairly certain who she would put her money on the next time Adam and Jude clashed.

“Jude…” Lena started gently. “Connor still has the same issue with his dad remember?”

“He came out this week to him” Jude told them with a trace of pride in his voice.

“What?” Stef was stunned. Lena looked like she was going to fall over.

“Yeah. He not only told his dad that he was gay, but also that he was going to come out at school and get a boyfriend. He told his dad that if he didn’t like it, he would go live with his uncle. Apparently he has been pretty mad at Adam for the last two years and he let it all out at one time towards him when he got back from a trip” Jude snickered a bit at the visual that caused him to have. “It seems that Connor is done being the person other people want him to be and he wants to be his own person. And I think I like that person” Jude said simply.

“Wow” Lena said amazed. “I’m…I don’t know what I’m feeling at the moment. I can see how this week has been a roller coaster for you.”

“Jude” Stef said cautiously. “Do you still have feelings for Connor? Does he for you?”

Jude laughed and smiled a genuine smile. “Well, it’s kind of complicated. I mean I really am interested in Captain America and apparently Connor met a guy as well. It seems that the guy Connor met and fell really hard for is the one that convinced him to come out to his dad” Jude said smiling.

“Oh” Stef sounded a bit disappointed. “So you think you can Connor can just be friends then?” she asked.

“Probably not” Jude said honestly. “I don’t think the feelings we had for each other are really gone.”

“So what are you going to do?” Lena asked gently.

Jude took a deep breath. Now’s the time he thought. Do I tell them or not? I love them but will they try and talk me out of what I want to do or will they support me? Jude looks at both of them and while he sees the worry, he also sees their unconditional love and support.

“I am going to ask Connor to be my boyfriend” Jude says surprising himself. Huh? Didn’t think he was going to say that.

Stef and Lena looked just as shocked as he felt. “Are you sure?” Lena asks him. 

“Yes” Jude says much more confidently. “Are you okay with us being together?” Jude asks his moms nervously.

They look at each other for a moment before they briefly smile. “Do you think he will make you happy?” Stef asks him and smiled when he nods. “Then yes, we are okay with it. But what about your Captain? And Connor’s other guy?”

“I am going to ask Cap to be my boyfriend” Jude says with a twinkle in his eye.

Stef and Lena looked alarmed. “You want two boyfriends?” Stef says clearly not liking that idea.

Jude starts laughing, a rich and happy laugh before he shakes his head. “Nope, just one. Luckily I can ask Connor and Captain at the same time” Jude teases and laughs again at the confused looks on their faces. “It turns out that Connor is my Captain America” he explains. Jude laughs aloud at the flabbergasted looks on his moms’ faces when they get it.

What he isn’t prepared for is the squeal that comes from his mom when she gets a huge smile and hugs him. “Oh my god that is so perfect! Your sisters are going to die when they hear that it was Connor all along!” Stef gushes while Lena shakes her head in disbelief.

“Well no telling her yet, you swore” Jude reminds them. “I get to tell the family on my terms, so no one gets to find out before. Besides…Connor doesn’t know it was me yet, so I still have to tell him and see how he reacts. And to do that mama, I will need your help” Jude asks her pleadingly.

Lena smiles knowing she might regret it but she says it anyway. “Whatever you need Jude.”

 

**_Sunday morning_ **

Jude walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. The rest of the night before had flown by as he talked with his moms. They had insisted that he go over what had happened several times and they had finally seemed to understand what Connor had been dealing with and the choices that he had made. And while they didn’t agree with a lot of them, stand in line Jude thought, ultimately they supported him and his decision to be involved with Connor. Assuming, that is, that Connor actually would still want to after he found out the truth.

Jude had also finally sent Daria a text asking her to come over on Sunday to talk. He was going to need her help to make this work…and maybe more. He knew that Ryan and Taylor would help him no matter what, but he wasn’t sure he wanted them to know. If Connor said no or freaked out then Jude didn’t want everyone knowing. Daria had implied he wouldn’t but Jude wasn’t sure enough to feel safe and let everyone know, which would have made this easier, but he just didn’t know. Also…he wasn’t sure that Connor was serious about coming out at school and he didn’t want to force Connor to be out if he really wasn’t ready. Just because he had said he would come out, that didn’t mean that he really meant it. The idea and the reality were two different things and Jude knew that when faced with everybody actually knowing about them he might run…again.

There. Jude had finally acknowledged the real fear that he had with Connor: that when it came down to actually being totally open and honest, that Connor would give in to the fear that drove him for so long. Jude wanted to believe he could handle it, but it hadn’t even been a week that Connor had been out to anyone. 

Jude headed downstairs to get some breakfast. Walking in the kitchen he saw his mama sitting down at the table. “Morning mama…where’s mom?” Jude said as a greeting.

“She and Mike had to go in to work for a bit to take care of something” Lena said sipping her tea. “Sleep well?” she asked.

“Not really” Jude said sitting down. At Lena’s curious expression he just smiled. “My brain wouldn’t stop running all night. I kept thinking about what I should do and what might happen. I texted Daria to come over after lunch” Jude explained.

He had told them about Daria admitting the truth both about her relationship with Connor and that she was the one who revealed Connor’s identity to Jude by accident and that she had agreed to help him figure out what to do next. “What are you planning?” Lena said slightly nervous. She had agreed to help, and she would, but she also had to make sure that this didn’t cause any more of a distraction than possible. 

Jude smirked. “I’m not sure. One idea I had was to just show up at school in my costume and see what he would do” Jude told her. He laughed at the look of shock on her face. “But I don’t think that’s the best plan. I also thought about just telling him who I was like I didn’t know that it was him in the other costume and seeing what he would do” Jude liked the thoughtful look he got for that one. “Another idea was to tell Daria to let Taylor know the truth but not to tell her that I know and see what they would come up with” Lena rolled her eyes over that one. “But I didn’t like any of those ideas…they just didn’t seem like the right way for this” Jude said finally.

“Do you have any other ideas?” Lena asked seeing his frustration.

“Some…I do think I am going to need to go to school on Monday early. Would it be okay if we went about hour before school normally opens?” Jude asked her.

Lena sighed. “I think that would be okay…but you are going to have to tell me what you plan on doing. I can’t have you breaking school policy. I can bend it some, but once this comes out they will know that I had to have helped, so whatever you do needs to consider that” Lena told him.

“Thank you mama!” Jude said hugging her tightly. “It won’t be anything too bad…I promise!”

Jude headed back upstairs to get ready for the day and for Daria’s arrival.

 

**_Sunday after Lunch_ **

Jude walked to the front door to open it and see Daria standing there. “Hi Daria…thanks for coming over” Jude said as Daria walked in.

Daria looked nervous as she walked in the house. “Jude please tell me you are going to tell Connor. It’s killing me not saying anything” Daria begged him.

Jude smiled. “I think I have a plan, but I will need your help. Mama already said she would help us” Jude told her as they sat down.

“You mom knows?” Daria asked surprised.

Jude nods. “I told both of them everything. They know about what happened two years ago, the dance, this last week, everything” Jude admitted. “After they were done freaking out, mama said she would help. Mom is fairly sure my life is now a romance movie” he grimaced as he remembered how Stef kept fangirling at random times since the conversation.

“So what’s the plan?” Daria asked starting to get excited.

Jude started talking about what he had come up with and they started laying it all out. Daria made suggestions and they made changes, went back and made corrections, and scrapped a number of different ideas. But they were making progress. They had been at it for nearly three hours when Tyler called Daria so she stepped out to take the call.

Jude walked into the kitchen where Lena was sitting reading a book. “Hi mama!” Jude said feeling a bit tired.

“How’s it going?” Lena asked putting her book down.

“Good…we have a good plan, but I’m not sure that we can do it by ourselves and I don’t want to involve you unless we have to” Jude told her. “We might need to involve some other people but I am trying to avoid that if possible.”

“Why?” Lena asked him.

“I know Daria says that Connor wants to know, but I don’t want anyone to figure it out before he does so that if he doesn’t feel the same, he won’t be embarrassed by this. Ever since I learned it was him, it’s been killing me not talking to him. He texted me yesterday but I told him I had family stuff all weekend so I could avoid seeing him. I know it would be easiest to just walk to his house and tell him, but after everything we’ve been through…I just want this to be something…” Jude wasn’t sure how to explain it.

“Special?” Lena suggested with a smile.

“Yeah” Jude nodded. “I mean we have a great start to our story…have to have a storybook ending or mom will be really disappointed.”

They both laughed at that knowing that Stef was really out of control over this. Lena had spent quite some time calming her wife down after Jude had told them. Stef might be a big, tough cop, but in reality she was a giant, mushy sap who had a weakness for cheesy romantic movies. “Well, do your accomplices need to know what they are doing or can they just do something that moves your plan along?” Lena asks.

Jude looks confused. “What do you mean?”

“Well” Lena paused to think. “Say you want to deliver a bunch of flowers. Can Daria ask person A to give the flowers to person B along with a sealed letter. Person B opens the letter and it says to deliver the flowers to Connor so that person B doesn’t know about you at all and person A doesn’t know what is going to happen” Lena explained.

Jude suddenly smiled. “That’s perfect!” he exclaimed. “That will allow us to do everything we have been trying to figure out without having to tell everyone everything. We could even tell some people a bit more, but not details or specifics to get help and move the plan along. Thank you mama!” Jude yelled jumping up and heading back to the living room.

Daria was walking back from the yard looking tired when she saw Jude all excited. “Mama had a great idea that may solve some of the problems” he tells her. After a while they were both excited and flying through the plan. Writing down the steps and sketching it all out. This could really work as long as their friends would trust them to play their parts. If this worked…then by the end of school tomorrow Connor would know the truth!

 

**_Monday Morning, Anchor Beach_ **

Connor walked up to the front of Anchor Beach after a very confusing weekend. He had spent most of the weekend while he was at home trying to avoid his dad and when they did manage to encounter each other, it was really uncomfortable. Like they were walking around on eggshells trying to avoid saying or doing anything that would set the other off. One good thing was that his dad wasn’t trying to force anything. He managed to keep his conversations to ‘safe’ topics that wouldn’t cause problems or start an argument. Connor had to admit that he was pleasantly surprised that his dad appeared to be trying to act normal. 

On Saturday Connor had to get out of the house so he had gone to the skate park for a bit before heading over to the batting cages where he ran into Jake and Matt and they hung out for a bit hitting balls. Afterwards they decided to go out for burgers together which Connor felt seemed to surprise the other guys.

Connor was enjoying their meal when he noticed that both Jake and Matt kept looking at him and each other like they were confused or trying to figure something out. After about the fifth time they did it, Connor finally couldn’t handle it anymore. “Okay guys, what is making you act so crazy?” Connor demanded.

“What do you mean?” Jake tried to act innocent…he failed terribly.

“You both keep looking at me like a have two heads or I’m about to lose it or something and then you keep looking at each other like you are trying to figure something out” Connor confronted them.

Matt and Jake both looked at each other again and Connor could see that they were actually doing that silent communication thing that couples do. He raised his eyebrows at the humor in seeing the guys interact like this. He wondered when they learned how to do it as he never thought that they were all that close. Suddenly Connor realized that he really didn’t know either one of them that well. Sure, he hung out with them at practice and different team activities and they had sat together at lunch for two years, but he didn’t know if they were good friends, best friends, or just casual teammates. Connor was suddenly sad thinking about all of the time that he had wasted locking himself away from the world to avoid getting hurt. By doing so he had missed out on a lot he realized.

“Well…” Jake starts “it’s just that you have been really different since you broke up with Daria” Jake said carefully. “It’s almost like you are a totally different person. It’s not bad or anything” Jake says quickly. “If anything it’s better…not that it was bad before…I mean…” Jake looks really embarrassed. He looks at Matt for help.

“It’s just that you are acting like…well…like you like us” Matt says finally.

Connor raises his eyebrows. “You’re my teammates…of course I like you. I have known you for years” Connor said surprised.

“Dude…you haven’t really done anything with us since 8th grade that wasn’t baseball related. I mean you hung out with us at lunch and did team stuff, but you changed that summer” Jake said seriously. “In 7th grade you were this fun, outgoing, friendly guy but all that changed in 8th grade. You turned into this super focused guy who never had time for fun or friends. Then you come to school on Monday, break up with Daria, which by the way was the strangest breakup I’ve ever seen, and are acting like you are happy she cheated on you. It’s like you were replaced by an alien or something for the last two years and now the real Connor is back. We are just trying to figure it all out.”

Connor leaned back in his chair and tried to think of what he was going to say. He knew he had felt different once he had decided to stop hiding from himself and confronted his dad, but he didn’t realize that the change would be picked up by others so fast. He had figured that if, no when, he came out there would be a reaction, but he didn’t realize how much the situation with his dad had affected not just his relationship with Jude, but his relationships with everyone. 

“I guess I never realized how it affected me” Connor said slowly. “I’ve been fighting with my dad for a long time, he was always wanting me to be something I couldn’t be and I guess I was really angry about it.” Connor looked up to see them watching him and listening closely. “I think when Daria and I broke up it helped me realize that I couldn’t live my life trying to make him happy but while making myself miserable. I needed instead try to make myself happy” Connor smiled as he realized that he really was starting to feel happy. “I never understood how my way of dealing with my dad messed up everything else so I’m sorry about that” he told them.

“So did something happen with your dad?” Jake asked him cautiously.

“You could say that. I kind of exploded on him, screamed and yelled at him” Connor said with a slight laugh, especially at the looks of surprise on their faces. Matt and Jake both knew his dad and what he was like so hearing what Connor had done was a surprise to hear. “We are trying to figure things out now but I told him I wasn’t going to be who he wanted me to be anymore. Ever since…I’ve just felt free to be happy.”

“Being with Daria didn’t make you happy?” Matt asked him confused.

“Definitely not” Connor said relaxed. “Being together didn’t make either of us happy. She really likes Tyler and he seems to be an okay guy so I am happy for her. I actually met someone too.”

“You did?” Jake said shocked. “Who?”

Connor just smiled “We only talked once so I’m not sure anything will happen, but we’ll see. You will have to wait as I don’t want to mess it up.”

“And what was that thing at lunch with you and Jude?” Jake asked him getting a bit of a glare from Matt. Apparently they had agreed not to ask that Connor guessed.

Connor sighed heavily. “Jude was my best friend in 7th grade but my dad didn’t like him. He said some really cruel things about Jude and that he didn’t want us to be friends” Connor explained. “And like an idiot…I listened to him and stopped hanging out or talking with Jude. Probably the dumbest thing I ever did” Connor shook his head at the memory of what he had done.

Matt just leaned back looking thoughtful. “So you didn’t really stop being his friend, you just acted like you weren’t” he said talking through what he was obviously trying to understand. “Was that why you told all of the bullies at school that if they bothered him they would answer to you?”

Connor looked surprised at Matt’s comment. “Dude” Jake laughed at his reaction. “Almost everyone at Anchor Beach knew you put out the word to leave Jude alone. Except maybe Jude and his crew. We never understood why, but you also didn’t like it when anyone was a bully so we kinda just figured it was that you didn’t like any bully.”

Connor smiled sheepishly. “Jude didn’t deserve how I treated him” Connor told them. “I treated him pretty badly by abandoning our friendship because of my dad. I didn’t stop being his friend and I don’t like people picking on my friends.”

Connor had managed to move the conversation away from anything else too revealing after that. He didn’t really want to talk about Jude with them until the two of them were in a better place. He had texted Jude on Friday after school and they had chatted briefly before Jude had to go saying that he had to take care of some family stuff this weekend. Connor smiled to himself at that thought. The Adams-Fosters were always doing something and he doubted that two plus years wouldn’t have changed that about them even with Jude’s siblings going off to college. He wondered how Stef & Lena would react to seeing him and Jude hanging out again and if they would be okay with it.

Connor had texted Daria on Sunday to see if she had talked to Taylor or had any new information on the search but she had said she was busy with her mom all day so she would work on it at school. Connor had thought that it was time for him to take more aggressive steps to find Raton. Maybe he should talk to Taylor…even confess who he is to see if she could help Connor find him. Getting Taylor and Daria back together to work on this would be quite the power play!

Walking up to the front of school Connor saw Matt and Jake standing with their normal crowd and they all seemed pretty worked up. Connor diverted over to them to see what was happening. “What’s going on?” Connor asked Matt.

Lydia, Jake’s girlfriend was talking with that girl Marissa who was dating Jude’s friend Ryan a few feet away from them. Connor didn’t know that they knew each other or talked. Boy he really didn’t know what was going on with his friends he thought.

Jake looked at him “Apparently there is something going on about those two guys at the dance who everyone’s been talking about” Jake told him.

Connor suddenly felt nervous. “What’s going on?” he asked trying to only sound interested, not scared.

“Not totally sure…the girls said something about some signs on the school doors” Matt told him as they saw Lydia walk back with this big smile on her face.

“The signs are all over the school” she gushes. “It’s so romantic!”

Lydia grabs Jake and starts dragging him to the doors with the rest of the group following close behind them. Getting to the door Connor sees a flyer printed on colored paper on every door to the school. The flyer has logo on Captain America’s shield, a star inside a series of rings, with a message below the shield.

_“Capt – our spot today after school!”_

Connor’s eyes widen as he sees the signs on each door going into the high school. They walk into the school and there are more signs in there, but they are not everywhere. Instead they are spaced out and he isn’t sure why they are placed where they are. They pass one on the main office door, one on the library doors and Connor sees a pair on the doors to the cafeteria. He passes one on Timothy’s English classroom, but he doesn’t see any on other classroom doors. He wonders why there was one for Timothy when he spots another on Ms. Jenkins door where he has math class after lunch. As Connor stops by his locker he sees Marissa come over to Lydia.

“There are signs on the gym and the door to the boys’ locker room” Lydia told Marissa, the excitement in her voice evident. “There are also signs on several classrooms.”

Lydia lists all the classrooms when Connor realizes that he has a class in each of those rooms. “Why those rooms?” he asks suddenly suspicious.

“We don’t know” Marissa replies having heard him “but it’s only those rooms. It is curious as to why it’s not on every classroom; that is definitely the question. This is so exciting” she laughs and she and Lydia then head off to join a group of girls standing across the corridor. Jake just shakes his head and follows after her while the rest of the guys head off to their homerooms while Connor feels a burst of excitement…he is going to meet Raton today! That is if no one else figures out where they will be meeting as he must mean Inspiration rock. Connor smiles and walks in to his class and sits down.

Connor sits down in history class, passing that sign on the door and he notices that everybody is talking about it. Mr. Daniels doesn’t seem to notice the class’ excitement and he continues talking about California history and the gold rush or something. The class drags on but finally the bell rings and Connor jumps up and heads to his locker. Seeing Matt staring at one of the signs Connor comes up behind him and smiles.

“Does that poster mean something special to you Matt” Connor teases as Matt jumps. “Got something you want to confess about?”

Connor sees a momentary flash of panic in Matt’s eyes before it clears and he laughs and lightly punches Connor’s shoulder. “Shut up dude!” Matt replies. “I was an awesome pirate at the dance which you would have known if you had been there!”

Connor laughs remembering the photo of Matt’s pitiful costume. He decides not to tease him anymore and he walks over an opens his locker and stares in shock. Sitting in the locker is a white envelope with the letter ‘C’ written on it that wasn’t there before his history class. Reaching for the envelope he slips it in his notebook so Matt didn’t notice and switches out his book for math class. 

“Gotta run” Connor says to Matt with a smile. “I need to talk to Ms. Jenkins before math class.” Connor waves and runs off towards the next room. Sliding into his seat Connor pulls out the envelope and opens it up.

_C – I hope the signs didn’t bother you too much. I trust you remember where our spot is! Are you ready to finally meet? – R_

Connor gulps. He knows who I am Connor realizes. But…if he knows who I am why didn’t he just say something to him directly. And how did he get in my locker? Connor smiles and shakes a bit in excitement and to be honest he couldn’t tell anyone what they talked about in class as he spent the whole time thinking about their kiss.

Walking out of math he hurried to his locker wondering if he might have another letter but he felt a bit sad when he opened it and didn’t see anything.

“You okay?” turning Connor saw Jude standing there with a smile on his face. “You look a bit sad. I mean I know the lockers are not that exciting, but…” Jude says in a teasing voice.

“I’m fine” Connor says smiling and grabbing his English books. “It’s been an interesting morning is all.”

“You mean because of the signs?” Jude nods knowingly. Connor looks suddenly nervous at Jude’s comment. ‘Why would he say that?’ Connor wonders. 

“Might be nice knowing that there are some other gay guys at school you know” Jude continues. Connor relaxes.

“Yeah I guess” Connor agrees and nods. “But does it really matter?” he asks Jude.

Jude looks right at him. “Not really” Jude finally agrees. “What matters is what you think about yourself. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Mama once told me that ‘if you are taught to hide what makes you different, you end up feeling a lot of shame about who you are…and that’s not okay’ and it always stuck with me.”

Connor looks at Jude thoughtfully. “Wow…that’s pretty deep” he mumbles.

“Yeah…it was after I got bullied for wearing nail polish at school” Jude smiled as he saw Connor remembered. “But luckily I had someone else who showed me that it was okay.”

Jude smirked at Connor’s blush and he turned to head to his next class. “Don’t worry about other people Connor” Jude said as he walked away.

Connor shook his head and laughed and closed his locker. He had English next and he liked Timothy so maybe he would able to focus. He took a step before turning to look back at Jude and wondered what might have been if he hadn’t listened to his dad or if he hadn’t gone to the dance. Connor just sighed, if he hadn’t met Raton he wouldn’t be here and Jude wouldn’t even be talking to him. 

Connor was able to pay attention in English class which was lucky considering that of all of his teachers, Timothy was the most engaged with the students. He didn’t let anyone sit quietly or not participate in their discussions so you had to pay attention. When the bell rang he was therefore surprised when Timothy called on him. “Connor, can you please come see me” Timothy said over the noise of the class getting up.

Connor walked to Timothy’s desk not sure what he had done. “Yessir?” he said respectfully.

“I’m not sure exactly what’s going on Mr. Stevens” Timothy said with a smile, “but this was left on my desk with a note to give it to you at the end of class” Timothy finished and handed Connor another white envelope with that ‘C’ written on the outside. 

Connor was shocked. “Do you know who left it?” Connor asked cautiously as he took it.

“Nope. It was sitting on my desk when I walked in this morning before the school day started” Timothy replied. He started moving some of his papers around before he turned back to Connor “However if it is something inappropriate, please let me know so I can speak to the Principal.” He smiled at Connor who nodded and walked out of the class. Once he was outside the room he opened the letter.

_C- Left you something in your locker. Saw it and thought of you. Hope you like it. Any idea who I am yet? - R_

Connor rolled his eyes in frustration. Seems that Raton was having some fun at Connor’s expense.

“Hey” Connor heard Jude beside him “ready for lunch?” he asked with a smile.

Connor faltered. “Sure…I need to go to my locker first, why don’t you go ahead and get a table?” Connor suggested.

Jude nodded and walked off leaving Connor to swing by his locker. He wondered if Raton knew he had already been to his locker this morning. Opening the door he saw a small black box with a blue bow sitting on his books. ‘Dammit how is he doing this?’ Connor thought smiling. Opening the box he laughed out loud. Sitting in the box was a round lapel pin that looked like Captain America’s shield. Inside was a small card that said _“You can wear this to our meeting! Shirt optional –R”_

Connor blushed and laughed. He put the box and pin in his bag and headed for the cafeteria with a huge smile on his face that lasted till he walked in the doors when it slid right off. Stunned, Connor just stared at the sight before him. Sitting at a rather large table was Jude, Daria, Tyler, Lydia, Marissa, and Ryan. There was a lot of space open, for other people obviously. He was trying to process what he was seeing when he heard a slight gasp behind him. Turning around he saw Taylor standing there with her boyfriend Greg looking just as surprised as he was.

“Did you know about this?” Connor asked her quietly.

Taylor shook her head at him and that’s when he noticed that most of the ones already seated had sat so that both groups of friends were going to be forced to mix up. Jude was actually sitting right across from Daria and Tyler but next to Lydia who was saving a spot for Jake. The seat next to Jude was open and when Connor caught his eyes Jude just smirked! Walking over with his lunch Connor sat down and looked at Jude who was carefully avoiding looking at him while listening to Lydia talk about the dance team.

Over the next few minutes the rest of both groups came in and were equally surprised. After everyone was there Taylor finally cleared her throat. “So Jude…was this new…arrangement…your idea?” Taylor asked trying to be casual.

“Actually” Daria replied “it was mine.” Daria smiled at everyone’s reaction. “Jude and I talked about it though and we thought it might be good for all of us to get to know each other a bit better, especially now that Jude and Connor are friends again.”

“I see” Taylor said slowly.

“So Taylor” Lydia said with a smile “what do you think about the posters about the guys from the dance meeting up today?” She was pretty worked up about it. “I mean where do you think ‘their place’ could be?”

Taylor carefully avoided looking at Jude, especially as she had already figured he did it, and she was a bit hurt that he hadn’t talked to her about it first. “It’s very Interesting, especially as it reveals something fairly significant” Taylor said slowly.

“What? What does it reveal?” Marissa said joining the conversation.

“Well” Taylor drawled out. “It seems to me that they don’t know who each other are. I mean if they did, then they wouldn’t have to put up those signs. That must mean that they met at the dance and don’t have any idea who the other person is. Don’t you think so Jude?” Taylor asked sweetly.

Jude just smiled at Taylor “Makes sense to me T. I mean they could leave notes in each other’s lockers if they wanted to be secret, so I guess either they don’t know who each other are. Or maybe they do know and are just seeing what would happen if they came out” Jude said thoughtfully.

“What do you mean?” Ryan asked Jude.

“Oh, I get it” Daria said clapping her hands. “By doing all this publicly, maybe they are seeing how people react to the idea of them. Maybe one boy is seeing if the other feels okay being out or not” she said looking at Marissa. “But to be honest, I think I like the idea that they don’t know and are trying to find each other better though” she giggled.

“Why should anyone care if they are gay?” Ryan said firmly.

“You never know, even in a place like Anchor Beach, it can be tough to be different” Matt added.

“Yeah, but like Ryan says, it won’t really matter” Lydia adds firmly. “Oh, do you think that we can invite them to join our table once we know?” she suddenly asks getting excited.

“YES!” Marissa yells. “That would be awesome!”

“Why?” Tyler asks the girls. “Just because they are gay?”

Lydia rolls her eyes at him. “No doofus. Seriously did you even see them? They are hot, athletic, and so cool. And they have the best romance story.” She sighed, a sigh echoed by almost all the girls sitting at their tables.

Jude just snickered. “Guess we might need a bigger table…unless you want to confess something Ryan?” he teased.

Ryan looked at Jude for a second before jumping up and reaching out to grab Jake, pulling him to his feet. “Looks like they found us out bro” he said dramatically. Marissa and Lydia both started laughing while Taylor looked shocked. Jude was laughing along with Daria. 

“Do you think our girlfriends will mind us dating though?” Jake asked playing it up. “Maybe we could trade days or something?”

Connor put his head in his hands and tried to keep from laughing at the two boys making a scene in the cafeteria. 

“Get your hands off him” Derek said jumping up and grabbing Ryan. “I was Captain America and I was with Ryan.”

“Dude I was Captain America…you were the other guy” Ryan said shoving him. 

“I thought I was Captain America” Matt said playing up being confused.

“You’re all wrong!” Cecily stood up, all 5’2” of her, and yelled “I was Captain America” she said in a voice loud enough for the entire cafeteria to hear. Everyone started laughing as they heard other voice’s call out that they were Captain America. Connor even heard one girl call out “Hey I’m the other guy!”

Connor watched this new group all laughing together and smiled over at Jude who was watching him with an unreadable look on his face. Jude reached over and fist bumped with Daria who was also smiling. The rest of lunch went pretty well and then it was time to head out.

“Connor” Jake said as they were getting up. “Can you hold up a second?” he asked carefully.

Connor paused as their friends all moved past him and it was just the two of them. Jake looked confused and nervous. “I found this in my locker with a note to give it to you” he said as he reached into his bookbag and handed Connor another white envelope with that ‘C’ on the outside.

Connor slowly took it, looking at it before looking over at Jake. “What…” Connor started but stopped, uncertain of what he should say. “What did the note say?” he finally asked.

“It said hold on to this envelope and give it to Connor Stevens after lunch is over. Don’t let anyone else know” Jake told him. “What’s going on?” he asked.

“Remember how I told you I met someone?” Connor reminded Jake. Jake nodded. “It’s from them…I think” Connor said. “Please don’t say anything to anyone yet, okay?” Connor asked. Jake nodded and headed out and Connor followed. After dropping off his tray he moved over to an alcove and opened the letter.

_C – hope you liked your present! I really liked your new lunch arrangement, seems to be a really fun group. Think there might be room for me at the table? I enjoyed watching that performance as well. Did you say you were Captain America? I bet you didn’t. – R_

Connor fell against the wall. How did he do this? He knew what was going to happen at lunch before it did but Connor would have sworn that it was all spontaneous but now, it sounds like it he planned it. But who could have gotten Jake, Ryan, Matt, and all of those people to do that stuff? This was killing him. And how did he know that they were all going to all sit together? That was Daria’s idea…Connor suddenly felt his heart stop. Daria!

Connor headed for his next class determined to find Daria immediately after and get some answers. He walked into his science class and sat down next to Scott from the baseball team and looked around for any other clues. He was staring at the door when Taylor walked in. He had forgotten that they had this class together as they had pretty much ignored each other all year. But Taylor was looking right at him and proceeded to walk up to his desk. 

Connor was surprised when she just stood there looking at him not saying anything. Connor was getting nervous. “Taylor…is everything okay?” he asked with a calm voice to hide his concern.

Taylor didn’t say anything but just looked at him for a second before reaching in to her bag and pulling out another white envelope. Connor’s eyes widened as she set it down on his desk but didn’t move her hand away. Connor looked up at her eyes, the suspicion clear in them. “Taylor?” he croaked.

Taylor leaned back, removing her hand, and still didn’t say anything. She just turned around and walked back to her usual seat. “That was weird” Scott said to Connor before turning to talk to Rebecca, the girl he had been hitting on all year.

Connor watched Taylor sit down and she pointedly did not look at him. This was really scary he thought looking at the envelope with the ‘C’ on it. Connor opened the envelope and suddenly noticed it was much longer than the others.

_C-  
By now you may have figured out that Daria has helped me with some of this. Hope you won’t be too mad at her but I needed some help with coordinating my minions and she was willing. She knows who I am but I’m afraid that she won’t be much help to you today.  I asked Taylor to deliver this letter, but she doesn’t know anything so don’t bother trying to get anything from her as it came to her through several others who delivered it along with the instructions (that way you can’t find me yet!)_

_When I figured out who you were, to say I was shocked would be an understatement. Especially after you asked me if I was Connor Stevens at the dance. Nice move there by the way, very sneaky. Daria also told me some things that have happened since the dance and I wanted to say how proud I am of you for standing up to your dad. I like you C, both in and out of uniform and I only hope that you will feel the same way, but I admit I am a bit scared how you will react when you finally know it’s me. I hope you won’t be disappointed. Daria said the only reason you haven’t come out at school was that you weren’t sure I wanted to be out as well._

_I can honestly say that with you, I would be willing. I don’t want to live a lie and if I finally have a boyfriend, I don’t want to hide it and I hope you understand. But if not, then here is your escape clause: If you don’t want to be open and honest about us, don’t come today. I will understand because I know how much baseball means to you and I know that being out could cause you a lot of problems. I know that I am asking a lot._

_I just want to say, in case you don’t come, that I think that I have had feelings for you for quite some time but I wasn’t brave enough to tell you. I’m ready to be brave…for you._

_-R_

Connor folded up the letter and tried to get himself under control. He glanced over at Taylor and saw that she was watching him read the letter with the strangest look on her face. He just smiled briefly and put the letter away. The rest of the class was a blur until the bell rang and he walked out of the class.

Pulling out his phone Connor immediately texted Daria.

 **Connor:** Daria, where are you?

 **Daria:** What’s up?

 **Connor:** You know what! Where are you? We need to talk

 **Daria:** Sorry, had to go to Doctor’s appointment. Left school right after lunch! 

 **Connor:** D! Who is he!?!

 **Daria:** He? He who?

 **Connor:** I’m serious D. You’ve been helping him all day.

 **Daria:** All weekend actually.

 **Connor:** @$#@$#!

 **Daria:** lol

 **Connor:** D – please…I’m begging you.

 **Daria:** Sorry Connor. I promised not to tell you. I do hope you choose to go today even though he gave you a way to chicken out.

 **Connor:** Daria…

 **Connor:** Please!

 **Daria:** I will give you one hint.

 **Connor:** I’ll take it!

 **Daria:** you have talked with him today.

 **Connor:** WHAT!?!

 **Daria:** You talked to him today. Class, hallways, lunch, or somewhere, but you both said at least one word to each other. Think about it. And Connor…

 **Daria:** I hope you are happy.

Connor stood there looking at his phone. “Dude you okay?” Connor looked up and saw Mitch from the wrestling team looking at him. Did Mitch ever talk to him before? “You are kinda standing in the middle of the hallway” he laughs and walks off.

Connor has talked to dozens of people today and how is he supposed to remember them all. Daria is killing him with this but he only has two classes left before he meets him.

“Connor Stevens to the Office please. Connor Stevens to the Office” he hears over the intercom and he sighs wondering what now.

Walking into the office he sees Mrs. Pritchard, the receptionist, standing there talking to another student. She sees him and smiles “Have a seat Connor, it will just a minute.” Connor sat down for a few minutes and wondered what was going on when he saw Mrs. Pritchard on the phone.

“Connor” she said hanging up the phone. “Come this way.” Connor stood up and followed her to the offices when he realized where they were going. He had been here before, a lot during 7th grade. She opened the door and Connor saw her stand up. “Hello Connor. Come on in. Thank you Margaret” Lena said to Mrs. Pritchard.

Connor walked in and sat down and Lena took the chair next to him, smiling gently. “How are you doing Connor?” Lena said gently.

“Okay I guess?” he said carefully, still not sure why he was here.

Lena smiled and leaned back. “I just wanted to let you know that if you need to talk to someone, I’m here if you need it” she said kindly. “Jude talked to us this weekend about what happened on Friday” she said after a minute.

Connor closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He knew this conversation was coming but he wasn’t sure he was ready for it. “What did he say?” Connor asked knowing how close Jude was to his moms.  
“Basically he said you apologized to him for pushing him away. Told him the reason, a reason Jude didn’t like but understood, and that you now were ready to try and be friends again” Lena said softly.

“Oh” Connor said thinking that wasn’t too bad. He looked up at her and saw the compassion in her eyes. “That’s not all he said is it?” Connor asked already knowing the answer.

“No…but some of it was personal for him, but some of it was to help us understand better. I am afraid that Stef and I may have judged you a bit too harshly about some things and I wanted to apologize for that” Lena told him.

“You apologize? But it was all my fault” he said, the anguish clear in his voice. “I let my dad ruin our friendship because I was too scared to stand up to him. How can you apologize to me after I did that?” he asked feeling his eyes start to swell.

“Connor, you were scared and that’s understandable. You were faced with this big thing that is tough for anyone and then you felt you lost your support at home so of course you were going to struggle. You made a decision that you thought was a good one and while we may not agree with it and wished you had made a different one, we do understand. I didn’t want to upset you, but I did want you to know something” Lena said clearly.

Connor looked up at her, remembering the last time he almost cried in her office Jude went mute. “What?” he stammered.

“Jude has made it very clear he wants you in his life. He explained why and we understand so we want you to know that you are welcome at our home. If you and Jude have healed what was broken between you, understand that we will support you both” Lena smiled. “We really have missed you Connor.”

Connor finally stopped holding it back and let the tears fall. Suddenly he was wrapped up in Lena’s arms as she hugged him and he almost sobbed at the feeling of love and support that he had missed for so long. Connor hadn’t felt a parent’s loving approval in a very long time and he realized how much he missed it when he felt it from Lena. Losing Jude meant losing a lot more than Connor had truly realized.

Connor pulled back and found Lena hold some tissues out to him and he took a few to try and recover from his reaction to the hug. “Feeling better?” she asked him after a few minutes.

“Yes ma’am” he said actually feeling it.

“Good. Then we can talk about why I actually called you here” Lena told him. Connor looked up in surprise as he thought this was it. 

Lena stood up and walked over to her desk and picked up a white envelope with that distinctive ‘C’ on it. “Perhaps you can explain something for me” she said sitting back down. Connor looked at the envelope in her hand like it was both a dangerous snake and the best Christmas present ever.

“Okay” he replied nervously.

“This was sitting on my desk when I got back from lunch” Lena said “along with a note asking me to give it to you at this specific time. Care to explain?” she asked gently.

“Can I read it first?” he pleaded with her.

At her nod Connor opened the envelope and pulled out the letter.

_C-  
The day is almost over and it’s almost time. I know that Mrs. Adams-Foster has always been someone I could talk to and I hope you do too. She helped me with my own coming out process and I know you don’t have someone like that to help you so I thought you might want to talk to her. – R _

Connor smiled. He looked up to see Lena watching him patiently. “It’s from a friend who said that you helped him when he was coming out. Said you might be able to do the same for me” Connor told her.

Lena smiled. “I would be glad to help you or I can find someone else for you to talk to if you would prefer” Lena offered.

“I told my dad I’m gay last week” Connor said simply. He looked at Lena and saw she wasn’t really surprised. “Jude told you” it wasn’t a question.

“The important question is: how do you feel about that” Lena said ignoring his comment.

Connor smiled at her careful evasion. “Pretty good actually. I think I am ready to come out at school, but I admit I’m not sure what will happen when I do” he tells her.

“Well, we have a pretty strict no bullying policy” Lena tells him “and your place on the team would not be affected. Would you like me to talk to the coach?” she asks.

Connor shakes his head. “I will tell them, but thank you” Connor smiles. They talk for a few more minutes before Lena sends him back to class. Now it’s just one more class to go.

As Connor walks out of his last class he walks to his locker feeling like he is going to throw up. His hands are shaking with nerves as he puts his books up and pulls out the pin he got and he puts it on his collar. Taking a deep breath he turns around to see Jude standing there.

“Hey” Jude says with his gentle smile.

“Hey Jude” Connor says and snickers at the memory that comes with it.

“The Beatles” they both say in unison.

They both laugh for a moment. “Uh…mama has a meeting after school so I am staying late and I was wondering if we could talk for a few minutes” Jude asks nervously.

Connor struggles with this. He really wants to talk to Jude but it’s time to head to meet Raton and he doesn’t want to be late even though he is really nervous. “I am actually meeting someone” Connor says carefully.

“That’s okay” Jude says with a smile. “Can I walk you there and we talk on the way. Then I can leave you to your meeting.”

Connor can’t say no to Jude…he never really could so he just nods as he leads them towards the beach. They talk about various things, nothing really important, and suddenly they turn the corner and Connor sees Inspiration Rock but no one’s there yet. He sighs in relief, not sure he is ready yet. Him and Jude walk out and sit down and Jude continues to talk to him about Callie and Mariana living in LA as well as Stef’s work with the police. He asks Connor about David and Connor really enjoys telling Jude about his cousin. Connor loses track of time enjoying their talk when he suddenly looks around in confusion. He pulls out his phone and realizes it’s been over thirty minutes since school ended and no one has come.

Connor looks down and can’t help feeling disappointed. He wonders what he did wrong. “Connor, you okay” Jude asks him worriedly. “Something happen with your meeting?” he asks gently.

“I guess he’s not coming” Connor says unable to keep the emotion out of his voice. “I’ve been waiting all day to see him and I thought he would understand that I was serious when I showed up.” Connor looks over and sees Jude, concern clearly written on his face. “Do you think he saw you and got scared?” Connor asked.

“No” Jude said simply.

“No?” Connor laughed. “You don’t even know who I am meeting.”

Jude smiled and looked out at the ocean. “Yes I do” he said easily.

Connor laughed in disbelief. “You think so?” Connor shoves Jude’s shoulder. “Then who?”

Jude looks at Connor for a second before looking back out over the water. Connor watches him stare out for a few seconds and feels he was right when Jude speaks. “You are waiting for Raton to show up Captain America” Jude says smirking.

Connor pales. He looks over at Jude who has turned to look at him with a smile. “Daria told me it was you in the Captain America costume at the dance” he explains.

Connor’s eyes widen. Daria is helping Raton and now she told Jude his secret. She is so dead when he gets his hands on her. “Jude…” he starts.

“Of course you are also wearing the Captain America pin you were given on your shirt” Jude added.

Connor reached up to touch the pin and closed his eyes. Looking back at Jude after a minute he sighed. “So you got it all figured out huh?” Connor muttered.

“Well, I got that (1) you are gay, (2) you kissed Raton at the dance, (3) you came out to your dad, and (4) by showing up here it seems you are ready to be open and honest about it at school. There is only one thing I don’t know” Jude told him.

Connor was staring at Jude in shock. How does he know all this? How could Daria tell him everything he told her in confidence?

“What’s that?” Connor finally asked.

“I don’t know if you are disappointed or not” Jude turned to look directly into his eyes, never blinking.

“Disappointed?” Connor asked confused.

“I told you to meet me at our place Connor. I’ve been here the whole time” Jude smiled and grasped his hand gently. “It’s me” Jude smiled as Connor’s eyes widened in shock.


	12. Chapter 12

As Connor walks out of his last class he walked to his locker feeling like he was going to throw up, nerves tearing up his stomach. His also noticed that his hands were shaking, it was about to happen! He put his books in the locker and pulled out the box with the pin he got today and put it on his collar. Taking a deep breath he turned around to see Jude standing there.

“Hey” Jude said with his gentle smile and soft brown eyes that always made Connor melt. ‘Stop it’ he told himself ‘you can’t be thinking about Jude right now.’

“Hey Jude” Connor said simply and snickered at the memory that comes with it.

“The Beatles” they both say in unison.

They both laugh for a few moments. “Uh…mama has a meeting after school so I am staying late and I was wondering if we could talk for a few minutes” Jude asks nervously.

Connor struggles with this. He really wants to talk to Jude and doesn’t want to do anything that would cause stress on their tenuous relationship, but he has got to head out if he wants to meet Raton and he especially doesn’t want to be late and make him think he changed his mind. “I am actually meeting someone” Connor says carefully trying to make it sound casual but mildly important so Jude wouldn’t be upset or concerned.

“That’s okay” Jude says with a smile. “Can I walk you there and we can just talk on the way. Then I can leave you to your meeting.” Jude smiled accepting Connor’s excuse so easily that he felt a little guilty about it.

Connor can’t say no to Jude…he never really could and he isn’t sure what to say so instead he just nods as he leads them towards the beach. They talk about various things, nothing really important, but the talk that just feels so easy and natural for them. Suddenly they turn the corner and Connor sees Inspiration Rock on the beach but no one’s there yet. He breathes a sigh of relief, as he realizes that he is not sure if he is ready yet to meet Raton. He is so excited, but at the same time he feels a bit scared too. Connor loved kissing him, it was seriously amazing, but what is he really like? Is he a good guy or a jerk? Connor had gotten so wrapped up in the excitement of their encounter that he hasn’t stopped to think if he’s a tool. He wonders whether the reality can live up to what he has built it up to be in Connor’s mind. The biggest problem is that the first boy he ever liked, the one he is now walking with, was just about perfect in Connor’s eyes and Raton was going to have a lot to live up to.

They walked out to the rocks and sit down and continue to talk about everything that each other has missed over the last two years. Jude talked about Callie and Mariana living in LA and Stef’s work with the police. Connor tells Jude about his cousin David, which Connor can get really excited about because David is pretty awesome. While he was looking back towards school, Connor honestly loses track of time enjoying their talk when he suddenly realizes that they have been talking for a while now and realizes that no one else has come out here since he and Jude came out here. 

Connor pulls out his phone and sees that it’s been over thirty minutes since school ended and no one else has come out to the rock. Connor looks back towards the school but doesn’t see anyone even hanging around and can’t help the feeling of disappointment that hits him in the gut. He wonders what he did wrong. All day Connor had gotten notes indicating that Raton was excited to meet, he set it all up! Sure he had said not to come if he wasn’t really ready, but Connor was here, so where was he? Why didn’t Raton show?

“Connor, are you okay” Jude asks him with a slight tremor in his voice. “Did something happen with your meeting?” he asks gently.

“I guess he’s not coming” Connor says unable to keep the emotion out of his voice. “I’ve been waiting all day to see him and I thought he would understand that I was serious when I showed up.” Connor looks over and sees Jude, concern clearly written on his face. “Do you think he saw you and got scared?” Connor asked. He had forgotten that he and Jude were sitting together and talking…maybe Raton freaked out when he saw him talking with Jude or thought someone else was in their spot so he ran off or did he change his mind?

“No” Jude said simply. He had this look of certainty on his face that caught Connor off guard.

“No?” Connor laughed hoping the disappointment didn’t show up in his voice. Jude normally got Connor better than anyone but this time he just didn’t understand why today was so important. “You don’t even know who I am meeting.”

Jude smiled and looked out at the ocean. “Yes I do” he said easily.

Connor laughed in disbelief. “You think so?” Connor shoved Jude’s shoulder playfully curious as to who he would come up with. Jude was always watching the world and he had insights that always surprised Connor, but not only with two years separating them, Connor didn’t think he was that open anymore, especially after the whole dance thing. “Then who?” Connor asked with a bit of a tease in his voice.

Jude looks at Connor for a few seconds before looking back out over the water. Connor watches him stare out for a few seconds and feels he was right when Jude speaks. “You are waiting for Raton to show up Captain America” Jude says smirking.

Connor pales. How could Jude know this? How could he have figured it out?

He looks over at Jude who has turned to look at him with a smile. “Daria told me it was you in the Captain America costume at the dance” Jude explains.

Connor’s eyes widen. Daria is helping Raton and now she told Jude his secret. She is so dead when he gets his hands on her. “Jude…” he starts. 

“Of course you are also wearing the Captain America pin he gave you on your shirt” Jude added.

Connor reached up to touch the pin and closed his eyes. Before, people had always said Connor wore his heart on his sleeve so this must me he was returning to ‘normal’ he snorted. But how could Jude even know about the pin? Connor hadn’t had the chance to tell Daria about it. The only person who could know that Connor was given the pin would be…Connor swallowed and made sure to keep his emotions in check. He felt his heart start to race and his breath get shallow. Is it even possible? Maybe Jude was one of Raton’s minions like Taylor and Jake delivering the letters. But who could get Lena to help? After Lena’s comments that did make some sense and Connor remembered the note saying that she helped Raton with his coming out!

Looking back at Jude after a minute or so of this sudden rush of emotions, Connor took a deep breath and decided to wait and see where this would go. “So you got it all figured out huh?” Connor muttered.

“Well, I got that (1) you are gay, (2) you kissed Raton at the dance, (3) you came out to your dad, and (4) by showing up here it seems you are ready to be open and honest about it at school. There is only one thing I don’t know” Jude told him.

Connor was staring at Jude in shock. How does he know all this? How could Daria tell him everything he told her in confidence? 

“What’s that?” Connor finally asked.

“I don’t know if you are disappointed or not” Jude turned to look directly into his eyes, never blinking.

“Disappointed?” Connor asked confused.

“I told you to meet me at our place Connor. I’ve been here the whole time” Jude smiled and grasped his hand gently. “It’s me” Jude smiled as Connor’s eyes widened in shock as he confirmed what Connor had been thinking, dreaming, daring to hope.

Connor looked up at Jude and saw his eyes sparkling with that damn smirk of his on his face. It was Jude!!! He was the one at the dance. The one who flirted with Connor so effortlessly. The one who Connor had been dreaming of kissing. The one who gave him the confidence and motivation to come out to his dad. The one who freed Connor from the fear and self-regret of the last two years. The one who arranged everything that happened today!

“You JERK!” Connor suddenly yelled and shoved Jude’s shoulder back as he stood up. “You have been playing with me this whole time?” Hurt and anger played across Connor’s face and he saw Jude’s eyes suddenly widen in shock as the smile slid off his face. “I have been going crazy all day and you have just been laughing at me? You and Daria and all of our friends…you all….” 

Connor stopped talking and jumped down from the rock and headed back towards the school stomping as best as he could on the ground as he walked.

“Connor wait” he heard Jude finally say when he found his voice. Connor saw Jude jump up and start to run towards him but it was too soon so he added a bit of speed to get to the sand and take a few steps before turning around suddenly causing Jude to stumble backwards.

“Wait? What for?” Connor snarled. “You want to laugh some more at me?”

“What? NO! Connor I never…” Jude started stammering and he looked at Connor’s face in sudden fear before he saw it. He saw that twinkle in his eye and Connor’s lips, struggling not to smile. “YOU BASTARD!” Jude yelled and Connor finally lost it and started laughing out loud.

“I can’t…you…damn it…” Jude kept losing his thought and turned around, got two steps away before turning back and saw Connor holding his sides and laughing. 

“Y-y-your, your, f-f-face” Connor tried to get out between gasps. “Oh, payback’s a bitch Judicorn!” he teased Jude. Connor wiped the tears coming from his eyes and he saw the emotions race through Jude.

Jude clenched his fists and Connor could tell he was seriously thinking about knocking Connor out when Jude’s face went from angry and frustrated to calculating and his eyes narrowed in focus. Connor stopped laughing and stepped back. “Jude…” he said as Jude started towards him but Connor was just bit faster still and he turned and started to run. He didn’t get far when he felt a weight hit his back, pushing him onto the sand. Suddenly they were rolling around on the beach, arms and legs flailing around, fighting for control of the other when all of a sudden he found himself flat on his back, Jude straddling him, with his hands pinned over his head held down by Jude.

“You know” Connor said gasping for his breath from his efforts as he paused his struggles. “The last time we did this I definitely remember you in a different position.”

Jude smiled down at him wickedly. “Well, the difference is that I’m not a scrawny 7th grader anymore” Jude said smiling. “And as I recall, instead of doing what you should have done that day, you decided to answer your phone and text with your fake girlfriend” he reminded Connor.

Connor grimaced as the reminder of that missed opportunity. “Phones not ringing now and you aren’t doing anything at all” he observed, his voice suddenly deep and husky.

Jude smiled and lowered himself down till their lips connected and Connor felt that rush again. That skillful mouth, lips and tongue dancing in harmony with his own. This, this was what he had been dreaming of for over a week, ever since the dance. But it was so much better than he imagined knowing that it was Jude he was kissing. The Jude he had watched from afar for two years. The Jude he had never stopped caring, maybe even loving, about. The Jude who, being totally honest with himself, had gotten hotter and hotter while Connor watched him get tall and strong, knowing that he had to stay away. And now here he was, here in his arms and kissing him!! He was just getting warmed up when Jude suddenly pulled away eliciting a groan of frustration from Connor.

“I forgot how needy you could be” Jude teased him as he leaned back onto his knees and sat upright. Connor’s hands, now free from Jude’s grip came around to slide up his thighs and rest on Jude’s hips, kneading the muscles there.

Frustrated by the distance between them, Connor leaned up and started kissing along Jude’s neck and murmuring into his skin. Jude felt himself getting flush when he gently pushed Connor back again. “Don’t you think we should talk about all of this?” Jude asked, trying very hard not to give in to what he was feeling. Especially when he felt Connor’s tongue slide along his skin leaving behind a cool line that sent chills down to his toes.

Connor grinned at Jude’s reaction and seeing him distracted decided to take advantage of his distracted state and he bucked his hips causing Jude to lose his balance and with one more push, to fall over. The next moment found Jude lying on his back on the sand with Connor pressing down on him with a hungry smile on his lips. “Definitely” kiss “we” kiss “can” kiss “talk” kiss “…later. Talk about everything” Connor said continuing to press his lips on Jude’s neck moving to just below the ear and biting down gently. Jude moaned in reaction. “But later. Kissing now” Connor clarified.

Jude’s eyes rolled back in his head at the sensations coming from Connor’s efforts as his hands move to grasp Connor’s hair. ‘Well, no one can say he didn’t try’ Jude thought as he pulled Connor’s mouth back to his own to continue where they had left off.

 

**_A short distance away at Sweet Things Frozen Yogurt shop_ **

Daria nervously looked at her phone again at the time and tried to figure out if enough time had passed for the truth to be revealed. She had ducked out of classes after lunch, there being no way that she could have been around after the lunch performance, not to mention the letter that Jake and Taylor were going to deliver. It took a bit to convince her mom of the importance of being checked out, but she trusted her and with a solid ‘A’ average, she could afford to miss a few classes.

“Daria?” Tyler said breaking her train of thoughts.

Daria looked up at her boyfriend and smiled. “Sorry…just a little nervous. Waiting to hear from a friend about a situation” she explained.

“Connor” Tyler asked nervously.

Daria hesitated. “Sort of” she admitted but then saw Tyler’s look of concern. “Actually I kind of helped a friend ask him out and I am hoping it went well” she clarified.

Tyler looked confused for a minute. “You are helping set up your ex with someone new?” he finally asked.

“Um…yes” she said biting her lip.

“Why?” Tyler seemed genuinely confused.

Daria knew she couldn’t tell Tyler everything yet but he did deserve something. “They really like Connor and have for a long time and I know that Connor like them, at least he used to, so I was trying to see if they could…reconnect or something” she said with a smile. “I mean I have you so I guess I just want everyone to feel as lucky as I do right now.”

Tyler smiled at her as he grasped her hand gently. “I am not sure I am ever going to understand the two of you” Tyler admitted. Daria laughed at him and snuggled into his hug, looking back at her phone.

Finally it was too much. It had been over a half hour after school and still no text or call so she gave in and dialed Jude’s phone. The phone rang several times before it went to voice mail. She then tried Connor’s but it went to voicemail after one ring telling her that Connor declined her call. ‘Huh’ she thought and then smiled ‘maybe it worked after all’ she concluded.

Hearing the door chime Daria looked up and started when she saw Taylor and Greg walk into the shop. Quickly looking away Daria hoped that she wouldn’t be noticed, but Taylor’s walked directly to them while Greg went up to order.

“Hi Daria” Taylor said smiling. “Tyler, can you help Greg get our order?” she asked sweetly.

Tyler looked confused and turned to look at Daria confused.

“That means go away so the girls can talk” Taylor stage whispered to Tyler with a wink.

At Daria’s nod Tyler got up and walked over to join Tyler. “Well that was subtle Taylor” Daria said sarcastically.

Taylor sat down never breaking eye contact with Daria. “What’s going on Daria?” she asked seriously. “You know something and I want to know what.”

Daria leaned back with a smirk on her face. “Whatever do you mean Tay?” she asked smiling.

Taylor narrowed her eyes. “Please…your little performance at lunch…your disappearance afterwards…you are up to something” Taylor leaned in as she spoke. “I want to know.”

“Why should I tell you anything?” Daria asked tossing her hair over her shoulder and smirking at her old friend.

Taylor suppressed the growl she was about to let out. “Because you are messing with my friend and I still don’t trust you” Taylor said seriously.

Daria nodded. “Trust goes both ways Taylor. Maybe there is something you know that you aren’t telling me? Say we trade. You tell me what you know and I will tell you what I know” Daria offered.

Taylor leaned back and looked at Daria suspiciously. “I don’t know what you are talking about” she told Daria.

“Not even that Jude was one of the two guys kissing at the dance?” Daria said in a whisper.

Taylor flushed. She knew!! After that scene in the cafeteria with Jude, Taylor had wondered how much Daria knew but she didn’t think she knew the full story. “How?” Taylor stuttered.

“Jude told me” she said simply. “Of course that was after he told you…that’s why you had his name crossed off your little list…you knew he wasn’t Captain America and that’s the only one you were looking for” Daria said.

Taylor leaned forward, the surprise clear on her face. “Why would he tell you?” Taylor muttered.

Daria thought about paying Taylor back for everything she had done over the last year, ever since Daria had ‘dated’ Connor, but she wasn’t that petty, though the temptation was pretty strong. “Maybe because we made up and are trying to be friends? Or he doesn’t hold grudges like you do?” Daria offered before smiling. “Or maybe because I ran into him at the mall and after a conversation I might have accidently told him who Captain America really is” she finished.

Taylor was a few seconds behind the conversation so it took a moment before Daria’s words penetrated her brain. “Wait! You know who he is? But you were helping me with the list…did you figure it out after that?” Taylor asked.

“Oh…no. I already knew who he was but I was trying to figure out who the other guy was” Daria admitted.

Taylor was stunned and opened her mouth when Greg and Tyler walked up to their table. “Boys…” Taylor said taking the yogurt from Greg “take a walk…long walk.”

Tyler and Greg looked confused. “Seriously, take a hike till we call. Love ya” Taylor said and nodded her head towards the door. Greg rolled his eyes and gave her a kiss on her cheek before turning to Greg.

“C’mon dude, we don’t want to be here” he said. Seeing agreement from Daria Tyler left with him.

“Okay” Taylor continued. “You told Jude who Captain America was…did you help with those signs?” she asked.

“That…the whole lunch performance, and the letters that were delivered” she confirmed.

“Wait…the letters?” Taylor asked before the light bulb went off. “You mean that note and letter I got telling me to deliver it to Connor in class? Why is that…” Taylor suddenly got quiet. “no. No. NO! You cannot be serious” she said stunned.

Daria just laughed. “What are the odds huh?” she teased. “Guess those two were meant to be huh?”

“Connor was Captain America” Taylor said trying it out before looked at Daria with an annoyed expression. “The guy you took off my list” she remembered.

Daria laughed. “Yep! We both were helping out each of them and trying to mess up our searches to keep our guy hidden.”

“So Connor does like Jude” Taylor mumbled.

“Since 7th grade” Daria confirmed. “But his dad made it really hard on him so he distanced himself from Jude to protect him.”

“And now?” Taylor asked with a trace of worry.

“A lot has changed in the last week” Daria smiled and proceeded to bring Taylor up to speed enjoying the connection with her old friend. Taylor is able to fill in some of the blanks that Jude had left when they talked this weekend. And Daria, relishing that she finally has someone to talk with about this was thrilled. Sure she was telling some of the stuff that Connor had indicated was private, but after today and they got together, all of that wouldn’t matter!

 

**_At a coffee shop, right after the Anchor Beach school day ends_ **

Lena walked into the coffee shop and headed for the counter after waving to the person she was meeting. She was feeling more than a little concerned about this meeting, especially considering the timing of it knowing what was probably happening back at school at this moment.

Picking up her chamomile tea, she walked over and smiled before sitting down across from the man that pushed her professional and personal politeness to its limits. She consoled herself with the thought that it could be worse…Stef could be here too.

“Thank you for agreeing to talk with me” he said nervously.

“No problem, but I’m still not sure why you didn’t want to come to the school to talk” Lena said sipping her tea.

“I think it’s better that he not see me at the school. I don’t want him to get the wrong idea” the man replied.

“Okay” Lena said simply. Her natural instinct was to press him on why he wanted to talk but she had learned that there was power in silence so she waited. She knew that it wasn’t easy for him to reach out to her and to specifically ask to talk about his son after their history must have taken a lot knowing the tension that had built between them.

He took a deep breath and a big sip of his coffee. “Connor told me that he was gay” Adam said simply.

Lena raised her eyebrows at his simple declaration but didn’t say anything. She wanted to let him lead this conversation.

Adam looked at her and her reaction and she could tell he was expecting something from her, but she wasn’t sure what. “You don’t sound surprised” he said finally.

“Adam I work with teenagers, more than a few who are discovering their identity. And as a lesbian, I’ve been there, so I try not to make assumptions about people’s sexual orientation. But I will admit learning that Connor has come out was…unexpected” she conceded.

“Well I have been reading stuff, trying to figure out what I am supposed to do” Adam confessed. “He didn’t exactly have a good coming out experience with me” Adam admitted.

“Would you like to tell me about it?” Lena offered.

Adam looked like he was struggling but he finally committed. He proceeded to tell Lena about that night when Connor came out, the anger and pain he expressed and how difficult it has been for Adam since it happened. “My brother has been helping, but I don’t think he really understands” Adam said sullenly.

“Understands what?” Lena prodded. She was struggling with wanting to tear into him for being so damn stubborn about this but she refrained from reacting.

“How am I supposed to protect him?” Adam asked, fear clear in his voice.

Lena was startled by his question. “Protect him?” she echoed.

“You know. You know how people look at and treat gay people” Adam told her. “He is going to face abuse, discrimination, cruelty, even physical harm just for being gay. My job as a parent to keep him safe but how can I do that now?” Adam asked the desperation clear in his voice.

“Adam” Lena collected her thoughts “you can’t.” She saw the shock and surprise in Adam’s face at her simple response. “Adam being gay isn’t easy but it is getting better. We are seeing progress and Connor and…kids his age will have a much better life than those 10 or 20 years ago. But you can’t protect him 100%. But you can help him learn how to protect himself. Teach him how to be safe and why. Teach him to be smart and aware so that he avoids situations that could be dangerous. And give him a place where he is totally safe and protected. A home where he doesn’t have to be on his guard, but he can just be…Connor” Lena advised him.

“He hates me” Adam confessed and Lena saw the pain and fear that admitting that caused him written clear on his face.

“I doubt that Adam” Lena tells him and reaffirms it when he looks at her like she is crazy. “I’m serious. I’m not saying he isn’t angry and disappointed with you Adam, but you are his father and he wants your approval. Every child does. But if he feels that you are withholding that love and approval because you don’t accept who he is, you might lose him” Lena warned.

Adam was silent for a few moments. “I love my son” Adam says, quiet but firmly. “I just want him to be safe and happy.”

“Adam” Lena says gently. “You don’t get to decide who or what makes him happy” she tells him. He looks at her uncertainly. “You say you want him to be happy but if he feels that his sexual orientation doesn’t meet your approval, then you are telling him to choose between you and himself. And Adam, do you really want Connor to live a life of misery and isolation just so that you won’t be uncomfortable with who he loves?”

Adam looks down, shame on his face as he realizes that was exactly what Connor had said to him that night when he was yelling. That Adam was forcing Connor to be miserable to make Adam happy. “no” he whispers.

“Then you need to find a way to let him know you love and accept him for who he is, who he loves. What are you going to do when he brings home a boyfriend?” Lena asks him gently.

Adam leans back. “I don’t know” he finally admits. “I mean honestly I didn’t really pay attention to the girl he was dating. She was nice I guess, met her once or twice, but as long as they were following the rules I didn’t worry.” Adam suddenly has a wry smile when he looks up at Lena “I guess it wasn’t really necessary since she was a fake girlfriend. But now I have to worry about him bringing a boy home” he leans back in his chair.

Lena sips her tea to hide her smile as she thinks ‘sooner than you are probably prepared for.’

“And based on what he said that day I am pretty sure that he will have a boyfriend sooner than later” Adam says mirroring Lena’s thoughts to her surprise. 

“So, can you help me?” Adam asks leaning forward.

Lena smiles and pulls out her notepad to start writing down some recommended resources for Adam. They talk for about an hour and she feels better than when she walked in the shop. Adam really seemed to be trying to be there for Connor. Maybe it might actually work out.

 

**_Back at Anchor Beach_ **

Jude smiled as Connor pulled back giving him a chance to catch his breath. Looking into the hazel eyes hovering over him, crinkled in happiness made him feel all warm inside. “So…not disappointed?” he teased.

Connor chuckled and moved to stand up and reached down to pull Jude up. “Definitely not, but getting sand all over is not the most comfortable” Connor laughed back. His eyes softened looking at his Jude and he leaned in for another kiss, gentle this time. “So I was wondering…” he started.

Jude raised an eyebrow in question with a definite smirk on his lips.

“…don’t do that” Connor muttered.

“Do what?” Jude said innocently.

“That. That smirk you do that is so fucking hot” Connor growled and gritted his teeth.

“Ugh” Jude growled back “then you can’t do that thing with your jaw.”

Connor smirked and their mouths were suddenly back together. It wasn’t till he was feeling dizzy that he was able to pull back to catch his breath. “Okay, we aren’t going to get anywhere if we keep doing that” Connor said with a tinge of frustration in his voice which changed to a yelp when he felt Jude’s hand brush against his pants.

Jude smirked “Looks like we are definitely getting somewhere to me” he said his voice low and sultry.

“JUDE!” Connor yelped in shock. “That’s not what I meant!”

Jude’s damn eyebrow taunted him but Connor resisted for once. “I’m serious Jude” he said. “I need to say something.”

Jude pulled on Connor’s hips bringing them together again and pressed his lips into Connor’s neck. “I’m listening” Jude taunted him between nibbles.

“Damn!” Connor groaned and rolled his eyes at Jude’s actions. “I…I…Jude…stop” Connor stammered.

Jude immediately pulled back to look at Connor, worry in his eyes. “Sorry” he mutters.

Connor takes a deep breath. “Jude I can’t think straight when you do that” Connor explains and then groans at the smile on Jude’s face.

“I would hope you couldn’t” Jude teases.

“I want this” Connor says seriously. “I meant I want you.”

Jude smiles and steps closer again “I want you too” he assures the blonde in front of him.

“No” Connor shakes his head. “Well yes, but that’s not what I meant.” Connor wants to smack himself for being so clumsy. “I want it all. I want you, but as my boyfriend. I want to be with you…and I want everyone to know it” he clarified. 

Jude smiles gently. “Are you really sure Con?” Jude says slowly. “Being out will change everything for you. School, your dad, baseball. Things are better now, but you might not get a scholarship if you are out.”

“Then I will play somewhere else or not at all” Connor says simply. “I am tired of living a lie to make everyone else happy Jude. If you are willing, I am ready and I really don’t care what anyone else says.” Connor feels the pressure on his chest loosen a bit. “It may suck for a while…but if I get to have you, it will be worth it.”

Jude smiles wickedly. “If you get to ‘have’ me” he says carefully. “Why Mr. Stevens, whatever do you mean? Are you suggesting something…inappropriate?” Jude says while his hands run up Connor’s back.

Connor leans forward and starts kissing along Jude’s neck. “Very inappropriate” he mutters.

Jude pushes him back and looks appalled at Connor. “I will have you know I have a boyfriend sir” Jude says trying not to smile. “And I’m pretty sure he is the jealous type!”

“Oh he is” Connor purrs. “I can promise you that he would go crazy if he saw anyone hitting on you.”

Jude smiles as Connor leans in for another kiss. As their lips connect he wonders for a second just what the family is going to say.

 

**_Adams-Foster House, some time later_ **

Jude walked in the front door and barely got in when he hear Lena shouting from the kitchen. “Jude? Is that you?” she yelled, excitement clear in her voice.

Jude smiled and changed direction, walking towards the kitchen instead of his room. Walking in he saw his moms look up at him smiling but then the expressions on their faces changed. Gone were the looks of curiosity and anticipation, instead they started laughing and looked slightly embarrassed at him.

“What?” Jude asked confused.

“Would you like to maybe freshen up a bit…in the bathroom?” Stef said chuckling.

Jude looked confused. “Go look in the mirror” Stef clarified.

Jude frowned but went to the downstairs bathroom, walked in and froze. Looking in the mirror he understood why they were laughing at him. Besides having sand all over, his hair was pretty much going in every direction, evidence of the all of tugs from Connor as well as him running his hands through it. That, as well as the still slightly bruised and puffy lips and the rather prominent hickey on his neck. Jude blushed but ran the cold water and tried to fix himself as best as he could without a shower.

Walking back into the kitchen he heard his moms still giggling and he rolled his eyes. “Should I just give up and go take a shower?” Jude muttered to them when they noticed him.

“Sit! Sit!” Stef said with a smile. “I take it things turned out…okay?” she teased.

Jude couldn’t help the dreamy smile that took over his face and he flushed at the chorus of “Awes” that came from his moms. “Yes” he mumbled smiling shyly.

“Spill” Lena said sitting down with her tea besides Stef. 

“What about dinner?” Jude asked.

“We can order out” Stef offered.

Jude laughed and said he really wanted to shower and that he would tell them everything over dinner. Taking a quick shower to restore himself, Jude came down to find the table filled with Chinese food that Stef had run out and grabbed. Sitting down he proceeded to tell them everything that had happened with regular pauses for questions, more ‘awes’, and a few sighs. Jude thought he might actually sprain his eyeballs they kept rolling so much.

“So when do we get to meet him?” Stef asked in her cop voice.

“Mom…you know Connor” Jude whined.

“Not exactly” Stef corrected him. “We know Connor the 7th best friend, but we do not know Connor your 10th grade boyfriend” she mock glared at him. “I am not sure we are comfortable with you having a serious relationship until we meet your young man.” Stef was smiling but Jude could tell she wasn’t totally kidding.

“Mama” Jude tried to appeal to Lena.

“Actually I agree with mom” Lena said betraying Jude. “How about you invite Connor to dinner this week?” she suggested.

Jude huffed but realized that this was a losing fight so he agreed and headed to his room to do his homework.

 

**_At the Stevens House_ **

Connor was feeling amazing the entire way home. He had dropped Jude off his house before heading home and pulling into his driveway he suddenly felt the happiness drain away as he saw his father’s car in the driveway. ‘Why was he home so early’ Connor was nervous.

Walking in cautiously, Connor heard noise coming from the kitchen and walking in he stopped in shock. His dad was making dinner?!?

“Dad?” Connor said before he could catch himself.

“Hey Connor” Adam said with a slight smile. “Thought I would do burgers for dinner if that’s okay with you” he said as he moved around the kitchen. 

Connor just nodded still unsure about what he was seeing. He could count the number of times that his dad has made dinner on one hand in the last year. Mostly it was take out or microwave dinners if Connor didn’t make something. His dad used to grill a lot before the divorce, but since Connor started high school those occasions have been few and far between. To be honest, Connor has cooked more than his dad in the last year or two.

Adam was cutting up toppings for the burgers when he looked at Connor and smiled briefly. “How was school?” he asked carefully.

“Good” Connor said before adding “I asked someone to be my boyfriend today.” 

Connor was watching carefully but he didn’t see a reaction or change in his father’s actions beyond a brief pause in cutting the tomatoes. “And what did he say?” Adam asked simply.

“He said yes” Connor said sliding onto a bar stool watching his dad, waiting for the explosion or other reaction that would give him away.

“Congratulations” Adam said simply and smiled at Connor before turning back to the grill on the stove. Adam started toasting the buns and asked “Did you want cheese on your burgers?” Adam asked after a few moments.

“Please” Connor replied feeling very strange at how…normal…his dad was acting.

“So…” Adam said after another long pause. “Do you want to tell me about this boy you are dating? Is he on the baseball team?”

“No” Connor said, not quite sure but he didn’t want to just say it yet. But he sorta wanted to draw it out. “He is on the Track and Field team though.”

“Really?” Adam said with a look that Connor would almost say was interested. “What events does he do?”

“Cross country and the relay. The team did really good last year so he hopes to do as well this year. He also does free running, you know, Parkour” Connor adds.

“What’s Parkour” Adam asks looking up confused.

“It’s a form of French military training. Guys run, jump, tumble and all that but in an urban setting, not in a gym. Lot of jumping walls and leaping and stuff. It’s pretty cool” Connor says.

“I think I saw something like that once. Sounds pretty tough and cross country is hard too. Solo sports can be really tough not only physically but mentally” Adam tells him. “Is he in your grade?” he asks a little too casually.

“Yes, he is a sophomore. We met at the school dance last week” Connor tells him.

“Oh so you just met him?” Adam asked surprised that Connor didn’t know most of the other athletes at school.

“Actually I knew him before that but didn’t know that I knew him. The dance was a costume dance so we were both wearing masks and I didn’t know who he really was till today. We talked and stuff at the dance, but we had to leave before we could tell each other our names. But we finally connected today so I asked him and he said yes” Connor finished.

“So when do I get to meet him?” Adam asked as he set down a plate in front of Connor.

“Funny story” Connor said focusing on his dad “you already have.” Adam turns back to look at Connor in surprise.

“I have?” Adam asks.

“Yes” Connor’s voice becomes very controlled. “You remember Jude?” Connor is watching his father and sees the surprise suddenly show up on his face. He is waiting for disapproval or anger or something but what he gets completely surprises him. He laughs!

Connor is floored. His dad is snickering at him!! “What’s so funny?” Connor growls.

Adam looks at Connor but then laughs again. “Sorry…sorry. It’s just…you end up with Jude after all this and after today…” Adam tries to explain.

“What about today?” Connor is suddenly worried.

“I met with Lena after school to ask her for advice on how to help you with all of this. I didn’t realize that I was asking my son’s boyfriend’s mother…gonna be a bit awkward now” Adam shook his head.

“You asked Lena for help?” Connor felt his stomach clench.

“Yes. Patrick has been helping but I thought she might be able to help me a bit more” Adam said looking at Connor’s shocked face. “Connor I was serious about trying. I love you and want you to be safe and happy.” Adam went back to the food prep for a minute before he turned back with a shocked expression “Wait…so Jude’s on a sport’s team?” he suddenly asks and Connor laughs.

As they eat Connor has some difficulty trying to hold his emotions in check. His father seemed so vulnerable talking to him and, even more importantly, he really seemed honest. They talked, really talked, for the first time in a very long time that night and Connor went to bed thinking that maybe, just maybe, his dad might be able to accept him.

 

**_Tuesday morning at Anchor Beach_ **

Jude stepped out of Connor’s car in the parking lot. Connor had picked him up that morning after a long night on the phone sharing the parental reactions. Connor was actually excited about coming to dinner and Jude still wasn’t sure how to react to Adam’s apparent acceptance of them dating but Connor seemed to believe it was sincere.

They both had laughed about the constant calls and texts from Daria and Taylor wanting updates that they had ignored beyond a simple smiling emoji to Daria. Jude figured based on Taylor’s texts that Daria had broken down and told her the truth which probably would have annoyed him, but he couldn’t keep from smiling when he was thinking about kissing Connor on the beach which happened about every five seconds.

They walked in very casually like nothing had changed as they didn’t want to give anything away quite yet. Saying goodbye they split up and headed to their lockers. Jude had just closed his locker when he jumped.

“MORNING!” Taylor said really loudly.

Jude looked over at her to see a wicked smile on her face standing there with Ryan right beside her. “Morning Taylor…Ryan” Jude said casually. “Ready for class?” he asked as he turned to walk away. 

“Jude…anything you want to tell us?” Ryan asked with a smirk.

“About what?” Jude replied stopping to look at them, a totally confused expression on his face.

“Like how yesterday went with you know who?” Taylor said with a smirk.

“Oh that…not really” Jude said resuming his walk.

Taylor growled in frustration. “Oh no, you are not getting away that easy. Did he show up?”

Jude smirked.

“He did” Ryan teased. “And…”

Jude just shrugged his shoulders. “Guess you will have to wait and see” he said looking at Ryan. 

Ryan groaned but when the warning bell sounded he took off promising dire retribution on Jude for the lack of information. Jude smiled before turning to look into the narrowed eyes of Taylor who was still there.

Jude raised his eyebrows asking the question without saying anything.

“Fine” Taylor conceded. “If you don’t want to tell me what Connor said, don’t” she said turning to walk off.

Jude chuckled at her final barb but didn’t rise to take the bait. She had just confirmed what Jude thought; Daria gave them up. She was just looking for information on the outcome and he was enjoying teasing her as it was rare that she didn’t know everything.

Walking towards his class, Connor saw Daria but as she walked up he stopped Matt and Jake to keep them close so she couldn’t say anything. They all talked, Lydia still trying to figure out if the guys connected yesterday. “Did anyone see a romantic movie moment after school?” Lydia asked in desperation. 

“You know their spot might not be at Anchor Beach” Matt suggested to Lydia’s frustration.

“What about you Connor?” Lydia surprised him by asking. “Did you see anything?”

“Me? No, I was talking with Jude after school” he said looking at Daria with a smirk that caused her to flush with frustration. “Hey, gotta run to class…see everyone at lunch” Connor finished and headed out to first period.

 

**_Lunch – Anchor Beach_ **

Jude walked to Connor’s locker after escaping Ryan and smiled when he saw Connor standing there, leaning casually against the wall of lockers with a smirk on his face. Jude shook his head, he looked far too pleased with himself.

“You ready for lunch” Jude asked smiling back at his boyfriend and loving that thought.

“Never been readier” Connor said smiling back.

“Last chance to change your mind” Jude suggested. “Once we cross that line there’s no going back you know” he told Connor.

“Are you getting nervous?” Connor teases “because I would totally understand if you were.”

Jude steps up so that he and Connor are almost touching noses and he inhales deeply. “Nervous is not the word I would use” Jude said huskily.

Connor gulps desperately wanting to close the distance but the hallway isn’t empty and they are getting looks and Connor manages to remember what they discussed last night before he acts. “If you don’t step back” he growls “we are going to end up coming out right here.”

Jude smirks and takes two steps towards the cafeteria before looking back over his shoulder at Connor. “Coming?” he asks saucily.

Connor is very glad that this is almost over because he really wants to just jump Jude regardless of the consequences. They walk to the cafeteria, occasionally brushing up against each other but keeping the touches fleeting. Walking in they see their friends at the table as they grab some sandwiches and fruit. Jude grabbed their drinks and they head to the table and take their seats, pointedly ignoring Ryan, Taylor, and Daria who are all watching them looking for any sign.

They sit down and the conversations continue till Jude notices Daria and Taylor staring at each other. ‘Here it comes’ Jude thinks.

“So Marissa” Daria says into a pause “have you heard anything about yesterday yet?” she asks happily.

“No” Marissa and Lydia both groan. “We can’t find anyone who knows anything.”

“That’s terrible” Taylor says disappointed. “I mean I imagine there are a lot of people curious about what happened, you know?”

“I know” Lydia says and several of the other girls nod. “I mean I think it would be cool to have an out couple at Anchor Beach. Besides the first couple might inspire others, you know, who don’t feel that they can come out” she says earnestly. 

“What do you mean?” Matt asks looking worried.

“If they come out, others may feel it’s okay to do so, especially if people don’t bother them” Marissa says.

“But you don’t know if people will be okay with it” Derek says joining the conversation.

“Sure we do” Ryan says. “Didn’t we say we would invite them, maybe even have their back? If we agree to support them, then no one will bother them” he said emphatically.

“But how will they know that?” Lydia says. “I mean how can they know that people want to support them?”

“I told them” Jude says simply. “They said they would sit here at the table today” he adds.

The table suddenly gets silent for about two seconds before it explodes. After a chaos of comments Marissa finally gets everyone to quiet down. “Jude, explain yourself. Do you know who they are?” she asked excitement clear in her voice. “You talked to them?”

Jude smiled. “Yes I know who they are. I actually talked to the guy dressed as Captain America at the dance. He said he would come to lunch and I told him I thought that everyone would support him both in coming out and being part of a couple.”

Taylor smirked. “And what did he say to that?” 

“Well, he was kind of occupied making out, but I’m pretty sure he got the message” Jude laughed. 

“But you only talked to one guy” Lydia said sounding concerned. “What about the other guy?”

“Well” Connor drawled “I talked to him. I saw him after school and pretty much said the same thing” Connor told her garnering as many shocked looks as Jude did.

“Wait!” Matt says excitedly. “How did you both see them?” 

“Well, my mom had a meeting so I was hanging out after school and Connor and I were talking and well we both ran into them and talked to them” Jude told Matt.

“WHO ARE THEY?!?!” Marissa and Lydia screamed.

Jude and Connor looked at each other and smiled. Jude looked back at the girls and just smiled. Marissa screamed and Lydia buried her face in her hands. Ryan pulled Marissa into a hug and tried to reassure her. “Don’t worry Mar” Ryan comforted his girlfriend. “I am sure that they will be here before lunch is over…right Jude?”

Jude laughed. “Definitely” he chuckled.

Daria narrowed her eyes and picking up a French fry from her plate she flings it at Jude smacking him in the chest. “What was that for” he said offended.

“Because” Daria said simply. “You are being mean.” She looked at Connor and he could see the strain in her eyes as he laughed along with Jude.

“Okay, what’s going on” Jake says looking around the table. 

“What do you mean?” Taylor asks him.

Jake ignores her and focuses on Connor before his eyes slide over to look at Jude. Suddenly his eyes widen and he barks out a laugh before slapping his hand over his mouth.

“Jake?” Lydia asks suddenly concerned.

“You bastards!” Jake manages to say while laughing.

Jude and Connor join him with Daria and Taylor right behind them leaving the rest of the table thoroughly confused.

“What the hell is going on?” Ryan yells trying to be heard.

Jude looked at Connor and nudged his shoulder and he laid his hand on the table, palm up. Connor smiled and laid his hand on top of Jude’s and interlaced their fingers together. Turning back to Marissa and Lydia Jude smiles “I told you they were coming to lunch” he said with a smirk, “but to be honest…they are already here” Jude finished.

The girls looked around confused. “I don’t get it” Lydia said confused.

“Oh GOD!” Ryan starts to laugh “Are you kidding me?” he demands.

“Nope!” Jude says and turning to Connor leans in as Connor kisses him in front of the table. 

“Wait!” Marissa yells. “You and Connor are together? You’re both gay?” she demands. “I am so confused!”

Connor chuckles as he sees that most of the group are still clueless. “I went to the dance as Captain America” Connor tells her.

“And I went as Ratonhnhaké:ton” Jude told her. At her confused look he laughed again. “I was the guy making out with Captain America.”

It took about three seconds before the table exploded with people trying to talk and yelling. Marissa and Lydia were shrieking. Taylor, Ryan, and Daria were just shaking their heads. Most of the rest of the table was in various states of shock and disbelief when Connor glanced over and saw the look of stunned amazement on Matt’s face. He raised his eyebrows at his friend but Matt just shook his head and looked down. He got very quiet and didn’t say anything for the rest of lunch. 

Jude and Connor started to answer everyone’s questions. No they didn’t know who each other was at the dance. No they made up before they knew. Yes all that stuff yesterday was to help them get together. Jake laughed as he realized he had delivered one of Jude’s letters. Jude also saw that others in the cafeteria were talking. The word was out across the school now!

 

**_Time passes at Anchor Beach_ **

The next few days were a blur for both of them. Coming out and being a couple pretty much rocked the foundations of their grade and most of the high school. Both of them were fairly popular in their different social circles. Connor, while not being very social the last few years, was very much a top jock and the school and his academic achievements endeared him to a the serious students at the school. Jude was not only a track team member, but his work with the arts at Anchor Beach had put him in good standing with many of their peers. The both skateboarded and while neither were big on the party crowd, they were still admired by their peers.

Probably the biggest impact of their decision was the ripple effect. Jude had two girls come up to him after lunch to thank him and let him know that they were dating as well and appreciated what he and Connor had done. The next day Connor was approached by one guy on the football team and another in band who both came out to him as well. By Friday there were three more between them. By the time school broke for Thanksgiving there were over a dozen kids who had come out as gay, bi, pan, and demi. Timothy had agreed to serve as the faculty adviser for the new Alliance group supporting LGBTIQ issues at school and they were going to have their first meeting after the holiday. 

Probably the biggest surprise of the whole thing was when Matt, Connor’s co-captain on the baseball team came out as well. Several parents had called Lena to complain about them being on the team but before she was even able to act Coach had called a team meeting and told the guys that if they had a problem with Matt or Connor, they could leave the team and told them to let their parents know that he didn’t want to hear another word about it. When Lena heard she just repeated coach’s message. Neither Connor nor Matt were ever able to learn whose parents called, but no one quit. 

Jude’s team was completely unaffected. Turns out that the track team had thought that Jude and Ryan were dating all last year and were more surprised that they had been wrong. They didn’t care.

 

**_Thanksgiving at the Adams-Foster’s_ **

The family had been arriving since the weekend before Thanksgiving when Callie and Mariana arrived on Saturday from LA. Jesus still lived in San Diego so he was coming by the house to visit off and on, but he had his apartment so he was splitting time when he wasn’t working. Brandon arrived on Tuesday from New York and all three grandparents were due in on Wednesday. 

For Jude, it was exhausting. He snuck out to see Connor when he could but once Callie and Mariana were here, it was a lot tougher. Luckily he did get some time when Callie visited with the Quins and when she went to see Rita and her friends from Girls United. There were even times that matched up with when Mariana was out catching up with her old friends so it was really easy for Jude to sneak away over to Connor’s house for some boyfriend time.

It was still weird at Connor’s house though. The first time he and Connor were sitting on the couch in Connor’s living room and Adam walked in was an uncomfortable moment for Jude, that turned out to be completely surprising. Adam had walked in from work and thankfully they had heard him coming so he didn’t walk in on them making out which he would have if he had been slightly quieter entering the house. But he walked in the living room, took one look at them sitting innocently on the couch, and just shook his head and went upstairs.

Connor had tensed up and turned to Jude when he stopped at the look of amusement on Jude’s face as he was trying hard not to laugh. “What?” Connor asked.

“I hope my hair doesn’t look like yours” Jude said simply. Connor looked at Jude and seeing the disheveled look that Jude had he realized that his dad probably had no difficulty figuring out what they had been up to. Adam came down a few minutes later changed from his work clothes and suggested getting pizza for dinner. He then asked Jude what he liked on his pizza before ordering, just assuming Jude was staying…which he did. Jude kept waiting for Adam to do something wrong or bad but he didn’t, he was actually pretty good to be honest about it.

Dinner wasn’t too bad and they gave the living room to Connor’s dad to watch ESPN while they went to play video games. Halfway up the stairs they heard Adam call out “the door stays open” and they both laughed at how much he sounded like Stef who had said the same thing a few days before when they were at Jude’s house. Connor grimaced at the thought of their parents teaming up but Jude laughed knowing that Lena and Stef were talking to Adam to make sure that both houses had similar rules, something they had done with all of his brothers and sisters. Of course Adam was a single parent who often traveled or worked late which made it much harder to enforce those rules as Connor reminded him with a smile whenever they were deciding whose house to hang out at.

“So Jude” Mariana said at dinner their first night back “have you found out anything more about your mystery man from the dance?” Mariana smirked at Jude’s blush as her and Callie proceeded to tease him over dinner while their moms just smiled.

“Maybe” Jude smirked back at them causing Lena and Stef to chortle.

“Wait” Callie said suddenly serious. “Did you find out who he is?” 

Jude smiled and nodded before taking another bite of the lasagna. 

“WELL?!” Mariana yelled with excitement.

“Well what?” Jude asked politely.

“Jude!” Callie and Mariana both yelled. 

Jude laughed taking a big bite of salad. Callie turned towards Lena and Stef who were both trying to contain their laughter. “You know!” Callie said accusingly.

“Well” Lena started before Stef cut her off.

“Now Lena we promised” Stef reminded her. “Sorry girls” she said turning to them. “Jude made us promise not to say anything.”

Callie turned back to her brother feeling really betrayed. “Jude c’mon you have to tell us” she pleaded.

Jude sighed and then smiled. “I will answer two out of three questions, but you have to ask them all first and I choose which two” he offered them with a smirk.

Mariana narrowed her eyes and leaned in to whisper conspiratorially with Callie. After a few moments they both looked up. “Deal” Mariana held out her hand and Jude shook it before offering his hand to Callie who shook it looking a lot less happy.

“Question 1 – What’s his name? Question 2 – Are you two officially boyfriends? Question 3 – When do we get to meet him?” Mariana asked looking smug.

Jude frowned in disappointment. “Aren’t you making some assumptions? Like that he actually found it out?” Lena asked the girls.

“No” Mariana said firmly. “If he hadn’t found the guy, there wouldn’t be a secret for you two to keep. Since you promised not to tell, then logically there is something for Jude to keep secret which means that most likely you know who the guy is…probably met him too. So there’s no point in wasting a question on that” she said smugly. “And we know he won’t answer #1 so he has to answer the other two! Okay Judicorn, fess up!” she said with a look of satisfaction.

Jude scowls at being outmaneuvered by his sisters but finally sighs. “Yes we are boyfriends and he’s coming to Thanksgiving dinner” Jude tells them wincing at the sudden squeals that hurt his ears as they both scream and jump up to hug him.

“Judicorn’s got a boyfriend!” Mariana sing songs while Callie just hugs a little harder and longer than usual.

“Are you happy?” Callie whispers so only he can hear. He nods at her, gratitude clear in his eyes. 

The rest of dinner consists of his sisters trying to get details from him mostly unsuccessfully. He does admit that yes he goes to Anchor Beach and yes they are in the same grade. No he isn’t cute…he’s hot, which causes Mariana to shriek and Callie to wince. Yes moms have met him as he came to dinner right after they became boyfriends. 

“What about school? Do people know?” Callie asks suddenly concerned.

“That” Jude smiles “is an even better story. We came out as gay and as a couple on Tuesday and by the following week there were almost a dozen of other kids who came out as well” Jude tells them.

“It seems that a number of students were nervous about being out but with Jude and his boyfriend being public, well other students have felt more comfortable being honest about their own identity” Lena says proudly. “We are even starting a new student group to support the students with sexual orientation and gender expression identities.”

“That’s cool” Mariana says proud of her little brother. “Why didn’t we have one before” she asks her mama.

“No one asked” Lena said simply. 

It was Tuesday afternoon, Jude was walking back in the house after sneaking out to spend some time with Connor when he was suddenly pulled into a hug. “Jude!” Brandon said wrapping him in a hug. 

“Where have you been?” he asked with a wicked smile “out with your boyfriend?” he teased.

Jude looked panicked for a brief moment before he groaned “They told you!”

Brandon laughed and he heard Jesus join in as he rounded the corner. “Bro how come you didn’t tell me?” Jesus said teasingly. “I may not be in the house, but I still live here you know!”

Jude took some serious teasing from all four of his siblings the rest of the night and into Wednesday. When the grandparents arrived Mariana took special delight in letting them know that Jude not only had a boyfriend, but that he was coming to Thanksgiving giving all of them more chances to tease him.

The worst came though from Grandma Sharon who offered Jude some advice that made him blush so hard he thought he was going to burst. Luckily his mom would try to distract her whenever she got too embarrassing. However when she asked Jude whether or not he had a great butt because ‘that was very important you know’ he choked on his lemonade much to the delight of Brandon and Jesus who were rolling with laughter.

 

**_THANKSGIVING_ **

Jude straightened his tie in the mirror before heading downstairs. He wanted to help out with the meal but he had been chased out by his moms, grandmothers, and both sisters who had declared that he was not allowed anywhere near the food after the sweet potato incident of 2017 which was so totally not his fault.

He sat down in the living room as Jesus and Brandon were watching ESPN along with Mike and AJ when the doorbell rang. Jude jumped up and ran to the door and smiled when he saw Donald standing there. He gave his father a hug and led him into the house where Stef greeted him. He handed her a basket and smiled. “I know you have all the food planned, but thought you might like something to go with it. 

Stef smiled at the basket of different coffees and teas and thanked him. Ever since Donald had gotten out of prison he hadn’t touched alcohol, not even to buy it for someone else so Jude knew he wouldn’t bring a bottle of wine so this was his contribution and he knew not to bring store bought stuff to Lena’s dinner, especially not when her mother was going to be there.

Jude was happy to see his father especially after Donald had reacted so well when Jude came out to him last week. He had only asked if Jude was happy and when he said he was, he just smiled and said ‘good’. Donald was so different from how Jude and Callie remembered their father. He was much quieter and thoughtful and showed such gratitude for the little things. He sat down next to Mike and they started talking about cars since Donald didn’t really follow sports.

“So Jude” Donald said with a smile. “Where is…” he paused at Jude’s suddenly flailing arms.

“Shh!” Jude said quickly. “No one knows yet” Jude tells him.

“Wait…do you know who Jude’s boyfriend is” Jesus yells.

Callie and Mariana are around the corner in a heartbeat “What?” Mariana said excitedly.

“You know?” Callie asks. “What’s his name?”

Donald looks at Jude who shakes his head and Donald looks back at the girls, Jesus, Brandon, and AJ who are all leaning in towards him and smiles sadly. “Sorry…sworn to secrecy kids” he tells them sheepishly.

Mariana throws her hands up in frustration and Callie looks over at the table with a calculating look. “Moms” she says suddenly. “I think the table is set wrong. We have one extra place.”

Lena smiles “No. That’s correct” she confirms. 

“But we have a spot for everyone, one for Jude’s boyfriend, and then one more. Who else is coming?” Callie asks.

Jude looks over. “His dad is coming too” Jude tells her.

“What about his mom” Mariana asks.

“She lives in LA so they don’t do Thanksgiving together” Jude tells them.

Jude feels his heart in his throat when the doorbell rings and he turns toward the door when there is a sudden made dash for the door by half the house.

“FREEZE!” Stef yells in cop voice causing everyone to stop. “Back to your seats or the kitchen. Jude gets to answer the door…alone!” she tells them in no uncertain terms.

Jude walks to the door and looks back to make sure that everyone has gotten out of view before he opens the door to see Connor standing there laughing and Adam with a look of surprise on his face.

“Everything okay Jude?” Adam asks nervously.

“Your family” Connor sputters as he laughs at Jude. Jude just rolls his eyes in exasperation. 

“Come on in” he says and steps back as they walk in. Jude takes their coats and adds them to the ones on the bannister as Lena walks up to them. 

“Happy Thanksgiving” she says gently. 

Adam hands her a bag with two bottles of wine in it “Happy Thanksgiving. Thank you for inviting us.”

Connor grabs Jude’s hands and takes a deep breath. “Ready?” he whispers. Jude smiles as they walk into the living room.

“Hi everyone. This is my boyfriend…Connor and his dad Adam” Jude says with a slight tremor.

AJ, Mike, Stewart, and Donald all nod politely. Brandon looks stunned. Jesus however looks furious but he quickly turns his face until he can recover, but not before Jude saw it.

Donald stood up first and held his hand to Connor “Nice to meet you Connor” he said shaking hands before doing so with Adam. 

Jude looked over and saw Callie and Mariana standing in the doorway paralyzed.

“Connor?” Callie whispered.

“Hi Callie” Connor said nervously as he felt Jude squeeze his hand reassuringly. “Been a while huh?” he asks. 

Mariana suddenly rushes over and pulls Connor into a hug and smiles when he hugs back. “Welcome back Connor” she says with her eyes glistening with tears.

The rest of the family came in as they were talking and everyone was being introduced but Jude saw Jesus leave the room and head upstairs. He didn’t want to leave Adam and Connor but when he looked back he saw Connor looking at the stairs before catching Jude’s eye and mouthing ‘Go’ silently. Jude smiled in appreciation and slipped away towards his room hearing the door shut as he got to the stairs. Climbing up he saw his bedroom door closed but he didn’t hesitate and opened it to see Jesus pacing back and forth. Jesus looked up as Jude walked in and closed the door.

“How could you Jude?” Jesus asked angrily. “How could have anything to do with that asshole? After everything you went through?” Jude let him rant while he stood there for a few minutes. Jesus was shooting off comments and insults like sparks from a firework. Deciding that he wasn’t going to stop soon, Jude made it over to the bed and sat down to wait it out. After five minutes he finally stopped at looked at Jude. “Well?” he asked.

“Sit down” Jude said calmly. Jesus looked like he was going to refuse but Jude stared him down. Finally giving up he sat down and Jude sighed. “Jesus, a lot of what happened was Connor’s fault, but not for the reasons you think. When we kissed at the dance, neither one of knew who the other person was. It was a blank slate. Kissing him this time, unlike the two times before, was completely different. It was amazing, mind-blowing, toe curling, and life changing” Jude said sincerely. “The Monday after the dance, Connor broke up with Daria, who he had a fake relationship with, her words, amicably. He even approved of her new guy. On Wednesday he came out to his dad, and it was pretty messy. Then on Friday he came to apologize to me. Explained what had happened and why he did what he did. I called him an idiot, but I got it. His dad made him think he was a bad friend and he was so scared of hurting me and being a disappointment to him, that he pushed me away. He pushed everyone away and was miserable for two years. Jesus, I was heartbroken but I did move on and got new friends. He wouldn’t let anyone get close because he thought he was a horrible person.”

Jude shared some of what Connor had told him about the stress and anxiety he had dealt with from his dad. And how he had dealt with it by shutting everyone out and what it did to him. Then how the dance had changed things for both of them. How Connor faced down his dad who was clueless of what he had done but was trying to be supportive now. Then he told him how Jude had figured it out and they had gotten together.

Jesus looked a lot calmer. “He was an idiot” Jesus muttered.

“Yeah…he’s heard that more than a few times from a lot of people” Jude snickered.

At Jesus’s questioning look, Jude smiled. “We came out at school a little over a week after the dance. All of our friends have pretty much told him he was an idiot. But it’s okay now. A lot of kids have come out because we did and they felt it was safe to do so. And Jesus, he’s amazing to me” Jude says softly.

Jesus looks at him carefully. “You love him” he says simply.

Jude looks down. “I have for a long time Jesus” he whispers. Then he smiles “but don’t tell him that.”

Jesus pulls him into a hug and they head back downstairs where Connor has been cornered by Mariana, Callie, Brandon, and AJ. Adam is talking with Stewart, Donald, and Mike while waiting for the word to start dinner. Connor looks up at him in desperation and Jude frowns heading over there but Jesus grabs his arm stopping him.

Jesus smiles at Jude’s look and continues forward throwing an arm across Connor’s shoulder. “Let’s talk” he says leading him out to the back yard while Brandon and AJ intercept Jude to keep him from joining them.

“Guys” Jude says warningly.

“What?” Brandon said innocently.

Jesus and Connor are outside for only a few minutes before coming back and Jesus sits down next to Mike to watch the game. Connor comes up and grabs Jude’s hand with a smile. “You okay?” Jude whispers nervously and Connor nods.

“Just letting me know that he is a big brother…and apparently he knows how to hide a body” Connor chuckles at Jude’s groan. “Hey, I kind of expected it dating the youngest of five siblings.”

Jude is saved from responding when Stef calls the family together. Everyone walks in to sit down at the extended table and gushes over all the food and decorations. Jude blushes furiously when he sees Sharon, obviously checking Connor out from behind him, and she gives him a thumbs up and a smirk. Lena and Stef are complimented extensively on the food and table as everyone sits down.

“Dad, would you like to say something” Lena asks.

Stewart smiles in appreciation knowing Stef and Lena’s feelings he keeps it simple. “Thanksgiving is a time of remembering what we have in our life that we are grateful for. Not just the food we eat or the places we live, but most importantly the people in our lives. So Happy Thanksgiving to our family gathered here today, old and new, as we celebrate all the gifts and blessings we have received.”

“Here, here” everyone repeats as they drink to the toast. Jude and Connor both smile as they look at each other and Jude thinks that this is just about perfect. Everyone he cares about is here…finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Thank you to everyone who has kudos-ed or commented on this story. I really had fun with this one and it was a bit of a milestone breaking 100,000 words (a goal). I hope everyone enjoyed reading it!_


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